I need your candid advice. I am really confused, I am 26yrs old and i have this guy I love so Much He has been the only guy in my life since I was 20 he always tell he loves me but he is not emotional. Ie, He doesn't call me unless there is something serious he doesn't believe in social calls. He has not bought anything for me since the relationship started, anyway, I understand he was in school at a time I even support Him financially because am the last and He is the first in his family so I get from my bros and support him whenever he complained. But now the issue is that I feel I love him more because he calls me when he needs something from me and whenever I complain he tells me he is not emotional but he loves me.

Now he got a job with Mobil and has proposed to me. But am not comfortable with his "I don't care" attitude at all. That has been problem with him. Meanwhile he has everything I would need in a guy, very intelligent , handsome, loves God, and neat but emotionally he is =0 even when am sick in the hospital I will be the one calling to tell him how am doing.

But recently a guy I knew in my church we were friends both in choir nothing more than that. After He finished law school got visa lottery traveled to the states. He came home after we met in church he collected my Cell phone No. and has been calling me and has made friends with all my family members he calls them and calls me more than five times a day and we talk for hrs sometimes. He just told me last week that he is in love and would want to come this Dec. to propose and other things might follow he just got his citizenship and will want to settle down and he wants someone he knows from home.

The two people now have common personalities, same profession, handsome, God fearing not same tribe with me. But the first has a character that my family don't want because of the way he carries himself they see him as an arrogant person. My dad once told me that that arrogant boy will have nothing to do with his family. But the truth is that I love him. But this second person, my family loves him always saying good things about him though they don't know his intention yet but I know they will all accept him when his intention is known.

Am beginning to compare I can tell u that the second person is more caring always calling I don't even call him, sending gifts sending his people to come and check on me and know how am doing and he is damn worried whenever an down. But the main man is always on the receiving side I do the calls, the visit, and he keeps telling me he is in love and will do everything to have me. My guy is is 30 this yr and the other person is 35. My friends tell me he will one day mature the other person is more matured thats why he know what to do.

Ladies!!!!!!!! Please if you are in my shoes what will you do and guys in the house just read my story carefully and tell me who will make a good husband. because am a sensitive person I need peace security and love,

Hmm, this is an interesting situation. I will come back with my response later.

AlmondJoy and other "agony aunts and uncles" please you contribution is much needed

Nonchalant guys are the worst. Cant stand them

However you are lucky that, that's pretty much the only major problem with your main dude. I say hint a little that you have other offers, maybe when he realizes that he MIGHT lose you, he'll buckle up and become caring

How exactly does this dude act around your family for him to call him arrogant

From what i can see here . . . . . . .

I even support Him financially because am the last and He is the first in his family so I get from my bros and support him whenever he complained. But now the issue is that I feel I love him more because he calls me when he needs something from me and whenever I complain he tells me he is not emotional but he loves me.

This guy seem fake to me. . . . maybe the reason he is after you is because of your cash. . .just a thought!

my family don't want because of the way he carries himself they see him as an arrogant person. My dad once told me that that arrogant boy will have nothing to do with his family

Since you are not cool with his ''i don't care attitude'' and your parents also sees him as ''an arrogant person''
With this i think he is not going to be a right guy for u. . . . . . . .just a thought
because to me. . ''saying ''i love you'' without proving it or exhibiting any sign of affection doesn't seem like a ''true love'' to me!
Who knows how he would be treating you when u finally becomes his wife. . . . .u never can tell!!. . . . . . .

Am beginning to compare I can tell u that the second person is more caring always calling I don't even call him, sending gifts sending his people to come and check on me and know how am doing and he is damn worried whenever an down. But the main man is always on the receiving side I do the calls, the visit, and he keeps telling he is in love and will do everything to have me.

Here is another case entirely. . .u like this guy and your parents also likes him. . . . . . . . . then i think u ought to know what to do



Finally!!. . .Pray for God's guidance and im very sure at the end of the day. . .errthin is g.onna be fine. . . cheers!

Nikki W,
Just like Sly said,PRAY!
The 2nd guy seems moe like it in my own opinion.
I am very sure u cant love both of em equally.
It is well.

say hint a little that you have other offers, maybe when he realizes that he MIGHT lose you, he'll buckle up and become caring

I once told him about other offers, But then he was still in school, so he said because he got no money thats why I want to leave and he keeps saying, If my spirit compels me to leave him then I should follow my spirit but one thing he knows is that he loves me and will do everything for me. But he just got a job recently.

