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|What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Nobody: 10:22am On Dec 20, 2012|
by Leigh Newman
Love Is Location
You might have learned this one before, when you were off in college in California and your high-school love was off in college in Maine. Sooner or later, somebody got lonely and fell for a more conveniently located mate. Long-distance adult romances have similar issues. Yes, you have a job, a car and a condo with a reasonable mortgage. So does he. But sooner or later, one of you is going to have to move if the two of you want things to work. Skype doesn't let you e-cuddle or e-go-to-the-movies (where you find out that you both crack up during the supposedly scary scenes). I'm not saying you should pick up and relocate two weeks into the relationship. But then again, two years can be too late. All of us fear being the ding-dong who gave up her whole life for some guy. But that guy probably fears the same thing. Nobody talks about it, but love requires bravery--and the kind of closeness that's not just in your minds.
No Expectations are Not Low Expectations
I am a big fan of having no expectations. I don't know exactly how to achieve that goal in all cases. But the less I picture how things should go or might go, the better they do go. I let myself show up and enjoy the experience rather than kill it before it begins with my huge, soul-gobbling, predetermined fantasy life that no real experience can ever rival. This approach also works very well in love. Showing up at restaurant, having zero idea of what the blind-date guy will be like (because you did not Google him, you did not grill your friends, you did not hope he might be a 6-foot-2 veterinarian) allows you the possibility of having an amazing time with the short, hilarious barber who is sitting there waiting for you.
Low expectations are something else entirely. An example: You just want the guy to be straight, funny and not a cheater (the word just is always a tip-off). In my experience, these are not low at all. They are simply revised expectations--after high ones were not met (he was straight, he was funny, and he was a cheater). You created these lower ones to keep from getting burned again. You're telling yourself to want less than you want, so you might get something instead of nothing. But what happens is...you end up with something that you don't want. The whole problem, I really, really believe, is the wanting. Going into a date and just letting it be what it is--and later deciding if you like it (or not)--allows for the possibility of the delightful unexpected, which is the official lightning rod of love.
Dumb Girls Don't Do Love Better
There is a certain female stereotype that I often see on television and in movies. The most dismal (though outdated) example is Ally McBeal, the most recent is Hannah in Girls. Ally and Hannah are beautiful and brilliant and destined for greatness, but they're full of pesky questions about the men they date. They analyze everyone's behavior and try to understand why or why not a certain somebody did or didn't call. In short, their problem is that they "overthink" things.
According to this logic, one can assume that women who "underthink" will have much more success when it comes to love. They won't ask themselves if their long, rambling rant about gourmet tequila on the first date drove a guy off! They won't pause and examine why exactly they're dating their best friend's ex-husband. They'll just go with it and end up blissfully happy...because...they're dumb.
Please believe me: Thinking about both his and your behavior, trying to understand why he does things (for example, inviting you to bowling night) and why you do things (for example, buying him B12 vitamins) is part of loving. It means you're looking at all the factors to the best of your ability and deciding to participate in the relationships with your heart, body and mind. Nobody says you have to rattle off every idea directly in his ear, but thought is not the antithesis of romance. Whereas thoughtlessness? Hmmm...think about it.
If He Says He Doesn't Want Kids...
He doesn't want them with a house. He doesn't want them with a mouse. He doesn't want them if you're thinner or richer or have plumper lips. He doesn't want them if he's older, had time to think, or had the kitchen redone with stainless-steel sinks. Believe him.
"Put On Your Seatbelt!" Can Be a Sign of Love
Everybody shows love in different ways. If I am leaving for a long driving trip, my husband will desperately run down the driveway and scream at me "Put on your seatbelt!" He will also hand me big handfuls of paper napkins "just in case." I understand the seatbelts: He's worried; he doesn't want anything to happen to me; he wants me to keep safe. In a perfect world, men would rush after us with easy-to-read signs like bouquets of red rose or huge banners painted with, duh, I LOVE YOU. We do not live in that world. The person who adores you may stuff carrots in your lunch to protect you from cancer with fresh vegetables or refuse to let you watch 90210 because it hurts your brain.
Love is not a mystery, I believe. Most of us know who loves us. But the expression of that love is often cryptic. Take the paper napkins. I don't know what those are for. But I suspect they might have something to do with sopping up all the tarter sauce that will spurt out of the Filet of Fish that I will purchase at the first McDonald's on the side of the highway that I spot, which is chain of events that my beloved, fast-food-despising husband and I will never discuss...out of love.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by kellynoah: 11:01am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by 80million1: 11:02am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by yorke1: 11:03am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by gramci: 11:04am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Mcdugull: 11:06am On Dec 20, 2012|
That they only have 10 more usefull years to live and enjoy hammering
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Okijajuju1(m): 11:06am On Dec 20, 2012|
.WHAT WOMEN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT LOVE BY THE AGE OF THIRTY
* Its money for hand, Back for ground.. You are too old to be waiting for love.. You are 10 years away from expiration.. Start using your depreciating asset to your advantage instead of giving it out for free..
