Just Through With The First Page. Nice Concepts. You're Good, Undoubtedly Good.

Larry-Sun:
Just Through With The First Page. Nice Concepts. You're Good, Undoubtedly Good.

Wow wow, thank you Mr. Larry, for gracing my humble little story and your encouraging comment. Thank you.

Can we campaign in other threads?

Nice work...cant wait o...love ur work reporgirl

Damex333: Can we campaign in other threads?

We can't o, just found out. Only On the campaigning thread, so annoying.

@jodeer, thanks much.

Babe how far na? You wan kills us with waiting ni? Please make you try update oh!!! Keep your writting up cus the story is so real and may God keep gracing your elbow. Amen.

Interesting update. Oya oh. Vote Pc guru everybodi.

Nice story you got here. Read a little part of the 1st page some days back, but continued today. Now, I'm being kept on the waiting list, expecting your next update.
I'd expect writers to have a sizeable chunk of their stories, say maybe half, ready, before they start posting. That way the release will be more gradual, as readers won't be kept waiting due to inability of the writer to work on additional chapters, but due because the writer deliberately wants to heighten suspense.
Finally, the write-up tells me how Repogirl talks '...as in, whatever...' Know someone or two who talk like that, and they are usually talkatives and naughty. Is that true about you, Aunty R?

Intersting

@ohibenema, lol, I am most definitely very talkative around friends, naughty and over playful but these days I'm trying to act old and set a good example for the kids.

As for writers having a sizable chunk before updating,
well for me I need the push that readers here give me or I get tired or lose focus.

Readers should also try to be patient, you guys watch serial movies and are patient enough to wait till the next week so please y'all apply that same patience to us here o. Abeg.

@Alicapapaya, sorry for the wait buh just manage abeg, I wee post again this evening as promised.

@ emeraldz, thanks, saw your vote.
I haf been warned by oga mod here not to campaign here anymore so no more campaigning o, but y'all know what ta do .

And why am I being called aunty a lot here these days. Am a geh o, repogeh nao :/

Madam I don vote o. Ur writing is wow! More ideas to ur brain

Who will call you girl, wen i keep calling you aunty. Wo, u be aunty, dont worry,i will soon change 2 "mummy repo".

Repo aunty

repogirl,i don vote,oya update shaparly!

U re doing a terrific job...

But as a loyal follower since ''finding happiness/one who awaits'', i want u to know that u aint doing ur best...

Ur story is beginning to take d form of a typical nollywood script...

Forgive me, but dia is no Life in it.... Compared to ur ist story, dis one doznt make me want to read more....

If u re gon' publish, u'll need to restructure ur plan...


More grease to ur elbow.

Okay, this is the first complaint of this magnitude. I had no idea, I was really enjoying the story.

So what do you guys think generally?

Izy, I think u r losing interest cos the story isn't fast paced like one who awaits, I'm taking my time with this cos I want it to have a mature feel but guys please lemme know your opinion. I'm still not done with part 2. Will post when am done, in the meanwhile, please do you think its lifeless?

Lemme do some damage control if it is.

Can she throw more light on the theory of 'nollywood script'?

repogirl: Okay, this is the first complaint of this magnitude. I had no idea, I was really enjoying the story.

So what do you guys think generally?

Izy, I think u r losing interest cos the story isn't fast paced like one who awaits, I'm taking my time with this cos I want it to have a mature feel but guys please lemme know your opinion. I'm still not done with part 2. Will post when am done, in the meanwhile, please do you think its lifeless?

Lemme do some damage control if it is.

Repo, u are not asking her the right question. Izy pls can u be specific, I also want to learn from you.

@repo we #teamth**mbsup4repo# says ur r rit on track more so gud(er) lolllll, mor chaps oh. PC guru al d way.

