mofolorunshoabi: Thank u all for ur various contributions. You don't know how relieved I am reading them all. Somebody erronously quoted my age to be 34. Am 39 now and the man will be 50 this year. This is not superstory. It is happening to me NOW as I speak. Our first born will be 15 while the last child is 12 this year. Honestly I did not bargain for this. My naiveity has caused me a lot. Even my husband, the petitioner said it in court that "this woman has been a wonderful woman" because I did everything to support him. What he is planning is to keep the kids in the east so they can learn ibo while he stays in lagos with the widow. My major concern is if it is possible for me to get 50/50 custody of the kids because what pple are saying is that in Nigeria law, fathers must have custody of their children once they are above 7. This is a trying period for me please I need ur advise and prayers.

Get a good lawyer who can help u win custody of the kids.U stand a good chance as a woman to win the custody.I don't really support divorce but ur husband's attitude shows he's not a man worth fighting to keep.Overcome your emotions and make a good decision.

jidegirl12: Well I'm still gonna cry over spilled milk;

When you tell these Yoruba girls to wait for their time, they'll say sebi you don marry, this rush rush marriage sef tire me jare ,
Even the story is unreal and grossly presented( I believe her tho ), that's why they call Yoruba girls names, can you imagine how gullible she sounds? And you go school o?

Are you saying that yoruba marriages that supposedly were made to yoruba men are always successful
or that people that marry in their early 30s are always successsful


Op
Its weird you are still having relations with ur hubby who is tryin to divorce you
You have been given good advice by thorpido

My own is before you contact any one on NL , check their posts
Not everyone here is who they seem to be

biolabee:

Are you saying that yoruba marriages that supposedly were made to yoruba men are always successful
or that people that marry in their early 30s are always successsful

You answer your own questions first then we may have a discussion. I'm not gonna start petty tribalism discussion now, not interested, I just stated my observation.

In Nigeria d woman gets d young children no matter d situation, so u would most likely get custody of ur kids.

akintun: In Nigeria d woman gets d young children no matter d situation, so u would most likely get custody of ur kids.

You know this for a fact? is this a new law?

Jidegirl2012
It depends on the child's age. But the poster makes it seem as though her kids a little bit older than 8 $☺ they aя̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ likely †☺ fend for themselves! Her arguement should be them growing up under the care of another woman.

jidegirl12:

You answer your own questions first then we may have a discussion. I'm not gonna start petty tribalism discussion now, not interested, I just stated my observation.

I don't get this your post but I thought your initial post presumed that to have a good degree of marital success, one should marry from the same tibe amd marry than the OP did (23) so say late 204 or early 30s.

If you know on hindsight feel it sounds tribalisic or ageist then good for you

CC exceptional advice as usual.

Original Post before you contact anyone on this issue via NL
Check their history and posts
How long they have been on NL
There are scammers and scammers associates looking for whom to devour
I don talk my own

chaircover: Please let us take it easy on the poster. There is a lot of things happening out there and many people find themselves in difficult situations and they act based on the situations that they find themselves in.

She was married to this man for 16 years and she is still legally married to him and so if she is probably meeting him for sexx because her mind is telling her that she can change his hand by being intimate with him. iwa ku wa lan wa nkan ti o sonu.

I disagree and thank goodness you mentioned betrayed in your post. Making this kind of excuses for this woman is one of the reasons why people mess up. In her mind she will think she did the right thing going to meet him in a hotel after reading your post.Being married for 16 years should not stop her from being a good role model to her kids. Her children are all grown up and you must think they have not caught wind of the idea that their parents are divorcing? What this woman should do considering she has a female child is stand up and fight the man that stole 16 years of her life and left her unfulfilled. I am a mother and I love my kids to death as well as my husband but if my husband tries to take the only people that give me joy in this life and leave me empty handed then that man will have to see a side of me that he never saw in the years we've been married.

I repeat, this OP sounds educated and who in this 21st century thinks s3x can change the heart of a man? why are they meeting in a hotel? is she not good enough to meet him at his place and discuss their kids? are the kids not that important to him? you are leaving a woman who has spent so many years of her life with you completely empty handed and planning to marry a widow who BTW HAS HER OWN CHILDREN LIVING WITH HER and you think it is okay to take away the children of your own wife?

