little girl like you wants to challenge a gran pa,try it and become the enemy of the whole family.
you sholud be more worried about your husband collecting money from your fl behind your back, than to rumble with an old man.

Perhaps being as you do not feel comfortable to talk to him in person, why don't you

use the ole back door?(MIL) If that option is not available then send him a card or

better yet demand that your husband grow some balls and talk to HIS father about this

problem. Insist that this be done before you go around the fil again and if the fil

mentions it in an embarrassing or mocking way then don't go around anymore.

Option 2 would be to tell him to stop being such an **** as no one enjoys being

around when he is like that. GOOD LUCK as this is an extremely touchy subject.

Remember that you do not have to learn to tolerate that type of behavior, just don't go around it!

IfeLuvely: @ mowire, they just keep quiet(and then gossip about it behind him), cos apparently if they don't he will refuse to pay their school fees or will not give the wife any money. the way i was brought up in my own family, my father is a respecter of all n doesnt just talk anyhow to people, so that annoys me that the wife n the other kids cannot defend themselves cos they are solely dependent on him financialy, but since me n my hubby are not depending on him wetin be his problem?

An example of what happened: he sed i hadnt call him, i sed sorry I was at work and being so busy with work (at least we have bills to pay nau) he got angry and started teling me how much do i earn that i am feeling like somebody...

Dear Poster,

Whenever he talks like that to you, just humbly apologise and don't say anything again. Such men always want to show they are in charge whether you invite them or not, they always want to have a say in everything they feel concerns them.

For me, the best thing to do is not to talk too much. Just smile and keep quiet and if possible humbly take your exit from his presence.

Learn to practice the silence therapy whenever you're in his presence. Your FIL has a dominating character from the account you've given and the way you can have a cordial relationship with him is to practise the SILENCE THERAPY.

stillwater: Ok what if you just choose to ignore him? Would it be immature to ignore a grown man's overbearing attitude?

Anyway as for that 'do you think you're somebody' retort he made, I don't think I would keep mute over that. That is a witchcraft spirit.

Lol. You call it witchcraft spirit; I can it Pull Her Down spirit.

ferhyntorlah:

Lol. You call it witchcraft spirit; I can it Pull Her Down spirit.

He is just trying to let her know that even if she is the Queen of Nigeria, she has to defer to him. OP, should just slow down and take the advice that some of us have given her. This is not a big deal unless she lets her ego get in the way.

Give him a blank cheque of forgiveness.That gives you peace and him advance forgiveness for what he will still do

2mch: Have your husband tell him to calm down so he doesn't get hypertension. But not in front of you or tell him you suggested. You see, our parents become like our kids as they grow older. They listen to us so they don't drive us away or keep their grandkids away.this depends on the kind of spouse you have. Hopefully when you fight, he does not tell his family you are irritated by them. . I suggest you mind your business. The guy is the head of that family and no one will take an insult from you.

if only that wld work

@ OP, i think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.
Initially,, when i saw the post heading i thought you stay under the same roof with your father in law OR a case of a father in law leaving village to constitute a nuisance staying longer than necessary in his son's house, but that is not the case here.

What if you had an annoying boss, roughly your age mate, who abuse you emotionally everyday (Monday- friday). 8am-5pm.?

There is more wrong with you than your father in law at the moment. It is cheap to manage your relationship with your father in law e.g A 2-3 minutes call, at least once in a fortnight will not hurt you. A once in a month visit of 2-3 hours will not kill you.

father in laws / Daughter in law relationships are one of the cheapest to handle.

Dont pray to have a monster in law in lieu of mother in law.

Iyawo, Ile oko,ile eko ni (husband house is a training ground).

Your dad may not be like him but you need to understand that you are no longer in your father's house. You better respect yourself or else am Confident that the man can throw your things out of his son's house cos people like him are always capable od doing stuffs!

You know how we yorubas do respect our elders,culture and traditions. The day you challenge the man,you are a gonner!!! Remember he is not your father, he is ur FIL. Grand Commanding Officer in his house.

My little piece of advice.