How exactly does this dude act around your family for him to call him arrogant

I have a loving family, and my dad is so jovial whenever he is around my dad likes raising a topic that will involve every persons opinion, whenever its on politics or somethings he thinks he knows better than every other person in the house no other person opinion will make sense to him and he shows it. Even the way he condemns my old mans points u will think they are mates. though my dad is in his 70es but he is literate and he will always want his point to prevail but he disagrees wt him all the time. You know as an old man he goes off point sometimes but will always want to be commended rather he argues with him. That is one of the reason they say he is arrogant.

Try telling the nonchalant guy you don't like his actions, lay them one by one and watch out for his reaction. If he still plays the dogmatic attitude on you and doesn't see any need to self reflect on his actions, then I'm sorry your opinions wouldn't matter if eventually you marry him.

Go with the second guy. If he doesnt care so much about you now neither will he do so when u're married to him for life.

I actually forgot about the fact that you help him out financially

I think it's funny that you do all that yet he acts all indifferent towards you. That's actually pathetic and as for him not showing much respect for your parents, that's a problem.

luckily you have a second optioon but I still say you should watch the second guy well before you make any hasty decisions, since you havent known that one for long yet but from what you've said, seems like he's the one that will end up being better for you but still dont rush anything

In my opinion like reloaded and 4Him said,forget that first guy.
He does seem like he loves you but has a strange way of showing it.
Some men are like that but he'll drive you nuts.
He is most likely a man who would not help you around with anything in the house.
You may be backing a crying baby,breastfeeding your infant and frying akara while he's watching TV and drinking fanta.
He has no emotions.

Go with the 2nd guy but know that he may also have his own "demons"
No one is perfect.

nwando, frying akara lmao

main, i know human beings are different but similar in a way.

As a woman i love petting a lot and i believe avery real woman does so i suggest you let the first guy go.

and the second guy, girl look b4 u conclude even if it appears like a saint, don't rush and don't loose for age sake.

Chai, My dear every woman needs care and love but it seems the man you love dosn;t show you much love probably cos he knows you love him more. But this one u have not really come to love shows you real love and commitment more. I advise you marry a man that loves you more cos the journey is a lengthy one how long shall you continue to show love and he speaks love. If he is not crazy about u now when on earth will he be??

Its not an easy decision but ur own emotions in marriage as a womam really matters>. Think about it. Love is good but it goes along with care.

Another thing that bothers me in this relationship is that he comes from a broken home. But each time I ask him the reason he will tell me is not yet time to go into that. But this evening I called him telling some of my worries in this relationship. also asking him what transpired B/w his parents. He finally told me that the dad had much love and care for the mom but she couldn't handle it. That was the reason for divorce. Honestly I love this guy so much but sometimes I don't understand his person.

I don't know if you've read this book, the spirit controlled temperament by tim lahaye. It would help you understand the first guy better. I would think he's of the choleric temperament and it's only by the help of the Holy Spirit that he can learn how to show affection. My ex-hubby was like that and I learned to live with it. But now that I'm single again, I know I can never settle for someone who is not affectionate. And the way he puts your father down, that's typical choleric, opinionated. But for a Nigerian, at least he should show some respect in that regard. They can be very difficult to live with and if you are the emotional type I can assure that it can get very frustrating. If you stay with him expecting him to change, then you will get very frustrated. I agree with Stillwater and 4him, but prayerfully consider the very naked facts before you like Sly said.

omini Real:

Chai, My dear every woman needs care and love but it seems the man you love dosn;t show you much love probably because he knows you love him more. But this one u have not really come to love shows you real love and commitment more. I advise you marry a man that loves you more because the journey is a lengthy one how long shall you continue to show love and he speaks love. If he is not crazy about u now when on earth will he be??

Its not an easy decision but your own emotions in marriage as a womam really matters>. Think about it. Love is good but it goes along with care.

Couldn't agree more.

Hi my girl, your story sounds like mine b4 i got married I understand what u are going through.Men like that are so difficult to please the more u try the more frustrated you get. They are mr. know it all.

