Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave - Family - Nairaland
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| Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 9:12am On Dec 31, 2012 |
In a serious dilemma, where I have to look into my mother eyes to confront her to leave my woman alone or I will show her the way out. But I reminisced the sacrifice and etc. But I can't allow her control my home too. What should I do ? Annoying part is that she sings those annoying gospel grasp, satan don fall for ground..... 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by enobong18: 10:32am On Dec 31, 2012 |
Hey! Get closa 2 ur mum... Get 2 knw y she rili wnts ha out, reason lyk ha, u wud knw hw 2 handle d situation in a way u can have both love themself! 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 12:28pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Seriously nothing ... Mother with only one son. 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 12:54pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Sadly most Nigerian women invest al their emotions on their male children making them mini husbands and failing to build their own lives hence the constant dragging. I love my Sons but the greatest lesson I learnt from my mother in law was to let them be, let then grow don't bubble wrap them, have my own life, have my own interests and love my husband. Most Nigerian women stay in bad marriages and then transfer all the love for their husband to their sons. As much as your mother should watch out for you it stops with advice she should trust that she has trained you well enough as a reponsible adult capable of decision making. If your mother advices you say thank you and make balanced informed decision. I am a mother and mothers shouldn't seek to make decisions for their kids, we should train them well to stand and decide well on their own The day I decide to make decision for my son when he is over 18 then that day I admit I have failed as a mother 85 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by greatgod2012(f): 1:06pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
I think your mother is suffering from insecurity, hence, seeing her as a rival and not as a daughter in law. She is dominative and do not want anything/anyone, not even your wife to be in-between both of you....you are d one to fight for your freedom, for your right, try to educate her, as important as she(your mother)is in your life, she cannot perform your wife's role, so, confront her respectfully and demand for your freedom and right. May God help us all. 11 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 3:50pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
The exact thing I am saying. I told her to educate her if she thinks my woman is falling short of her standard. Rather complain and etc. She reminds me of her investment from primary to university . Just weak, even scared to leave both of them at home |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 3:57pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
YoungSalute: The exact thing I am saying. I told her to educate her if she thinks my woman is falling short of her standard. Rather complain and etc. My goodness. I can't believe that mothers like this still exist in this day and age. Why is she taking the thing so serious sef, you are the one that married the woman not your mother and whether or not you are happy with her is what should matter. Did the mother spend her entire life in the village or something? |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 4:13pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
No.. She spent like 15 years outside Nigeria. And I spent about 9 years too outside Nigeria. My woman is calm and homely. What should I do, ask my mum to leave or keep the house boiling ? |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 4:34pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
debrief08: Sadly most Nigerian women invest al their emotions on their male children making them mini husbands and failing to build their own lives hence the constant dragging.very reasonable talk |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 4:49pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
What you mother is doing is what we call "cheap emotional blackmail" don't fall for it. Anyone who has kids should be ready to educate them and sacrifice for them without expecting to emotionally control them. Call her bluff, If you don't this will go on and on, some go as far as stripping nak-ed, exposing their Brea-st and screaming that except you didn't succk it if you did for not letting them control you evil will befall you. Call her bluff, Your mother won't die, it is your responsibility to keep the peace in your home. Your wife is calm and quiet but don't take her for granted and let your mother keep provoking her. I am a mother and it is not our job to let our adult kids live in fear of us, even our babies. Children should love and respect their parents it stops there, emotionally bblackmailing them with threats and curses and reminded them what we spent is in very bad taste and poor character. I am sorry to say, your mother needs some home truth. Your wife is calm and quiet don't let her complain or react. 14 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 4:57pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Tough one..... call grandma and have a serious mother son talk with her.... she's crossing her boundaries and your wife's gonna lose it on her one day and its not gonna be long.....Good luck Hello my people Debrief, Greatgod and my sister chaircover ..... I wish y'all happy new year in good health and abundant wealth!  2 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 5:04pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Happy New Year to You too Darling. Happy New year everyone. Love you loads, You all are part of a wonderful rewarding year 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 5:13pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
I appreciate. God bless you all. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by greatgod2012(f): 5:24pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
