Hi People,

It's time for us to come together and share lives as single parents, the challenges we face, the good and bad sides of it. This is a thread that was meant for single mothers, but then again, some men are single parents through divorce, death or shared parenting. So, this is for us to share our parenting skills, knowledge, information and life's lessons.
I am a single parent, not by choice, but certain challenges came my way that I had to live with and raise my child alone. After a long term relationship, that was leading to marriage, we had introduction done, it did not lead to the altar, a baby was on its way and I am closer to 40 than 35, lol. So I chose to have the child, do I regret?? Not at all. It has made me grounded and see life differently, having someone depend on you, being a role model and re-prioritizing.
I also had to relocate to start a whole new life again with my child, so it has been a learning process.
What are the challenges I face? I guess like every single parent it has to be raising the child alone! It takes a toll on you, that's why children need 'pairents' yes, 'pairents' not 'mumrent' or 'dadrent'.
Financial support, its not cheap looking after a child in any part of the World. Most importantly, the relationship you would want your child to have with the MIA or absentee parent or whatever the case maybe
I'll close for now and see how you all contribute to the topic and go from there. This is a support group for us to share our lives and ideas.
Look forward to reading from you all.


Julesmum.

What has your dating experience been like? Well, mine has been non existent to say the least. Aside looking after my child, its been daunting getting into the muddy waters of dating again. A few dates have come and gone and nothing has come out of it. Baby sitting arrangements, the whole getting to know you, getting to know me has slowed it down. After a long term relationship you kind of wonder where do you start from. You're rusty in your dating skills and set in your ways. Online dating has been interesting though, there is a dating site that has gone the extra mile by taking virtual dating to actual face-to face meetings at lounges, bars and pubs. That keeps your blood rushing at least in the anticipation of meeting someone.
I know there are a lot of single parents out there, it will be nice to share our experiences and support each other.

Julesmum.

wow, 69 views and no comments or contributions!

Single parents are looked down on in our culture.

So most people even those that are single parents would rather not disclose

Thats why you are getting no response

dayokanu: Single parents are looked down on in our culture.

So most people even those that are single parents would rather not disclose

Thats why you are getting no response

Thanks for giving an insight as to why my thread is static.
Wow, single parenting is not a disease or a short coming in any capacity. Take the issue of domestic violence, it has been going on for decades and no one spoke up about it. Its now that people have gone steps above and beyond and situations have taken a drastic turn that people are coming out of the closet to speak up about it.
I doubt if there is any woman or man pleased to be a single parent. OK, I re-phrase that, there will be very few men or women who will relish looking after their kids alone. It is what it is. We just have to make the best use of it. Believe me, so many stars we idolize today were raised by single parents. Either through a divorce, death or the denial of paternity.

I have an auntie that had similar issue. i had to always encourage her to relish her life and move on. today she is doing very well with her daughter. am not a single parent and am not praying to be but whatever situation we find ourselves in life. the best is not to give up.

I think one of the challenges with single parenting is the psychological attachment an average African has with it( by this, i mean, un married or divorced single parent). Once you can get over it and instill reasonable level of confidence in the child. though its not easy but you will eventually win.

Goodluck

WAVixen: Hi People,

It's time for us to come together and share lives as single parents, the challenges we face, the good and bad sides of it. This is a thread that was meant for single mothers, but then again, some men are single parents through divorce, death or shared parenting. So, this is for us to share our parenting skills, knowledge, information and life's lessons.
I am a single parent, not by choice, but certain challenges came my way that I had to live with and raise my child alone. After a long term relationship, that was leading to marriage, we had introduction done, it did not lead to the altar, a baby was on its way and I am closer to 40 than 35, lol. So I chose to have the child, do I regret?? Not at all. It has made me grounded and see life differently, having someone depend on you, being a role model and re-prioritizing.
I also had to relocate to start a whole new life again with my child, so it has been a learning process.
What are the challenges I face? I guess like every single parent it has to be raising the child alone! It takes a toll on you, that's why children need 'pairents' yes, 'pairents' not 'mumrent' or 'dadrent'.
Financial support, its not cheap looking after a child in any part of the World. Most importantly, the relationship you would want your child to have with the MIA or absentee parent or whatever the case maybe
I'll close for now and see how you all contribute to the topic and go from there. This is a support group for us to share our lives and ideas.
Look forward to reading from you all.

Julesmum.

so how do you suppress sëxual urges or single mothers don't have sëx?

coogar:

so how do you suppress sëxual urges or single mothers don't have sëx?

You mean you want to say you dont know single parents have relationships? Coogar where are you going with this.