The second one u said you know some yrs back b4 he traveled and after seeing all the babes in yankee he came back to fall in love with u and he is more matured and from the look of things your parents will prefer him to the former, parental consent in marriage is so important.

Main prayer is needed but you don't a prophet to tell you that God has come to ur rescue. First guy might be real but since u are not comfortable with his way of life he can't change after marriage unless u are ready to endure till the end. Marriege is forever000000000000.

his_grace:

because you just met this person and he is calling you - just because he wants to insert his di ck - oko - inside your pu ssy - obo - he calls you every minute and you are now comparing his call rate wih someone who has been fu cking you for all those years? wait until he fuc ks you for that long period of time and see if he will find it necessary to call u on minute - well - u love the other guy - do you love this new one? you didnt tell us - well, whose di ck do you enjoy sucking and licking the most? let us know - who di ck is longer and fatter? let us know - who makes you cry and sweat the more when you're mess ed? who sucks your clit the better amongst the two of them lets know so we can advice you better - please-

If this is all you can come up with, then am sorry to say you have a very dirty and disgusting mind

my dear, don't be confused. The devil u know is better than the angel u don't know. The guy in the states appears nice and caring but do u know him well enough to marry him?

his_grace:

because you just met this person and he is calling you - just because he wants to insert his di ck - oko - inside your pu ssy - obo - he calls you every minute and you are now comparing his call rate wih someone who has been fu cking you for all those years? wait until he fuc ks you for that long period of time and see if he will find it necessary to call u on minute - well - u love the other guy - do you love this new one? you didnt tell us - well, whose di ck do you enjoy sucking and licking the most? let us know - who di ck is longer and fatter? let us know - who makes you cry and sweat the more when you're mess ed? who sucks your clit the better amongst the two of them lets know so we can advice you better - please-

People dey talk reasonable things, c wetin u dey talk . Shey na by force make u post. If u no get anything to do go sleep.

because you just met this person and he is calling you - just because he wants to insert his di ck - oko - inside your pu ssy - obo - he calls you every minute and you are now comparing his call rate wih someone who has been fu cking you for all those years? wait until he fuc ks you for that long period of time and see if he will find it necessary to call u on minute - well - u love the other guy - do you love this new one? you didnt tell us - well, whose di ck do you enjoy sucking and licking the most? let us know - who di ck is longer and fatter? let us know - who makes you cry and sweat the more when you're mess ed? who sucks your clit the better amongst the two of them lets know so we can advice you better - please-

People dey talk reasonable things, c wetin u dey talk Angry. Shey na by force make u post. If u no get anything to do go sleep.

Telam sometimes I wonder were some pple are coming from. There is time for everything!!!!!!!! You most not post when u have nothing to post.

I think the problem is that you have set the tone for this relationship with your 30 year old guy and he cannot change now that it is way too late in the game. 

All you need to do is sit down and weigh both options. . . the prons and cons of both guys. . . follow your head. . .not your heart . . . .


because, with your story, you have proven to me that your heart cannot be trusted with making the right decisions.  Since you put up with a nonchalant guy for that long, and you loved him.  You might as well put up with it forever!

Dumping the first guy is definitely an option but marrying the second one may not necessarily be a better alternative. U have known the first guy for 6yrs and the second guy u just met when he came home and maybe with an agenda to find a wife. Anybody that comes looking for a wife would always present a likeable facade. Now what is behind that facade-----only time would tell. U are completely going into uncharted waters here.

As for the nonchalant and arrogant dude, u have known him for 6 yrs , attitude and all. I believe 6yrs is a long time to know if he loves u or not and also to differentiate that from his attitude. I want to believe that u never thot of leaving him until the emotional americana showed up with his proposal.
Question is what kind of shit can u tolerate and what kind of shit does he give (Every person has some kind of imperfections). If for 6 yrs he has not given u any problem but his[i] percieved inchalant[/i] and u feel u can deal with that, then fine. If u cant deal with that, then leave but at this time the americana is not a veritable alternative. U dont know him that well.

