bukatyne: he comes back home every night! interesting! so wat is the difference between a woman cheating and a man cheating?

FlowerPower:

^^^posted on September 16th....Hmmmm....

coogar:

testosterone versus estrogen!
a man does not need to atatch emotion to sleep with any woman - it's not the same with women unless she's a call girl(of which the motivation is money)! for a woman to drop her panties and sleep with anyone, she must have weighed the consequences, advantages of the action and the demerits of it - she didn't make a mistake about it which is quite different from the way men are wired! i don't condone any sort of cheating but it's delusional to compare a man with a woman when cheating is discussed. [/b]a man's infidelity can be excused to a certain extent![/b]

bukatyne: by whom? u? there is absolutely no difference between a woman who cheats and a man who cheats! society might react to it in different ways just how it is 'ok' for a public office holder to embezzle but it is totally 'wrong' for the average nigerian to steal. However, the society is not my standard, the Bible is and from it, God absolutely made no distinction or difference btw them so u can see we re not on d same page. i'm sure u wouldn't mind if ur son-in-law cheats on ur daughter. afteral, it's 'excuseable'!

coogar:

testosterone versus estrogen!
a man does not need to atatch emotion to sleep with any woman - it's not the same with women unless she's a call girl(of which the motivation is money)! for a woman to drop her panties and sleep with anyone, she must have weighed the consequences, advantages of the action and the demerits of it - she didn't make a mistake about it which is quite different from the way men are wired! i don't condone any sort of cheating but it's delusional to compare a man with a woman when cheating is discussed. a man's infidelity can be excused to a certain extent!

c.fours:


your "testosterone versus estrogen" argument is very flawed
The couple is middle age or older. which means that their hormones should be balanced off. a man's testosterone plummets as he gets older while a woman's estrogen plummets as she gets older (which is why she goes into menopause). Males and females also have varying levels of the hormones. ex. a slimmer or athletic woman will generally have more testosterone than a heavier one. this is why birth control (estrogen pills) make u fat and lose interest in sex.

For a man (assuming he is no longer in puberty or early 20s) who is not particularly muscular or ripped, I have no reason to believe that he has a high level of testosterone. In fact, he might have increased estrogen esp if he is starting to get flabby and grow man boobs. viagra was developed for a reason. a man doesn't have a teenager's sex drive after a certain age.

for a man who is faithful to his wife, his testosterone starts to go down as soon as his wife is pregnant. and it goes down lower with the arrival of the baby!! assuming he actually lives in the house with his family and hangs around them. This has no effect if the man is absent from the home.

also, the old man had a affair with the same woman for a whole year!! that is attachment if u ask me. the guy is/was is living a double life. there is absolutely no excuse for that.

if a woman opens her eyes and marries a bodybuilder or football player then I will feel no pity for her if he is unfaithful. But if she is married to a man who looks like a family man, then he should be able to control himself. esp for a middle aged man. come on.

high testesterone also leads to impulsiveness and aggression. so, should we start condoning violence because it is "biological"? mtcheww

coogar:



wrong analogy!
violence is a crime - having sex isn't necessarily a crime.

c.fours:


oh please. there are many kinds and forms of aggressive and impulsive behavior that aren't considered criminal. although we do try to criminalize all forms of violence. even violence toward animals! and that's because human decency especially in a civilized society requires that each person maintain a level of discipline and self-control. the higher the better. this principle extends to marital situations as well.

we are not a third world country with a man and thirty wives for a reason. nor are we in a ghetto where a man feels free to have 20 baby mamas and counting.
or are you an animal?

40 is not any magic number. if you are 25 and starting to feel some flabbiness, then ur testesterone level is going down. srry. u need to hit the gym to bring those hormones up. some people are genetically built to have high testesterone though. I think esp in the ghetto and among blacks there is natural selection for that. LOL. crime and sex[size=1pt].[/size]ual perversity won't be so high otherwise.

maybe we will be more civilized/more developed if we had less of it.
not to say white ppl don't cheat. but at least, they recognize that it is mainly out of a lack of discipline and self control. unlike most blacks who see it as a manly right LOL

coogar:

did you just say nigeria isn't a 3rd world country? don't make me laugh!


cultural difference and tradition. majority of these men came from polygamous homes and they watched their fathers handle multiple women in his bed. what would that child grow up to be? then in a society like ours where infidelity is almost a norm, of course men would take advantage of the situation! women can't have it both ways - women want to be chased to the point of no return because that's what nature dictates - men must make the first move(you guys don't whip out the sex equality in those instances) but on the flip side, you want sex equality forgetting the hormones that powered a man to chase you can actually power him again to chase another woman! this hypocrisy needs to stop: infidelity in men is not the same with women!