jidegirl12: Tough one..... call grandma and have a serious mother son talk with her.... she's crossing her boundaries and your wife's gonna lose it on her one day and its not gonna be long.....Good luck happy new year to you too, my dearling sister......how is everyone up there....love you! 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by babymama3: 5:27pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
YoungSalute: No.. She spent like 15 years outside Nigeria. And I spent about 9 years too outside Nigeria. Debrief and a few others have already spoken well Your mother needs to know exactly how you feel about her nasty behavior towards your wife but please do it respectfully by telling her these things away from your wife's hearing. You can even send wifey on an errand and tell her when to return so you can have all the time you need. Tell her that you love your wife dearly and that she is a good wife to you and that nothing will change that Tell her you love her as a mother dearly and that nothing will change that too Be firm when you tell her these things without mincing words that she needs to stop the cruel treatment towards your wife or you will be forced to separate them two for your peace of mind and that the separation will mean sending her home for a while. If she continues with the taunts,you need to send her home to go there and get herself together Don't fall for that mama's blackmail If you do nothing let me tell you exactly what will happen your mother will continue with her ways and the satan fall down songs,she will intensify and one day that sweet and calm wife would have reached her wits end and will explode That reaction may not be pleasant She will will tell your mom in one day everything she has bottled in her for all the weeks and months You will be emotionally shattered hearing your mom described in unspeakable terms[/b] I am speaking now as a woman who had MIL problems similar to yours but who thankfully has moved past that and today my MIL is like my own mother This is the time you as the husband needs to step up and squash this fast All the best 8 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by babymama3: 5:42pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
jidegirl12: Tough one..... call grandma and have a serious mother son talk with her.... she's crossing her boundaries and your wife's gonna lose it on her one day and its not gonna be long.....Good luck I didn't even read this before I said something similar If this continues,surely that day will come. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 6:00pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Let me digress a little, some years ago before I remarried my mother took the Bible and swore that if I did she will die. After years of living in pain and misery to please others I wasn't faalling for emotional blackmail. We called her bluff. Her concern was losing her church position. Anyway years later 2 grand kids after she is still alive and kicking. My original church turned out to be more accepting and open, even though it was orthodox, Mama kept her position, because they were aware of the circumstances surrounding my marriage and divorce we had church blessings and were accepted as a communicant couple. What is the point of my story? Do what is right and what gives you peace, God will never endorse misery, it will work ourt well in the end 5 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by babymama3: 6:06pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
debrief08: Let me digress a little, some years ago before I remarried my mother took the Bible and swore that if I did she will die. I haven't known you a while here but I love reading your posts. You are so full of wisdom and the way you share your life with others,I am certain there are people who are encouraged by your writings Keep being you in a world with so many fakes Happy new Year 9 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 6:13pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Awwww, I am humbled, Happy New year to you too. I love reading your posts too, real and true. Hope to read more from ypu next year 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Goldieluks: 6:31pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
@OP I know that she's your lovely mum, but you should start thinking of sending her back to her own home. Until then, they may continue quarelling. I do not buy the idea of staying under the same roof with a mother-inlaw, at least not for a long time, or to the extent of her crossing the boundary. Mbanu! 3 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 6:38pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
OP, leave them together let them sort themselves out. Tell your wife that Vikin says...any time your mother starts misbehaving let her start singing... *Am married to Youngsalute, satan leave me alone, am married to Youngsalute, satan leave me alone...my husband is coming to take me awayyyyy......you know the rest. Trust me it works like magic  Just the song that she needs...nothing else, your mother lui meme will come to her senses. 6 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 6:46pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Singing is the best to handle conflit. I learnt that from momsi, when ever popsi starts with his am-man-of-house-altitude, mumsi starts singing her christain songs that even make my dad more crazier but all he does is shuts up and stop complaining. it works like magic. when you ignore the person, he/she continues but when you sing songs like.. My God is bigger than all my problems....bigger than everyting... more songs to come.. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by EfemenaXY: 7:35pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
@ poster, why does your mother HAVE to live with you? Hasn't she got her own home to tend to? Call it what you may, doesn't change the fact that YOU are an adult, allowing YOUR mother meddle in the affairs of YOUR matrimonial home. How would YOU feel if the shoe was on the other foot? i.e: your wife's mother living with you and putting you through hell? Maybe it's just me, but I have zero tolerance for interfering family members, especially in my marriage. 6 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 8:08pm On Dec 31, 2012 |
