Yesterday I came across a video on YouTube and It made me profoundly angry, sad and disturbed.
It is Divorce Court. A woman left her husband with whom she had never had a problem, because he was being “Too nice”. That when he says “I love you” she is always waiting for him to hit her or something. That he says I love you too much. When the Judge said How much? She said twice a week……..

The Judge kept pushing her to find out why on earth she was leaving him and She came up with “He made her gain weight.” That he was such a good cook and was always cooking for her anytime she asked. He didn’t just make a sandwich. He always went all out to cook for her and hence he is the reason why she is fat. Did I mention that she had three kids for other men before she married him and he was raising them financially. I guessed the saddest part is that despite all this, he said at the end. “I wish the Judge had sentenced you to life with me’………….sob…………(the sob is me, not the husband. Grown ass men don’t sob. Something only gets into their eyes)

First of all, I have to mention that this ‘woman’ is not a representation of women folk, though I have to admit that we are the most confused specie in knowing what we want (Strong but Sensitive, Tough but sweet and all the other BS that romance novels have deceived us with). This lady was clearly used to being in abusive relationships and couldn’t handle it when a truly decent guy wants to be with her. It is saddening because millions of women are looking for this kind of guy.(My husband cannot find anything in the Kitchen even when he decides to cook which has been…….twice in the last year…………so I end up hovering around him while he cooks)

Despite how digusted I am by this lady, a comment on this video is the crux of today’s article. The commenter said that and I quote “this is how ‘playas’ are born.That no guy ever becomes one (a playa) without being disappointed by a woman” Realllllyyyy. Let’s analyse? Shall we?

So who is a playa? I googled Urban Dictionary to find out its definition of a playa.

Playa-
known love offender, known also as a notorious heart breaker, one who engages in flirtatious, seductive and/or scandalous liaisons of little to no meaning and/or feeling, with the opposite sex.

Sounds like an absolutely horrid person right? So I wondered If truly one(or two or a thousand) heart breaks could turn an absolutely nice guy into this. Is it true in any or all circumstances? Even in some stupid Love movies, the Romeo always starts off as a womanizing jerk and later we find out that the reason for that is because of some heartbreak he suffered earlier. As I always do, I conducted a survey with over 25 male friends (some single, some married) to find out their opinions whether the assertion that ‘Behind every playa lies a broken heart was true or was a Wash’ ( A wash is a slang meaning A Line to deceive). The overwhelming consensus (aside a few dissenters here and there) was WASHHHH!!!!!

You have got to love guys. They are brutally honest even about themselves
Now I cannot list all the views, but I am going to just put three that I believe were the most poignant

OmoOba Yusuf- A playa is a playa by choice. Heart break doesn’t produce playas. A lot of guys have been heartbroken but still respect women and are committed to their new relationship. Girls suffer more heart break than boys. Are they now “playa-resses”

Okechukwu – No such thing. It is such a title given to a guy that preys on weak girls. Because No one can successfully be a “playa’ without making mistakes. So simply the woman chooses to ignore them. If a woman were to dump a guy’s ass when she knows he is cheating, there would be no such thing as playas. No guy is that smooth. The girls just ignore the signs.

Henry- Wash! Every guy has a natural proclivity to bed several women, it just takes a combination of discipline(rooted in moral or religious consideration), financial wherewithal, fear of STDs to curb such natural inclination. (Way too many Big words Henry(We lawyers like to overcomplicate issues with big words). In Translation, Everyone can be a “playa’, But they CHOOSE not to. (See how much easier it sounds when I say it. Ha Ha)

So by now you have probably figured out whose side I am on. I personally believe it is a BLOODY WASH. Let’s face it. Over 90 percent of people have had their heart-broken by one person or the other. If the entire 90 percent decide to become “playas’, who is left to be played? I have always been a staunch believer of “He slaps you, Slap him back’ not “He slaps you, you go to his house, slap his mother, father and nephew and on your way out, slap the neighbour and the old lady walking by as well” That is exactly what guys who give the excuse of previous heartbreaks as a reason for becoming playas, do. They hurt people who are not responsible for their hurt. It’s like an Aids carrier who decided to sleep around with the intention of infecting others. It is wrong. It is sick. Being a playa is nothing to be proud of.

That being said, ladies also have a hand in this. Ladies seem to have an attraction for bad boys….rebels. It’s sad that some perfectly nice guys believe that they have to fit the bad boy image to get the girls that they like. You see girls crying over guys who constantly cheat on them and yet put guys who would treat them like a queen in the friend zone. Do we have a problem? Definitely….. It applies to both sexes, though mostly to women. Treat people right. It’s not that hard. You CANNOT change people. People choose to change themselves. Playas choose to be Playas. Nobody made that change for them. That is it. It is not complicated.

P.S If your heart were to truly break, You would be dead. Who invented the word anyway?

My dear readers alike, Am I being too judgemental and only seeing the glass half full?
Drop a line, let’s converse.
Do you enjoy my posts? If you do,visit www.herapereira.com to read more. Thank You

Your "research" seems to me like a poor attempt to justify your own personal opinion on the issue, if not why else would you decide to pick only three of more than 25 samples. Hence, the integrity of your "research" is suspect, abi na WASH!
Most girls hate to admit that heart breaks are the biggest reason why players are born.

The most annoying thing about NL posters is that u will see a very long post and u will stay go ahead to quote it even when when u are dropping few lines still. Stop am ooo.
@op, that was a very long one but in answer to that lemme start with this;
If someone steps on ur toes and kEeps going, another thrEe persons does the same and keeps walking, vex no go catch u make u retaliate? U will even step on hundred peoples toes just to get the hang of it until someone holds u back and gets u to apologize. Relate that to ur post and see what I mean.

false when I was in that game I do it for fun

Ladies you have to realize that the experiene of romance is completely different for men and for women.