If by 30 you still dont know about love, then I guess you never will..
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by 190theclown: 11:06am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by heroofnigeria: 11:08am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Ice4jez(m): 11:08am On Dec 20, 2012|
nice one my bro;lovely lady are around us but they sometime need to let der hobby ve a little sense of control
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by TeenageMoney(m): 11:09am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Impulse80(m): 11:11am On Dec 20, 2012|
This Ogugua Ebe like say sexkilz is in luv wit u o
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by pendusky(m): 11:15am On Dec 20, 2012|
Seems it was for gals, jst wonder why am reading this!
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Revolva(m): 11:15am On Dec 20, 2012|
Dumb Girls Don't Do Love Better
Yes I like this part and that's what's killing all this our over to know working class women wey make dem never marry
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by kellynoah: 11:21am On Dec 20, 2012|
am still dancing azonto @30
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by larrymoore(m): 11:27am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by maygah(f): 11:28am On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by Nobody: 11:40am On Dec 20, 2012|
doesnt make any sence. IMHO
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by dammytex: 11:40am On Dec 20, 2012|
Ideas of love and loving from another angle.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by UjSizzle(f): 12:21pm On Dec 20, 2012|
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by dasparrow: 12:42pm On Dec 20, 2012|
Must everyone marry? How many Nigerian bred men stay faithful to their wives? Is cheating not part of Nigerian culture? I have a medical doctor friend of mine who resides in Abuja Nigeria. He was telling me that out of 20 NIGERIAN pregnant married women they conduct a HIV/AIDS test on during ante-natal, over 10 come out positive. So not only are many of you Nigerian bred men cheating like its going out of style, you are also infecting your wives/girlfriends with deadly STDs/STIs.
My sister was telling me the other day of a single Nigerian women living in Nigeria who just adopted the ONLY child of a late Nigerian couple. The man was the first to die after he contracted HIV/AIDS from God-knows-whom. Then he infected his wife with the deadly disease. The wife died just about 2 weeks ago. The single lady who has now adopted the child met the child when she went to door-to-door ministry preaching the good news of Christ's kingdom. The child was looking unkempt and skinny. That is when curiosity lead the single lady and her fellow christian brothers and sisters to the house where the child lives and found her dying mother lying there not able to move talk less of taking care of her only child.
The door-to-door ministry took care of the dying woman until she finally passed away 2 weeks ago. The families of the the HIV infected couple abandoned them when they found out they had HIV/AIDS. The dying woman's last wish was that the single lady raise her daughter like her own. So the little girl (who is under age 4) is now with the lady. So the reason I am narrating this story is because there is a reason for everything. With the way people cheat on their spouses these days, you cannot blame those who do not want to dabble into the marital institution. At least, as a single person, you can decide not to share your body with anyone. However, if you get married to a cheat, your life is at risk because HIV/AIDS knows not whether you are rich or poor, black or white.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by spurlge(m): 12:43pm On Dec 20, 2012|
Vikin: doesnt make any sence. IMHO
YOU CANT SPELL.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by greaterlove(m): 12:44pm On Dec 20, 2012|
ogugua88:i think the earlier most people understand this the better. thanks op.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by safarigirl(f): 12:54pm On Dec 20, 2012|
This brings to mind the saying that what works for Musa may not work for Kunle, and what works for Kunle, may not work for Eze. There is more than 90% of truth in that, but it may not apply to everyone. I'm a firm beleiver that if you get to 30 and you still don't have a man, it's time to stop looking for a man and start getting your child, adoption, sperm bank, IVF...get a child! Funny fact: You mostly find a missing item long after you stopped searching.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by safarigirl(f): 12:58pm On Dec 20, 2012|
This brings to mind the saying that what works for Musa may not work for Kunle, and what works for Kunle, may not work for Eze. There is more than 90% of truth in that, but it may not apply to everyone. Though I'm in full support of the 'coded' methods of expressing love. I'm a firm beleiver that if you get to 30 and you still don't have a man, it's time to stop looking for a man and start getting your child, adoption, sperm bank, IVF...get a child! Funny fact: You mostly find a missing item long after you stopped searching.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by kandiikane(m): 1:05pm On Dec 20, 2012|
I agree with dasparrow and I think parents also should start teaching their children early instead of the concocted lies about marriage. I've said this over and over again. We do not get married as we or our parents planned neither do we have kids when we planned. You do not have to be married to enjoy life. Society makes you feel bad for being unmarried at 30, that's why you're in major depression.
|Re: What Women Should Know About Love By Age 30 by ujukala: 1:12pm On Dec 20, 2012|
Lol. California love indeed.
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