My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... - Jokes Etc - Nairaland
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| My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by mufex(m): 10:29am On Sep 15, 2012 |
MY JOKES. 1. ALFRED: Charles, do you believe in re-incarnation? CHARLES: Not any more.. ALFRED: Why? CHARLES: Buhari lost the last election....nothing dead comes back to life. 2. JOHN: It annoys me that my girlfriend have been cheating on me behind my back for a year.... ADAM: ...Are you serious..? JOHN: Yes.....women are just too smart.... ADAM: ....she has been cheating on you for a year she is not just smart she is a brain merchant .Women! (Pauses for a second) They are also stronger than men.... JOHN: Stronger than men? How? I thought men got stronger muscles, and bones... ADAM: ....but we don't bleed for days and still live... JOHN: Oh! (They guffaws) 3. FRANCIS: (Scowling) I can't believe Mary said that I was ugly... EMEKA: ...for real? FRANCIS: ..yes... EMEKA: She shouldn't have even if you look like Mugabe's twin. FRANCIS: ..What  4. JUNIOR: Grandpa, how was growing up like? PA SAM: (Guffaws) Ho, ho! It was nice—really wonderful (Dreamily) My bones were strong as steels and I was handsome. Everybody all wanted to be my friend (Looks around furtively) And even the ladies, too.I miss those days I was young... JUNIOR: ...So what’s difference between being young and old, grand pa..? PA SAM: (Takes a deep breath; speaks regretfully) Son, there are a lot of difference. (Speaks slowly) When you are young, ladies that smile at you have white teeth arranged like rows of hybrid corn; and when you are old, ladies that smile at you would have brownish and a lot of missing teeth... JUNIOR: (Looks at Pa Sam) Like Grand maa ? PAM SAM: Please don't let me call names, boy. 5. MR. FELIX: Junior, you are growing into man and at thirteen I suggest you should have a vision.. JUNIOR: Thanks Dad, I have been planning to ask you for a television in my room. 6. JAMES: It's difficult to get a divorce these days... EMMA: Why? I don't understand? JAMES: Today lawyers don't charge only money. They charge arms and a leg. 7. JUNIOR: I love television... CHUKWUMA: ..why? JUNIOR: It's just a box with alot of people living in it.....I hope to live inside a television some day. 8. JAMES: Please sweet heart give me a kiss, so I would load my gun and blow up your brains... 9. FRANCIS: I got the job at Police station... EMEKA: Just like that? FRANCIS: Yes. The D.P.O stared at me up and down and then said, Congratulation, son, you are ugly enough for police job." 10. JUNIOR: Daddy, what's eight times eight? MR. FELIX: Son, they are "too similar numbers"... JUNIOR: Should I write "too similar numbers", Dad...? MR. FELIX: No! That would be wrong....eight times eight means "Two eights" which means eighty-eight. 11. ALBERTA and KWAME are siblings. ALBERTA is hooking her brother up on a blind date. INT. NIGHT CLUB______NIGHT ALBERTA and KWAME enters. They both look around. There are tables, banquettes, and a bar. There are people seated, and few persons at the bar. KWAME: Do I look good? I don’t want to mess up this blind date…How do I look? ALBERTA: …Absolutely breathtaking… KWAME: Are you sure? Because I think I should have wore the shirt with the green strips… ALBERTA: (Looking around to see if she could see Deborah) You look good in white tops (She spots Deborah at the table, sitting by herself in a banquette. She is obviously expecting someone) There she is… KWAME: Where…? ALBERTA: …There... (With a gesture, Alberta motions at Deborah) KWAME: (Looking at Deborah, who is sitting on banquette up and down) Wow! How beautiful she is (To Alberta) I never knew you wanted to introduce me to a young Genevieve… ALBERTA: Yes, she is… KWAME: (His eyes widens as a smile starts to envelop her face) Hmmm, please don’t wake me up from this wonderful dream. (KWAME gravitates to the table where DEBORAH is sitting. KWAME halts at DEBORAH’s table) KWAME: (Grinning like crazy) Hello… DEBORAH: (Dark-skinned, beautiful, slender) …hello. KWAME: I’m Kwame… DEBORAH: …Kwame? Alberta told me about you…please sit… KWAME: …sure. (Sits) I must say you are a very beautiful woman… DEBORAH: …oh, you should me on Sundays. You may think I am a goddess of beauty… KWAME: So you have the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde instinct… DEBORAH: …oh yes I used that body lotion once…it is so nice… (KWAME looks away and shakes his head) KWAME: So tell me about yourself? DEBORAH: I grew up in London and schooled in too London. … KWAME: You schooled in London? DEBORAH: Harvard University in London. Did you school abroad, too? KWAME: Me? Abroad? DEBORAH: Yes, abroad… London, U.S.A, South Africa? Did you school in any of these places? KWAME: Not really? DEBORAH: Where…? KWAME: …not really… DEBORAH: …where? (Looks up to Kwame slowly losing her patient) Have you been to abroad? (KWAME stirs and glances at ALBERTA at the bar with a burly, smartly dressed man. She is talking and smiling affably at the man. KWAME screws his eyes and eyes the burly guy narrowly) DEBORAH: (To KWAME; stirring Kwame’s attention to her direction) Have you been abroad before? KWAME: (Turns to DEBORAH) What? DEBORAH: Have you travelled to aboard before? London? Rome? Dubai? KWAME: (Nods like a young boxer listening to a trainer’s instructions) Kind of… DEBORAH: …Kind of? (Growing out of patience) Have you seen shores of abroad before? KWAME: (Nods again and in shaky voice) Hmm…and my journeys were always quick in skies… DEBORAH: (Surprised) You own a Jet? KWAME: No…. DEBORAH: ..so how? How did travel? KWAME: (Jokily) On back of a butterfly that offers me marvelous rides in childhood dreams… DEBORAH: (Impressed) …wow that must have cost a fortune… KWAME: (Passes his hand through his hairs) Cost a lot of money indeed… DEBORAH: (Pats KWAME’s hand cozily) Please next time when you are travelling again can you reserve space for two? ALFRED: (Assuring voice) Sure. (ALFRED turns and glances at ALBERTA again. This time, The burly man is talking and smiling , while ALBERTA is tittering covering her mouth with her hand. ALFRED jiggles his head and slightly frowns.) |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by mufex(m): 10:30am On Sep 15, 2012 |
Boredom made me write them last night.... |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by odizzy: 3:11pm On Sep 15, 2012 |
God wil nvr 4give u 4 wastin my time. |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by switnjl: 10:47pm On Sep 15, 2012 |
I can't believe that I actually wasted halved of my battery life reading this shi.it. mtchweeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by Ryda(m): 8:16pm On Sep 23, 2012 |
Make ÐeviL þunish U..d goat really wasted my time |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by larride(m): 8:37pm On Sep 23, 2012 |
Lord forgive me for opening this thread. |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by hottprince: 8:50pm On Sep 23, 2012 |
Oh today's sunday why did i open ds useless thread. @OP for wastin my precious time may d God of Elijah rain down fire on ur ugly heaf |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by hottprince: 8:51pm On Sep 23, 2012 |
IN d name of DA CRITICS I hereby declare ds joke n d poster dry. Mufex is hereby branded a dry poster 1 Like |
| Re: My Homorous Dialogue......i Think They Are Funny...................... by Ryda(m): 11:57am On Nov 01, 2012 |
Nah dis kind pOst nairaLand mOds suppose sey hide |
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