Greetings to you all. Please I will really appreciate if you guys can help me with good suggestions on how to navigate my way through this situation.

I Am dating a 29year old girl. We have been dating for more than a year now, and I proposed to her last year December, and I intend to marry her middle of this year.

I don't intend to tire her down for long but the Major problem now is that we are both without a Job. I am an msc Holder and I have been hustling to secure a job and I believe very soon it will work out by the grace of God cos I have been making serious efforts.

Both of us were talking last night and she said I should come up with my plans or blue print on my marriage arrangement. Thou financially am not buoyant and that she knows and willing to stand by me till things get rosy. This girl in question to be sincere has been through thick and thin with me. She is a blessing to me. Aside her beauty, she is all I desire in a woman cos she understands me very well and I feel peaceful anytime am with her and by the grace of God, I believe she will make I good wife.

In order to show her am serious, I want to tell her my set goals and my marraige plans towards her. Please those that are already married and even the singles who think they can advice me, pls what are the goals or pointers I need to outline so I can work with them and also write them down to make use of it in order to achieve my desire goals. I want to have a talk with her so I can tell her my plans. Please note that when I proposed to her, I told her I will like to marry her by June. My folks are cool with her and likewise her folks are with me. Pls I will appreciate if you guys can help me through this. Someone direct me to Nairaland and he said I will get meaningful advice. Thank you

I'd like to ask you this first: If neither of you are in employment at the moment, then what do you do for money?

As per your set goals, you and only you can decide what they are. You need to decide what's priority in your life and take it on from there.

From what you've written so far, your girl sounds decent so make sure you hold onto her.

Wishing you all the best in your endeavours sha.

Get a job first, save enough to be able to pay your rent at least for 2 years.
Pray she gets one too

If there is no big money
do a small trad and court wedding

Start small small you will get there


I REPEAT GET A JOB FIRST
ELSE
SLOW DOWN

You said she knows and understands the situation quite well so I don't see the problem.
You sound like you are scared of losing her if you don't seal the deal soon but i really think you shouldn't worry so much if she's as amazing as you've described her.
I hope your job efforts are crowned very soon.

Be honest with her. I mean she has been by your side this long without you having money, and am sure she knows you well enough now. She obviously knows you dont have money. Sit her down and both of you think of ideas and how to raise money for whatever you will both do to finance your future. Its best to be Bonnie and Clyde than Master-slave. The solution to your problems is between the two of you. She is a good and trusted person, and you have a confidant who you shouldnt even be afraid to look stup*id or dumb in front of. So dont be afraid to tell her all your hopes and dreams. Let her tell you hers as well. Then both of you look at your strengths and how you can harness those strengths by turning it into wealth or a successful business to sustain your future family. Just make sure you set reasonable and achievable goals. Make sure you can take care of a family and afford at least 2yrs rent before you take the plunge. You guys should start working on that now. By December you guys may be ready. Being together and your future should be motivation enough

I really appreciate all the contributions am getting. Yes she is understanding but the issue is am scared of losing her if things don't work as plan and I also don't want her to back out on me when family pressure begin to set in. Am working on paying my house rent soon and then think of how to raise funds to start a small business.

I know what I want, I know the kind of woman I want and she is all I want. Am not been pessimistic here but I doubt if I can ever find such a girl. I am willing to do anything to marry her and I believe my lines will fall into place soon. More suggestions are welcome pls

acmillan: I really appreciate all the contributions am getting. Yes she is understanding but the issue is am scared of losing her if things don't work as plan and I also don't want her to back out on me when family pressure begin to set in. Am working on paying my house rent soon and then think of how to raise funds to start a small business.

I know what I want, I know the kind of woman I want and she is all I want. Am not been pessimistic here but I doubt if I can ever find such a girl. I am willing to do anything to marry her and I believe my lines will fall into place soon. More suggestions are welcome pls

Trssust me, if she can date a "brokeass" for a year. I am sure she can resist any family pressure not to marry you. Just dont play with her feelings or give her reason to doubt you. Be honest with her on your plans and intentions. That is the easiest way to keep her on your page an focused. You both should have a goal and plan together. Then she will defend you against anything, as she is fully involved and knows what you both are trying to achieve. Talk to her, open up and be honest. But dont let her wait too long. Both of you should have something doing, and get a roof over your head. Money must be coming in from the both of you, no matter how small. You dont have to be rich, you both just need some income coming in to survive. Then do a small trad and a court wedding. Go to church and have the pastor bless the union with a little thanksgiving. That is all you need really. In the future you guys can do something lavish and renew your vows with your kids present.

don't ever get married without a job.

