Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. - Family - Nairaland
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| Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by bamac(m): 2:55pm On Nov 19, 2012 |
The below is among the things women do to save their marriage. Lets have your say concerning this issue and you can proberbly tell us another thing(s) you have seen women do to save their marriage: I am not a loose woman. I am just a woman who loves her husband very much and didn’t want to lose him. I just did what I had to do to save my marriage even though I feel guilty sometimes. It was not easy but I slept with my driver so that I could give my husband a child, but instead, God gave me twins, a boy and a girl... I was married to Philip for eight years. We had no child. “The worst was that I never got pregnant even for a day. ” His mother became so impatient that she started breathing down my neck as she gave me no breathing space at all. She moved in to live with us and practically made my life unbearable – in my matrimonial home. I cannot drink water and drop the cup because she must insult me. It got to a point that she stopped eating my food because, according to her, I should be feeding my children so that they would grow healthy and stronger and not her. “Monica, if you had children, you are supposed to be feeding them with all these food so that they would grow healthy and strong. I am getting old so I don’t need all these nonsense you call food. Take them away and give me grandchildren,” she would scream. She also stopped talking to me, however, the only time she talks to me is when she wants to insult me and remind me of how less a woman I was. Philip and I love each other so much that he stood by me despite all his mother did or said to frustrate me to leave him. We visited different specialists and they all certified us medically alright. I have visited churches, held vigils and even fasted for days, drank various concoctions of varied colours and combinations all in the name of getting pregnant so that my mother-in-law can stop humiliating me yet I couldn’t get pregnant. At a point, I stopped coming out of my bedroom because it was obvious my mother- in-law had vowed to frustrate me out of her son’s home. Most times, I just stayed in my bedroom and either cries, pray, think and then sleep off because I was scared of his mother confronting me. To make things worse, she sent away the house help because she said, “You don’t need any house help because there are no children to take care of. Take care of your house yourself and stop wasting my son’s hard earned money.” It was just the three of us living at home, “God, I was always so terrified even when I hear her voice from a distance. ” It is so agonizing to say this but my husband usually pleads with me to come out of the room and this makes him feel so sad especially those times I refuse because I don’t want to come face-to-face with his mother. When her troubles became too unbearable, Philip practically threw her out of the house just to make me feel safe and comfortable in my own home. Even after she had left, I could still hear those insults in my head so I decided to take a bold step – I seduced and slept with our driver, Okon. Okon is a young man in his late 20’s. He is a graduate of Mechanical Engineering but because he could not get a good paying job, he opted to become a driver. I promised to get him a good job if he sleeps with me just once but I never disclosed the reason for this. However, Okon thought I just wanted to cheat on my husband with him. I planned it during my ovulation so that I could get pregnant, although it was not easy sleeping with another man. I knew I was betraying my husband but I saw it as a necessary action. After a month, I discovered that I was pregnant. So, as promised I got a job for Okon in a friend’s company where he started earning almost N150,000 per month. When I told Philip that I was pregnant, he was so excited. “Sweetheart, God has finally answered our prayers. I am pregnant,” I revealed. When I was five months pregnant, he informed his mother and she immediately returned to the house. She pampered me like a baby and also took good care of me. I never wanted to do any scan but my mother-in-law insisted. When I finally did the scan, it showed I was pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. My mother- in-law and husband were extremely happy while I felt much fulfilled. “God thank you for compensating me with a set of twins after eight years of barrenness,” I muttered. When the twins were born, the girl took ill for some time. It took a while before she fully recovered after several treatments and this got me worried. Philip and I insisted that blood test be carried out on them to determine their blood group and genotype and then came the shocking revelation. The doctor informed us that although their blood groups are both A, however, their genotypes are AS for the girl and AA for the boy meanwhile Philip and I are both AA. I wanted the ground to open and swallow me up because I felt Philip would ask questions but to my surprise, he did not. He just said, “Sweetheart, lets go home. We have had quite a long day, you and my babies need to rest.” Three months later, he held me closely and said, “Monica, don’t be scared. I don’t want to know who the father of the twins is. I know whatever you did, you did to save our marriage and I am very proud of you. I promise to always love you and my babies. I promise this will be a secret between us. I love you sweetheart. I know we will have our own children someday.” I wept as he wiped my tears with his hands. I KNOW WHAT I DID WAS WRONG: But at least my mother-in-law is extremely happy with me, that is all that matters. Although, everyone is happy but I feel guilty that I selfishly used an innocent man to achieve my aim. But before anybody judge me; just put yourself in my shoes and think for a moment what you do? |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by bamac(m): 3:02pm On Nov 19, 2012 |
