baby_123: OP, answer our questions honestly...

We spoke of marriage prior to the pregnancy and it is something we were both looking forward to. We were not officially engaged and we had not selected a date. My issue now is that I don't want to get married just because of the baby. I want him to be in the marriage for the right reasons. I am answering honestly. I want to get as much information as possible.

@OP, Get these facts into your skull.

1. Yoruba parents are very protective of their sons.
2. You will receive resistance from the guys parents if he is not a very independent person. I mean someone who at least have a shelter of his own and can conveniently take care of him self and some of his siblings.
3. If he is a very stable guy when it comes to financial independence, then the family resistance will now be more of morals and cultural assimilation of both of you
4. The stand and confidence of your boy friend really matters, as parents always have soft spot for their children , no matter what they might have done.He need to be able to convince his parents to have a better view of the issue , not minding the initial situation
5. Do not panic so that you dont loose that baby. Please dont hurt your self with the worries. Yorubas love children and our mothers will do everything to be sure our happiness is guaranteed. The initial resistance will vanish away with time.
6. Be very quick to assimilate into the Yoruba culture. The most important is respect and greetings. Please dont joke with this. A sign of respect is bowing and kneeling . These are very important ingredients to win the heart of any parent.
7. Be open minded and hope for the best
8. Finally...next time u wanna f*uck hard...use a condom

ImJustMe:

We are not cohabitating. We are dating. I have met his family and they seem to like me, but I am worried that they will be upset about the pregnancy given that we are not married.

this woman,just close this aguement and have a little rest with ur unborn kid please i take God beg u

ImJustMe:

We spoke of marriage prior to the pregnancy and it is something we were both looking forward to. We were not officially engaged and we had not selected a date. My issue now is that I don't want to get married just because of the baby. I want him to be in the marriage for the right reasons. I am answering honestly. I want to get as much information as possible.

Let him do the telling and just be you. Am sure if you show love for their son and respect them, i dont think you will have a problem. Everything will fall into place. If he doesnt tell them himself, then maybe he is not ready to settle down right now. But you wait for him to tell his parents and they ask to see you or know you. I wish you the best. Obviously if he is ready to marry and settle down with you. The baby coming at this time will speed up the marriage process. So that cannot be avoided.

bettymafy: Most Nigerian parents (Yoruba or not) frown at pregnancy out of wedlock. But most of them tend to be more accepting later on especially when the baby is born. Most parents just have a way of keeping their grudge aside when they evevtually get to meet their grandchild.

Now, my concern is; what plan does your boyfriend have for u and the pregancy? U said he's been supportive, what exactly do u mean by that? What do u guys want to do? Have u guys discussed the options u have? Whether to Keep the pregnancy, move in together and co-parent without getting married? Or getting married?

Your guy has a great role to play in how his parents will view and accept the pregnancy too. He has to subtly tell them about the pregnancy while also stating the plans he has for u and the unborn child. When his parents see he actually cares about u and the pregnancy and that he has a solid plan, they might just budge.

U said the parents tend to like u right? That might also help. Goodluck!

NB. . .please ignore posts u feel donot offer any piece of advice. U really don't owe anybody any explanation.

God Bless you!!! Simple and Shoki to the point.

Seriously!!

If both of you were teenagers or early twenties then his family would be very angry

But since you said both of you are mid thirties and doing well financially, then I dont see any reason why they would be very angry or reject you

They have probably been praying for him to get married too.

The pregnancy outside wedlock though not the best but its not a death sentence. Keep it and since you have his support then its all good.

Okontami: @OP, Get these facts into your skull.

1. Yoruba parents are very protective of their sons.
2. You will receive resistance from the guys parents if he is not a very independent person. I mean someone who at least have a shelter of his own and can conveniently take care of him self and some of his siblings.
3. If he is a very stable guy when it comes to financial independence, then the family resistance will now be more of morals and cultural assimilation of both of you
4. The stand and confidence of your boy friend really matters, as parents always have soft spot for their children , no matter what they might have done.He need to be able to convince his parents to have a better view of the issue , not minding the initial situation
5. Do not panic so that you dont loose that baby. Please dont hurt your self with the worries. Yorubas love children and our mothers will do everything to be sure our happiness is guaranteed. The initial resistance will vanish away with time.
6. Be very quick to assimilate into the Yoruba culture. The most important is respect and greetings. Please dont joke with this. A sign of respect is bowing and kneeling . These are very important ingredients to win the heart of any parent.
7. Be open minded and hope for the best
8. Finally...next time u wanna f*uck hard...use a condom

Why you had to say Bleep hard? Why not soft or gentle?

dayokanu: If both of you were teenagers or early twenties then his family would be very angry

But since you said both of you are mid thirties and doing well financially, then I dont see any reason why they would be very angry or reject you

They have probably been praying for him to get married too.