Kobojunkie:

------------- What you will say is that many girls do not know how to take control of their own lives and that has nothing to do with Nigerian girls. There are millions of gals out there who are single(possibly older than the @Op) and they are not in the mess that she is in now as a result.

Women are not brainless zombies that the opinion of their parents should be deciding factor for which way their lives should go. They come equipped with full brains so enough of this Nigerians galrs are pressured nonsense . . gals everywhere get pressured too. SO if the others can use their heads. I don't see what excuse your Nigerian gals have.-------

Mess that she is in now?

Let us not magnify and blow issue out of proportion because the poster never said that the FIL is running her home or that she is in a mess. It is still about her finding the FIL pompous and tactless. Yeah I agree with you to some extent, our girls should be able to stand on what they want for their lives even when pressured from all angles. I wasn't making an excuse for them in my post.

IfeLuvely: @ mowire, they just keep quiet(and then gossip about it behind him), cos apparently if they don't he will refuse to pay their school fees or will not give the wife any money. the way i was brought up in my own family, my father is a respecter of all n doesnt just talk anyhow to people, so that annoys me that the wife n the other kids cannot defend themselves cos they are solely dependent on him financialy, but since me n my hubby are not depending on him wetin be his problem?

An example of what happened: he sed i hadnt call him, i sed sorry I was at work and being so busy with work (at least we have bills to pay nau) he got angry and started teling me how much do i earn that i am feeling like somebody...

If your father is a bloody wimp, I guess you do not expect everybody’s father to be a wimp or a woman's rapper too. The man has every right to talk in any manner he chooses. I sense tendency of a bad wife from your post since you have indicated lack of respect for a man old enough to be your father not the wimpy one.

Thanks to everyone that replied with good advice, God bless you jare, just to clarify to people that assumed we live with my parents in law; we dont...and to also clarify to people that assumed i do not work n just live off my hubby's money; I am a full time working mother and rarely ever ask my hubby for any money...so to all you assumptious people quit assuming the worse in ppl

Ivynwa:
Mess that she is in now?

Let us not magnify and blow issue out of proportion because the poster never said that the FIL is running her home or that she is in a mess. It is still about her finding the FIL pompous and tactless. Yeah I agree with you to some extent, our girls should be able to stand on what they want for their lives even when pressured from all angles. I wasn't making an excuse for them in my post.

oh come off it . . . if she was not TROUBLED by it all, would she come to this place to post of it? Do you really think that her Father-in-law can only mess with her life if he lives under the same roof with her? Is that what you are saying?

I am not going to be naive in my response so let me be. Most of us typically walked away(sometimes for life) from people like this, even those in our own immediate families. Many of us have no time for people like that and will refuse to deal with them. Heck, I have done it and will do it again if I have to. Life is too short for me to have someone else try trample on my emotions and feelings so he/she can beat his/her chest in pride/have that much control over my life. But unfortunately, the poster is STUCK with this one. That is a mess she is in.

I generally don't/can't disagree with those who say Marriage is a life-sentence. Technically it is. This lady here is sentenced to the life of that old man to bear and accept him AS-IS. I have heard enough stories of evil FILs and MILs to know that one of the first advices to give anyone trying to marry into any family is they research their partner's family and make sure to draw the line BEFORE taking the leap.

I don't buy the silly Nigerians-girls-have-no-brains excuses . . . . I hate them. They give me whiplash . . .. either we agree that Nigerian girls are stupid and not worth considering humans or we agree that they are indeed intelligent and deserve to be respected. It can't be both.

My own father is not a wimp, he respects people, which i know is a good attribute, and does not just talk tactlessly saying he will slap a married man (with kids)or beat them up...its people like you that are a wimp, what a crazy guy, please abeg do not bring my father into the conversation ooo...

Dede1:



If your father is a bloody wimp, I guess you do not expect everybody’s father to be a wimp or a woman's rapper too. The man has every right to talk in any manner he chooses. I sense tendency of a bad wife from your post since you have indicated lack of respect for a man old enough to be your father not the wimpy one.