i was touched wen i saw dt story, one thn dat pains me is dat it is always woman dat wil castigate anoda woman 4 infatility...in short woman are devils...and only man can accept what d woman did to overcome d pressur 4rm d mother-inlaw, a lady mite not take it...but d step d woman took anybody can take it sha because d result of the step she took shows boldly dat it is d man somthn is wrong wit and d woman has taken dat step to cover not only her secret but also d husband's... 1 Like |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by Nobody: 6:23pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
it is in your husbands place to defend and protect you from psychological and emotional assault thats if he really loves you as you claimed and vice versae.since your husband knows what his mother does to you,why dont you tel him that you both need privacy,because it beats me why inlaws come to stay with married folks like its their right,as far as i am concerned it is called OVER STEPPING OF BOUNDARIES and every couple has the right to their privacy,anyway this are part of the issues me and my husband to be will adress to a logical conclusion before i say i do,things like this irritate me.i cant imagine myself leaving my parents house to my final destination and someone will be making me uncomfortabli IN MY HUSBANDS HOUSE AND MY FINAL HOME  |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by Nobody: 6:28pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
it is in your husbands place to defend and protect you from psychological and emotional assault thats if he really loves you as you claimed and vice versae.since your husband knows what his mother does to you,why dont you tel him that you both need privacy,because it beats me why in-laws come to stay with married folks like its their right,as far as i am concerned it is called OVER STEPPING OF BOUNDARIES and every couple has the right to their privacy,anyway this are part of the issues me and my husband to be will address to a logical conclusion before i say i do,things like this irritate me.i cant imagine myself leaving my parents house to my final destination and someone will be making me uncomfortable IN MY HUSBANDS HOUSE AND MY FINAL HOME |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 7:17pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
^^ Did you fully comprehend the purpose of this thread for jumping in with your response? How does your post answer the question posed?  bamac: just put yourself in my shoes and think for a moment what you do? This story sucks!  @Poster, call it what you may, what you did is WRONG! There is no excuse for infidelity in a marriage. You say you both went for medical tests regarding your fertility and the doctors said you both were deemed okay? I mean come on - don't play with our intelligence here. What was the exact nature of these tests? Was there an analysis of your husband's fluid / s*p*e*r.m count? Did you both explore the IVF route? Did you even consider adoption? Don't you think there are more than enough innocent babies desperately in need of a loving home? Or are they less human and deserving?? I'm no medical expert here, but anyone with half a braincell can see (from what you've posted) that the issue was with your husband. Eight solid years with him - nothing. But 1 perfectly timed  I think both of you were selfish, irresponsible and definitely immature. I'll tell you why: ~ Your Husband - Knew fully well he had an issue with his fertility and chose to keep schtum about it. Why? Didn't he trust you enough to confide in you, his better half? Why the secrecy? Obviously, the right thing for him to have done was to open up to you and discuss the problem like an adult, rather than claim ignorance. ~ You - Sleeping with another man <shivers> in the bid to get pregnant?? Did it occur to you that you might have picked up a sexually transmitted disease, possibly HIV?? And then passed it onto your unsuspecting husband? You should count yourself lucky but know this: You might think you got away with it, but judging from most Nigerian men's characters, he most certainly would hold that grudge against you. There have been countless (heated) threads opened up here about how NIGERIAN men detest and abhor the thought of being passed and tricked into raising up another man's "bastard" kids, as their own. Additionally, I don't think your husband would ever look at you the same again. It'll always be at the back of his mind that IF you could boldly cheat on him and pass off another man's kids as his - then there is