As an amateur writer, I don't knw d criteria for judging a story dat has Life. Personally, I prefer FALSE PRETENSES to THE ONE WHO WAITS.#myownopinion#
I write stories some ppl consider interesting and ask for more while while some consider d same story "not catchy"
Just work on being d best, no be one day dem build Rome.
Nora roberts sef dey write novel wey no get life.
Much love nd waiting for d nxt update. Sowi abt d essay.

two thumbs up @repogirl!
well done on d originality, yes its the classic boy-meets-likes-&-falls-in-love-with girl but its different cos:
1.) It not d typical poor girl sob story, she's in dire straits yet humorous; pretty but unruly etc..
2.) Their initial chance meetings are not forced/unrealistic, they flow smoothly
3.) The brief moment of grief (d call about mom in a coma) which opens d door to romantic possibilities 4them is original, I didn't see it coming @all!
4.) Ur story was soo good, I read it nonstop for about an hour, from d moment I stumbled on it @11pm. Then I opened an acct just2post these coments.. Like @hadayshawler said, u don't hav to wory bout each book catering to evry part of d readin public, just make sure uve workd out each bk's target audience n include what'll appeal to thm, within d rules of Nigerian reality; somthg u seem 2b achieving already, goin by d majority of positv coments here..
5.) Also, no profanity, very good!
But
1.) there are quite a numbr of typos (even tho d story's interesting twists make thm almost negligible... almost)
2.) watch d overqualification with adjectives, happnd quite a bit eg "..ABOUT six feet three or THEREABOUTS" and as @anonimous pointed out, "..CORRECT afang soup.." (qualifiers in caps) in d case of makin "afang soup" stand out, u cld use 'delicious' or...
Hmm, lemme stop here 4now b4 I overanalyse a story that's not even finished
I'm lovin it tho, keep it up!

I didn't finish reading Repo's first novel cos I stop loving it but I told her why. Izy,u are not helping her by not being specific with ur criticism. So I'm still waiting coz to me dis is d best romance story I have read on NL so far, maybe its taste.

*singin in d'prince's goody bag tune* "she say na nollywood eh but I say na hollywood, e sweet pass bollywood, u don Identify ur swlling point "

Candis wana talk now


In my own opinion,though i dint read her 1st story but i rilli luvd ds 1 to d extent d@,since wen i strted reading it,anytym i come online,i wuld 1st check "false pretenses" for new update..
So Y will some1 say it has no life wen i feeel hapi anytym i read it?
My opinion though,i luv it
Dont let ds spoil d mood bcz i expected a new update today o plsssss

What does it mean for a book to have life abeg.as for d 'CORRECT' afang soup she explained that she wants to fit in our 'local slangs' to give us a clearer description of what shes writing about (hence d use of phrases like 'nao','chei' etc) which to me is okay since she has not gone overboard.

Okay den, i guess its just me loosing interest and belive me, its not about d frequency of d updates....

But i still feel repogirl isn't givin her best to dis story...

About d story being lifeless, i'm searchin for e better way to explain dat....

But since its just me complainin, it shldnt be an issue..

IzyLuv: Okay den, i guess its just me loosing interest and belive me, its not about d frequency of d updates....

But i still feel repogirl isn't givin her best to dis story...

About d story being lifeless, i'm searchin for e better way to explain dat....

But since its just me complainin, it shldnt be an issue..

izyluv, lovey dovey, i won't mind. But you can give us ur mind, it will only help repo 2 build well,it will only help her a understand well.

Your story is nice but i had to opt out when i got to page five(5)..... Almost started cryin at a point, it tells so much of me. Seriously, whats up with all this rich people anyway?(i dont have to read to the end to know how it would end) coz it only happens in stories like this and movies(and maybe in my nauhgty fanatasies)..... Well, mine wasn't a happy ending, his mother didn't like me(of course am the daughter of a pauper) and he's siblings couldn't help the robbing on of how much of gold digger i'am(couldn't stand all of that, have got pride too).... Most annoying, he's a mommy's boy, whatever mom's says goes... Abeg make we leave matter for martha and mathias jawe.... Nice story! Bravo!

^^You are way better off without him dear.He didnt deserve you!