MR MICKMEN: kill him

Nice 1

Kobojunkie:

oh come off it . . . if she was not TROUBLED by it all, would she come to this place to post of it? Do you really think that her Father-in-law can only mess with her life if he lives under the same roof with her? Is that what you are saying?

I am not going to be naive in my response so let me be. Most of us typically walked away(sometimes for life) from people like this, even those in our own immediate families. Many of us have no time for people like that and will refuse to deal with them. Heck, I have done it and will do it again if I have to. Life is too short for me to have someone else try trample on my emotions and feelings so he/she can beat his/her chest in pride/have that much control over my life. But unfortunately, the poster is STUCK with this one. That is a mess she is in.

I generally don't/can't disagree with those who say Marriage is a life-sentence. Technically it is. This lady here is sentenced to the life of that old man to bear and accept him AS-IS. I have heard enough stories of evil FILs and MILs to know that one of the first advices to give anyone trying to marry into any family is they research their partner's family and make sure to draw the line BEFORE taking the leap.

I don't buy the silly Nigerians-girls-have-no-brains excuses . . . . I hate them. They give me whiplash . . .. either we agree that Nigerian girls are stupid and not worth considering humans or we agree that they are indeed intelligent and deserve to be respected. It can't be both.

Chill a bit. Don't let off too much steam over nothing. Yeah, yeah. Byeeee
I am determined to have a blast this saturday and no NL post gonna stop me. Enjoy the rest of your evening too lady moi.

MAYBE THE OLD MAN IS CRANKY BECAUSE HE HASNT GOTTEN LAID IN A LONG TIME
HELP HIM OUT AND SHAGG HIM N U WILL SEE HE WILL CHANGE

ferhyntorlah:

Dear Poster,

Whenever he talks like that to you, just humbly apologise and don't say anything again. Such men always want to show they are in charge whether you invite them or not, they always want to have a say in everything they feel concerns them.

For me, the best thing to do is not to talk too much. Just smile and keep quiet and if possible humbly take your exit from his presence.

Learn to practice the silence therapy whenever you're in his presence. Your FIL has a dominating character from the account you've given and the way you can have a cordial relationship with him is to practise the SILENCE THERAPY.

Abeg dont kill the poor girl with hypertension. Stuff like this needs to be resolved, instead of holding it in and hoping it goes away (it wont). Either you or your husband has to grow some balls and do what is necessary. The well being of your nuclear family comes before the feels of a cantankerous old man (why does this remind me of Ajanlekoko )

birdman:

Abeg dont kill the poor girl with hypertension. Stuff like this needs to be resolved, instead of holding it in and hoping it goes away (it wont). Either you or your husband has to grow some balls and do what is necessary. The well being of your nuclear family comes before the feels of a cantankerous old man (why does this remind me of Ajanlekoko )

My motor never start a fight you can never win she is going to stop the habit of a life time? All of his family have allowed it or been forced to allow it due to financial dependence and small you want to start a war that you know can cause problems in your family. Just make sure you and your hubby are not living in his house and your problems are solved with FIL its easy when you go over greet him and retire to where the MIL is he really is not your problem.

Firstly speak to your husband sincerely about this annoying issue and voice your concerns. This then leads unto the next stanza, avoiding the FIL techniques, he probably would read between the lines in no time.

Kidnap the man

Op sounds like me with her no BS mentality. Loads of good advice on the thread esp from Chaircover, etc.

Inspite of his harsh behavior, he is still human and has some soft sides, the key is to study him , understand his soft spots and capitalize on it. You wouldn't be able to stop him from exibiting his nature, but you would be able to dictate how he acts and reacts towards you.