The pregnancy outside wedlock though not the best but its not a death sentence. Keep it and since you have his support then its all good.

She's sounding like there is more to it. Cause honestly, I don't see what the problem is. If she said she wants to know the do's and donts when relating to the family or meeting the family then I would understand. Why did she say they would be angry?

I tink d op is nt telling us d real story here sha....wel @op,since ur. Bf is financially ok and he is supportive,den his parents have no choice(if they are yoruba ooo)....

baby_123:

She's sounding like there is more to it. Cause honestly, I don't see what the problem is. If she said she wants to know the do's and donts when relating to the family or meeting the family then I would understand. Why did she say they would be angry?

I have already met the family and they seem to like me. They have accepted me even though I am not from their tribe or even their country. This is something I was worried about before interacting with them because I have heard a a lot of horror stories. I am not saying that the family will definitely be angry. I am not sure. I just wanted to see what people who know the Yoruba culture well may have to say on the issue.

ImJustMe:

I have already met the family and they seem to like me. They have accepted me even though I am not from their tribe or even their country. This is something I was worried about before interacting with them because I have heard a a lot of horror stories. I am not saying that the family will definitely be angry. I am not sure. I just wanted to see what people who know the Yoruba culture well may have to say on the issue.

Lady, just like your family will take to you marrying an African. No family is different. Obviously everyone has reservations about each other and stereotypes here and there. You both are a mature couple, no one can beat you, or kill you. If he is worth being in a relationship with you as a mature lady, am sure he is a mature person too. Why even jump into stereotypes about a people whom you wish to be a part of and your unborn child will be part of by blood? Why even go there? You are looking for trouble that isn't there. Just relax and destress, let the guy handle things. Yoruba's are not aliens. . All the stories are fairy tales, take people for who they are, don't generalise. Otherwise you miss out on the good. Approach people with stereotypes and whatever you want or are looking for will be killed by bias. Not everyone is blind to a biased person you know.

baby_123:

Lady, just like your family will take to you marrying an African. No family is different. Obviously everyone has reservations about each other and stereotypes here and there. You both are a mature couple, no one can beat you, or kill you. If he is worth being in a relationship with you as a mature lady, am sure he is a mature person too. Why even jump into stereotypes about a people whom you wish to be a part of and your unborn child will be part of by blood? Why even go there? You are looking for trouble that isn't there. Just relax and destress, let the guy handle things. Yoruba's are not aliens. . All the stories are fairy tales, take people for who they are, don't generalise. Otherwise you miss out on the good. Approach people with stereotypes and whatever you want or are looking for will be killed by bias. Not everyone is blind to a biased person you know.

Like I said earlier, I do not mean to offend. I don't view Yoruba people negatively at all. I really thought that there would be some cultural norms that people could offer insight on. I understand that everyone is different. I'll relax and try not to worry. Thanks.

Imjust..if you met the family and they have accepted you then you don't have nothing worry about as far as fsmily goes...what I am confused by is the fact you appeared not to know his family.

I can tell you how my husband' s family will respond to abortion. .. cheating...domestic abuse..and host of oters. I have great communication with his igbo family. I have All of their work...business. .home..mobile. .and pager numbets!! I have their e-mails and home addreses. I have received gifts from them and stayed in their homes. I can say I know his family and love them to pieces! I have pictures of all of the family and my sister in law named her baby after my mother!

If anyone ask me about his family I can answer without asking them.

Okontami: @OP, Get these facts into your skull.

1. Yoruba parents are very protective of their sons.
2. You will receive resistance from the guys parents if he is not a very independent person. I mean someone who at least have a shelter of his own and can conveniently take care of him self and some of his siblings.
3. If he is a very stable guy when it comes to financial independence, then the family resistance will now be more of morals and cultural assimilation of both of you
4. The stand and confidence of your boy friend really matters, as parents always have soft spot for their children , no matter what they might have done.He need to be able to convince his parents to have a better view of the issue , not minding the initial situation
5. Do not panic so that you dont loose that baby. Please dont hurt your self with the worries. Yorubas love children and our mothers will do everything to be sure our happiness is guaranteed. The initial resistance will vanish away with time.
6. Be very quick to assimilate into the Yoruba culture. The most important is respect and greetings. Please dont joke with this. A sign of respect is bowing and kneeling . These are very important ingredients to win the heart of any parent.
7. Be open minded and hope for the best
8. Finally...next time u wanna f*uck hard...use a condom

Baba GBAM!!!!

much ado about nothing.