NOTHING you can't do. How can he ever know for sure that you won't sleep around when you get the "tickle" in your Congo? How can he ever trust you? Haven't you heard of men who say, women such as you are to be feared because nothing would stop you from killing them - just to get what you want? Eight years of marriage and no proper communication between you both. That in itself says a lot about your marriage. Oh, and for the records don't blame your mother-in-law for your mess. She simply is a third party whom neither you nor your husband sought to "straighten out" or made to understand that you both are one. Take full responsibility for your actions and leave the poor woman out of it. Heaven help you and your marriage sha. 1 Like |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 8:09pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
a woman must do what she got to do to save her marriage...... i cannot blame the woman for sleeping with okon - the most faithful woman on the planet would break under pressure of barrenness...... |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 8:12pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
^^ You've changed your tune. So now, you don't mind raising another man's offspring as yours, assuming you're the one with fertility issues? |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by Nobody: 8:25pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
See this is what confuses me when I hear these types of stories. Have these women never heard of artificial insemination with donor sper.m? In this day and age? That being said, good on your husband for being so accepting when he found out (might he have approved if you suggested it to him first?), but that is some high deceit right there. 1 Like |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by slimyem: 8:26pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
The symphatetic and apologetic tone of this story is disgusting...too obvious for effect! Besides,different versions of it has been passed around the internet for a while now... It looks and sounds like a proper Nollywood script! That said,infidelity is not excuseable on any grounds whatsoever.... The op's intentions to justify the woman actions is a FAIL! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 8:29pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
^^ Makes a good reading material for Hints magazine though.  |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 8:41pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: ^^ You've changed your tune. if i have a fertility issue, i would not marry any woman..... i am not that selfish - it's easy to type behind a desktop and cast aspersions @ women who do what they must do to save their marriages especially in a society like nigeria where barren women have no say in the society! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 8:48pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
^^ So infidelity can save a marriage?  Where is JohnDoe, Richy and Guitarlife?? I'm itching to read their views on this... |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 8:54pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: ^^ So infidelity can save a marriage? infidelity has saved millions of marriages in nigeria.... where were you when an article was posted here about 50% of the firstborns in nigeria are b@stards? mind, it only becomes infidelity when the husband gets to find out - up until then, it's living happily ever after....forget the hypocrisy you see on sundays when you see nigerian women speaking in tongues - half of the women you see have slept with a man other than their husbands! 1 Like |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 9:02pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
Millions? Now you exaggerate, coogar. As per the hypocrisy you mention...is that a fact? (I'm not saying otherwise, though) Bottom line, this story is sickening. How anyone, let alone a married person defend this - is beyond me. |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 9:08pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
Efemena_xy: Millions? Now you exaggerate, coogar. there's a movie on youtube called "madam dearest" - watch it and tell me what you would have done differently in the woman's shoes....... |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by Nobody: 9:38pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
Amazingly silly story for dumb women who actually think cheating is "savig" marriage or a "sacrifice" in this age of science. Yet we will pray and wave holy hands. Sick sick sick, worse is that so many will agree that this is "touching" and put it to practice. People really do perish for lack of knowledge. What kind of medical tests? Forst reveals you are okay then reveals low sp3erm count? Do you know who the readers of this junk are? People with small sense. Silly |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by BABE3: 9:58pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
