For how long are we going to deal with this sam question in ds forum?
@OP: Opt out and find another guy or wait till another guy finds u!

Why should both families determine whether the relationship should go on or not? Why? Who will carry the pains if the person the choose later become the Devil's inlaw? Am absolutely in support of parental consent while choosing a life partner but am more consious of spiritual consent than mere man quess based on ethnicity or looks which does not say anything about the success or failure of the marriage in the future. I always advise intending couple to first show their partners to God( not even men of God cos they also can make mistake). That Is why your relationship with God is very essential to the sucees of your Marriage.you can hardly hear clearly from God while making this crucial life decision if you are not used to hear from him in simpler matters. Show your partner to God,if he approves,look for someone your parents respect n go with them. Keep praying,if its truly God,your parents will give their concent with time.

Am male, but it seems the OP was lookin for responses from females, can i comment? Ah wil comment na, thank u. Wel wat u do is to channel the bride-price and money for the weddin, to oda issues. Since both families are hell bent on makin the couple to reserve dia hard earned cash, de shld use it for oda purposes. Shikenan.

I will suggest you both should go far away from your families, Pray to God for intervention....90% of the families opposing marriages are based on tribalism.
Nigeria families are the worst in this act. If for example someone traveled abroad and get a white wife/husband to marry, thesame families will never go against the union.

My cousine experienced such situation, he dated a lady while he was in the university, she is from delta igbo, while he was from isoko speaking part of delta. His parents strongly went against the union. they departed each other. He later traveled to canada for his master degree and there he fell inlone with an half-cast lady (Father 4rm igbo, mother white). The new found love decided to tie the knot together, and he was told that before he could marry the lady he will have to come down to nigeria to pay the girl bride price in her father home land (Imo state).

Offcourse this time the boys parent never opposed it. they simply gave an excuse that the lady is an half cast, and both will not be living together here in nigeria.

I will repeat myself,, most nigeria parents are the reason behind their children failure in marriage... my dear there are spiritual forces that will act against your marriage once both families don't accept your union hence my advice is go far from both families until u get married. Only do this when u are know who u want to marry....

I wish you the best in your marriage,,,

Untill l ve a real situation

felix200: I will suggest you both should go far away from your families, Pray to God for intervention....90% of the families opposing marriages are based on tribalism.
Nigeria families are the worst in this act. If for example someone traveled abroad and get a white wife/husband to marry, thesame families will never go against the union.

My cousine experienced such situation, he dated a lady while he was in the university, she is from delta igbo, while he was from isoko speaking part of delta. His parents strongly went against the union. they departed each other. He later traveled to canada for his master degree and there he fell inlone with an half-cast lady (Father 4rm igbo, mother white). The new found love decided to tie the knot together, and he was told that before he could marry the lady he will have to come down to nigeria to pay the girl bride price in her father home land (Imo state).

Offcourse this time the boys parent never opposed it. they simply gave an excuse that the lady is an half cast, and both will not be living together here in nigeria.

I will repeat myself,, most nigeria parents are the reason behind their children failure in marriage... my dear there are spiritual forces that will act against your marriage once both families don't accept your union hence my advice is go far from both families until u get married. Only do this when u are know who u want to marry....

I wish you the best in your marriage,,,

You made a lot of sense. But its particularly painful where the guy is used to doing his parents wishes, and though may be in love with the girl but wouldn't want to disappoint his parents. Sigh, I guess its better to let such go since he can't stand up to them.

Tell them to naff off and do your thing!

k2039: It's pointless going into marriage when both families involved do not agree with the relationship.

Why is it pointless?
Please explain!

Mynd_44:
Is it the family that are getting married or the guy and the girl? Get your head out of the fix, the business of marriage is between the husband and wife everyone else is an outsider, a baggage

A outsider and gabbage that does count (if they dont count, then it's pointless telling them you are getting married, it's pointless having your parents sign some document in the registry and church, I can go on and on........

YUP...let it go fast...(easier said then done)

but trust me...been there...done that...8 years plus..

It mostly ends very bad.

end it while you can.

goosebumps: Ur dating a guy who means the world to u, everthing u ever want in a man and from all indications he feels the same way about u.

But ur family does not accept him cos of the part of the country he comes from, given their experiences with people from that area.

His people do not accept u based on looks, and status.

Would u let go of the relationship because maybe God is using this people to save u from a life of misery or would u keep at it cos its ur chance at being happy?