THE ISSUE IS VERY DIFFICUILT ,

honestly , u must go for the man u love , they say if u love something and it have or do something which u don want , its better u change and make it want u want it to be. this is what love is all about. if the first guy is not emotional then make him one. besides u hv loved the guy as he is all this while so why the sudden change.
u love the first dude , and u hv known him for 6 years , above all u have tolerated his attitude (which u are complaining about) 4 the past 6 years. now the problem lies with the american guy who just came up from nowhere. u don actually no him , how wld u knoe if he is really serious. nowadays showing up for marriage and commitment doesn't show how serious a guy is , think twice maybe he is up to something, people can do anything (don get me wrong) its just a piece of advice.

i advice u to go for the man u love , follow ur heart babe gal, after all love is not about calling, love is not easy to find thatz why its on the dippest part of the heart!, no one can reach there except if they love u as well !!!!!!!

goodluck !!!!!!!!!!!!
and May God guide and bless u !
xxxxxxx

I really appreciate everybody's opinion on this matter. You have given me some suggestions that I think its up to me to decide.

As for the nonchalant and arrogant dude, u have known him for 6 years , attitude and all. I believe 6yrs is a long time to know if he loves u or not and also to differentiate that from his attitude. I want to believe that u never thot of leaving him until the emotional americana showed up th his proposal.

Actually before the second person came, its not been easy we have been a kind of off and on, the 6yrs thing is not at a stretch, I remember in 2004 I was always complaining about that his character he told me that thats who he is if I can't put up with that I should quit and I did. .But in 2006 he came back begging that he was ready to change although he did change but gradually went back to his normal life now all he tells me is that thats he"s life if I can't cope wt that
then i should follow my heart.

Anyway, am just praying to God for divine direction because everything has to be settled this yr.
Again I say thank you all for your candid contributions i really appreciate. Will still welcome more.

THE ISSUE IS VERY DIFFICUILT ,

honestly , u must go for the man u love , they say if u love something and it have or do something which u don want , its better u change and make it want u want it to be. this is what love is all about. if the first guy is not emotional then make him one. besides u hv loved the guy as he is all this while so why the sudden change.
u love the first dude , and u hv known him for 6 years , above all u have tolerated his attitude (which u are complaining about) for the past 6 years. now the problem lies with the american guy who just came up from nowhere. u don actually no him , how would u knoe if he is really serious. nowadays showing up for marriage and commitment doesn't show how serious a guy is , think twice maybe he is up to something, people can do anything (don get me wrong) its just a piece of advice.

I agree with u "its a difficult issue here"

But marry the man u love is another difficult issue cos loving somebody and hating his character that much is a big problem. The family is also not in support is another case that has to be paid attention to. See u can't change such an adult. Again from her post i understand the man is a lawyer ITK pple. its not easy Unless she is ready to endure till the end. He is always sayig follow ur heart if u can't cope thats who Iam not emotional I mean a hard man. The poster is the last in her own family she needs some pampering from her man. Myself I can't stand a hard man who has no emotions. Be wise.

H

E ISSUE IS VERY DIFFICUILT ,

honestly , u must go for the man u love , they say if u love something and it have or do something which u don want , its better u change and make it want u want it to be. this is what love is all about. if the first guy is not emotional then make him one. besides u hv loved the guy as he is all this while so why the sudden change.
u love the first dude , and u hv known him for 6 years , above all u have tolerated his attitude (which u are complaining about) for the past 6 years. now the problem lies with the american guy who just came up from nowhere. u don actually no him , how would u knoe if he is really serious. nowadays showing up for marriage and commitment doesn't show how serious a guy is , think twice maybe he is up to something, people can do anything (don get me wrong) its just a piece of advice.

Marry the man that loves you is the best advice.

complicated situation but yet again

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
As it is, you have to go spiritual because mr. america can also change for the worse or mr. mobil can be better.

complicated situation but yet again

What a friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry
everything to God in prayer.
As it is, you have to go spiritual because mr. america can also change for the worse or mr. mobil can be better.

True talk!!!!!!!!! God has to come in here for her to make the best choice. Also she should understand when God speaks.

