integrityfood: I feel so sad that my friend's wife after repeated appeals has continue to take instructions from her mother and feel safe to ignore her husband. The worst is, on any issue that her mother has a different view from her husby even when it does not bother on religious doctrine, she would rather heed her mother's or other people opinion.

My friend has also complained about poor sexual lifestyle. He mentioned that his wife has to enquire of her father what sexual preference she should allow. Her father has already warned her never to allow MouthAction that it is not biblical. This has affected their love life seriously to an extent that except the usual MISSIONARY STYLE, she won't accept any other sexual position.

The part that I can't understand is the fact that on every little issue, she would reports her husband to her mother who seems to be scared of telling her the real truth about marriage but would rather side her daughter and find reasons to blame the son-in-law.

The least thing like naming of baby, the wife and her mother insist that the baby's name must first be disclosed and discussed before it can be given. But knowing the type of wife he has, meaning that there is bound to be arguments about names to be given, he decided to go solo yet they are openly confronting him on it.

This lady also has openly accused her mother-in-law of being a witchcraft without fact no any prove just base on mere hatred as the woman from all account of those who knew her affirm otherwise; and this accusation is widely circulated within the family and the community when in reality, the woman is innocent.

My friend is so frustrated and is considering leaving the home. This latest move is unknown to her and its based on her refusal to adjust after several warning and appeals. Your views and advises are needed please.

Your friend CANNOT say that he didn't see any signs during dating and courtship, no matter how little. He just probably thought she'd mature when they got married. If she wasn't mature then, she's never going to be. He has to live with all that he chose, because he saw the signs- no matter how little, and went ahead. This is a lesson- if u see something very little that you can manage in a relationship, but you are truthful to yourself aand know that u can't take it in marriage, PLEASE walk away! You will definitely find someone with qualities u can live with!

The price of garri is gradually coming down, ,,,,, whewwwww, thank God,

Personally I feel the girl's family did a lot to get this guy where he is today. I don't see why my wife's parents should call the shots in my house.

Sam has said everything o jare.

You better advise your friend to put his house in order; he should start acting like a man or very soon his inlaws will move into his house and start living with him. O biko since when did mother-in-laws start to discuss baby's name too? When they said a wise husband is one that sees with only one eyes I'm sure they didn't mean this.

Omo Alata:

That's disgusting anyway

Please come clear. that its disgusting could mean that the guy is in error to ask or that the father in-law-went too far or the wife ought not to have reported in d first place.

sleekprincesses:

Your friend CANNOT say that he didn't see any signs during dating and courtship, no matter how little. He just probably thought she'd mature when they got married. If she wasn't mature then, she's never going to be. He has to live with all that he chose, because he saw the signs- no matter how little, and went ahead. This is a lesson- if u see something very little that you can manage in a relationship, but you are truthful to yourself aand know that u can't take it in marriage, PLEASE walk away! You will definitely find someone with qualities u can live with!

I kind of agree with your analysis. Though, considering Abraham Maslow motivational theory of hierarchic of need suggests otherwise. every person tends to work towards a target that is important to them and will most likely discontinue once such purpose is achieve. What is ur opinion on this?

adeibi: the way the OP described and is concerned about the situation as if he lives with them.
Are you sure you are not the friend you are talking about?

To answer your question; do you understand the true meaning of childhood friendship in it best / honest form form? if you have a friend who worth much more than a brother/sister, you will probably understand. Any ways, its only advice but not cash is being solicited for here so there is no proclivity for scam sir.

Thank you very much for all the creative ideas, godly advises and brilliant suggestions. I read where some people expressed concern about the in-laws' financing the family. though thankful to the supportive father in law, truth is my friend is working. Again, few suggested banning the mother-in-law from his house; considering the weight of this action in the light of our African culture and religious values, is it expedient/ advisable? Concerning the signs of this immaturity and too engaging mother-in-law before marriage, yes, the signs were there though not as clear to suggest backing out of the union then. truth is, some reasonable women grow out of their parental influence once they are pronounced wife. most people will agree that if one must wait for a perfect date who complies 100% with your likes before a decision to marry, one may wait for long. most people are fortunate to have a sympathetic wife, which Chief Obafemi Awolo once said its the bedrock of a man's success in life. like I said earlier, I hope to bring all parties involve in this matter ( wife, husband & mother-in-law) to read these advises. Should I do so? will it inspire peace or more trouble? pls I still need your help. Thank you for being a family.