You can't be the head of household if you are not in a position to lead.

You want people to tell you what your plans are?

How does this work Do you think their is a star reader here?

You don't need a lot to get married and stay married esp if you have a simple, decent spouse who has her head on her shoulders. Although you need to both act very wisely and maturely.

When hubby and I got married, I had started working only a few months before and hubby didn't have much of an income at all; but we always worked as a team, always clinging onto one another esp when it comes to decisions involving expenses and money. We are both simple people who know what their priorities are. I can stay over a year or longer without anything for myself.

We saved for about 4 months worth of my income and we decided that he should focus on improving his professional skills and not stress out too much. We had what I thought was a simple but very nice traditional wedding, because a lot of people pitched in (not financially though). His family close and extended all cooked from their respective houses and brought. I bought foodstuff in bulk and cooked a lot of things myself (didn't sleep for 2 days before the wedding), and had friends helping me (we live in the west so I dont have that much family around). We had the traditional part, then right after we had my aunt who is a pastor who took over and blessed us, we exchange wedding rings (the rings have since change color, they were some cheap fake stuff that I picked myself but who cares? lol), then we had the food and music of course. No need for any additional ceremony. The week we were supposed to get married, hubby was called for him to start a new job. His income has since progressively increased and he now fully supports our household.
We lived on little at first, very frugally, but we had our own very small apartment and were happy.
If I was member of a church, I would have done it in that church, blessing and share food with family and church members afterwards, even cheaper. We went to court the week before (we were 4 of us) with our same cheap rings, paid $25, took pictures with hubby's phone then went to a cheap restaurant.

What I am trying to say is that you do not need 2 years worth of rent money like someone said, you do need to have at least one reliable source of income, enough to pay rent, bills and food, and your girlfriend needs to sit and think of what she can do with her 2 hands and 10 fingers to make some money and supplement your income; she should not just wait on you. An african woman gets up early in the morning and looks for way to make small money with her hands if the pen and paper is not working.
I am currently not working as I have had a difficult pregnancy, but I have developed interest in making party cakes, to the point where I am skilled enough and have orders for weddings and big party cakes. I sell ankara bags, and african dry foodstuff that my mom sends me. I also have a blog. Hubby buys broken computer, fixes them up and sells them back in addition to his job. God will always be on your side but you must not sleep, both of you, if you want to get married and live a decent life together in the near future.
Sorry it was long. Good luck!

sasi_malia: You don't need a lot to get married and stay married esp if you have a simple, decent spouse who has her head on her shoulders. Although you need to both act very wisely and maturely.

When hubby and I got married, I had started working only a few months before and hubby didn't have much of an income at all; but we always worked as a team, always clinging onto one another esp when it comes to decisions involving expenses and money. We are both simple people who know what their priorities are. I can stay over a year or longer without anything for myself.

We saved for about 4 months worth of my income and we decided that he should focus on improving his professional skills and not stress out too much. We had what I thought was a simple but very nice traditional wedding, because a lot of people pitched in (not financially though). His family close and extended all cooked from their respective houses and brought. I bought foodstuff in bulk and cooked a lot of things myself (didn't sleep for 2 days before the wedding), and had friends helping me (we live in the west so I dont have that much family around). We had the traditional part, then right after we had my aunt who is a pastor who took over and blessed us, we exchange wedding rings (the rings have since change color, they were some cheap fake stuff that I picked myself but who cares? lol), then we had the food and music of course. No need for any additional ceremony. The week we were supposed to get married, hubby was called for him to start a new job. His income has since progressively increased and he now fully supports our household.
We lived on little at first, very frugally, but we had our own very small apartment and were happy.
If I was member of a church, I would have done it in that church, blessing and share food with family and church members afterwards, even cheaper. We went to court the week before (we were 4 of us) with our same cheap rings, paid $25, took pictures with hubby's phone then went to a cheap restaurant.

What I am trying to say is that you do not need 2 years worth of rent money like someone said, you do need to have at least one reliable source of income, enough to pay rent, bills and food, and your girlfriend needs to sit and think of what she can do with her 2 hands and 10 fingers to make some money and supplement your income; she should not just wait on you. An african woman gets up early in the morning and looks for way to make small money with her hands if the pen and paper is not working.
I am currently not working as I have had a difficult pregnancy, but I have developed interest in making party cakes, to the point where I am skilled enough and have orders for weddings and big party cakes. I sell ankara bags, and african dry foodstuff that my mom sends me. I also have a blog. Hubby buys broken computer, fixes them up and sells them back in addition to his job. God will always be on your side but you must not sleep, both of you, if you want to get married and live a decent life together in the near future.
Sorry it was long. Good luck!