Hi guys, pls dnt think I abandoned y'all, hit a snag with my modem, suddenly the PC is not reading it, any one dat has an idea shld help out puhleeese.

In d mean time I'll start copying and pasting on my phone, will take a while but I'll get it done.

Thanks all for contributing, I'll be back to answer ur replies after I do d posting cos am sure dats all y'all want.

14



Princess was ready for that trashy girl. She’d be sorry who she’d messed with yesterday. Pouring the drink on her and then lying so expertly about it to Ise, well Princess was better prepared for her now. She’d taken some time to make out a well laid plan on how she was going to tackle the girl. Did she really think she could come into her turf, attack her and then get away just like that? There was no way that was happening.

The girl thought she was tough but she would show her who was tougher. She now saw her for what she was, a lying, low life tramp who had something going on with Ise. He’d totally taken her side the day before saying there were no witnesses to back either of their stories when she was sure he knew the girl had been lying.

Her intercom rang, it was reception “Yeah?” she answered

“Mrs Williams is on her way up along with Jeje Williams.” Tessy said

“Okay.” She replied and cut the call, immediately pressing the button linking Ise’s office with hers.

“Yes, Princess?” He asked.

“ Your mother and sister are coming up, sir.”

He hesitated at first and then said “Okay, is Kite on seat?”

“No Sir.”

“Okay, do have her see me when she gets back, I have some reports I want her to work on for me.”

Princess raised a brow hoping he really wanted her to work on reports and didn’t have some other things in mnd. Anyway, she could always listen in to their conversation just to be sure .

“Yes Sir,” she replied.

Taking her finger off the button she lay back on her chair, she was also waiting for the tramp to show up.
**********

Kite hurried back to her office wondering if Williams had noticed her long absence but she doubted it. Princess was the one who answered directly to anything he needed, kite was more like back up to Princess, she was handed down jobs Princess couldn’t handle at the moment.

Anyway she had a legit reason for being away from her desk for so long so she had a great excuse if she was asked. On her way in after leaving Izu, she’d bumped into Adeniyi who’d asked her to assist the new P.A who had needed to get familiar with some things.

Being away from her seat for a while was the least of her issues with the boss, she was supposed to be thinking how she would explain kissing her boyfriend in the parking lot. She didn’t even know if she did owe him an explanation or not, she’d been on break, wasn’t she allowed to do whatever on break?

She stiffled the urge to groan as she recalled vividly their gazes jamming after her brief lip locking session with Izu. Of all times, why had he chosen that particular time to walk past the car?

‘Fate! You really knew how to be a super b’itch sometimes.’ She thought to herself.

Getting off the elevator on the very last floor where she had her office, she walked briskly back to her desk ready to get back into work. The b’itch P.A was on her desk seemingly busy behind her P.C, Kite ignored her as she usually did and was about logging on to her computer when she noticed the brown envelope lying on the desk.

“What’s this?’ She didn’t remember keeping it there, picking it up, she went through it; there was a letter inside which she opened and scanned.

‘ Whoa!’ She frowned reading the heading again, letter of query? “What the ….?” She murmured as she read its contents again and double checked that it was addressed to her.

It was! Her name was there in black print, she was being queried for arriving late two days in a row, was this a joke? She’d only been a few minutes late on both occasions. This was a cheap attempt by Princess to make her look bad.

She got up from her seat and approached Princess’s desk, she would be damned if she was going to answer this query, let alone have it in her file.

“What’s this?” Kite asked her, dropping the piece of paper on her desk. The offending lady didn’t even look up from her PC as she addressed her.

“I’m sure you can read, cant you?”

“This is crap!” Kite waved the paper in her face “I’m not replying this and there’s no way its going on my file, okay? Your cheap attempts are painting me black will not work. Late coming, that’s bullsh’t, I arrive earlier than you do.”

“My dear, if you don’t reply it I’m going to have to report you to Mr. Williams.” Princess was looking at her now with a smirk on her face that Kite was holding herself back from slapping off, this girl didn’t learn, did she? If she kept testing her this way, she was going to get a serious beating from her one of these days.