My dear.. My advice here is that u guyz should call it quit. I mean, what's the essence of being with someone, knowing that neither of ur parents wants it to come to fruition. If it were just a one-sided battle, one might be optimistic that they might get to see reasons over time and things get ameliorated. Buh the situation is like to be between Shylla & Charybdis, none is pleasant.. Who knows what the future holds for either of you.. No matter how hard it might seem, the ugly truth is... You guyz should move on with life.

Life is not fair. Sometimes it throws u square pegs while u r having a round hole. What do u do about it? Do u sit and whine on how life has been unfair to u? Or do u take advantage of whatever life brings? Tell u what, if life throws u square pegs and u av a round hole, don't whine, buh rather, cut all rough edges and make the square pegs fit in ur round hole. In other words, make do with whatever life has to offer.

Wish u all the best.

Nautillus: YUP...let it go fast...(easier said then done)

but trust me...been there...done that...8 years plus..

It mostly ends very bad.

end it while you can.

You right! It's easy to tell them to continue out of their parents' wishes buh people forget what lies ahead. This is Nigeria! The earlier pple realise this, the better

Table Leg :

Why is it pointless?
Please explain!

read the comments after the one you quoted from (I mean comments by other users)

You are busted!!!! Wia av yu been man??av been searching for yu snc..I need to talk to yu.A brother need ya help

dmcdad:

You right! It's easy to tell them to continue out of their parents' wishes buh people forget what lies ahead. This is Nigeria! The earlier pple realise this, the better

Marriage is Gods institution and not mans decision. Is either U̶̲̥̅̊ consult God before going into it or let him be ur rod and ur staff. Parent's blessings is transferred when God is involved in the marriage. Come to think of it, there lots of home out there that there parent were fully in support of the marriage,but now going for divorce(at this point; their parent don't get involved again cos it will be a personal move). Blessing from the parent does not supersede Gods.
In this case, the sensible thing to do at that kind of situation, I'll ensure I add God to every of the plan I want to engage in in the process of proceeding with the marriage.
So many precaution will be considered but with God all things are possible... So far the two parties involved loves each other and have chosen to continue...

Soyedele1: You are busted!!!! Wia av yu been man??av been searching for yu snc..I need to talk to yu.A brother need ya help

I've been around.. I am available anytime. What's the probs?

dmcdad:

My dear.. My advice here is that u guyz should call it quit. I mean, what's the essence of being with someone, knowing that neither of ur parents wants it to come to fruition. If it were just a one-sided battle, one might be optimistic that they might get to see reasons over time and things get ameliorated. Buh the situation is like to be between Shylla & Charybdis, none is pleasant.. Who knows what the future holds for either of you.. No matter how hard it might seem, the ugly truth is... You guyz should move on with life.

Life is not fair. In other words, make do with whatever life has to offer.

In other words you are advicing her to accept the mediocrity life throws her way. She should endure marital life, when she can enjoy marital life.

An adult should be able to take a stand, even if means standing against the whole world.
As an adult you are responsible for the actions or inactions you take in Life.

I wanna need some things from yu (java tinz)..I will send yu a PM

dmcdad:

I've been around.. I am available anytime. What's the probs?

debsjoat: Marriage is Gods institution and not mans decision.
Come to think of it, there lots of home out there that there parent were fully in support of the marriage,but now going for divorce(at this point; their parent don't get involved again cos it will be a personal move).

This is what I have always insisted on. Cos when the sh,it hits the fan, you will have only yourself to blame.

So many glamourous and celebrated weddings have taken place with the full support of both families. But when the Reality of marital life sets in, you will wish that you made your own decisions.

If there is true between the 2, they should pray together for God to help them.

Abali1:

In other words you are advicing her to accept the mediocrity life throws her way. She should endure marital life, when she can enjoy marital life.

An adult should be able to take a stand, even if means standing against the whole world.
As an adult you are responsible for the actions or inactions you take in Life.

You are mistaking! Accepting what life brings in that context means doing something positive about it in order to turn the table. I never said anything about being a mediocre either, when I know it might just take one to pull some few more strings to achieve excellence. I only pointed out the fact that, one should be able to learn things the hard way.

Besides, in as much as I would want to give a green-light, one has to be a lot more considerate about the whole scenario. I would propose therefore, that they should fight their way into convincing their parents while praying to God fervently. If really it's the will of God for them to be together, definitely the parents would see reasons and with time and their plans would come to fruition.. Buh, advising that they should just go ahead despite the oppositions... My hand no dy o. Lol

[b][/b] i don't rily fink i can, no matter d love i feel for the gurl family plays an important r :-Xole in marriage... Though i wud try to convince my parents and her parents bt if dem nor gree.... Omo Йą movement tins, i wud let go

dmcdad:
Besides, in as much as I would want to give a green-light, one has to be a lot more considerate about the whole scenario. I would propose therefore, that they should fight their way into convincing their parents while praying to God fervently. If really it's the will of God for them to be together, definitely then parents would see reasons with time and their plans would come to fruition.