Don't know why she lives with u in the first place but any mum that can't resist encroaching on her son's space is playing the devil's advocate.Read the novel "Sons and lovers" by D.H lawrence and you ll see ur mum's type potrayed in it.Don't lose the woman u love because ur mum can't tolerate ur wife.She might leave u no choice than to send her away.Debrief has said it all. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 10:24am On Jan 01, 2013 |
Happy New Year..... Thanks and I appreciate your comment. She decided to stay with me because armed robbers attacked her and she's scared to live all alone Remember, I said, she spent 15 years outside Nigeria. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Winneygirl(f): 11:14am On Jan 01, 2013 |
@Op, i believ U hav Ur reasons. Bt I dnt thnk Ur Mum shld permanently reside wt U or stay 4 unduly long periods of time. Do u hav a shield 2protect any1 if armed robbers decide 2 attack? Instead, move Ur mum 2 a location whr she will have neighbours 2spend time wt and help her engage in somethn 2pass time wt. Build Ur home/marriage wt love and care. Dnt spend Ur marital life settling disputes dat wud nt hav occurred if d 2 parties were nt living under d same roof. 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by hunkyjohn(m): 11:45am On Jan 01, 2013 |
I hate to tell you this but your mom may just be destroying your home under your nose. Put yourself in your wife's shoes and imagine how she feels right now. Doesn't this remind you of the typical "My mother in-law is wicked" cliche? My advise is for you to get your mother in-law to move elsewhere comfortable at least for some time (Maybe with other siblings or something). If this is not possible, you need to talk to her to find out what the beef is all about and then politely INSIST that she stops the attacks on your wife. This is your home and you are responsible for keeping it. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by ferhyntorlah(f): 12:19pm On Jan 01, 2013 |
Some mothers sha! They will have the upper hand in their marriage and also want to do the same in their sons' marriage. Like Debrief08 said, what your mom is doing is using cheap blackmail to get you to her side in her quest to frustrate your wife in her matrimonial home. I also see it as jealousy on your mother's part. She can't believe her son, her only son that she laboured so much for has now been taken away from her by another woman, who had no idea of what she went through to rear you. "Who is she by the way? What does she know? She can't take care of my son the way I do. I won't allow any woman come between me and my son. I laboured hard for my son to get to where he is now, so I must enjoy the fruits of my labour no matter what! My son! My only son! Nobody can separate us, mbanu!" Please, did your mother enjoy her marriage with your father? Was her attention always on her children especially you and not your father? My candid advice: when next mummy start with the emotional blackmail, tell her you were jejely enjoying yourself in Heaven before she asked of you from God. That her bringing you up were her responsibilities, which is expected of every parent. Let her know you love her, appreciate her, wouldn't trade her that she would always be your mother come rain, come shine but the time has come for her to step back and watch you live your life and make your decisions as a man-a married man. Let her know that anytime she meddles in your marriage, is she saying she didn't do a great job in raising you to be independent? Is she not comfortable with you handling your affairs as a married man? Let her know at this stage of your life, all you need from her is her prayers and support. I forsee this getting to a stage where you have to choose between your marriage and your mother if you don't resolve this asap! If it does happen, I hope you choose wisely. For your wife, I admire her calmness at this time but her calmness will soon wear out. When that happen and she gets into a "fight" with mummy, what will you do then? Remember, everyone has a tolerant level; once it has been exhausted, the next action will be shocking. She is being calm for your sake alone, if she can't take it anymore, she will spark! Are you the only one of her children residing in Nigeria? God bless all the mothers in-law who allow their children to enjoy their marriages! Happy New Year 2013 to you and every nairalander!!! 5 Likes |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by EfemenaXY: 12:29pm On Jan 01, 2013 |
^^ Excellent words of advice! Couldn't have said it any better. @Poster: As a mother myself, I love my sons and daughter, very much...more than life itself. BUT I am aware that a time would come when they'd all have to fly the nest. ~ Would it be hard for me to let them go? YES! ~ Do I love them enough to let them make their path in life on their own after guiding them for many years? YES!! If your mother loves you and really wants what's best for you, your happiness and for your marriage to work, she'll back off you and moreso, off your wife. The ball's in your court man. 1 Like |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by ferhyntorlah(f): 12:37pm On Jan 01, 2013 |
Sorry, double post. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by Nobody: 2:57pm On Jan 01, 2013 |
Talk to her at length abt your r/ship with this lady. Try to win her over. Beg if you have to.But listen to her if she has a cogent reason for her hostility towards your woman.If she doesn't,let her deal with seeing you love your woman the more. You can't marry your mum. |
| Re: Unbelievable - My Mother Asked My Woman To Leave by stagger: 2:58pm On Jan 01, 2013 |
YoungSalute: Happy New Year..... Thanks and I appreciate your comment. Not an excuse. Your mother is not your wife and has no business coming to your house to tell you how to live your life. 2 Likes |
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