Thank you very much for all the creative ideas, godly advises and brilliant suggestions. I read where some people expressed concern about the in-laws' financing the family. though thankful to the supportive father in law, truth is my friend is working. Again, few suggested banning the mother-in-law from his house; considering the weight of this action in the light of our African culture and religious values, is it expedient/ advisable? Concerning the signs of this immaturity and too engaging mother-in-law before marriage, yes, the signs were there though not as clear to suggest backing out of the union then. truth is, some reasonable women grow out of their parental influence once they are pronounced wife. most people will agree that if one must wait for a perfect date who complies 100% with your likes before a decision to marry, one may wait for long. most people are fortunate to have a sympathetic wife, which Chief Obafemi Awolowo once said its the bedrock of a man's success in life. like I said earlier, I hope to bring all parties involve in this matter ( wife, husband & mother-in-law) to read these advises. Should I do so? will it inspire peace or more trouble? pls I still need your help. Thank you for being a family.

Sam Milla: This things dont just happened. Women inherit such rubbish way back down the lineage. The wife of your friend will eventually influence her daughters too unless they get married to someone who can intelligently break the chain. It's all relative.

I remember a girl that was planted on me when i returned from Netherlands. Initially the girl was sent to me, accompanying me in the car everywhere i go. I came to know a lot about how she reasons and smiles and talks. She got to me really. Then she came one day all moody and wouldnt talk like before. I instantly knew that a demand has been made from her family or friends. I eventually discovered that the flow of gifts towards her relatives, which i blocked was the cause. I thought i knew her mother until the commands started.
She would come to my place to tell me her mother wants me to join them in 5 days fasting, go to one mountain or the other to pray, go to monastry to climb hills with my knees, carry cross like Jesus did thousands of years back, tell me which friends to go with and those to run away from, tell me which time to come back each day etc.
Well after listening to her one day, i asked her if she was ready to leave her mother and live with a man which she had no answers to.
I made up a story too that my own mother wants the relationship to stop.

We all have mothers, dont we.

My advice to the affected person is to be calm and calculated. Declare your authority and face the consequenses. Start by telling your mother in-law to stop coming to your place. That will shake everybody for a while and before they recover, drop another bomb. You have only one life to live.

You have spoken like an oracle.

I thank everyone who has contributed. i appreciate your godly advises, suggestions and creative ideas for way forward. Some suggested that the mother-in-law should be banned from visiting. Considering the huge traditional & religious implication of such action, is it advisable? few also expressed concerns if the in-law was bankrolling my friend. the answer is that though the father in-law is a nice man but my friend is working! about your questions if there were no signs before marriage. Abraham maslow's motivational theory of hierarchy of needs makes it hard to completely understands human characters during courtship; you are a witness to this except you haven't dealt with human characters either at a family or on corporate level. As I said earlier, I hope to bring parties involve in this dispute to view these comments, advises and suggestion. Do you think it will inspire peace or cause more problem? Thanks for being a family

adeibi: the way the OP described and is concerned about the situation as if he lives with them.
Are you sure you are not the friend you are talking about?

It doesnt matter but he is.

Truckpusher: Was there courtship in this union? because if there was one ur friend would have noticed all this incompatibility....any courtship without intimacy can actually have this problem....However where there is no intimacy during courtship both parties should define clearly there expectations but most of our church goers would pretend all along to be fine and after they expect somebody to change .I GUESS THIS IS THE CATEGORY UR FRIEND BELONGS TO...my advice if u ask me:GET A DIVORCE.

Shattap

I think the world is going crazy. Since when did marriage become a union between more than husband and wife. Even if it's the girl's family that rescued him from the miry clay and set his feet upon a rock, they don't have the right to come and dictate what happens in that union. The girl is mental but unfortunately marriage is till death do us part and such people are never ready to die to convenience you. My suggestion to your 'friend' is he needs to give his wife an ultimatum. Some people never use their brains until they're pushed to the wall. He should tell his wife to pick between the marriage and her family. If her choice is her marriage, she should make it up to her husband by giving him head 3 times a day for the next 40 days. THAT is scriptural!

gsalvatore: @OP... Your friend no get Orientation!

He shud make up his mind to fix this issue or die silently forever.

Ban the Inlaws for coming near his family and Ban the wife from going to her family,if she goes back to their(parents) house,she better not comeback to his house(he has to be more serious than heart attack).

OTOH, sometin tells me that your wifes parents helps a lot,financially in taking care of your friends family,that why he is being Timid about all this suffocations(but I might be wrong sha)

Na why courtship still better. Why u no go gimme doggstyle before I marry you? I dey Madt!

childish mentality. Banning a grown up from visiting her parent. If that is a solution then to hell with marriage. Be diplomatic in handling your marital affairs. If you Cut your wife from her people then yourare going to live with a zombie for the rest of your life