im a new member here and pls ill like all your advices on what i should do about something that has been bothering me,i come from a polygamous home of five wives but my mum is late and 2 of the remaining dont live with my dad(one because of her work and the other they wernt compatible)when my mum died,she left 2 housews,and after a year or two after a while(this was like 1985)a cheque for 1million was given to my father for a contrac she executed before she died,since then till now,my father has never called either me or any of my brothers to either tell us how our mum died or even discuss anything about the money though he gave my step brother the documents to one of the houses in lagos being the first born,and the house is still ok,im almost 28 now and i dont understand why he isnt telling us anything i.eme and my brothers at least, its not a question of spending the money because he has more than enough and he will never mess around with smone's money as even people keep money with him, another thing is that,anything i do or my own brothers do,it always seems as if we r competing with him sort of,like i sent a car to nigeria and the very day i got to nigeria he went to his office got the documents out of the safe and gave it to me in a sort of i dont want any trouble attitude,me and my brother bought a land through one of his staffs and the guy connived with some ppl to take the land back(omo-onile)yet my dad didnt lift a finger to help, and it has made us start wondering if he just doesnt want us to have anything for some reason, pls im soo confused,if you have have similar experience pls share with me ,as i am going back to nigeria in 2 years time to settle and also he is 75 years old now(pls im not talking about any of his properties at all,in case some ppl think im after my dad's property,everything im talking about is for my late mum)thanks

sorry for the long narrative,i didnt know how to shorten the story but i just needed you all to get a general picture of the scenario

flext:

im a new member here and please ill like all your advices on what i should do about something that has been bothering me,

i come from a polygamous home of five wives but my mum is late and 2 of the remaining don't live with my dad(one because of her work and the other they wernt compatible)when my mum died,she left 2 housews,and after a year or two after a while(this was like 1985)a cheque for 1million was given to my father for a contrac she executed before she died,since then till now,

my father has never called either me or any of my brothers to either tell us how our mum died or even discuss anything about the money though he gave my step brother the documents to one of the houses in lagos being the first born,[/b]and the house is still ok,

[b]im almost 28 now and i don't understand why he isnt telling us anything i.eme and my brothers at least, its not a question of spending the money because he has more than enough and he will never mess around with smone's money as even people keep money with him, another thing is that,anything i do or my own brothers do,it always seems as if we r competing with him sort of,like i sent a car to nigeria and the very day i got to nigeria he went to his office got the documents out of the safe and gave it to me in a sort of i don't want any trouble attitude,me and my brother bought a land through one of his staffs and the guy connived with some people to take the land back(omo-onile)

yet my dad didnt lift a finger to help, and it has made us start wondering if he just doesnt want us to have anything for some reason, please im soo confused,[/b]if you have have similar experience please share with me ,[b]as i am going back to nigeria in 2 years time to settle and also he is 75 years old now(please im not talking about any of his properties at all,in case some people think im after my dad's property,everything im talking about is for my late mum)[/b]thanks

Your father's property and your mother's properties are theirs.  Whatever you mum left behind. . . belongs to your dad and you have no business going after such.  Let the man do what he wants to do with it. [b]Please go and work for yours and stop trying to kill yourself in a polygmous set up.  Obviously, your father is in control of his own lifea.  Why you will choose to go over there and "settle" whatever the matter is down there is what I cannot understand.

You are a 28 year old adult. . .please go and make your own way.  You do not need some kind of "property" to be successful in life.  As for how you mother died. . .that is of no consequence. . .she is gone and so let her rest in peace.  If you father refuses to discuss it. . .then so be it.  Please learn to live your life peacefully and avoid problems from polygamous home. . .before you lose your life!

By now you should be married with your own family instead of hunting for properties you did not work for.  Why in the world will any kind of property interest you in Nigeria for crying out loud?

Frankly, I think you are jobless and just a busy body! I think you are worrying yourself over nothing. If the staff in his office connived to dupe you. . .what is your father's business? Deal with the people who duped you since your father has deciced to treat you as like an accquaintance. . .I do not see any kind of relationship between you and your dad. Please move on. . .you can't force love from anybody. . .including from parents. Don't forget you are from a polygamous home. . .there are children everywhere and so. . .you might not be in his address book at all! Move on!