OP, this is a nice thread. I hope more have the courage to discuss and share issues. Maybe it will enlighten more people on being a single parent. Hopefully only responsible ones will show up here.

baby_123:
You mean you want to say you dont know single parents have relationships? Coogar where are you going with this.

i do not know o......
majority of them seem to have this hatred for menfolk. as far as majority of them are concerned, men cannot be trusted cos of their ugly experience with an irresponsible man. so i have been itching to ask how they manage their sex lives as single mums.

baby_123: OP, this is a nice thread. I hope more have the courage to discuss and share issues. Maybe it will enlighten more people on being a single parent. Hopefully only responsible ones will show up here.

A related thread was once opened and nobody even commented except one lady ( sewaG.R.I.T.S) showed interest.

jidegirl12:

A related thread was once opened and nobody even commented except one lady ( sewaG.R.I.T.S) showed interest.

Hi all,
I didn't know there was any thread related to this at all. I guess it must be lost in the abyss of NL. sewaG.R.I.T.S, pls com eon over here and lets do this.

baby_123:

You mean you want to say you dont know single parents have relationships? Coogar where are you going with this.

Yes, single parents have relationships,we are not leprous and remember so many go on to have successful marriages and blended families. Its a temporary thing for most single parents.

coogar:

so how do you suppress sëxual urges or single mothers don't have sëx?

Suppress is a strong word you used. Like every human being, we have emotions and experiences, some people are guided by their experiences, while others learn from other peoples experiences and draw from that. Yes, some women might have bitterness for men due to what might happened after a broken relationship that resulted in the birth of a child and shouldering the responsibility alone. But, an old adage says, 'If you close your eyes because you do not want to see bad people, a good person will pass while your eyes are closed'. So the issue of intimacy and its challenges are relative to individuals. We go on to have good relationships, sometimes, some men like your child more than you, other times, they play a fatherly role to that child/or children as the case may be.
But one has to draw the line in introducing every Chike, Musa and Segun to your children, get to know whom you're dating and their intentions. Some men don't want to date a woman that has a child because they feel its not theirs and don't want to father some other man's child, other men feel the women are loose and wayward, so it really depends on the guy in question. Do single parents enjoy intimacy Yes, we do and this time around with caution!

WAVixen:
Suppress is a strong word you used. Like every human being, we have emotions and experiences, some people are guided by their experiences, while others learn from other peoples experiences and draw from that. Yes, some women might have bitterness for men due to what might happened after a broken relationship that resulted in the birth of a child and shouldering the responsibility alone.

i thought as much.....

But, an old adage says, 'If you close your eyes because you do not want to see bad people, a good person will pass while your eyes are closed'. So the issue of intimacy and its challenges are relative to individuals. We go on to have good relationships, sometimes, some men like your child more than you, other times, they play a fatherly role to that child/or children as the case may be.

do these women date to marry or date just to be happy?

But one has to draw the line in introducing every Chike, Musa and Segun to your children, get to know whom you're dating and their intentions. Some men don't want to date a woman that has a child because they feel its not theirs and don't want to father some other man's child, other men feel the women are loose and wayward, so it really depends on the guy in question. Do single parents enjoy intimacy Yes, we do and this time around with caution!

i will be on the look-out for single mums from now....thanks for the clarification!

coogar your very funny - after a hectic and stressful day u have truly made me laugh

You really can't tell when he's serious.

we are just the same

where are all my post mods? it is really frustrating here.

my daughter is two years plus and her dad has never set his eyes on him, we did traditional marriage and court marriage, then he started showing his true colors even to the day of the white wedding, fortunately my people were there and the wedding didnt hold,i left him for good but still fortunately i was already preg for him.

i dont want my daughter to have any relationship with him until she is like 18yrs, but i am worried that she will soon start asking abt her dad, what do i tell her?

i notice the way she normally clings to men whenever they carries and it pains me the more that she has not enjoyed such from her own dad. he doesnt care because he is so irresponsible and cursed. how do i get my daughter hv a relationship wit such a man?

i am in my early thirties and got a good job, dont feel anything taking care of my daughter, infact she is my only source of happiness. i even am thanking God that i have custody of her and she wont be influenced by her dad's behaviour thats why i never want her to have any relationship with him until she is of age.

i havent started dating for more than two year, i even hate sex now. i think i need reassurance that men are worth their troubles. and yes i walk and work with my head high, owe no explanation to anyone.

lynnj,

I am glad you're brave enough to write about your situation, its not for us to mock one another, but to learn from each other. Firstly, congratulations on your baby and 'freedom'. The term freedom is that you're not in an estranged marriage! A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
Now, let me emphatically state that the issue you have with your daughter's father is not about him or you! Its all about your daughter, yes, you're hurt and bitter. That has got nothing to do with your child. She did not ask to be born into the World, you and your ex did that with pleasure at the time, so why do you want to rob her of a relationship with her father?. Yes, he MIGHT be the scum of the earth, but he still remains her father. Have you tried to involve the family? His family? Let her be the judge of whether she wants to know him or not. 18 yrs is rather steep in my opinion, calm down, pray about it and reach out to him and his people. God has blessed you and you're able to look after your child, you're not destitute and looking for alms to cater to your responsibility.