coogar: There was no "saving" marriage matter in madam dearest though. None of the husband's family members disturbed the wife. Her husband didn't make a fuss about it either. It was HER OWN mother and HER friend that pressured HER into getting HER own baby from someone else since her husband was as good as dead (in prison). Remember that they weren't even expecting the man to get released. So how did she save her marriage? She saved herself! No mother in-law or husband pressured homegirl. If she hadn't listened to her mother and friend, would they give her husband another babe to marry? No. |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by ifyalways(f): 10:11pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
What do men do to save their marriage @ OP |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 10:11pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
BABE!: they were disturbing her......one old uncle used to sniff around to see what's going on.....besides, how long can a wife with no child stay by herself in her husband's house if the husband has been sent to life imprisonment? she can never bring another man to her hubby's house to marry(no matter what) and she was too young to rule out remarrying - so either way, the only way to stay in that same house is to get pregnant by all means necessary........she visited the husband in prison to effect the pregnancy but if wasn't to be .....in the end, the houseboy had to do it! now, does it not bother you it was her mother and her best friend that told her to sleep with the houseboy? what does that say about the mentality of the nigerian woman in general? forget story - half of the married women you see in nigeria have attempted infidelity or done it before to save their faces if not their marriages! a woman can have everything in life(cars, houses, stacks of money and a good husband) but she would still feel incomplete without a child! this is africa.......not louisiana! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by BABE3: 10:29pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
coogar: Her husband's people didn't. The old lad you're talking about was actually her uncle from the village. He was even disgusted when he realized what they've done. In her own case, she'd have been just fine. Her husband was literate and loving. She was very fine until her friend and mother came along. If she had kept at what she was doing, who knows, she may have become pregnant. . . What if she ended up sleeping with the houseboy several times and no baby .. ? Anyways, that movie as an example is even too extreme. coogar: I can't dispute that. . . you stated the obvious. So you're very much comfortable and in support of a woman giving husband another man's baby . . . ?. If you realize you've raised another man's baby ranging from a day (assuming you had a paternity test the day he was born) to 35/45 yrs, that wouldn't bother you? Or you're for the woman giving her husband another man's baby, so far he doesn't find out? |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 10:43pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
BABE!: that nosey old man was her uncle? are you sure?
kept at what she's doing? after the prison officer became greedy and was asking to sleep with her each visit? wasn't that even the reason she took the houseboy route? access to her husband was denied....she was never going to be intimate with her husband ever again as the dude was serving life.....so what could she have done?
big rewards come with big risks..... if i plan a coup and succeed, i would rule over 160 million people. however, if i plan a coup and i fail at it - i would be put to death for treason. thou shall not be caught is the golden rule. people should do what they must do to feel safe in their marriages - no one here should judge anyone with their puritanical/hypocritical views. you want to tell me there wouldn't be at least one philandering married woman on this very forum? |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by BABE3: 10:54pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
coogar: that nosey old man was her uncle? are you sure? Very sure. coogar: I remembered the prison officer's bit after I was done typing the last post. What could she have done? You can't see your husband for the rest of your life again . . .probably won't hear his voice again either . . I would say file an uncontested divorce (like the ones green-card-hustlers file ) and waka your own way. Sad? Oh well. Life can be cruel. The husband would definitely understand! In fact, him not understanding would be selfish. coogar: There're philandering married women all over, |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by EfemenaXY: 11:02pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
coogar: Now why would I want to do that? I.e watch a movie with blinking subtitles? If they can't speak English, then it's not worth my time jare. Besides, I never knew you were a fan of Nollywood movies? |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 11:08pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
BABE!: i would have to watch it again though....
hahahaha -- how easy to say that out? it's not like the husband offended her, he didn't cheat! he was serving life cos of vehicular manslaughter......they were in a perfect marriage before the freak incident. he's in prison for the rest of his in the lowest ebb possible and your action would be: divorce? you are not aware that might send the poor old man to his early grave? abeg - be realistic and stop behaving like kim kardashian!