@almond dont make assumptions,you should have asked me if i have a job first,i am second year for a 2nd degree and i have 2 houses of my own one in london and the other outside london,im not married but i am fulfilled at least.

the reason why im on about it is because i have 2 junior brothers in nigeria who needs a start in life,like you said its a polygamous family and everybody is looking out for theirs, my thoughts are that if the money will at least sort my lil brothers in nigeria out at least im very very ok on my own,you know when they are not sorted yet the money for anything they want will come from you abroad,as for the house its not an issue because like i said my dad already handed over all the documents to my step brother to take care of it in trust for all of us, like i said its not about the house at all,he is not the kind of person at all that is why i am really confused,if his mind set was the way you have said i wouldnt have bothered at all,because i have an idea of what it is to be in a polygamous setting,thanks for contributing anyway

flext:

@almond don't make assumptions,you should have asked me if i have a job first,i am second year for a 2nd degree and i have 2 houses of my own one in london and the other outside london,im not married but i am fulfilled at least.

the reason why im on about it is because i have 2 junior brothers in nigeria who needs a start in life,[/b]like you said its a polygamous family and everybody is looking out for theirs, my thoughts are that if the [b]money will at least sort my little brothers in nigeria out at least im very very ok on my own,

you know when they are not sorted yet the money for anything they want will come from you abroad,as for the house its not an issue because like i said my dad already handed over all the documents to my step brother to take care of it in trust for all of us, like i said its not about the house at all,

[b]he is not the kind of person at all that is why i am really confused,[/b]if his mind set was the way you have said i wouldnt have bothered at all,because i have an idea of what it is to be in a polygamous setting,thanks for contributing anyway

You have a father who is alive and cannot sort out the education and welfare of the children he has bred all over the place and you think it is the property that has been left to your step brother that will salvage your younger brothers?  I think you need to prioritize.  If you want to help your younger ones. . .you will need to do that on your own. Keep looking for property from a polygmous set up and see where it all ends. If you have a problem with your dad. . .why don't you discuss it with him like a man and stop all this parambulating?

I repeat. . . whatever your mom left behind belongs to your dad and he is entitled to the privilege of doing what he pleases with them. . . to your benefit or not.  Too bad!

Were you at your mum's burial? And your two remaining brothers back home, were they not home when your mum died? As your brothers shouldn't they have at least told you what happened to your mum, whether she was sick, in hospital for a long time before she finally gave up? Were you yourself not contacting home?

flext:

i have 2 houses of my own one in london and the other outside london,im not married but i am fulfilled at least.
the reason why im on about it is because i have 2 junior brothers in nigeria who needs a start in life,like you said its a polygamous family and everybody is looking out for theirs,

If I have 2 houses in UK and so fulfilled with no reponsibilities - am single, no kids, I would find schools for my brothers, pay their fees, get them to apply for student visas and bring them over to UK. With a resident guardian who is a home owner and all fees paid, visas should not be a problem. And with 2 houses, there wouldn't be any question about accomodation either. The only thing left now is your mums property which rightly belongs to you - her children. It doesn't belong to your dad if the papers were in your mum's name, moreso as your dad has other wives and children.

As coolier said, try and do whatever you can for your siblings. Personally, i don't think it's wise to try and pursue what your mum might have left for you guys. Hopefully, if you are able to help your brothers come over, you can all work together and rebuild your lives.

Re: details of your mum's passing, you might never get the full story. Try and remember that no matter what lead to her death, that she is now at peace, no suffering, no pain and she would not like you to be stressing over these things. So please, try and remember her the way she was and cherish all the good times and work for your personal happiness. All the best and remain blessed

You need a good heart to heart chat with your pop. Don't be scared of him. Approach him like a son and not a stranger.

_{5 wives? Hisss. .}

@ poster,
first of all, i sympathize with you (like i do to all my friends from polygamous homes), its good that you're trying to look out for your younger ones, but in a polygamous setting, its going to be more complicated. my advice is to continue to work hard and get your brothers out of nigeria as fast as possible. your father probly has dozens of children and wont be willing to give you anything, plus you are in the uk, to him you've made it and you are on your own. fighting over property in a polygamous home can be very dangerous.