Legend Of A Hustler
Episode #1
" Allah-hu-ak-bar…”
That was my natural alarm telling me to wake up and prepare for a new day. It was 5:30 a.m. I've had this alarm for a very long time that I can't remember for how long and it's in courtesy to the muslims that come to the mosque beside my house every morning. I looked around my dark room and took in the heavy stench of old stuffs. I knelt by my bed to say my prayers, abi naw man gas thank him God for early morning naw?
I was having trouble in deciding what to wear not that I had lots of clothes at my disposal, actually my metal box where I kept my clothes did not have much to offer. Finally I settled for the same jeans I wore the previous day and my old Arsenal jersey [the one with O2 on it],of course my old, ever faithful leather slippers was there to serve as cover for my feet. I almost forgot to brush my teeth but then I remember that my tube of Close Up will be empty by now after using up the remnant yesterday. My only alternative was to settle for a chewing stick. I managed to convince myself that after all chewing stick was what my fore fathers used in their days and they had strong set of teeth. See what being broke has turned me into. I never call myself poor, instead I prefer to say that I'm broke.
I however have a feeling that today is going to be a good day for me. I left my humble abode at exactly 6:13 A.M and headed out to look for my daily bread. Lagos at this time of the morning was getting busy as usual. Cars were cruising past me, they were going to their various offices, well, I'm also going to my "office". I do have an office where I work but unlike some mine does not have walls ,no executive chairs and of course no air conditioner. My office is in the street, actually, the street is my office. And the beauty in it is that I can decide to pitch my office anywhere for the day. So I started my work. Well the scope of my work is not technical. I prefer to refer to myself as an emergency specialist. As an emergency specialist, I help people who are in situations like car break-down. I offer help without asking for money but sometimes I get paid, my mood alone is enough to get my “clients” to pay. Don’t think that it’s a bad occupation, in previous months, I made an average of N5,000 a week, but for about a week and half now, business has been bad

Episode #2
On this blessed Friday, I was yet to see any good “client”. The one I met earlier only paid me a Thank You after I helped her to secure a cab to convey her and her large number of load to Mile 2.I was at Gbagada at 5:15 P.M, I was at Yetunde Brown to be precise, the only thought on my mind was what I was going to eat when I got home, the only thing I’ve eaten since morning was N50 Gala and I drank 2 sachets of sachet water.
Apart from my thoughts, the only sound I could hear was the sound of a motor engine but the sound was dying down as it got closer, that was strange to me. I turned around out of curiousness and I discovered that the driver was easing the car to a stop in a side of the road. At first I thought the driver probably wanted to get something done before proceeding, but then the driver who later turned out to be a She got down. I noticed that she was looking tensed up and she seemed to be dialing someone’s number but she didn’t seem to be getting through. I wanted to move on but something jabbed at my heart and the only word that came to my mind was “Client”. I turned and moved towards her to know what service I would be rendering.
“Good evening madam”
She stared at me for about five seconds before answering, she was obviously startled, I guess.
“Good evening”
“You have a problem with your car?”
“No…I mean yes but someone will be here soon enough to fix it”
“ Oh alright then, I’ll be on my way, have a nice evening”
I was about ten meters away from her car when I heard her call at me.
“Mister…mister”
I turned around.
Then I walked towards her.
“I have a flat tire here and I’ve been trying to call my dad to send his driver but his number is not going through, please do you mind changing the tire? I have a spare in the boot”
Right in my mind I was grateful it was just a spare tire, that wouldn’t be a problem.
“It will be a pleasure madam” I said.
Twenty minutes later, I was done with the changing of the tire.
Now its time to be paid.
A glance at her told me that she was likely to say thank you. Well that’s something I was not going to accept, because I’m going to go to bed with an empty belly for the fourth night in a row, well not that this is my first time of going to bed with an empty belly for four nights in a row, in fact I have experienced worse, but I was not ready to set another record. But seriously how I go take ask her for payment? me wey be sey I no dey ask for payment unless dem pay me. E com be like sey na my mind she dey read because na she com talk sey “Thank you very much mister, where are you headed towards? please let me give you a ride.”
My reply was somehow what I never wanted to say but it did actually save me “You are welcome madam, huhm I’m going home, well if you can call where I stay a home”
“I’m sure it’s a home no matter how it looks, where do you live?”
“I stay around Palmgroove, Shyllon street to be specific”
“Yikes actually I’m headed towards Ikoyi but please let me pay for your transport fare, please”
I pretended to want to refuse, at least to protect my reputation, but trust me, I gave in.
“Alright if you insist”
She was all smiles the moment I said that and I wasn’t expecting it when she said this “Oh please let me give you a ride at least to where you can easily get a cab.
For my mind I dey reason cab ko, cab ni, abeg na danfo go do am jare
When the short ride started, she was the first to start a conversation.
“I’m sorry, I forgot to mention my name, I’m Annie Bode-Williams, yours?
I looked at her for a second, my name was the last thing I expected a client to ask me, this was the first time I’m being asked that question by a client.
“Femi is the name”
“That’s it just Femi, no surname?”
Oh God please, I didn’t bargain for all this, I wish she can just stop the car, pay me, and let me be. But I no fit refuse am naw? Abi after all na she go pay my money naw
“Femi Dokun”
“You can just call me Annie and I hope you don’t mind me calling you Femi?”
“You have all the liberty in the world to call me Femi”
Now I’m getting tired of this conversation, all I want right now is for her to pay me. This young lady is a real talkative. And her next words really turned on my code red.
“Ahem…Femi please I know I shouldn’t be asking, but please give me your mobile number. I know I’m a playful girl and I like making friends”
Hell! this does not look like making friends to me, this looks like she not wanting to just mind her own business and let me be. In fact if not for the fact that I really need the payment I would have asked her to stop the car and just stop killing me with this conversation. But I really need the money. Plus who knows there might be some more clients out there.
I looked at her face briefly and I really can’t explain how the numbers flew out of my mouth “080********”
She didn’t write it down neither did she save it on her phone because she was driving with both hands on the wheels but something told me that she had memorized it. She gave me a small paper that had a number on it.
“Thanks and that’s mine” she said.