Mrs.Chima:
Imjust..if you met the family and they have accepted you then you don't have nothing worry about as far as fsmily goes...what I am confused by is the fact you appeared not to know his family.

I can tell you how my husband' s family will respond to abortion. .. cheating...domestic abuse..and host of oters. I have great communication with his igbo family. I have All of their work...business. .home..mobile. .and pager numbets!! I have their e-mails and home addreses. I have received gifts from them and stayed in their homes. I can say I know his family and love them to pieces! I have pictures of all of the family and my sister in law named her baby after my mother!

If anyone ask me about his family I can answer without asking them.

I have met them and they seem accepting of our relationship, but I cannot say that I know them well. My bf and I have been dating for less than one year.

Op,you are trying too hard.You don't need any cultural assumptions/stereotypes to shape the outcome of what your pregnacy situation might birth with your partner's family.
I'd say just be YOU like your handle says.
If the family will accept you,they will and if they won't prepare to deal and handle it.
Relax!
Haba!!

With all this advices, observation if you dont gain something you are on your own. You dey look for something else

@ OP

I think you have a much bigger problem with your Yoruba man than his family can pose. In general (i.e. not all the time, but predominantly) if a Yoruba man is interested in keeping a child/marrying you, he will come out and say it immediately. He won't typically say something as opaque as he will 'support you regardless of your decision'.

If the guy himself isn't sending clear signals then I think you need to settle that bit first before even talking about family. Being 'supportive' sounds like he is still waiting for you to make a decision as to whether you are keeping the child or not, OR saying that he isn't interested in marrying you but will support the child if required. Again, in my view that's not the type of message someone actively seeking a deeper/longer term relationship would use.

As for the family? He's in his mid 30's and financially independent - it's unlikely they'll put up much of a fuss if he wants to marry you, unless of course he sends them signals that he isn't really interested in you long term or doesn't really want the baby.

In terms of cultural norms, it would be relatively more acceptable if the pregnancy was announced to the family as simply something that has happened to hasten plans for marriage that were already in progress. Some families are definitely disapproving of pregnancy before marriage, but most will generally overcome any such resistance if marriage is already planned.

That's why I feel it's really dependent on the guy - the way he frames the pregnancy/his relationship with you will be the biggest influence on how you are received. If he acts like you're the one he wants to marry, then it's likely to be smooth sailing. If he comes off as you trying to trap him or he not really being interested, then you could face significant opposition.

debosky: @ OP

I think you have a much bigger problem with your Yoruba man than his family can pose. In general (i.e. not all the time, but predominantly) if a Yoruba man is interested in keeping a child/marrying you, he will come out and say it immediately. He won't typically say something as opaque as he will 'support you regardless of your decision'.

If the guy himself isn't sending clear signals then I think you need to settle that bit first before even talking about family. Being 'supportive' sounds like he is still waiting for you to make a decision as to whether you are keeping the child or not, OR saying that he isn't interested in marrying you but will support the child if required. Again, in my view that's not the type of message someone actively seeking a deeper/longer term relationship would use.

As for the family? He's in his mid 30's and financially independent - it's unlikely they'll put up much of a fuss if he wants to marry you, unless of course he sends them signals that he isn't really interested in you long term or doesn't really want the baby.

In terms of cultural norms, it would be relatively more acceptable if the pregnancy was announced to the family as simply something that has happened to hasten plans for marriage that were already in progress. Some families are definitely disapproving of pregnancy before marriage, but most will generally overcome any such resistance if marriage is already planned.

That's why I feel it's really dependent on the guy - the way he frames the pregnancy/his relationship with you will be the biggest influence on how you are received. If he acts like you're the one he wants to marry, then it's likely to be smooth sailing. If he comes off as you trying to trap him or he not really being interested, then you could face significant opposition.

hmmmm, debosky the agony uncle.
why do i have a sneaky feeling this was what you did to snatch ennyluv from the jaws of her igbo fiancé.

debosky: @ OP

I think you have a much bigger problem with your Yoruba man than his family can pose. In general (i.e. not all the time, but predominantly) if a Yoruba man is interested in keeping a child/marrying you, he will come out and say it immediately. He won't typically say something as opaque as he will 'support you regardless of your decision'.