You obviously missed your way when you came to this site. In case you missed it, this is nairaland. The country in context is NIGERIA. They pay rent in advance not on a monthly basis. So yes, he needs like 2yrs rent, 1 year is fine. But a year goes by fast. Know what you are talking about next time before you try to advice. Or atleast disclaim based on your experience and location.

acmillan: I really appreciate all the contributions am getting. Yes she is understanding but the issue is am scared of losing her if things don't work as plan and I also don't want her to back out on me when family pressure begin to set in. Am working on paying my house rent soon and then think of how to raise funds to start a small business.

I know what I want, I know the kind of woman I want and she is all I want. Am not been pessimistic here but I doubt if I can ever find such a girl. I am willing to do anything to marry her and I believe my lines will fall into place soon. More suggestions are welcome pls

ac millan or wetin be your name


If that girl go another one will come

DONT MARRY WITH OUT WORK O
DATING A GIRL WITHOUT JOB IS NOT THE SAME AS MARRIAGE O
I DON TALK MY OWN

You obviously missed your way when you came to this site. In case you missed it, this is nairaland. The country in context is NIGERIA. They pay rent in advance not on a monthly basis. So yes, he needs like 2yrs rent, 1 year is fine. But a year goes by fast. Know what you are talking about next time before you try to advice. Or atleast disclaim based on your experience and location.

Bsby_123, I did mention I was in the West, and never said he shouldnt save. I laid out my experience to outline that it's not impossible even when you dont have much. I did say that they need at least one reliable source of income which would also need supplementation.
All I said is that he did not absolutely need 2 years, which you agreed yourself saying that one year was fine. I understand that 2 years is to be on the safe side but people don't need to make him feel like getting married is sooooo out of his reach. It should certainly not be in the very near future if they have no financial cushion whatsoever. My experience is certainly different than his could be, but all you have to do is point it out nicely/graciously, not make it sound like I can't read well enough to realize it's NL and nigeria. i usually like your posts but this

You obviously missed your way when you came to this site. In case you missed it, this is nairaland

was unnecessary

First of all, get a source of income, its not easy to maintain marriage, without a regular source of income.
That been said, sit your wife to be down and ask her what type of wedding she want, ask her, if you are unable to fund for marriage this year, will she wait for you?
If you both are on d same level, as to go for a small wedding ceremony, then, after you've made a little money, u can settle down, with a very low wedding ceremony, probably traditinal and court wedding, but if she is d type that want a big wedding, then, you are on a long thing.
Also, ask her what she plans to do after marriage, does she want to be a full house wife or a working class wife, if a full house wife, then you will have to have a lot of money b4 going into such marriage, if a working class, what type of job, salary paying job, or self employed, all these questins will help you to know where you are and where you are going.........let there be a continuous and effective and meaningful communication with you always, it will enable d two of you to have one mind towards each other.
How about your family and her family, hope you dont have problem with her folks and she doesnt have with your folks, these are likely places where wall can be opened without any of you knowing.
Also, talk about an extended family living with you.....its a no, no, no for me and it should also be for you if both of you really want to get along peacefully.
Also about where to keep your head, you may not necessarily go for a 3/4 bedroom apartment for now, you can be managing a room and parlour, and when d money start trooping in, you can then change to your taste of house.
In conclusion, always be open with each other, be honest with her, let her always know your next step, so that she will know that you are not taking her for granted and that you are not wasting her time unnecessarily.
Above all, invite God into your relatinship, pray always, because, everything in this life, whether good or bad needs prayer.
May God help us all.

Firstly both of you should look for job even if is a small job with little pay.

After having the small job you can go ahead with the marriage. Just formalize the union and make it not elaborate marriage.

May God help you.

biolabee:

ac millan or wetin be your name


If that girl go another one will come

DONT MARRY WITH OUT WORK O
DATING A GIRL WITHOUT JOB IS NOT THE SAME AS MARRIAGE O
I DON TALK MY OWN

Full stop.

sasi_malia: You don't need a lot to get married and stay married esp if you have a simple, decent spouse who has her head on her shoulders. Although you need to both act very wisely and maturely.