Episode #3
As the car pulled up near the spot where you, board buses to Ikeja, Ketu, Berger, yes, right under that bridge, I was really happy that my torment was over, but by that time something deadly had happened, yes really deadly, she had forgotten she promised to pay for my transport, holy cow, I said aloud in mind, and I didn’t have the nerves to remind her of her promise, instead she fed me with some extra trash.
“I really want to return the kind gesture you showed to me today, I mean I don’t know what I would have done if not for you”.
Of course, you wouldn’t have done anything, that I didn’t say aloud of course, but the rest I said aloud,
“Oh, you’ve just done that, I mean the ride, that’s more than enough”
My fingers had automatically held the door handle, and I was about to open it, before this young, beautiful but frustrating lady sais the worst sentence I’ve heard so far today.
“My mom is having a birthday party tomorrow evening, maybe you should drop by”
Was she nuts? Inviting a total stranger to her house, we’ve never met before, so my personality is anyone’s guess, I can as well be a thief, kidnapper or even a serial killer. But I didn’t say all that, instead I replied politely,
“I honestly don’t think, that’s necessary, you’ve already returned the favour, besides, I’ve scheduled some appointment for tomorrow”, now the last part was definitely going to bail me out.
“Don’t worry it’s in the evening, and don’t fool me into thinking a guy like you plays around with his weekend evenings, I’ll call you anyways to know how it’s going to turn out”
Kai this young lady is really messing with the wrong dude.