If the guy himself isn't sending clear signals then I think you need to settle that bit first before even talking about family. Being 'supportive' sounds like he is still waiting for you to make a decision as to whether you are keeping the child or not, OR saying that he isn't interested in marrying you but will support the child if required. Again, in my view that's not the type of message someone actively seeking a deeper/longer term relationship would use.

As for the family? He's in his mid 30's and financially independent - it's unlikely they'll put up much of a fuss if he wants to marry you, unless of course he sends them signals that he isn't really interested in you long term or doesn't really want the baby.

In terms of cultural norms, it would be relatively more acceptable if the pregnancy was announced to the family as simply something that has happened to hasten plans for marriage that were already in progress. Some families are definitely disapproving of pregnancy before marriage, but most will generally overcome any such resistance if marriage is already planned.

That's why I feel it's really dependent on the guy - the way he frames the pregnancy/his relationship with you will be the biggest influence on how you are received. If he acts like you're the one he wants to marry, then it's likely to be smooth sailing. If he comes off as you trying to trap him or he not really being interested, then you could face significant opposition.

good ish there,....

OP if this one no helep you, i dont know what will
ish

coogar:

hmmmm, debosky the agony uncle.
why do i have a sneaky feeling this was what you did to snatch ennyluv from the jaws of her igbo fiancé.

LMAO @ agony uncle
#GoodMan

coogar:

hmmmm, debosky the agony uncle.
why do i have a sneaky feeling this was what you did to snatch ennyluv from the jaws of her igbo fiancé.

hmm.... i smell jist here. Let me go and find who ennyluv is first.

baby_123:

hmm.... i smell jist here. Let me go and find who ennyluv is first.

the sexiest woman that has ever graced this forum.....
debosky did not waste time at all. sex on the first date and she became preggers instantly!

www.nairaland.com/attachments/83808_ennyluv_6_jpgb05da5246378f7abc0394b7c54028c6b

I know you are teasing him

Coogar, i am not going to be involved in this


*silently exits thread commentless*

baby_123: I know you are teasing him
Coogar, i am not going to be involved in this

*silently exits thread commentless*

ask around - these are cold facts!

coogar:

the sexiest woman that has ever graced this forum.....
debosky did not waste time at all. sex on the first date and she became preggers instantly!

Im sure you kept that picture as your screensaver. Are you trying to tempt enyyluv out of Debosky's house

dayokanu:
Im sure you kept that picture as your screensaver. Are you trying to tempt enyyluv out of Debosky's house

i was also bidding for the same chic but debosky moved too fast!

coogar:

ask around - these are cold facts!

Coogar, show me the thread to prove it.


Am not gonna say anything. You are too bad.

debosky: @ OP

I think you have a much bigger problem with your Yoruba man than his family can pose. In general (i.e. not all the time, but predominantly) if a Yoruba man is interested in keeping a child/marrying you, he will come out and say it immediately. He won't typically say something as opaque as he will 'support you regardless of your decision'.

If the guy himself isn't sending clear signals then I think you need to settle that bit first before even talking about family. Being 'supportive' sounds like he is still waiting for you to make a decision as to whether you are keeping the child or not, OR saying that he isn't interested in marrying you but will support the child if required. Again, in my view that's not the type of message someone actively seeking a deeper/longer term relationship would use.

As for the family? He's in his mid 30's and financially independent - it's unlikely they'll put up much of a fuss if he wants to marry you, unless of course he sends them signals that he isn't really interested in you long term or doesn't really want the baby.

In terms of cultural norms, it would be relatively more acceptable if the pregnancy was announced to the family as simply something that has happened to hasten plans for marriage that were already in progress. Some families are definitely disapproving of pregnancy before marriage, but most will generally overcome any such resistance if marriage is already planned.

That's why I feel it's really dependent on the guy - the way he frames the pregnancy/his relationship with you will be the biggest influence on how you are received. If he acts like you're the one he wants to marry, then it's likely to be smooth sailing. If he comes off as you trying to trap him or he not really being interested, then you could face significant opposition.

Hey handsome. Muaaah.

baby_123:
Coogar, show me the thread to prove it.
Am not gonna say anything. You are too bad.

peruse this snippet from the bottom page....

https://www.nairaland.com/search?q=debosky+%2B+ennyluv

coogar:

peruse this snippet from the bottom page....

https://www.nairaland.com/search?q=debosky+%2B+ennyluv

This girl is a human being o. Ahn ahn. Since 2009. hmmm.