@ 25, a man hasn't even peaked yet!

c.fours:
you need to have a serious conversation with your husband and get to the bottom of the WHO?WHAT?WHEN?WHERE? AND HOW? of the affair.
the WHY? is especially important because it seems like you are blaming yourself for the whole situation. He should be able to give you a full explanation for why he cheated and also WHY the affair ended. something must have happened (threat of blackmail maybe?) and you both can use the information to help prevent this from happening again.

an affair for a whole year.. damn
I definitely won't be able to trust such a man ever again but how does a marriage survive without trust. you really have a whole battle ahead of you.

c.fours:

I'm referring to 1st world countries not naija, duh.
yea cultural difference. except one is civilized and the other is not.

and why would I want to be chased to the point of no return. I think that is a very barbaric behavior and I get embarrassed with some , so called, men running around salivating at the sight of every skirt that walks by. disgusting. of course fidelity shouldn't be expected from such animals

here i'm talking about civilized human beings. with principles.

you're not serious. if a man hasn't peaked by 25 then there is some serious developmental issues going on with him. that means he is experiencing severe late puberty. teenage boys are at the peak in terms of testosterone levels. the term "raging hormones" is associated with teens for a reason.

coogar:

i saw plenty of polygamy in the bible - you would have to show me any woman that practised polyandry in the bible! yeah - you would go with the same ol' new testament vs old testament theory but the fact is its excusable for a man to acquire more than a partner, not so for a woman!

bukatyne: there was also a lot of murders, betrayals and wars so i guess it is good too! i asked a question once about u been a christian and i ve gotten my answer. mr, God created one man and one woman. look at it this way, who was Adam cheatin on Eve with? Lions? Monkeys? etc? God that expects men and women to be faithful knew wat HÉ created in them and knew that He Had them self control. Don't u think it would be unfair for God to punish a man for adultery if He created man in such a way he can't control himself? don't let satan and the world deceive u that we can't do without some things.

coogar:

who's to say what is civilised and what is not?

teenager = hormones + naivety + inexperience
adult = hormones + experience + self control

coogar:

i saw plenty of polygamy in the bible - you would have to show me any woman that practised polyandry in the bible! yeah - you would go with the same ol' new testament vs old testament theory but the fact is its excusable for a man to acquire more than a partner, not so for a woman!

coogar:

abraham
jacob
moses
david
solomon
how monogamous were these great men?

coogar:

abraham
jacob
moses
david
solomon
how monogamous were these great men?

bukatyne: and i hope u studied d Bible well enough to know wat d polygamy of these great men caused. in d beginning, God made then a male and a female! d world has not recovered from abraham's mistake! Bible scholars still argue if solomon made heaven or not and so many examples! David suffered greatly for his sins. the Bible writes everything for us to learn from their mistakes and not follow their path also. i'm sure b'cos samson committed fornication wit delilah, it is allowed?

c.fours:

This is joke right?
Or would it make you happier if I replaced "civilized" with "advanced"?

testesterone is a chemical hormone for christsake. has nothing to do with experience or naivety. It is biology. There are lots of teenagers out there raised in good families who have good discipline and don't act in sexually perverse ways but you can still tell that they are chock full of hormones at a certain age.

This is a graph of testesterone levels in males. as you can see the highest point on the graph is 18yrs old but I would think that it's even higher at 17yrs. that is not represented in the graph though. It drops sharply after that.

coogar:

the fornication didn't kill samson, acting foolish to tell the secrets of his power to delilah led to his death! david suffered for his sins because he made the woman he coveted a widow by deliberating putting the husband in the front line where he knew the husband wouldn't have survived. we can go on and on - there's no proof that polygamy is evil!



it doesn't make a difference! children raised in these advanced countries suffer more trauma than kids raised in polygamous setting in nigeria!



who is arguing hormones ain't biology? who is more likely to have self control with these rush of hormones? a teenager or a full grown adult? you cannot rule out age and experience in the séxual behaviour of humans!