[b]i'm very sorry dear that you found yourself in this confusing trend, anyway you are confused because you believe you love him, but the earlier you start knowing that the relationship have been longing for an end and another new one to begin the better for you.
I know you are not blind, i appologize there are many ladies seeking the second opportunity you have if they get it 50% they will act upon the news i wouldn't want to hear is that you didn't choose the second person who adores you, i am a young man and i know what is in the heart of this two men.
Please open your eyes and get married quick and do it purposefully, your former relationship well has quite lasted but was unproductive, you lost severally, any man that your beauty and qualities as a Woman of Integrity does not move to do or act in a way to show it does not love you and cannot love you.
You can end up becoming the very reason that man acts the way he does, he wants you to understand that he's tired of you. that all.
Remember you have been cheated, end that relationship and start a new one, relationship is symbiotic or mutual, in all love, respect, giving, emotions etc even if you are a queen who wants to marry a poor man the Poor man shouls have a way of expressing his hearts to the queen.
Every Man is the full composite of his heart.
Many men use such acts to speak their mind and whatever a man thinketh so HE is.
Help us Preachers go a long way in solving many late marriage problems, please my dear get married now you are 26yrs old thats the peak time get married before you start rushing to seek a husband and fall into a wrong hand.
Like i said earlier marry with a purpose in mind, plan how you are going to spend the rest of your life with that partner of life.
Plan how your family will look like and have GOD in mind let all your plans revolve round HIS Name.
Pray always that things dont run your life but that you will be in charge and control
Post any other questions as topics or contact me for more counselling and prayers until you succeed in your pursuit
Remain Blessed.
Prosper Njoku[/b]

I really thank everybody who has contributed to this thread. This has really made me to draw more closer to God to seek His face and really understand who I am and what is it that I want also what love is all about.

Honestly am getting somethings clearer and God is really helping me cos this is the most difficult situation I have ever found myself and it has pushed more to God and at the end I will stand to thank Him.

i'm very sorry dear that you found yourself in this confusing trend, anyway you are confused because you believe you love him, but the earlier you start knowing that the relationship have been longing for an end and another new one to begin the better for you.
I know you are not blind, i appologize there are many ladies seeking the second opportunity you have if they get it 50% they will act upon the news i wouldn't want to hear is that you didn't choose the second person who adores you, i am a young man and i know what is in the heart of this two men.
Please open your eyes and get married quick and do it purposefully, your former relationship well has quite lasted but was unproductive, you lost severally, any man that your beauty and qualities as a Woman of Integrity does not move to do or act in a way to show it does not love you and cannot love you.
You can end up becoming the very reason that man acts the way he does, he wants you to understand that he's tired of you. that all.
Remember you have been cheated, end that relationship and start a new one, relationship is symbiotic or mutual, in all love, respect, giving, emotions etc even if you are a queen who wants to marry a poor man the Poor man shouls have a way of expressing his hearts to the queen.
Every Man is the full composite of his heart.
Many men use such acts to speak their mind and whatever a man thinketh so HE is.
Help us Preachers go a long way in solving many late marriage problems, please my dear get married now you are 26yrs old thats the peak time get married before you start rushing to seek a husband and fall into a wrong hand.
Like i said earlier marry with a purpose in mind, plan how you are going to spend the rest of your life with that partner of life.
Plan how your family will look like and have GOD in mind let all your plans revolve round HIS Name.
Pray always that things don't run your life but that you will be in charge and control
Post any other questions as topics or contact me for more counselling and prayers until you succeed in your pursuit
Remain Blessed.
Prosper Njoku
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Prosper C.S. N

I really appreciate. Thanks

My dear, its strange how much situations can be similar. I have been in a relationship with an unemotional guy just like the one ur inlove with and belive me it was nothing to be envied. I even went as far as offering him the latest phone in town but he never called me and even deleted my as screensaver At the time i thought it was all left to me to make things work but then; thank God he helped me realise it takes two hands to tie a bundle. My advice if u've not made a decision yet; take off ur shoes n RUN as fast as u can away from the insensitive guy. a relationship is not material, its more of emotional. careing for each other n showing it.

Only God knows who is right for u. u keep silent n let him make ur choice. The Husband God blessed me with is so much moe than i could have cried for before the lord when i was cracked emotionally.

Don't be fooled, if he says his father was not rewarded accordingly as regards the love he showed to his mum- girl , he probably wont see the need in showering u w love n affection.

My dear, getting a man that truly love & adore you, is an inestimable treasure. My humanly advice, is to go for the man that loves you more. but dont lean on your human inclinations, take it to God the source of true love and let Him choose for you. Take time to pray about it, God is not an author of confusion, He will show u the right man for you.