These are bitter pills to swallow, but my girl you have got to swallow it. I have had to swallow my own bitter pills and still swallowing it. The earlier you get it down, the better for your overall well being. The issue of your child holding on to any male figure is typical of children, she is 2yrs and and you see how heart wrenching it is for you not to talk of the 18yrs time limit you want her to begin a relationship with her dad. My son calls my brother-in-law daddy. It was worrisome , but I brushed it off because my son hears his cousin call his dad, daddy. In due course things will work out.
Regards your hatred for men, its unhealthy for you emotionally and psychologically and also dangerous for your child,because the tendency is there for you to pass it unto her. Be wise, cautious and live your life. Your ex is living his life and so should you. There are lots of good men out there who will love you and your child, so don't allow someone rob you of your joy. Often times, that somebody doesn't know he/she has even robbed you of anything!
The joy of a mother either as a single mother or married is the same. Our kids bring joy into our lives and will always remain the case for us.
Reach out to him, let it be him who turns down the offer and not you blocking the chances, it will be on record and your conscience will be clear.
The Lord will strengthen us all. Do keep in touch, this thread is for everyone, so feel free to raise topics we can discuss. Let the thread remain alive so other can glean from it.

wavixen kicking knowledge.....
if every single mum has this kind of mentality, the world would be a better place. the ones i have been opportuned to chat with are too bitter for my likeness. the things they said about their baby fathers were disturbing. i fail to see how they can trust any man again after their past experience. it's a bit of fresh air there are people like you around. hope is not lost yet, then.

lynnj: we are just the same

lynnj: where are all my post mods? it is really frustrating here.

lynnj: my daughter is two years plus and her dad has never set his eyes on him, we did traditional marriage and court marriage, then he started showing his true colors even to the day of the white wedding, fortunately my people were there and the wedding didnt hold,i left him for good but still fortunately i was already preg for him.

lynnj: i dont want my daughter to have any relationship with him until she is like 18yrs, but i am worried that she will soon start asking abt her dad, what do i tell her?

lynnj: i notice the way she normally clings to men whenever they carries and it pains me the more that she has not enjoyed such from her own dad. he doesnt care because he is so irresponsible and cursed. how do i get my daughter hv a relationship wit such a man?

lynnj: i am in my early thirties and got a good job, dont feel anything taking care of my daughter, infact she is my only source of happiness. i even am thanking God that i have custody of her and she wont be influenced by her dad's behaviour thats why i never want her to have any relationship with him until she is of age.

lynnj: i havent started dating for more than two year, i even hate sex now. i think i need reassurance that men are worth their troubles. and yes i walk and work with my head high, owe no explanation to anyone.

Eyahhhhh . Well before you choose to lie with someone you have to be sure you can tolerate him good or bad. The child is better with her father in her life. You really dont want t child showing such traits to not have a father figure. You will be sorry in the future. Let her meet and know her dad ASAP. Female children really need their fathers.

coogar: wavixen kicking knowledge.....
if every single mum has this kind of mentality, the world would be a better place. the ones i have been opportuned to chat with are too bitter for my likeness. the things they said about their baby fathers were disturbing. i fail to see how they can trust any man again after their past experience. it's a bit of fresh air there are people like you around. hope is not lost yet, then.

There are bad and sensible ones. Some though can give the worst advice to their friends. The ones with low morals dont see anything wrong in being with a man that is not available. Afterall someone took their man, and all men are bad so they might as well make the best of it. You see single mums having married boyfriends the most. They are more likely to fall into the many baby daddy no husband lane. Always in a rush, looking for a father for their kids. Men know how to sniff desperation and vulnerability so they fall numerous times. The kids nko? Single mums can be child abuser's targets, most often are. Single mums should learn to have patience and wait on the right person. That person will come. What i have seen sha, na wetin i write.

Had a friend who fell for the advice of a terrible single mum. She is now a single mum with the guy lying about the date he will marry her. The date keeps being pushed forward. People should know how to sieve bad advice.

