Rhapsody!:
While I mostly agree with what a number of people have said so far, it seems one will also be called violent if I need to discipline my child which may involve flogging depending on the misdeed. Now I am not talking about parents that beat up their kids for the flimsiest excuse, maybe transfer of aggression. Kids know the difference between punishment because they understand they have really messed up, and the hitting ‘cos of transferred frustration. They can also tell when their punishment is commensurate to the offence and when it is way more than that. Yes it is a fine line considering what is being discussed here, but should not be confused with it. They should never be hit in anger or they may take it personal, thereby defeating the purpose of the punishment. They should never be allowed to think their parents hate them, rather it is the misdeed. There should have been warnings or rebuke for first offenders and the punishment spelt out if such happens again, which must of course be followed through. Bottomline line is education. In a world as dynamic as ours, any parents should be knowledgeable about these things so you do not cross the line.
I also totally agree that the society encourages violence. [b]For spousal abuse, I tend to blame the “victim” most (I will probably get into trouble here). People do not become violent overnight. Before it even becomes a physical abuse, the verbal, psychological and emotional ones would have gone ahead. People betray themselves in little things. Chances are probably 80% of the times, you can tell someone with violent tendencies, especially if it is someone you are planning to spend the rest of your life with. A lot of times, those warnings are ignored. And after marriage, you are not expected to quit no matter what. It still boils down to education. I remember seeing a thread about teaching our girls to have a healthy self esteem. Every child really. Tea[/b]ch (and do) them the golden rule. Kids know hypocricy when they see it. It will have to start with the family, before the society will feel the impact.

afam4eva:
Yet, you're advising someone to leave a marriage because of violence. Even when the bible made it explicitly lucid that under no circumstance should a couple divorce except the problem they have is connected with Infidelity.

ronkebp:

In order words, you are saying the Bible kinda supports domestic violence that might lead to the death of either partner.?

afam4eva:
Pls stop twisting my words. I didn't right the bible. I'm just quoting what is there. if the bible wanted because to divorce because of violence in marriage don't you think it would have been included? But it wasn't. So, it either you follow the bible or you decide to worship sango or amadioha. There are varieties.

ronkebp:

Lol.....Amadioha in what year? Anyways, the Bible did not expect anyone to be violent in a marraige, and that was why it said that "the man should love his wife the way Christ loved the church and gave his life for the church" and the woman should be submissive to her husband. the same Bible says, "if your right eye will lead you to sin, pluck it out", if a man will lead me to pardition because of violence today and slaps tomorrow, he can please go to whereever!!!..God definitely does not want divorce, but trust me, not at all cost. HE wishes above all things that we prosper and be in good health even as our souls prospereth, when you know the will of God for your life, you will not miss it.

afam4eva:
So, the bible that says that under no circumstance should a man and woman be divorced except for infidelity is African tradition too, okwa ya?

seyibrown:

Bear in mind that the Bible does not say anywhere that you should be violent with your spouse. Beating your spouse is not any part of loving them and it is not expected of a Christian. The Christians that are being told not to divorce are expected to have been loving and honoring each other. If you love and honor your spouse you wouldn't be violent with them or cheat on them!

Any spouse being abused should seek temporoary sanctuary away from their abuser until the abusive spouse gets help for his/her problem.

afam4eva:
Let's leave what the bible did not say and focus on what it says. The bible also didn't say the kind of cloths a man and woman should wear during their wedding, but people wear anything anyway. Stop playing games with the bible biko.

afam4eva:
Yet, you're advising someone to leave a marriage because of violence. Even when the bible made it explicitly lucid that under no circumstance should a couple divorce except the problem they have is connected with Infidelity.

afam4eva:
Let's leave what the bible did not say and focus on what it says. The bible also didn't say the kind of cloths a man and woman should wear during their wedding, but people wear anything anyway. Stop playing games with the bible biko.

debrief08:
Do you by any chance have a degree in psychology and if you do, have you carried out any research on the bolded above to arrive at such a conclusion?
Most abusers are charming, loving, extra caring, those signs will be mistaken for love it is when the abuser is sure of his/ her dominance that the mental abuse starts and followed by physical abuse.
Your explanation is possible in some situations but not all, some abuse starts when the abuser gets influenced by drugs or alcohol, so it is not in all cases that the victim "knows' and willingly submits to abuse.

Chrisbenogor:

I totally disagree with the bolded part, this is the whole point of the thread. Hitting anyone because they did something wrong is wrong, child mother father brother housegirl it does not matter what you are doing is inflicting physical pain on another human being that is weaker than you are and this is the genesis of violence in our society.

muchbeauty: i want to talk about beating in homes and how it has affected my country. Parents think the best way to correct children is by beating. Most husbands think the best way to correct wives also is by beating.. yes a slap might be alright if you have to, seeing that this is Africa but when you batter a child in the name of correcting a child, your child would grow up thinking that the best way to correct others is by beating others without mercy. When you ask parents why beat up your child in such manner? The answer you would get is the bible said spare the rod and spoil the child. That's in no way sane. These i feel are reasons many people in Nigeria are aggressive, a combination of so many aggressive minds form mobs aimed at correcting people.
People beat thieves without mercy; fight people who they intend to correct of wrong doing. I saw a video of a babe who was caught stealing blackberry and people started handling her breast as punishment.
This is an idea that has developed over time by them, so do you think taking other peoples lives would be a problem to them?
I have heard so many touts say, "my papa, or mama they been beat me o, well well", but with so much beating how did they end up so hardened? Was it not meant to correct them, or were their rods not long enough? Violence can not be used to correct violence and a change for Nigeria starts from our homes.

ronkebp: ^^^^^ it is a witch and a blood sucking wizard, will batter their children in such a manner that will make others raise eyebrows, there is no way on earth, you will raise a child and won't spank him or her, a little, just to drive home some point....My dad has never beaten me before, but i can't say the same for my younger sisters, my mum has never spared the rod when we were growing and i will repeat that none of us go outside to raise a fist against another. It is a mother-witch that will look at her children and in the name of correction, hit, slap and kick their children.

I was at Aleshinloye market in Ibadan last week, was buying some stuff from a lady, there was this 10 year old girl that worked for her, this woman said that the little girl steals and lies, and (she must have stolen something before i got there), if you had seen the way this woman was beating this girl, i could feel the blows from where i was standing i had to scream at her that i was going to call the police on her since she was obviously killing a child that is apparently not hers...she stopped when she heard me scream with all the energy i had left, the girl was still kneeling by the time i left, but am sure that woman was not satisfied with the beating she had given that girl and i am so sure, she will be dishing out more...That there is the abuse we are talking about.....and that woman is a witch, for those who fly at night, you can visit her coven to find out...she will be there life.

If anyone had been beaten in such a manner by their own physical parent or uncle or aunt, just go to them and tell them that they are witches and wizards.

dayokanu:

FACT IS NIGERIANS ARE GENERALLY BULLIES and We have been brought up to RESPECT VIOLENCE

dayokanu: Ha this thread