When hubby and I got married, I had started working only a few months before and hubby didn't have much of an income at all; but we always worked as a team, always clinging onto one another esp when it comes to decisions involving expenses and money. We are both simple people who know what their priorities are. I can stay over a year or longer without anything for myself.

We saved for about 4 months worth of my income and we decided that he should focus on improving his professional skills and not stress out too much. We had what I thought was a simple but very nice traditional wedding, because a lot of people pitched in (not financially though). His family close and extended all cooked from their respective houses and brought. I bought foodstuff in bulk and cooked a lot of things myself (didn't sleep for 2 days before the wedding), and had friends helping me (we live in the west so I dont have that much family around). We had the traditional part, then right after we had my aunt who is a pastor who took over and blessed us, we exchange wedding rings (the rings have since change color, they were some cheap fake stuff that I picked myself but who cares? lol), then we had the food and music of course. No need for any additional ceremony. The week we were supposed to get married, hubby was called for him to start a new job. His income has since progressively increased and he now fully supports our household.
We lived on little at first, very frugally, but we had our own very small apartment and were happy.
If I was member of a church, I would have done it in that church, blessing and share food with family and church members afterwards, even cheaper. We went to court the week before (we were 4 of us) with our same cheap rings, paid $25, took pictures with hubby's phone then went to a cheap restaurant.

What I am trying to say is that you do not need 2 years worth of rent money like someone said, you do need to have at least one reliable source of income, enough to pay rent, bills and food, and your girlfriend needs to sit and think of what she can do with her 2 hands and 10 fingers to make some money and supplement your income; she should not just wait on you. An african woman gets up early in the morning and looks for way to make small money with her hands if the pen and paper is not working.
I am currently not working as I have had a difficult pregnancy, but I have developed interest in making party cakes, to the point where I am skilled enough and have orders for weddings and big party cakes. I sell ankara bags, and african dry foodstuff that my mom sends me. I also have a blog. Hubby buys broken computer, fixes them up and sells them back in addition to his job. God will always be on your side but you must not sleep, both of you, if you want to get married and live a decent life together in the near future.
Sorry it was long. Good luck!

I really appreciate your advice. It will really go a long way in help me. Tnx n God bless you

biolabee:

ac millan or wetin be your name


If that girl go another one will come

DONT MARRY WITH OUT WORK O
DATING A GIRL WITHOUT JOB IS NOT THE SAME AS MARRIAGE O
I DON TALK MY OWN

Tnx for your input but I am not letting her go. I know God will see me through this. Am not someone that believe letting her go cos I will get another one later. She is what I want so I will do all I can to have her. Thank you all thesame bro

juman: Firstly both of you should look for job even if is a small job with little pay.

After having the small job you can go ahead with the marriage. Just formalize the union and make it not elaborate marriage.

May God help you.

Thank you so much. We are seriously working on getting a Job. I appreciate your input

slimyem: You said she knows and understands the situation quite well so I don't see the problem.
You sound like you are scared of losing her if you don't seal the deal soon but i really think you shouldn't worry so much if she's as amazing as you've described her.
I hope your job efforts are crowned very soon.

Amen dear. Tnx you so much and God bless you

acmillan:


Tnx for your input but[b] I am not letting her go[/b]. I know God will see me through this. Am not someone that believe letting her go cos I will get another one later. She is what I want so I will do all I can to have her. Thank you all thesame bro

ok sir then please start DOING ALL so we do not see threads like

'MY WIFE DOES NOT APPRECIATE MY SACRIFICES FOR HER" or
"HEARTLESSNESS OF MODERN DAY WIVES"

greatgod2012: First of all, get a source of income, its not easy to maintain marriage, without a regular source of income.
That been said, sit your wife to be down and ask her what type of wedding she want, ask her, if you are unable to fund for marriage this year, will she wait for you?
If you both are on d same level, as to go for a small wedding ceremony, then, after you've made a little money, u can settle down, with a very low wedding ceremony, probably traditinal and court wedding, but if she is d type that want a big wedding, then, you are on a long thing.
Also, ask her what she plans to do after marriage, does she want to be a full house wife or a working class wife, if a full house wife, then you will have to have a lot of money b4 going into such marriage, if a working class, what type of job, salary paying job, or self employed, all these questins will help you to know where you are and where you are going.........let there be a continuous and effective and meaningful communication with you always, it will enable d two of you to have one mind towards each other.
How about your family and her family, hope you dont have problem with her folks and she doesnt have with your folks, these are likely places where wall can be opened without any of you knowing.
Also, talk about an extended family living with you.....its a no, no, no for me and it should also be for you if both of you really want to get along peacefully.
Also about where to keep your head, you may not necessarily go for a 3/4 bedroom apartment for now, you can be managing a room and parlour, and when d money start trooping in, you can then change to your taste of house.
In conclusion, always be open with each other, be honest with her, let her always know your next step, so that she will know that you are not taking her for granted and that you are not wasting her time unnecessarily.
Above all, invite God into your relatinship, pray always, because, everything in this life, whether good or bad needs prayer.
May God help us all.