There is so much hurt anybody can take, and if this 30 something year old woman still thinks that going the way that she has been going will make things better , then she must be high on cheap s3x and does not love her children as much as she claims cos if she did, she would fight that man with everything negative and positive she learned about him when they were living together. It's called fighting for the things/people that makes you happy.


I am beginning to think this story is fake, cos no woman can be this silly.

No child(ren) should be under the pressure of filling the void left by a broken heart.

They are also human and can betray one or not do what one hoped them to do or be

biolabee: No child(ren) should be under the pressure of filling the void left by a broken heart.

They are also human and can betray one or not do what one hoped them to do or be

I'm sorry what does this mean? I'm a bit confused as to the point here. Does it mean the OP shouldn't seek custody of her kids?

My teeth are sharpened to tear any MTFKR (who dares to take my kids away from me) into pieces

Not to digress the topic sha . .
This is exactly why I'm no fan of inter tribal marriages. Especially igbos marrying Yorubas. I almost made the mistake once but Thank God for divine intervention.
Nothing like having your own man to speak your native tongue with.
All these Yoruba nbgati people stealing our men and refusing to live by our rules. Tufiakwa!
The man wey go marry am nko? Onu ru kai kai
I have a sister who is on the verge of being decieved into marrigae by a yoruba man, I've been rolling on the ground begging her not to agree.
Plus prayers and fasting and soaking my rosary in water.
Abeg make them keep their ofe mmanu make we keep our nna bros!
Errrm . . . no offence!

Whatever Uju, how many Yoruba women marry Igbo men anyways? It's always Igbo women with Yoruba men if you check the statistics..., so who's taking whose men?
And did I just read 'deceived' ? Are you for real ?

Child Custody in Nigeria
There seems to be a presumption that all child custody matters in Nigeria will be decided in favor of the father. While it is true that under some customary law systems the father is privileged in custody matters this is not uniform or universal and does not apply to any statutory marriage under the Matrimonial Cause Act.

Under Sharia law custody is usually granted the mother; under Yoruba customary law, mothers are granted custody of female children and fathers of male children. In Igbo customary law custody is of weaned children is usually given to the father. Mind you Nigeria has numerous ethnic groups and customary laws vary broadly.

For a marriage to be subject to customary law the ceremonies for consecrating marriage under that particular system of customary law must have been complied with and the bride price must have been paid. If these conditions have not been met any custody of any children of the relationship will be automatically awarded to the mother and or her father.

A statutory marriage that comes under the jurisdiction of the Matrimonial Causes Act must be celebrated before a licensed marriage officer outside Nigeria or registrar of marriages within Nigeria between a man and woman that are previously single. Many foreign women have been manipulated with threats that they would lose custody and be deported forcibly.

Section 71 of the Matrimonial Causes Act is very clear that custody should be decided based on the child’s best interest. Case law has upheld this principle but mothers that want custody are held to very strict proof that they can maintain the children without regard to the courts powers to grant maintenance orders.

Mothers that have come to me for representation frequently describe the arduous proof they are made to provide that they have a personal residence, job and income before they are given custody. While it seems logical and fair that mothers are encouraged to have a job, child maintenance is supposed to provide the necessary financial support that she may lack to take care of her child or children.

If it’s in the best interest of the family that the spouses separate or divorce such as in cases involving domestic violence the spouse granted custody should receive maintenance and support from the other. Both parents should be and should remain financially responsible for their offspring.

However if either spouse was by mutual agreement or otherwise the primary care giver and did not work outside the home during cohabitation and is given custody in a divorce it would be questionable whether requiring that spouse to now work would serve the interest of the children.

Father’s that are asking for custody of children during divorce proceedings are equally required to prove that they can personally provide attention, care and nurture in addition to material needs and that they are fit to have custody.

Will the court automatically grant custody to a father that is also a violent drug addict and regularly disappears for months at a time? No. Will the court grant custody to an abusive man that believes his wife is a witch and takes his children for strange midnight rituals and exorcisms? No.