which question? see eh......if a situation develops like that movie and my wife sleeps with the houseboy to get a child - i would not be angry with her. i pondered over that story a thousand times and i could not blame that woman for a second - shyte happens, get on with it. remember, the husband wasn't even too pissed about it when he later discovered. he was only pissed the woman kept the information away from him and it was too late for him to have his own child after the woman ran after the ghana houseboy! Efemena_xy: this one is very different - it's arguably the best movie ever made in nigeria! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by BABE3: 11:32pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
coogar: Kim dash? I don't get the correlation . . . You, should be realistic! They can't see ever again!!! Can't do sh-1-t together ever again! Wrap your head around that and you'll understand why a divorce is the way to go. I'm sorry, but that union wasn't meant to be. coogar: OK! Happy for you! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 11:42pm On Nov 21, 2012 |
BABE!: kim kardash: going the divorce route for her is like exchanging handshakes... of course, they won't see ever again but how would she break such news? because they won't see ever again now means she must kill her hubby? a very hardworking hubby who did not offend her in any capacity - is that how cheap people resort to divorce?
men are very sensible..... |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by BABE3: 12:06am On Nov 22, 2012 |
coogar: I'm not acting like Kim if I get a divorce in that situation. Kim got her first divorce because she was naive; she got married in her teens. . .teens do silly things. She got her second one because she wasn't meant to marry Kris in the first place; don't know why she did; perhaps she wanted to feel among; or it was the celebrity syndrome. Speaking hypothetically, I married my husband for real and we meet circumstances beyond our control (us not being able to see or talk again). What next? Stick around to f-u-c-k another man several times, have a baby/babies and falsely present it to my husband as his? Haba? How heartless? coogar: men are very sensible..... You're sensible? Cool story. |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by ayobase(m): 12:11am On Nov 22, 2012 |
This argument is gonna continue till eternity. . Everybody with his/her philosophy....trying to convince someone is sometimes frustrating! . But, we should all know that ''infidelity is infidelity'' and hell fire is the end! . Sorry for sounding too religious...thats me! . @@calling Teco Benson........@@ 1 Like |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by coogar: 12:14am On Nov 22, 2012 |
BABE!: good on you.....
#sighs# |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by baby124: 1:54am On Nov 22, 2012 |
Hmm... Will be watching ONLY on this thread. If this story is real, OP should have either sought divorce or adopted. Personally, I really really want kids in marriage to the extent that I may actually be the one that will initiate pregnancy before marriage. . Should my husband feel the same way and if I am the one with the problem, then we come to an agreement. Him going to have 1 "unwanted" child and me adopting one. Or a divorce so that I can adopt one and move on with my life. I think it depends on the couples threshold for endurance. Its not easy, and some of us are more desperate about certain things. Not right for one spouse to present a false front to people outside, especially if he is at fault. That is so cowardly and opening ways for the other spouse to be unnecessarily insulted. Having problems conceiving doesn't make you any less of a man, everyone has their own problems believe it or not. A problem shared is a problem solved. And anyone that will mock your situation should be cut off! |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by mzkomsy(f): 12:30am On Aug 16, 2013 |
Well be it tru or not haba u guys re 2 harsh on her,she wasn't in d ryt frame of mind.dis is eight long years we talking abt.be t tru or not we all ladies n nos who stuffs lik dis feels,no1 prays 2 b der bt ppl lik u who critize lik dis re always d ones end up doin worse.what she did is WRONG yes t is bt u just tuned up lik yes dey did t or pupose or she deseves 2 b stoned 2 death 4 t.its ha lyf n she has made ha decsion which she is reali payn 4 nw.we all make few mistakes past,present n even future and xperience s d best teacher.so plz let's act lik real women here n nt super women who re absolutely perfect |
| Re: Things Women Do To Save There Marriage. by mzkomsy(f): 12:34am On Aug 16, 2013 |
U talk abt disemmination do u no f dey can afford t?der is a diffrnce btwn avn a child of ur own n adoptn one.obviously she neva had an affair outside n wen she did she found out she was pregnt so she new fully well she dint av problms.did u reason mayb d doctor n d husbnd had collided 2 tell ha dey where both ok n e isn't??u av 2 b reallistic here n put tins 2geda.may God neva put us n tyt situations dat we myt av 2 go against our own well n make us make decsns we will 4eva regret ooo. |
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