ALL THESE ADVICE NA SUPER STORY. BABE I DON TELL U D OLD GUY DEY CRANKY BCUS HE NEEDS 2 GET LAID. UR SOLUTION IS TO BLEEP HIM N THERE EVERYTHING IS SOLVED

Obviously you married your husband cos the father is okay. I'm guessing he's the only son.
Secondly, i think your husband still depends on the family, or have his eyes on his father's properties. If i biliv he's enough to take care of his new family, then he shld ask the dad to phase himself outta his whole picture. Imagin him not paying my rent or paying my salary, and he still has to talk to me like a kid, then i'm a fool.
But apparenty, you're a girl dt got pregnant for this guy, had no choice but to marry, and lives wit his family under the father's roof! Correct me if i'm wrong

birdman:

Abeg dont kill the poor girl with hypertension. Stuff like this needs to be resolved, instead of holding it in and hoping it goes away (it wont). Either you or your husband has to grow some balls and do what is necessary. The well being of your nuclear family comes before the feels of a cantankerous old man (why does this remind me of Ajanlekoko )

Mister, she can't develop hypertension if she does it well. Even if the matter needs to be resolved, let her husband and his family handle it and not her.

My advice to her is anything that concerns her inlaws should be handled by her husband and not her. If she notices anything unpleasant from them, she should relay it to her husband and he will be the one to handle it. That is what a wise woman will do.

It's not everything the eyes see that the mouth must talk. In this case, patience is really a virtue. Also, she should develop THICK skin to her FIL's attitude and try not to be in his presence for too long before he finds unpleasant things to say.

I think married couples should follow this rule: husbands handle your family matters and wives handle yours to avoid unnecessary family tension and wars.

Very simple. When next the FIL starts his wimpy behavior, just respond back with this "Pa na wa for you sef. You just de talk anyhow or too much thesedays o. Abeg try slow down small o before you one slap for dat ur dorty mot so" I swear 5 chances to 1 he will oblige you. Its tested!

Wel i knw its a difficult 1 bt u also hav a hand because u said u knw he was lik dat b4 u got married, wel first u hav 2 get ur husband 2 b on ur side, den try 2 keep ur FIL at distance 4rm both u & ur husband. U knw wen u r 2 freqent wit ur inlaws, dey wil start seeing foults in u bt wen u r at distance, dey wil value u also b afraid of u because dey dnt knw wat u wnt 2 do & wenu wnt 2 do dem.

Take heart my dear, but ure lucky its ur father in law. I tell u, a thousand wicked fathers in law cannot compare and measure up to one wicked mother in law... Trust me!

LarryTreash: Wel i knw its a difficult 1 bt u also hav a hand because u said u knw he was lik dat b4 u got married, wel first u hav 2 get ur husband 2 b on ur side, den try 2 keep ur FIL at distance 4rm both u & ur husband. U knw wen u r 2 freqent wit ur inlaws, dey wil start seeing foults in u bt wen u r at distance, dey wil value u also b afraid of u because dey dnt knw wat u wnt 2 do & wenu wnt 2 do dem.

At the bolded, word!

This what I asked my daughter before hand, is there anything about you prospective husband that bothers you now, that needed sorting? And she said no. And luckily, there wasn't.
Because the mistake most people full of love make before marriage is seeing something and believing that it will be alright eventually.
You shouldn't beat up yourself very much because the did has been done but it can be rectify.

Talk to your husband and express in a loving manner and tone about your concerns. Choose an appropriate time (not the time he is about to watch football) and not during a meal. If he really care about you, he will listen to you, but it depends heavily on how you approach him and your choices of words.

Your first plan should never be to stop him seeing his father or come between them as the solution. The bond between parents and their children as so strong that anything that will make him choose may backfire. Make him see that you love and appreciate his father but it will be so nice if he shows respect to both of you as his children.

Let both of you put head together and put a plan that you both sanctioned to approach him. If he is a reasonable man that wants the best for his son, I am sure he will make some changes. Often parents can be overbearing based on love but their approach may not be the best, so you may be surprise that the man meant well.

I married from a Scottish aristocratic family when mix marriage was a no-no in the U.K. It took the birth of our son few years later for my mother in-law to bring herself to speak to me , irrespective of my own respectable background too, but in the end I was to become like a son to her, but looking back, she did all she did because she believed its because of her love for her daughter.

With good manners, you can win the most heart of stone over and some times it takes time. Even if its didn't work in the end, at least you had satisfied your conscience that you did the right thing. But speak to your man first. This from someone that had married to the same lady for 40+ years and today still seems like honeymoon.
Goodluck! (I don't mean Jonathan)

Buy him ogogoro.
THREAD CLOSED!