Likewise the court will not automatically grant custody to a mother if she is a drug addict or a dangerously delusional religious zealot. Case law shows the child interests being paramount. Custody hearings are getting more sophisticated and judges are asking insightful questions about the best interest of a child in any given circumstance.

Generally custody of very young children is awarded to the mother. There is also a preference for awarding custody of male children to the father and female children to the mother but again this is not a hard and fast rule and circumstances of each case determine the best interest of the child/children.

Evidence of misconduct and moral depravity could however tip the courts judgment against the offending party when awarding custody. The case law needs to be carefully reviewed to determine what the courts consider moral depravity of sufficient seriousness to otherwise deprive a parent of custody.

The Child’s Rights Act of 2003 makes provisions for protecting children during a divorce but child custody law remains a product of Nigeria’s marriage laws and it remains to be seen how the CRA will be read and enforced.

Where is Debrief when you need her?

jidegirl12: Whatever Uju, how many Yoruba women marry Igbo men anyways? It's always Igbo women with Yoruba men if you check the statistics..., so who's taking whose men?
And did I just read 'deceived' ? Are you for real ?

Me I've said my own!

Ujujoan:

Me I've said my own!

Keep sticking your tongue out , na you sabi!

ileobatojo:

I'm sorry what does this mean? I'm a bit confused as to the point here. Does it mean the OP shouldn't seek custody of her kids?

For the OP she shd do all and in this case by her account the kids are better wit her as she has been the one providing for them.

My statement
Children just like parents are human beings and have their own flaws.

Equating them to ones sole joy or living vicariously through them may not turn as expected.

Ujujoan: Not to digress the topic sha . .
This is exactly why I'm no fan of inter tribal marriages. Especially igbos marrying Yorubas. I almost made the mistake once but Thank God for divine intervention.
Nothing like having your own man to speak your native tongue with.
All these Yoruba nbgati people stealing our men and refusing to live by our rules. Tufiakwa!
The man wey go marry am nko? Onu ru kai kai
I have a sister who is on the verge of being decieved into marrigae by a yoruba man, I've been rolling on the ground begging her not to agree.
Plus prayers and fasting and soaking my rosary in water.
Abeg make them keep their ofe mmanu make we keep our nna bros!
Errrm . . . no offence!

You've really got it twisted.If u had read the whole story with comprehension,u would av seen who d problem is.Of what use is a man of a particular tribe who is irresponsible?So much to my tribesman.

OP, get up from your self pity and start thinking of how to live your life without this man. You can't be with someone that don't want you, no matter how hard you try. Stop meeting him up in hotels for fun.

Get a good lawyer and you'll get custody of the kids plus he would be contributing for their upkeep. Whatever be the case, maintain a cordial relationship with this man, just for the sake of your kids.

thorpido: You've really got it twisted.If u had read the whole story with comprehension,u would av seen who d problem is.Of what use is a man of a particular tribe who is irresponsible?So much to my tribesman.

Maybe in yorubaland yoruba men dont divorce their wives
Also maybe in Iboland ibo men dont send their wives packing or beat them

Oh i remember it only happens among hausa ex govs who send their wives packing out of their US homes

Thanks to everyone that has contributed to this piece. I have been following this thread as if my life depended on it. This is no superstory neither is it fake. Infact I had to leave out some facts to shield identities because he is a known face. At a point I was almost at the point of giving in to pressures on me releasing the kids to him but u know what; it is ibo men that I sought on advice that told me that in the present circumstance, the kids are better of staying with me. Coupled with various opinion of wonderful people like you, I have resolved to stop 'seeing him' and fight to gain custody of all that is left of the marriage. Our next hearing comes up on monday. Thank you

Please let us know what happens on Monday

Seriously, the kids dont deserve this.
If @ 50 a man still rate sexx above kids and family, ordinary sexx? i shake my head.

I will trade sex to see my child running round the compound playing with me.
I will trade sex to see my child assist the mum with domestic chores while i relax in the sitting room watching d tv.
Your "man" has just shown that his main and perhaps his one objective of relating with a woman is primarily for sexuall
satisfaction. I get the impression he is a lazy man without dream and vision too.
I pray God sees u thru this positively.