“You know what?” Kite asked her “I’ll save you the time and effort. Can I see him now?”

“Sure, he even asked for you.”

Kite was pissed. That Lady knew the exact buttons to press to get her really pissed off, imaging slapping her with a query for coming in not more than ten minutes late on two occasions? She was definitely not right in the head and Kite was going tell Williams she wasn’t working under her for another minute. How could she work under someone who was constantly trying to make her look bad all the time, she didn’t need this, she would request for a transfer.

In her anger she wasn’t thinking and instead of knocking, she walked into Ise’s office. The sight that greeted her there got her stopping in her tracks. He had visitors. Sje paused and her eyes scanned the room, three pairs of eyes staring back at her. His, the woman he recognised as his mother and a young lady who really looked like he did, his sister probably.

“Sorry, I wasn’t aware you had visitors.” She mumbled as she stepped back and shut the door behind her.

‘B’itch!’ Kite screamed mentally, she’d sent her in knowing he had visitors? Now Kite was sure the girl was definitely not right in the head.
*********

‘ What the hell?’ Ise thought as he watched the door close behind Kite. Why in the world had she barged into his office, he hoped it wasn’t another fight between she and Princess, he was so done with acting like a referee between those two, they had to reach some sort of agreement on how to work together.

“Who was that?” His mother turned on him

“What…umm, she’s the new assistant to my P.A.” He replied her.

“Wasn’t she the one who was at the house that other morning?” She asked again.

Yeah, he was afraid she would remember that, the woman was too sharp, she never forgot anything.

“The one you were having breakfast with?” She explained and Ise nodded.

“Yes mom, she is.”

“What is she doing here?” She asked.

“I just said it, she’s the …….?”

“I heard you the first time" she cut him off "when did your P.A start needing an assistant? She's worked for four years without one, so why now?"

Before Ise could think about explaining that one, his mother continued.

Ise?” She asked him giving him an incredulous look “ Are you sleeping with her?”

“Mom!” That was from both him and Jeje who’d been quietly watching them.

“Yes? I’m guessing that’s the only reason you’ll be keeping her this close to you or probably why you gave her the job in the first place!”

“Mom, I do not appreciate being talked to this way. It’s insulting to both me and her, she’s good at her job and even if I’m having ….” How did one say 'sex' to one’s own mother “relations of any kind, it really is none of your business. I’m an adult and I can make my own decisions, thank goodness for that.” He got up from his seat signalling that their meeting was over.

“You might be an adult, Ise but I’m still your mother and I’ll still let you know when you are doing something wrong. She’s not your class, you have so many wonderful options but you go for….that? A nobody, who’s most definitely after money and….”

“Alright mom, that’s enough. Like I said earlier, I don't have relations with but but apart from that, you don’t even know her, you’ve only seen her on two occasions and you’re already talking like this? That lady for your information is very intelligent and doesn’t deserve your harsh words. As in mom, really? How can you condemn a lady you’ve not even had one conversation with? That she’s a gold digger because she doesn’t come from one of your wealthy friend’s families? I’m appalled at your logic, mother. I think its time you left, mom before this gets any worse than it already has.”

His mother wanted to reply him but Jeje came in.

“Mother, I think so too.” She said getting up “We really should go.”

His mother held his defying gaze for a few seconds before breaking it off to pick up her handbag and without another word she got up and left, Jeje following behind giving him an apologetic smile and a little wave as they left.

He dropped back on his seat wondering what in the world had just happened. He’d had a fight with his mom over a girl he wasn’t even dating. It was like the appearance of the girl always sent sparks flying in every direction.

He was really taken aback by the way his mother had attacked him that way. Attacked him and her, she was so far from the truth. Kite was none of the things she’d branded her as being. You didn’t judge a person by the amount they had in their bank account but he guessed his mother did. She, who of all people really shouldn’t but he guessed she didn’t remember her roots anymore.

