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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner (7390 Views)
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Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 10:40am On May 19, 2013 |
Hello house, I 've always visited nairaland as a means of keeping informed on current news in particular. Pls I need advice on d best way to treat a girl that u discovered is cheating on you. As I type dis she is in my kitchen cooking, am allowing her continue with d cooking because I have a visitor over and he is meeting her for d first time. I won't want my visitor know am having issues with her cos of all d good things I 've told him about her. I 've very few friends and d friend I would 've discussed dis matter wit would "yarb" me that he warned me about being too fast wit dis girl, my reasons for acting that way was because of d spontaneous way things were going between us over d little time we 've spent together. I started a long distance with her in March dis year and dis is her 3rd visit and ever since I went to pick her last night she has been acting strangely, when I confronted her about how I got to know she s cheating on me she could not say a word. My annoyance is d fact that I 've introduced to my elder sister who is likea a mother to me. Am kinda confused cos dis is d first time dis is happening to me, I felt like hitting but I 've never raised my hand on a woman....still considering dis though if dat would drive some senseinto her head and make her just deny or accept and probably explain her self...confused |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Dygeasy(m): 12:16pm On May 19, 2013 |
You're still confused cos there's nothing to work on in Ɣ☺U̶̲̥̅̊я post. Pls tell us about it. Details please. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 12:30pm On May 19, 2013 |
I think you don't know what you want sir. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Lobolintin(m): 12:42pm On May 19, 2013 |
free her, if u continue. expect it when u marry her |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 2:04pm On May 19, 2013 |
@ all, I picked her up right in my car calls came in which she ignored, when we got home she took d call and lied about where she is to d first person, minutes later another call probably from a friend of d first caller insisting he and d friend are coming to meet her at where she said she was, their conversation was so audible cos it's a smallNokia phone. I didn't say anything till dis morning, in her presence I took her phone and went thru it (I know what you would say but i 've never done dis before now, I 've alwaysbeen against it) and saw SMSs professing love, that was when I had to ask here. Honestly speaking I know no one is to be trusted but this is my downside....I trust easily. After more than 3hrs she is now telling me it was her friendthat used her phone to send those sms s that if it were her she would 've deleted them even when her name was mentioned in one of d sms, about d phone calls she now said it's someone she has been avoiding. Truth is I don't believe her , between beating her up and asking her to leave tomorrow without paying her air fare back and beating her up and still not giving her anything I promised her, still contemplating which would serve her better. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by dBard: 6:46pm On May 19, 2013 |
benefitzte: @ all, I'll make this brief. Don't waste your time beating her up or whatever cos u ain't got no justification f dat. She isn't cheating on u wit someone, she's cheating on someone with you. Recognize a LovePeddler f who she is. Never treat a LovePeddler as a princess except u b Richard Gere. least she could do was formulate a proper excuse. Shows how much she respects u. Send her home joor n end it all except u want t get ur pound of flesh. It's ur life.. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by obyrich(m): 7:58pm On May 19, 2013 |
Don't beat her. She is a gold digger and pathological liar. Just bundle her back. In place of air ticket give her a bus ticket.Tell her to learn to be faithful. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 8:04pm On May 19, 2013 |
dBard's post is my own advice too, brah. Let her go. Don't hit her. You'll make a habit you'll find tough to break when you need to break it. Don't send her away without t fare. She may deserve that and worse, but think avout who you are and who you want ro be for your own Queen, the woman who will guard your heart with her very life. Send her away. Let her go. Forget about her and just move on with your life. But why would she leave those SMS's on her phone and let you see them and why would she lie in your presence if she's playing you? 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by stefanlover: 8:11pm On May 19, 2013 |
Like this |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by chronique(m): 8:13pm On May 19, 2013 |
My advice: don't hit her. Act like you're not bothered and enjoy the goody bag as much as you want. When you're done with her,kick the biatch out and say bye-bye. Simple. 2 Likes |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 8:18pm On May 19, 2013 |
