nice

U nice?

Jonny is an ambitious little sperm in his owner's balls. He always boasted to other sperms:"When its time to go out I will be the first to get to that female egg". He is always doing exercises In preparation for the big day. Finally they felt the balls getting hotter and hotter and they knew the big day had come. Sure enough on their way out of the dick, Jonny was swimming way ahead of the other sperms and soon was out of sight. Suddenly the others saw Jonny swimming desperately back with a panicked look on his face and he shouted: Go Back! Go back!! ITS A Mouth Action!

stanloski:

Go Back! Go back!! ITS A Mouth Action!

Lmya 

@stanloski:

Dude, that joke is awesome. lmao 

Thanks Guys, This one is a bit raw, hope u guys dont mind

Fred a randy bachelor was visiting with his married friend and was sleeping over. The three adults were sharing a bed and his friend's wife is a sexy Hot vixen. Late into the night Fred felt the wife tapping him and he woke up wondering whats going on. " how bout a quick Bleep, the wife whispered and Fred answered:"Hey I don't mind but your husband will wake up"(husband was snoring away between them). " no way" answered the wife, "just pull one hair from his ass and if he doesn't wake up we are on" so fred duly yanked a strand from his friend's ass and got no response so he jumps over and they have a quick hot quiet one.

10 minutes later the wife asked for another round, fred repeated the ass hair test and duly performed again. Another 20 minutes later the wife tapped him again! Friend cold not believe his luck and he calmly yanked another hair from his friends ass. His friend didn't move but he quietly said:"Fred my friend I don't mind you fucking my wife but please don't use my ass as the SCORE BOARD!

No Underwear

A Ghanian, South Afrikan, and a Nigerian man went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. While walking around the course the Ghanian wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped, and fell. Her skirt was over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties. The Ghanian man angrily demanded to know why she wasn’t wearing any underwear. "Well, dahlin," she explained, "you give me so little money that I hav' to make sacrifices. Usually nobody does notice."

The Ghanian man pulls $100 out of his pocket. "Tek dis nah, go Victoria Secrets and buy yourself some underwear"

Two holes further along the South Afrikan wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped and fell. Her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn’t wearing any panties either!

The South Afrikan man, obviously upset, asked his wife why she isn't wearing underwear. "Well, honey," she explained, "you give me so little money I can't afford to buy any underwear."

The South Afrikan man pulls $20 out of his pocket. Go a K-mart and buy some underwear."

Three holes further on, the Nigerian man's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped and landed with her skirt over her head revealing that she too wasn't wearing any panties. Her explanation to her vex husband was the same as the others.

The Nigerian man put his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a comb. The least you could do is to keep it neat."

LOL Nice job guys.

Wife vs Husband

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

weird couples

LOL Cayon. . . . Who ask the husband to open his big fat mouth in da first place? Heheh!

I am going to post a joke soon so don't push this thread too far down. a beg wait fi me to post.

Ok ma

She be your motha?

wetin concern u?
abi u wan apply?

Deliverance

It is pouring rain in the flood plain of the Mississippi Valley, and the rising river begins to threaten all manner of private homes, including that of the local Rabbi.

With water coming into the ground floor, a rowboat with police comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."

The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me." Three hours go by, and the rains intensify, at which point the Rabbi has been forced up to the second floor of his house.A second police rowboat comes by, and the officer shouts, "Rabbi, let us evacuate you! The water level is getting dangerous."

The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."

The rain does not stop, and the Rabbi is forced up onto the roof of his house. A helicopter flies over, and the officer shouts down, "Rabbi, grab the rope and we'll pull you up! You're in terrible danger!"

The Rabbi replies, "No thank you, I am a righteous man, who trusts in the Almighty, and I am confident he will deliver me."
The deluge continues, and the Rabbi is swept off the roof, carried away in the current and drowns. He goes up to heaven, and at the Pearly Gates he is admitted, and comes before the Divine Presence.

The Rabbi asks, "Dear Lord, I don't understand. I've been a righteous observant person my whole life, and depended on you to save me in my hour of need. Where were you?"

And the Lord answered, "I sent two boats and a helicopter, what more do you want?"

Two Nuns

There were two nuns,

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana,

Jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked Jill if she wanna.

Jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun.