Anyway what did he care, it wasn’t like he was dating the girl besides he’d seen her and her boyfriend in passionate embrace, the two needed to get a room and address their desires there not on his parking lot.

He couldn’t deny that he hadn’t felt a stab of jealousy, that was his punishment for stopping to look at people making out, he should have just walked on when he’d seen the love birds at it but he’d looked instead and when they broken their kiss he’d been shocked as he’d registered her face.

He really needed a girl fast, he decided. This girl was just like a curse following him every damn where he went.
************

Izu opened the door to see the love of his life, looking beautiful as she usually did but really tired.

“Sweety, you okay?” he asked concerned and then he looked at her closely “Have you been crying?”

“Nope, but almost there.” She replied him as she stepped into the apartment. “I’m just so bloody tired.”

“You should have let me pick you up.”

“No, a colleague of mine was coming this way, there was no need.” She dropped her handbag and dropped on a sofa

“My boss is annoying as hell and that P.A is starting to get to me.” She took off her shoes, flung her legs over the the arm rest and relaxed back into the seat.

He smiled as he watched her make herself very at home, this was what he loved most about her, how easy and relaxed they were with each other.

“Why you smiling?” She asked him frowning.

He shrugged as he came closer to her “You.”

She frowned “What about me?”

“You’re just beautiful.” He said as he gave her a kiss on the lips, she responded before pushing him back “I’m telling you about my hellish day and you’re kissing me? Behave yourself Izu.”

He laughed “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

“Well, you better until I’m don’t with my story.”

“Okay, what happened with your boss tis time? Was it our kiss iin the afternoon?”

“Funny enough , he didn’t even mention it. He gave me another lecture on the reason why knocking was invented.”

“What? I’m sorry, you so lost me.”

“Okay lemme start from the beginning.” She said telling him all about the query from the P.A, her anger and then barging in on him to see his mother and sister.
His mother giving her a bad eye on her way out and then him calling her and his P.A in and another round of dressing down. Saying it was seriously disrespectful o barge into people’s offices, then he’d also addressed she and the P.A’s feuding issues commanding them to work together without any more reports from any of them. He’d not listened to what she’d had to say about the query and had told her to reply it, sending a copy to him and the P.A via email as well as printing a copy that would go into her file.

Then he’d handed her a dozen reports he wanted attended to and sent to his mail box first thing in the morning.

“Wow, sounds like a trying day.” He said, kneeling beside her and massaging her shoulders.

“Its official, I hate my boss and his P.A. from hell.” She said as she moved her neck forward to give more space to work on.

An idea suddenly came to him“You should quit and come work with me.” He said.

“Very funny.”

“I’m dead serious.” He said matter of factly

“You don’t even have an office yet.”

“But I can.”

“How.” She turned to face him.

“Your boss.”

“What about him?” She frowned.

He shrugged “We play one on him, get enough cash and set up…”

“Stop it, stop it, Izu! Just stop it! Why you gong down this lane again? I thought we were done and done with it? Izu how can you come up with a suggestion like that when you already promised all that was behind us?”

“I just thought you hated him like your former boss so I thought…”

“My present boss is nothing like that man, Izu. You know what he’s done for me, my mom and all. I told you, he’s not really that bad just has a bad mouth and a way of getting to me with his words but even if he was that bad, I would never agree to playing him. Izu, please let me know, are you out for real?”

She was looking at him so intently, he missed the games, the easy money but none of it was worth it if he couldn’t be with her “Yes, I’m out.”

She released a shaky breath as she pulled him into a hug “Good, because I really don’t want to have to leave you Izu, you know I do love you. I don’t want anything coming in between us, not money, nothing.”

“Yeah.” He said an image of Brenda flashing through his mind, if Kite found out he’d slept with Brenda, they would be so done. “Nothing will come between us.”
*********

Izu is bringing up the issue gradually, I knew it, that boy is not up to anything good, I just hope he won't hurt Kite, thumps up to u repogirl