You stated that women experience more heartbreaks then men, first of all that is not true, and secondly there are plenty of female players out there, even more than the males. What we call a "gold-digger" is essentially female player and from what i have heard such women are everywhere in Nigeria.

As for so called nice guys, ladies dont realize how much bitterness they are causing to build up in these men. Keep in mind that because society expect men to approach women, every male has infinetly more negative experiences with the opposite gender than the other way around. Most of them are small like getting rejected at the club etc.. but they build up and cause these men to generalize. Most "nice guys' i know have been getting absolutely shitted on since high school.

But thankfully for the ladies, most of these men will never change their behavior. Nice guy is in thier blood, and they have a low self esteem that gets worse with every rejection.... lol

But if such a man gets money..... phwam all bets are off and the biggest meanest jerk is unleased onto womankind.

Actually i take that back. When these men get money... they get eaten alive by the gold-diggers

I think its very true...I always spot a player by the number of times he whines like a lil bittch about being a victim in past relationships...

in that case 96% of Nigerian men are players.

numerical_guy: Your "research" seems to me like a poor attempt to justify your own personal opinion on the issue, if not why else would you decide to pick only three of more than 25 samples. Hence, the integrity of your "research" is suspect, abi na WASH!
Most girls hate to admit that heart breaks are the biggest reason why players are born.

First of all, my initial opinion was that it was a bit of both. Like I said I did interview 25,not 1,000 guys and I stated that there were a few dissenters but even the dissenters agreed that it was a 50 50 scenario. No one said It was true all the time. Again, It is my opinion at the end of the day

daduke2k: The most annoying thing about NL posters is that u will see a very long post and u will stay go ahead to quote it even when when u are dropping few lines still. Stop am ooo.
@op, that was a very long one but in answer to that lemme start with this;
If someone steps on ur toes and kEeps going, another thrEe persons does the same and keeps walking, vex no go catch u make u retaliate? U will even step on hundred peoples toes just to get the hang of it until someone holds u back and gets u to apologize. Relate that to ur post and see what I mean.

LMAO. I get where you are going, but imagine if those 100 people whose toes you have stepped their toes decide to go and step on 100 people as well. Now 10,000 people have had their toes stepped and decide to retaliate. It could go on and on.............sho get?

pleep: Ladies you have to realize that the experiene of romance is completely different for men and for women.

You stated that women experience more heartbreaks then men, first of all that is not true, and secondly there are plenty of female players out there, even more than the males. What we call a "gold-digger" is essentially female player and from what i have heard such women are everywhere in Nigeria.

As for so called nice guys, ladies dont realize how much bitterness they are causing to build up in these men. Keep in mind that because society expect men to approach women, every male has infinetly more negative experiences with the opposite gender than the other way around. Most of them are small like getting rejected at the club etc.. but they build up and cause these men to generalize. Most "nice guys' i know have been getting absolutely shitted on since high school.

But thankfully for the ladies, most of these men will never change their behavior. Nice guy is in thier blood, and they have a low self esteem that gets worse with every rejection.... lol

But if such a man gets money..... phwam all bets are off and the biggest meanest jerk is unleased onto womankind.

I deliberately didn't ask any woman so that I would get only unbiased views o. Na only guys I ask

Ayee Idris:

First of all, my initial opinion was that it was a bit of both. Like I said I did interview 25,not 1,000 guys and I stated that there were a few dissenters but even the dissenters agreed that it was a 50 50 scenario. No one said It was true all the time. Again, It is my opinion at the end of the day

Why conduct a survey only for you to turn around and give us your own personal opinion. If you interviewed more than 25 people and then gave us only 3 of the samples that are aligned with your own opinion, that your survey na ORIGINAL WASH!

I definitly agree that the only purpose of your survey, and your post, was to support a view you already had.

And for the record it not true.

While yes, nice guys, like the guy in the video, will stay nice no matter what happens to them. The story is completely different with guys like me.

I know if my current Gf, "broke my heart" or w/e especially if its by cheating, i would become a cold hard player for the rest of my college career. If its fun enough ill do it for the rest of my life... until im old and rich enough to fly in an 18 year old virgin from Kaduna

A guy becomes a player when he decides that emotional investment is not worth it anymore... that is either his natural state, or something he decided from the available information

...and they are many men who can get to that point from heartbreak.

If u've got it in you its a nice life... i know dudes who can bang a new chick every other week.

pleep: I definitly agree that the only purpose of your survey, and your post, was to support a view you already had.

And for the record it not true.

While yes, nice guys, like the guy in the video, will stay nice no matter what happens to them. The story is completely different with guys like me.

I know if my current Gf, "broke my heart" or w/e especially if its by cheating, i would become a cold hard player for the rest of my college career. If its fun enough ill do it for the rest of my life... until im old and rich enough to fly in an 18 year old virgin from Kaduna

Like I had already stated. Before commencing this, I was of a 50 50 mindset that heart break do turn some guys sour and others just use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. But after consulting, i realize that it is like saying because your dad flogged you with ur belt and scarred you, you are going to flog your kids with belts and scar them. So heartbreak is just a wash. Again only 25 guys i asked and it is my opinion at the end of the day

numerical_guy:

Why conduct a survey only for you to turn around and give us your own personal opinion. If you interviewed more than 25 people and then gave us only 3 of the samples that are aligned with your own opinion, that your survey na ORIGINAL WASH!

If you took out time to read, you would see I did a survey, gave my opinion (which i am entitled to do) and then ASKED the readers to give their opinion. You can give an opinion(which you are entitled to do) if you disagree. It is not that hard to understand Sir. I asked if I am being too judgmental and seeing the glass half full. If you think that I am, kindly say so.