But stupid Jill forgot the pill,
and now they have a son

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

LORD, THEY'RE FINALLY TOGETHER .

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. She finally died after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, ' Lord, they're finally together.' One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, ' Do you think he Means her first, second or third husband? ' The friend replied, ' I think he means her legs.'

JUST A TAP ON THE SHOULDER

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, 'I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, 'No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab . . .

I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.'

LOL, I have them like puppets on a string hehehehehheeee ee tweet me LMBAO

heheheeee, this is too funny

let me catch my bed DWL

Goodnight sista

right back at you

Classification

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
[b]W[/b]ithout [b]I[/b]nformation [b]F[/b]ighting [b]E[/b]verytime
Wife replies," No, It means ,
[b]W[/b]ith [b]I[/b]diot [b]F[/b]or [b]E[/b]ver !!!"

LOL Thats a good one

Three Heads of States went to hell, Tony Blair, Bush, and Obasanjo. Tony asked the devil
if he could make a call to England to see if the Country is running ok, he made the call,
and he stayed on the call for 5 minutes. Satan told him that the bill is 5 million dollars.
Bush also asked if he could call the US, he stayed on the call for 8 Minutes; it cost him
$8 million dollars. OBJ said he wanted to call Nigeria, he spent 2 HOURS on the call then
He asked Satan how much was the bill, he replied, $1 dollar; he asked, how cum afta mi
stay longa dan Blair an Bush. Satan replied, calling from hell to hell is a local call
is not expensive, Na waoh this people turn our land to hell God go make 9ja Heaven some
day

Oh My God. . . . This is the most ulgiest dance routine I've ever seen. . .


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCfmiD7g188

dis was done by my college, these students wanted to join our music club at college, our juniors, but they cud not break dance, cud not rap, cud not sing n cud not play any instruments like piano, guitar or drums, so we kindda bullied dem n asked dem to do dis routine b4 we accept dem in(which was a lie coz we cud actually train dem, ) kindda funny wen we played d chinese song in d background, hehe, i miss my skool days, miss those guys n miss d days we used to go out performing n wen i used to b d main singer n all attention was on me, *sob sob*

Wife: wen u talk to a man, it enters one ear n comes out of the oda ear.
Husband: wuteva u tell a lady goes in two ears n comes out of her mouth,

Seamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but
didn't have a lot of money between them.

Murphy said, 'Hang on, I have an idea.' He
went next door to the butcher shop and came
out with a large sausage.

Seamus said, 'Are you crazy? Now we don't
have any money left at all!' Murphy replied,
'Don't worry - just follow me.' He went into
the nearest pub where he immediately ordered
two pints of Guinness and two glasses of
Jameson Whiskey.

Seamus said, 'Now you've lost it. Do you
know how much trouble we'll be in? We haven't
got any money!!'

Murphy replied with a smile, 'Don't worry,
I have a plan. Cheers!'

They downed their drinks. Murphy said, 'OK,
I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and
you go on your knees and put it in your mouth.'
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and
threw them out.

They continued this ruse at pub after pub,
getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the seventh pub Seamus said, 'Murphy -
I don't think I can do any more of this.
I'm drunk and me knees are killin'me!'

Murphy said, 'How do you think I feel? I
can't even remember which pub I lost the
sausage in.

The teacher asks little Mike these questions:
Q:What do you do when a child is drowning?
Mike: I don't know.
Q:What do you do when a cruiseship leaves?
Mike: I don't know.
Q:What do you do when two kids fight?
Mike: I don't know.
Q:What do you do when you stand in a line at the shop?
Mike: I don't know.
After this terrible day at school little Mike goes to his dad and asks:
Mike:Dad,what do you do when a child is drowning?
Dad: You bring him to shore.
Mike:Dad,what do you do when a cruiseship leaves?
Dad:You wave godbye!
Mike:Dad,what do you do when two kids fight?
Dad:You break them apart.
Mike:Dad,what do you do when you stand in a line at the shop?
Dad:You wait your turn.
The second day the teachers asks him again :
Q:What do you do when a cruiseship leaves?
Mike:You bring it to shore.
Q:What do you do when a child is drowning?
Mike:You wave godbye!
Q:What do you do when you stand in a line at the shop?
Mike:You break them apart.
Q:What do you do when two kids fight?
Mike:You wait your turn.