Thats y I can never engage in a long distant relationship never. I can never trust a lady far away from me except my she is my wife. If am dating any lady, the day something takes her far away 4rm me thats the end of our relationship |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by stefanlover: 8:19pm On May 19, 2013 |
On a more serious note, don't even waste your time This is God way of saving you trouble before hand. A long distance relationship with a cheater? Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee get out why you can. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 8:45pm On May 19, 2013 |
You feel like hitting a woman you never paid a dime on?enroll into anger management classes ASAP.hit her, hopefully you ll pay heavily for your restless hands. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by 190theclown: 8:48pm On May 19, 2013 |
use all her WHITE PANTS as Rag for the rims of your car especially this raining season |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 9:40pm On May 19, 2013 |
byvan: You feel like hitting a woman you never paid a dime on?enroll into anger management classes ASAP.hit her, hopefully you ll pay heavily for your restless hands.Pls make me understand u....are u justifying her actions because I 've not paid a dime on her? How about d few things I 've done for her in dis short time? Fyi I was supposed to give her.d balance of her school fees. chronique: My advice: don't hit her. Act like you're not bothered and enjoy the goody bag as much as you want. When you're done with her,kick the biatch out and say bye-bye. Simple.To b honest with you am not even interested in her "goody bag" @ all, thanks for your contributions, I 've learnt a lot from you guys. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 9:43pm On May 19, 2013 |
As I write this now her phonei is in vibration and she has not been taking d multiple calls that come in. I wanted to prove a friend wrong that told me she is too good to be true. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 3:01am On May 20, 2013 |
You have no right to hit her,period!!!begone if you can't take it anymore.If you must fight, go fight a man. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by 190theclown: 3:03am On May 20, 2013 |
Pls make me understand u....are u justifying her actions because I 've not paid a dime on her? How about d few things I 've done for her in dis short time? [size=38pt]Fyi I was supposed to give her.d balance of her school fees[/size]. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by jr101(m): 3:13am On May 20, 2013 |
BroS, itz clear that you love dis babe, I wunt advise you to break up with her now, but try n talk sense into her and make her See reason why she has to be faithful, but if it proves abortive, then show her the exit door. That means A leopard cannot change its skin |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by WackyJ1(m): 4:06am On May 20, 2013 |
byvan: You have no right to hit her,period!!!begone if you can't take it anymore.If you must fight, go fight a man.oh Shut up. You're just allowing your feminine defensiveness to get in the way of logical reasoning. The Op has never hit a woman in his life and he's so hurt now that he's considering it and yet he can't do it. And here you're talking as If he's been in the business of hitting women so far... 2 Likes |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 7:03am On May 20, 2013 |
@ wacky1, thanks for your understanding, for not hitting since yesterday I don't think I would ever do that again. @Jr101, I don't know if this is called love anymore. Am trying to c if within her she would realize she has been caught and probably change. She asked me if she has ever avoided my calls or formed busy when I called her and what man would she be with and still take my calls anytime I called yet d man won't get angry. She repeatedly told me it's someone she has been avoiding even before she met me. Am considering asking her to either tell d guy off, tell him about me in my presence or we part ways...I have done d same thing for her and in my case d girl requested to speak with her and I gave her phone , she told d girl her names, d girl looked her up on Facebook and later called to tell me she's happy am not leaving her for someone better. This other girl s story is a long one entirely. Should I go ahead with what am thinking? |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 8:03am On May 20, 2013 |
Dude, you did good not hitting her. Honestly, that she'd lie in your presence or refuse calls in your presence might also point to honesty. It may be that she truly is trying to avoid someone and it may not be smart for you to confront the person. We guys are different from women. So don't judge her by yourself. Perhaps you should take a little time to check her story out. The part that makes me uncomfortable is the sms's. They really could have been sent by her friend or someone else but it's difficult to peg it considering that she didn't delete them to hide them from you. Her neglecting to delete them might be because she didn't actually send them and may have forgotten them. It may also be that she sent them and forgot to delete them. I think it's up to you to decide what worst-case scenario you can live with and act according to it. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 9:21am On May 20, 2013 |