@poster

You are better off without this man trust me. Move on with your life, get a very good female lawyer and take care of your kids. They deserve the best and really do not need all this wahala. Be strong, you'll be fine.

Kx: Seriously, the kids dont deserve this.
If @ 50 a man still rate sexx above kids and family, ordinary sexx? i shake my head.

I will trade sex to see my child running round the compound playing with me.
I will trade sex to see my child assist the mum with domestic chores while i relax in the sitting room watching d tv.
Your "man" has just shown that his main and perhaps his one objective of relating with a woman is primarily for sexuall
satisfaction. I get the impression he is a lazy man without dream and vision too.
I pray God sees u thru this positively.

This was my thinking. This man is 50 o. 50!!! May we not see wahala from people that should be thinking about retirement and making sure they do the best for their kids while they still have the time. This guy who married this woman so young. He was like 34 when he married this lady while she was 23. You would think the guy would be mature. But no!!! Na wah! This brings to mind the naïve girl we encountered a while ago, arguing that an older man is the answer to all her problems. I just laughed. This fool at 50 is a fool till he falls into the grave o. OP better enjoy what is left of her life, I don't see this getting better soon. When you can get lost at 50, I believe something is fundamentally wrong with the person. There is a time for everything. Am trying to imagine myself at 50 thinking like this.Maybe its dementia. Who knows? But its obvious this is all greed.

Dear post

All the best on Monday

Please be calm in your spirit and start waging warfare for your kids as you dont know what kind of action he can bring
If you can change the school of ur kid too or even get a transfer to a different location or change house

For your heaing get copies of receipts and bank statement showing who has been paying for the kids to push your case

Maybe he will come back to his sense/Maybe not
God will watch over you and your kids

Also, safety first OP. Don't trust anyone with your kids at this time. And make sure you don't live alone. Divorce and custody issues can get messy. Get a trusted male relative to stay with you guys or move to your family house pending the courts decision. When it comes to kids, adults can become very irrational and dangerous.

mofolorunshoabi: Thanks to everyone that has contributed to this piece. I have been following this thread as if my life depended on it. This is no superstory neither is it fake. Infact I had to leave out some facts to shield identities because he is a known face. At a point I was almost at the point of giving in to pressures on me releasing the kids to him but u know what; it is ibo men that I sought on advice that told me that in the present circumstance, the kids are better of staying with me. Coupled with various opinion of wonderful people like you, I have resolved to stop 'seeing him' and fight to gain custody of all that is left of the marriage. Our next hearing comes up on monday. Thank you

Yeah, stand up for yourself. If you are not good enough to live with anymore and he is cohabiting with another woman---you should leave some dignity left for your shoulder to stand with. What is all that talk about if you have given him one more male child? Don't be surprised that tomorrow if he does not get his one more male child from any other woman that he will be running across the world looking for you and will appreciate you and the son he has now more. His only reason for wanting to separate the children from you is for them to go to his people and understand his language. If he is serious about that , he should have been teaching them all the while.

Grow some confidence and have mercy on yourself dearie, don't have him pushing you around and playing with you while chilling with another woman. Where did you get the heart to be tangoing with him while he is living with another woman blatantly. You accepted his maltreatment and made him think that it is okay to play God with your life, until he realizes that you are not allowing him treat you like a piece of rag anymore he may continue bringing out new ultimatums over your life(that he doesn't even want to share with you). Good that your last post showed that you are beginning to keep your head up. I have read that divorce is a traumatic experience. You alone feels the pain but if your fellow human being rejects you---- cry/despair all you can, wipe your tears, have some mercy on yourself and stand strong. You may even meet another man that will love you better.

Wait, so your husband wants to divorce you cos you have only 1 male child, and he is shacking with a widow that has 4 kids. Does he know that his sp.erm dictates whether he has a male or female child? What is with Igbo people and male child? O ga o. And they already have 1 male child, what would happen if they didn't have any? This one get as e be.

@op, I wish you good luck in your hearing on monday.
@the poster that said Yoruba girls are marrying Igbo men, do you know that more Igbo girls are marrying Yoruba guys? What are they looking for?
Please lets not make this tribal, there is stupid in every tribe and language.