Lol coogar,

it's understandable they feel that way sometimes, but life goes on. In all honesty, women are also part of the problem. We sometimes know this relationship isn't going anywhere but we still forge on with the false hope that things will change. If an individual doesn't change for their own good, they cannot change for someone else. Its as simple as that. In my case for instance, I saw the warning signs flashing in red, but I blatantly chose to ignore it and hoped for the best.It was a gamble and I lost big time. Any regrets?? None, but I have learnt my lesson and will not be carried away by sentiments, we need to use our heads and not sentiments. No matter how in love you are, you have to count the cost of that love in the log run. Because when it comes to the nitty gritty of marriage, loves stops somewhere and you need maturity, understanding, compromise, sacrifice and compatibility to go the long haul.
Some men are brave enough to walk out of a relationship with their heads held up, while others are scared of breaking a woman's heart and and chicken out at the last minute. Women have a fair share of the blame also.
Take for instance, you're dating a guy and he's the only child of his parents and they don't like you for whatever reason and have told you to your face several times. Will you still stick around? The guy in question loves you, but does't have balls of steel to stand up to his parents. What will you do? Do you think their hearts will soften in the long run? So many situations abound that are doable, while others should have you running for the hills!

@baby 123,
The issue sometimes with single mums dating married men is the financial aspect. That extra cash really does come in handy. In no way is this a suggestion for single mums or for single ladies to date married men at all. But it is a relationship of convenience. Most of the women know they guy isn't going to marry them and they are happy with the moolah that comes their way.
You made a good point,learn to 'sieve' advice.

WAVixen: @baby 123,
The issue sometimes with single mums dating married men is the financial aspect. That extra cash really does come in handy. In no way is this a suggestion for single mums or for single ladies to date married men at all. But it is a relationship of convenience. Most of the women know they guy isn't going to marry them and they are happy with the moolah that comes their way.
You made a good point,learn to 'sieve' advice.

And probably trying to turn another married woman into a single mother

WAVixen: @baby 123,
The issue sometimes with single mums dating married men is the financial aspect. That extra cash really does come in handy. In no way is this a suggestion for single mums or for single ladies to date married men at all. But it is a relationship of convenience. Most of the women know they guy isn't going to marry them and they are happy with the moolah that comes their way.
You made a good point,learn to 'sieve' advice.

How many men are they going to run in and out of their kids lives? Living single with a responsibility like a kid. When they are supposed to be role models. Kids raised by single parents have so many aunties/uncles/daddies and mommies. I think people should have patience and keep extracurricular activities away from those kids. Boyfriend for money, another one for possible marriage and another one just for the fun of it is not an environment where kids should be raised. Its sad when these kids can actually name these men, and are involved with their mothers in the games they play.

baby_123:
There are bad and sensible ones. Some though can give the worst advice to their friends. The ones with low morals dont see anything wrong in being with a man that is not available. Afterall someone took their man, and all men are bad so they might as well make the best of it.

i don't disagree with them getting whatever is available to them as long as they keep their mouth shut about the past experience. men don't take to women speaking ill of their former partners. when things go awry, she would say the same or worse about the current boyfriend as well - women should be sensible about the things they say.

You see single mums having married boyfriends the most. They are more likely to fall into the many baby daddy no husband lane. Always in a rush, looking for a father for their kids. Men know how to sniff desperation and vulnerability so they fall numerous times. The kids nko? Single mums can be child abuser's targets, most often are. Single mums should learn to have patience and wait on the right person. That person will come. What i have seen sha, na wetin i write.

single mums need company too. the cold nights tend to drag when lonely. they should just decide quickly what they want. separate a romantic relationship from a pure sëxual relationship. most times the men they come across just want sex and no emotional attachment but single mums often aim too high.

Had a friend who fell for the advice of a terrible single mum. She is now a single mum with the guy lying about the date he will marry her. The date keeps being pushed forward. People should know how to sieve bad advice.

send her to me now, i will marry her by christmas if she checks out....

coogar:

i don't disagree with them getting whatever is available to them as long as they keep their mouth shut about the past experience. men don't take to women speaking ill of their former partners. when things go awry, she would say the same or worse about the current boyfriend as well - women should be sensible about the things they say.



single mums need company too. the cold nights tend to drag when lonely. they should just decide quickly what they want. separate a romantic relationship from a pure sëxual relationship. most times the men they come across just want sex and no emotional attachment but single mums often aim too high.



send her to me now, i will marry her by christmas if she checks out....

LMAO. SMH. Hell no. When you already have BABE. Na my friend you wan use toss P