Tanx a lot for your input. we are also trying to raise fund for now to get 2bikes for commercial purposes so we can have steady income. My folks are okay with her and they like her a lot. Her siblings are okay with me too but the Mum is actually skeptical about me because am not an Igbo boy (am from middle belt). So both of us have been committing her in prayers for God to touch her and make her change her mind. I personally had to sow a seed on her Mum. But thank God that lately she is coming around and she even called her while we were together to ask her some questions about me. Her brothers and sister has told me not to worry that they are all behind me.

She does not want a big wedding cos she is a reasonable person. We just want something small. She does not want to be a house wife, she want a white collar Job and also do business. We also have talked about the issue of extended families and we have agreed on not allowing them to come and stay with us. (Thou they can come for visit).

As per the house, we both live in Abuja and house rent is steep in this part of the world. However, we both combined our resources and will get a one bedroom flat soon cos we even went to check the place some few days.

Right from the very start, I have been open to her and I don't intend to change. She is a rare gem and her type comes in trickles so is only normal for me to treat her right. And I believe I will treat her right cos if not for anything, but for standing by me. She is such a nice person and she has shown me what true love is all about. Their is no gain saying she is very very beautiful and suitors come to her almost everytime.

Finally, we have been very prayerful. Infact we are more closer to God now than before and we hope to keep it that way even after things becomes rosy. We have it at the back of our minds that God is really important in this our journey and we also believe he will see us through. Thank you once again for your input. God bless you.

^^^ you sound like a very good man. I just love the way you talk about your woman, lol.

I wish you all the best!

biolabee:

ok sir then please start DOING ALL so we do not see threads like

'MY WIFE DOES NOT APPRECIATE MY SACRIFICES FOR HER" or
"HEARTLESSNESS OF MODERN DAY WIVES"

StateOfMind: ^^^ you sound like a very good man. I just love the way you talk about your woman, lol.

I wish you all the best!

Thanx am blushing. God bless you

biolabee:

ok sir then please start DOING ALL so we do not see threads like

'MY WIFE DOES NOT APPRECIATE MY SACRIFICES FOR HER" or
"HEARTLESSNESS OF MODERN DAY WIVES"

I pray it will not be my portion IJN. Thank you

@p, i love your positive approach towards your plan, may God continue to guide you, be with you and always give you reasons to be happy with your woman. Thanksgiving and testimonies will not cease from your household.

And me too!

greatgod2012: @p, i love your positive approach towards your plan, may God continue to guide you, be with you and always give you reasons to be happy with your woman. Thanksgiving and testimonies will not cease from your household.

And me too!

Wow I feel so good and encouraged hearing this from you. And I say a big Amen to your prayers for me. God is with you too. I know I will have testimonies to give soon cos I know my God is awake. Tnx once again dear.

i wish you all the best

biolabee: i wish you all the best

Tnx a bunch. Appreciated

I love the fact that you and your fiancee both keep GOD in your relationship.
Without HIM it would all fall apart.
I believe in my heart that GOD has led you to a good wife and sent her a good husband.
Just keep GOD first and continue to pray together and there is nothing you and your wife cannot overcome.
Marriage is a partnership and I'd say you have the best partners in existance.
GOD
Your wife
You

Looking forward to seeing the wedding pictures.

Remember, "What GOD has joined, let no man put asunder."

Gamblin Queen :
I love the fact that you and your fiancee both keep GOD in your relationship.
Without HIM it would all fall apart.
I believe in my heart that GOD has led you to a good wife and sent her a good husband.
Just keep GOD first and continue to pray together and there is nothing you and your wife cannot overcome.
Marriage is a partnership and I'd say you have the best partners in existance.
GOD
Your wife
You

Looking forward to seeing the wedding pictures.

Remember, "What GOD has joined, let no man put asunder."

Thanx a bunch and I assure you that so will see our pix here when it eventually happen