lol just read this on
http://miabaga.com/p/cop-out-of-valentines-day-be-a-man-man/

Cop Out Of Valentine’s Day || Be a Man, Man
23.01.13 /

Yes.

Cop out of it.

It’s three weeks to Valentine’s day and the town is already going red. Stores are finally taking down their Christmas decorations and affixing the sappy hearts and all that good stuff. You’re seated there and wondering what the purpose of Valentine’s is. If you’re one of those saps that believe in a social construct with such a consumerist agenda, it’s fine. We don’t begrudge you of your choice. You can wait here in the lobby. Grown men who be knowing, can follow me.

Yes, gentlemen. Welcome. Here’s some single malt scotch for your parched throats. It’s the good stuff – Glenmorangie. Make sure to not drink it all at once though. Undo the last button of your suit and loosen your tie just a tad. Relax and kick back. Now let’s talk. So you want to cop out of the sham that is Valentine’s Day without seeming like an asshole.

That’s good.

I’m sure your first thought is to break up with her, now that it’s still 3 weeks to the D-day and then miraculously mend fences after that. No, you don’t want to do that. You’re not a dolt, otherwise, you’d be in the lobby with the rest of the dweebs drinking water. If that idea weren’t totally stupid, it would be shameful to even try it because every one knows. Notice how your woman has been much nicer to you lately? It’s not even conscious, but there you go.

All of that covered, let’s get you out of this quagmire in a few easy steps shall we? First off, know this: You WILL spend money. Just a lot less than the dweebs in the Lobby will.

What you will need to prepare first:

1. A poem PREFERRABLY WRITTEN BY YOU, the longer and cheesier, the better

2. A wicker basket and a picnic blanket.

3. A recipe for a meal you can prepare easy. The flashier the better, but make sure you can cook it well first.

4. A piece of jewellery: a pair of Gold earrings, or a gold bracelet

5.Spare N2k



Step by Step Guide

1. Take the day off. Or at least get off work early. It’s a Tuesday and, you will need all the extra time you can get.

2. Make sure she gets the day off but don’t tell her why. If your girlfriend is in still in University we have no words for you, it makes your work easier. Tell her to cut her class for that day.

3. Head to Shoprite/Park and Shop or even Obaino.

4. When there, bee line away from the Season’s shoppers with disdain on your face and head to the proper sections armed with your shopping list.

5. You’re looking for little bites to eat: Naan, “small chops”, and host of other nibbles. You can get chicken and a bunch of other snacks as well.

6. Get a good bottle of wine.

7. Get another bottle, preferrably a Sangria.

8. Head to your car with your spoils (Please make sure you at least pay for them first) . When there make sure that your spoils are kept in a wicker basket in the trunk of the car, so when you pick her up

9. Go and pick her up. Don’t tell her where you’re headed.

10. Go to the beach. It doesn’t matter which one, it will hopefully be deserted on a week day.

11. Find a cosy spot and sit down.

12. One of the beach touts will locate you in 3… 2… 1… Aha. Whip out the N2k in your pocket without a word and watch him disappear.

13. Spread your blanket and bring out your spread (Geddit? )

14. Do as much of that mushball stuff as you can handle, and them whip out your poem. Read it out to her. Bring out the jewellery and wear it for her. If she doesn’t tear up or at least smile, then my young padawan, you’re dating Optimus Prime. You know what to do.

15. Enjoy the ambience for a bit. Pack up to leave. She will ask where you’re headed. Don’t tell her.

16. Take her home

17. That meal you’re good at? Whip it up while you tell her a random story (or stories)

18. Serve it up to her and tell her she’s the best thing to ever happen to you.

19. Take her to your room.

20. And go to sleep on the couch. Just kidding. Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.



Cost of the whole nine yards: N50,000 – N1,000,000

Cost of Copping out: < N30,000.00



With all of these Shina Rambo stunts, did you really cop out on Val’s day? That’s left for you to decide.



Be a man, man,



Sincerely yours,