One hour later…
I was already at home thinking how the day went and how it really contradicted my earlier belief in the morning, now I’m going to sleep with an empty belly.
What usually keeps me going in this kinda situation is the fact that Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour fasted for forty days and forty nights, and this same dear Jesus said that: If I have faith greater things than what he had done, I will do. So if Jesus didn’t die before forty days, then if I have faith, I can survive forty-one days. But the big question is do I even have enough faith to last me through the night without dying of hunger?
Now something is rumbling in my stomach, sounds like hurricane Sandy to me, or should I name mine Hurricane Akpors? I raised my face towards the ceiling in pain, O boy I go soon die of ulcer if I no chop ooo, that was me telling myself the reality of what is happening,
Lai lai emi ke, I no go die here, I must chop, even if it means spending the last Kobo I have, man no fit die now.
I quickly jumped into my army-uniform-designed shorts and a top that had more lines than the map of Africa. Straight to aboki side na mai shayi things tonight ooo, bread and egg, n im go solve the almighty formula of the war wey dey for my belle.
[ At aboki’s stall]
“Aminu, Aminu, the one and only Aminu. Choi Wolahi Aminu na you be the only original Aminu wey dey for this Nigeria” that’s me hailing Aminu, the mai shayi aboki, with my faked Hausa accent, all these to hail Aminu and make his head “swell” for the sole aim of him adding some “jara” to my bread and egg, and I trust that Aminu will always fall for it.
Anyway sha tonight Aminu no fall oo, as Aminu sef never sell plenty today sef. But I can’t fight him naw, abi n aim get im business, plus if Aminu comot dagger, I go run.
I quietly munched my bread and egg, and gulped a sachet water. I brushed away the dirts on my shorts as I got ready to go home, after paying Aminu of course, but only out of the fear of dagger sha.
If I knew I had been marked for a huge disaster tonight, I wouldn’t have ventured out of my habitat.
“Hey you, come here!” someone shouted, but I didn’t look back.
“Come over here, you buffon!” still I didn’t even turn around.
The next thing I felt was a hot, earth-breaking and thunderous slap on my cheek. I felt unimaginable pain and coupled with the anger I was already nursing, I in turn gave the fellow a nice, ear-deafening slap, before I realized that the fellow is a soldier.
Ye! Mo gbe! Mo ku! my own don be, I don sign my death certificate! I don slap soldier!...

following...

Adinije: following...

thanks

Mehn.... I'm criously followin dis hilarious and well writen story....@op wen should we b expectin d next update?

Emperortj93: Mehn.... I'm criously followin dis hilarious and well writen story....@op wen should we b expectin d next update?

tnx bro i'll try to do some update soon, #exam tinz

Constructive criticisms, comments and encouragements are welcome

Episode #4
I started speaking in different languages at the same time, as heavy slaps, kicks, punches landed on my body. By this time about five others have joined
“Oga no vex sir, e ma binu sir, I no know, abeg, biko, pardon me, na devil work…” but all this fell on deaf ears as these ruthless men pounced heavily on me. And I shouted the more, but none of the spectators around could dare to step in, lest he/she receive a fair share.
“Ye! Ye!! Mo ku ooo, oga abeg, God go bless una, bbblllooodddd of JJJJEEEESSSSUUUUSSS” now it was as if that “blood of Jesus” was what they were waiting for to rouse their anger, they pounced on me the more, this time two others joined in, and they applied their strong belt on my skin, my first offence, I was yet to know. But I guess that does not matter now, as the second is enough to have them “destroy” me.
I became unconscious, after about twenty minutes of continuos and severe beating. I was brought back to life by two bowls of chilled water, coupled with two hot slaps on by wet back. I tried to open my eyes but they were tight shut, courtesy of the beatings.
“Stand up!” one of them backed at me. Of course I was slow in getting up, another soldier gave me a sharp kick in my waist. By now, I’m sure that at least 200 bones in my body are broken, probably I managed to get up, thanks to the remaining over of the over 200 bones in my body. Before I could say anything, I heard another command.
“Frog jump!”. Haba naw I no be pikin naw, which kind punishment be this? but I was careful enough not to say that aloud, if not, I’ll meet my waterloo on this very spot. I quickly began my punishment, but at a relatively slow pace. I have my stars to thank, that these dare-devils are not irritated by my snail-like slow pace.
Ye! Frog jump dey pain person ooo, e don tey wey I do am last, chai I don die today, this “gentlemen” seem to have lost interest in me, as they were busy discussing, but I know that I dare not stand up or pause to rest. As I was contemplating of giving it a run and try to escape, having cleared out my route home in my mind, and the exact spot where I’ll lose them, one of them barked at me.
“You! Come over here!” I obeyed.
“Sit down for dat water there”
Ki mo gbo yi? Me? Make I sit down for inside “erofo”? Hah! E wo aye mi lode, emi odindi graduate. If no be for condition, anyway sha I am at the mercy of these "fine gentlemen”

Ndo o... Da Lordie z ur strenght.

Hilarious, captivating, and what else.....following it....