This is a better advice , than asking her to cut off the relationship. Moreover, there is no tangible reason why both parents are opposing the union.

From my experience is down to both of you.

was in a similar situation a few years ago, both families were against our marriage for religious and ethnic reason, we stuck together, few months later my parents gave their blessings, three years down the line, my inlaws position did not change.

while on holiday in Malta two years ago, we decided to get married, got back to London, invited a few friends to the registry and we were married, moved in together and a year later we had our son.

The rest is history.

if you trully love each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together, they will eventually come round.

Its not for the faint hearted though.

Hmmmm OP,I feel 4 you cos dsame thing is what is happening to me right now.My guy's family have been warning and threatening me to leave their son and it's as if it's even now our love is growing stronger.At first I was accused of cheating on him and when they saw he wasn't buying their story,they started showing their true colour bringing the issue of tribe.My dear,what I'll advice is this,if the guy is willing to be with you against all odds,bear with him,try to convince your pple then allow him to talk to his own,NEVER insult any of his pple or talk back at them cos the mistake I made that worsen my case was that I sent one of my guy's siblings a msg telling him am not desperate to marry his brother.Pray,I knw this whole issue can drain you drastically but don't let it weigh you down,it's not easy but be strong.The only time you can back out is if you see he's not serious.At a point,I almost left mine but when he talked to me,I saw reasons to stay.My case is different from yours in the sense that,both families(yous and his)are saying NO while my case,we're only battling with his whole family,my pple were acting the same cos of his pple but they have mellowed.May God help us and other pple having same challenges.

Ask the lord for direction cos he still hears and speaks to us till enternity.

mrrock: It all depend on who you are and how old. I for one wouldn't allow my family to have a say on who I marry cause the mariage is for myself not them.

i fully agree with you

Wot else one stil doing in dat kind of relationzip? They known betta dan you, nd if one try 2 use strong head, he/she would hv him/herself 2 blame. Remember, "when dog rolls its head on faeces he wud knw d directn of its owner's house"

Onegai: Sometimes, it might be instinct making both families say no and it's best to let it go. But sometimes, it's just pride and prejudice causing wahala. You should pray about it, both you and the guy and try seek God's will. I've seen both sides of the coin, and you can never tell. But don't do anything stupid to force anyone's hand, like get pregnant.

^^^^

@topic: I say follow your hearts.
if you both feel your families are correct in their reasons then maybe
you should take some time away. But if you know it's kiddish and as Onegai said, "wahala",
then you will just have to use your love for each other as a crutch and "go against the grain". (move on together)

Correct me I may be wrong, the constitution of Nigeria doesn't require their consent. It all boils down to you, if you are convinced that you can bear the responsibility of your decision, go ahead.

I'll quote my reply on another thread about this matter, particularly when it is the tribe issue:

My friend broke up with the perfect girl because she was a non-catholic yoruba girl. He spent the next one year suffering at the hands of different chicks and his business didn't improve, he stagnated. I can testify one of my sisters lost her fiance because of tribe and religion (yoruba muslim). Ironically, she ended up marrying a yoruba guy and they're doing well and successful. It is upto you and God. It's madness, yoruba people have the highest divorce rate, and I know a lot of yoruba girls running to wed ibo guys for their peace of mind. My cousin left his yoruba gf to wed a pretty girl from my village, as per his Mama's wishes. 4 yrs later, when they got divorced, he told his mum to either accept his yoruba gf or forget him as a son. 20yrs later, that marriage is still alive and kicking, 3 sons, home in Banana Island. My mum broke up my sis and her igbo bf, screaming he was a golddigger n igbo. She married a wealthy yoruba boy who grew up not quite realising what the word "Responsibility" means and her igbo ex moved on, to become a big boy in the Banking industry.

If my family raise genuine concerns why they don't like my partner, I'll listen. I've listened before and they were right. But if they start acting irrationally, like calling him to warn him off me, or lying against him, I know they're making an Irrational Decision. And those are 99% wrong. God will not make you sin to save somebody. He doesn't need your family to lie on someone's head, in order to get you out of a relationship. He's never done so in the past (bible), why is your case different??

We must believed dat those parents knew better than us, and if we try 2 force our will on them, let's remember this old adage that says " After dogs has its head rolled in faeces, its then it would known direction to its Lord"