17? hell no - those stats are dodgy!!
40 is the magic number where the decline is noticeable! men in their 20s and 30s are not slouches!

bukatyne: u seem to have it all figured out. Divine silence IS NOT Divine approval! also, in Romans, it was stated that God winked @ d time of ignorance! then, divorce was allowed, motives were not judged but in NT, the motives, actions, inactions and reactions are judged. a man has to be sexually attracted to a woman b4 he thinks of marryin her. a married man sexually attracted to a woman that is not his wife and dwelling on it is already committing a sin whether he marries her or not. a genuine christian ll not dream of polygamy how he would not dream of smoking, drinking alcohol etc.

it doesn't make a difference! children raised in these advanced countries suffer more trauma than kids raised in polygamous setting in nigeria!

17? hell no - those stats are dodgy!!
40 is the magic number where the decline is noticeable! men in their 20s and 30s are not slouches!

coogar:
who is arguing hormones ain't biology? who is more likely to have self control with these rush of hormones? a teenager or a full grown adult? you cannot rule out age and experience in the séxual behaviour of humans!

c.fours:

do you have evidence for this fallacious (!) statement you just made? and how does the statement relate to my point about lack of women's rights in polygamous countries. ex. stoning women to death.

can you provide reliable stats of your own that prove otherwise?
it is pretty common knowledge that testesterone levels peaks during puberty and quickly declines from there (it stays high for men who keep very physically fit as stated before but nature cannot be cheated too long)

I wouldn't like you to embarass yourself in public making "40 is the magic number" arguments about testosterone levels

That's the whole point. Older adults are supposed to have more control not to cheat! that combined with a lowered testesterone level. there should be no excuse.

look around you - every child raised in nigeria got severely caned at home or at school! how many of them used that excuse to become serial killers like jeffrey dahmer or ted bundy?

older adults have the financial resources to facilitate infidelity even more than the buzzing teenager!

c.fours:

right.
maybe I should offer to pay your one-way plane ticket to resettle in naija permanently! you will be safer there.

also, can't be bothered to read through the rest of your post or reply your posts after this 'cause it's getting redundant and boring. I'm not your teacher...simple google searches should suffice in making up material you slept your way through in biology class.

wow. no shi[size=1pt].[/size]t!! I didn't know that most teenage boys were married.

Busy_body: Biologically and scientifically, men and women are different species because we have much much more different hormones than similar ones, and the way they drive us is different. So listen up when sages like Coogar tells you that when it comes to cheating, men and women are different. Listen up when he tells you men don't need a reason to cheat but women do. Listen up when he tells you that with men, its just sex and no emotion needs to be invested nor any reward sought.


There are different kinds of cheating. . . Literarily and figuratively and technically speaking, you are not to blame with this type you are facing here, but majority of the time, if a man goes out to have an affair, the "fault" can be traced back to the woman at home (carry out an honest appraisal of yourself), it is not fair and rational, but that's just the way the cookie crumbles and there is some emotional immaturity (hormones dare I say) at play with these male of the species, but unfortunately its a man's world... And of course I am not discounting the blinkered females amongst us too... Men don't handle communication well like women, so for most of them when they try to express their feelings, all they unfairly get is "man up/be a man/stop being a wimp/etc...


You feel betrayed, but you still love your Husband and wants this marriage to work so this is what you need here (see 1st paragraph of post below). But seeing you have a willing Husband who has already gone for counselling with you, then you either need to sack your Therapist OR go and do some serious soul searching to "rethink" what it is you "really" want.

Your personality doesn't come across as such that is willing to sweep everything under the carpet and grin and bear it and roll over and play dead, so you need to start exploring the WHAT/WHY/HOW/WHEREWITHAL of this whole quagmire. Oh and don't forget God too.



Peace

lorretta u: DISGUSTING.I suggest u go home,open ur safe,bring out ur common sense,put it back on and reread this trash u just wrote.

Decryptor: Why do i have this feeling that the OP is no other than Mrs. Chima?