U'r welcom

Ogbeni hotprince no keep me waiting for here,,dis tory dey sweet ma belle so tey I dey add ma imagination put,as if na me da thin dey happen to...update it asap...u dn die,,chei,,MELOo NI ARA RE?ti SOLDIER n lu eeee.

skoloppy31: Ogbeni hotprince no keep me waiting for here,,dis tory dey sweet ma belle so tey I dey add ma imagination put,as if na me da thin dey happen to...update it asap...u dn die,,chei,,MELOo NI ARA RE?ti SOLDIER n lu eeee.

bros abeg no vex for d delay in updae, i go try update soon, my lappy connection don smoke weed, bt i go update as soon as i can

bros cme cntinue na

Nexxy007: bros cme cntinue na

bros abeg no vex ooo e be like sey my lappy connection after e smoke weed, e con take cocaine follow, abeg make all una no vex, i go update tonite

nite neva reach 4 una side?

Nexxy007: nite neva reach 4 una side?

abeg i go update am by 11 o clock abeg no vex

Episode #5
My hosts for the night finally released me at around 08.15am the following morning. We spent the night there. No actually I spent the night there alone, in the “erofo”, while the fine lads went to God-knows-where to sleep, or do whatever soldiers do at night. They let me go with a note of warning that sounded like a threat.
“Tonight, make you wear this your soldier shorts again, you hear?”
Shey na my offence be dat? Wey dem com torture my life as if sey I kill President.
Fifteen minutes later, I stagger into my room like someone that got drunk after downing eleven bottles of beer. I threw myself on my bed, like a gorilla, I can faintly hear the creaking of the bed frame, as I drifted into sleep almost immediately, with the hope of waking up three hours later.
I didn’t wake from my death-like-slumber until 2.30 in the afternoon. I pick my phone to realize that I have 19 miss calls. Am I that important?, abi Fashola sef no dey get this kin plenty miss calls naw. Anyway make I check the people wey call me.
Just one person? Am I seeing double? How can a number that I don’t have on my contact list call me for 19 good times. My mind first joked with me that maybe, God has spoken to a rich man to come and dash me money, or better still give me a job. Something just urged me to check the pocket of my jeans for Annie Bode-Williams’ card. I did and to my horror, the number that had called me for 19 good times belongs to Ms. Annie.
Tori Olorun, shey dis girl no go free me ni? Abi kini itunmo gbogbo nonsense yi ke?
I picked up my phone to dial her number with the 10 naira remaining on my phone, make MTN no just stop my call when my money finish ooo. Anyway sha I dialed her number out of risk. “The MTN number you have dialed is currently busy…” hmmmn I no wait make the MTN lady talk the rest before I cut am, thank God her number dey busy and the call don enter call waiting before, which mean sey na she cut am herself, if she like make she call, if she no like make she no call, notin concern…I didn’t get to finish my thoughts before my phone vibrated. You dis girl, why naw?, why you dey call me? Anyway make I pick am, abi wetin you think? Make I no pick am? Make I pick am sha.
“Hello” her sweet voice came from the other end of the line, I was carried away by the melody in her voice, before I remembered that I had to respond.
“Hello, who am I speaking with please?” I dey form as if sey I no know, see me wey dey form. #shio
“Hummnn it’s Annie, from yesterday at Yetunde Brown, you helped me…” I decided to cut in
“Oh my bad, Ms. Annie, good afternoon, how may I help you?”
“I think I told you that we are having a birthday party at my house, a party for my mom actually”
“Oh yes, the party I remember”
“Do you think you can come over, I told my parents about yesterday, and they said they want to meet you to thank you in person”
“Haagh, I don’t think I can make it, I’m really tired, I’ve been doing some cleaning since morning, I can’t make it, please pass across my apologies to your parents” I don’t like lying but I had to, or what do you think?
“Femi, ppppllllleeeeaaaaassssseeeeee, I want you to come” Kai, sssshhhhhh the melody in her voice is just to sweet, I don’t want to say yes but I can’t say no to such a sweet voice, voice wey sweet pass sugar.
“I’ll see if I can make it, but it’s not a promise” I said
“Okay that’s a bit nice, I’ll be expecting you though, I’ll text you our address after this call”.
Of course you’ll be expecting me.
It was after we end our conversation, that I begin to feel the pains of yesterday’s beating all over again, haa! I need to get Alabukun or Amala, I should have one in my room naw, after ransacking my pockets, I found a sachet of Alabukun, quickly I used it with some water, and I lay down to rest again.
Zzzzmmm zzzmmm zzzzmmmm, that’s my phone and that means there’s a new message, Annie’s of course, but when I checked it, it was MTN’s their yeye callertunez messages.
Zzzmmm zzzmmmm zzzmmm, another message. This time it was Annies.
Party starts by four, address is blah blah blah blah Ikoyi. I can’t afford to let you know her address now, not yet, I’m trying to be careful of the bad boyz around.