Ihedinobi: Dude, you did good not hitting her. Honestly, that she'd lie in your presence or refuse calls in your presence might also point to honesty. It may be that she truly is trying to avoid someone and it may not be smart for you to confront the person.I really appreciate your understanding but u know as a guy u need to understand d thin line between consideration and being used. Personally I think there is no formula for a successful relationship, what seems to work for one person may not work for others. As a guy I 've chosen to be faithful y can't a lady I intend settle down with do d same, though I 've not told her my intentions yet but she knows I mean well for her. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 9:46am On May 20, 2013 |
Sorry for your pain. Knowing someone does not value what you hold as precious is very painful but let me tell you this you cannot confirm she is cheating so choose to trust her this is choosing to trust her should come after you have searched yourself and you are sure you want the relationship. Don't do suspicion in your relationship it will kill it sooner or later. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 11:29am On May 20, 2013 |
@ andromiada, I do understand what blind trust is, for me to 've come here to seek opinions is because I want d relationship but for someone in a distance relationship and d little time u 've got to spend with her u are getting this kind of impression is really hurting. Continue trusting blindly ? What if I end up wasting my time and resources? Am 33 now and I 've got so MUCH responsibility. 1 Like |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by WackyJ1(m): 11:57am On May 20, 2013 |
benefitzte: @ andromiada,My Guy leave the relationship. From what the girl is saying it's obvious she is smart and she is defending herself in a way i myself will Have defended myself if i were in such a situation. She is trying to put up a smoke screen by drawing your attention from the only sign you saw by showing you other signs you were supposed to see but didn't... The fact that you don't have other signs does not mean that you should ignore one sign or believe she is telling the truth. It's reverse psychology. Since i could have deleted it but i didn't means it's innocent. Na lie.. Add long distance on top and anything could be happening.. Girls are so clever in covering their tracks that you should thank God if you saw even 1 sign... I'd leave her if i were you. Don't have time to be looking for other signs. Did she become angry that you checked her texts? |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by benefitzte: 12:11pm On May 20, 2013 |
@wackyj 1, no she wasn't angry I went thru her phone. I do most of my work from home while d rest I coordinate thru phone. She was telling me that she is d type that if u want her do anything u don't need to raise your voice at her, that even her parents know that when she is angry she won't alter a word to avoid saying what she might regret that was y she kept quiet when I accused her. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 12:11pm On May 20, 2013 |
This wacky thing must be a f*olish character ,maybe you mistook here for your father's compound, that's probably why you will spew "Shut up" as if anyone will listen. Better go and answer where you are called. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 2:00pm On May 20, 2013 |
benefitzte: @ andromiada, Well this is the way most Nigerians treat their relationships. They have backups, sidekicks etc in case the relationship does not work out. Most do not date with integrity, perhaps she does not know you want to marry her so she had back up just in case. She may become completely faithful once she knows you want to marry her. If you are sure she was cheating on you and you've not cheated on her it means your values are different. If you cant trust her well you may have to make a tough decision. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by WackyJ1(m): 2:07pm On May 20, 2013 |
byvan: This wacky thing must be a f*olish character ,maybe you mistook here for your father's compound, that's probably why you will spew "Shut up" as if anyone will listen. Better go and answer where you are called.You must be approaching Menopause |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by WackyJ1(m): 2:08pm On May 20, 2013 |
andromida:Madam this lady is showing the poster why having backup is necessary just like my ex showed me.. |
Re: Advice On Best Way To Treat A Cheating Partner by Nobody: 2:40pm On May 20, 2013 |
WackyJ1: And this is the mentality that has brought the poster hurt and pain. Same thinking that made your ex hurt you. It is not necessary you need to learn that your actions hurt others. So what happens to the back up if the beloved behaves? You throwaway the back up. Why not explain to the back up that she is a back up lets see how that works out. humans will always be humans sha. 1 Like |
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