Hmmm... Her knight in shining armour...

Hotprince u dey fal ma hand oooooo,so since 3days ago nah dat smal,shipini,kekere u go update,,chei..u wnt mak soldeir com meet u for dat ur room abi?...ti e duro na,u dey form to. O.B.O..I pity u.ta lon dey b parry ni 10 o klok AROO.if u no update in time.,,and giv dat ur lappy weed wey hin dey smoke wit SK....u. Head dey there...can't wait oooo....PADI mi

mr man cme cntinue d tori naaa!

Guy ur story sweet no be small,and please try continue o.

Good story. But you are making it bad, try and update regularly. U've gat some people waiting nw. No dulling

I don't know what to say or how to apologize...My exmas has started and I really want to boost my G.P so I've been busy readin but I managed to put a couple of lines together but I promise on the left eye of the late Bin Laden that I'll update more tomorrow.
Thanks for not sending thugs to beat me up for not updatin

Episode #6
I no know maybe my clock don turn Usian Bolt ooo, but time don go ooo, as in seriously ooo. Walahi u no fit believe sey 4.30 don nack,mmtttssccchhheewww o boy, which kain level be dis sef. But come to think of it oo, I’m sure there will be a tornado of different kinds of food and floods of assorted drinks at the Bode-Williams’ house party. In other news, I’m in love with my belle ooo.
Kai wetin I go wear go the party ooo? Yes yes yes, I have one black suit that my pastor gave me when he came back from Jerusalem last year; Wetin u dey think? U think sey I be pagan like u? u tink sey I no dey go church? But the suit sef go don rough tire, make I dey hope sey I never over size am sef, but how I go over size am? Me wey be sey I no dey chop diet talkless of balanced diet.
Oya straight to Oga Ebuka the tailor’s shop, make I go use im iron press dis cloth. I quickly walked out of my room and croosed the street to Oga Ebuka’s shop. Fortunately, I met him.
“Ebuks Ebuks, Ebuka ka, Ebuka ka ka ra ka. Ebuka the international tailor, one and only Ebuka of Nigeria” I don start again with my wining abi? No mind me jare
“Oga Femi, I don tell u sey I no be tailor I be fashion designer” for my mind I dey talk sey fashion designer ko, fashion designer ni, tailor ni e jare.
“Oya Ebuka no vex, I don forget”
“Oga Femi wetin I fit do for u, U wan iron abi? U go pay this time ooo”
“Haba Ebuka u don start again ooo”
Anyway after some exchange of words, I ironed my suit and headed home. I jumped into the one of the two bathrooms that served the whole twenty room, face-me-I-face-you house that I lived in, how I managed to get a room of N5,000 a month with my status is a story you’ll get to know very soon. For now I have to take my bath, abeg make una give me like 30 minutes make I use bath.

Oya I don com back ooo.
I hurriedly applied some Vaseline on my skin, and jumped into my well ironed suit. But the problem is, how will I walk out of my house, and in my street, with every pair of eyes on me? Won’t it look strange? I mean to see me in suit.
Trust me you don’t want to know about my journey to the Bode-Williams’ house, seriously I had to push a small girl, so as to avoid her staining my suit and some hot arguments with bus conductors.

intresting read... thunbs up guy
oya carry ya erofo yansh come here and update jare

fruiteeiy: intresting read... thunbs up guy
oya carry ya erofo yansh come here and update jare

I promise on the left eye of the late Bin Laden that I'll update more tomorrow

Guy dont keep us waiting again o, and i wish u success in ur exam.

I dey follow you bumper to.... Wetin Kelly Handsome talk again sef

Damex333: Guy dont keep us waiting again o, and i wish u success in ur exam.

Thanks bro

Foxy_Rebirth: I dey follow you bumper to.... Wetin Kelly Handsome talk again sef

i think sey na bumper...thanks bro

Foxy_Rebirth: I dey follow you bumper to.... Wetin Kelly Handsome talk again sef

mayb na fender or fenthers*choi....i no even sure 4 spellin*