jidegirl12: ^^^ I'm not par of everyone and I don't see what the big deal is for temporary stay perhaps .... why is everybody so touchy and no more tolerance? What is the big deal as long as I have my own kitchen and my bedroom is merged with my living room?

Or she's not gonna share kitchen and bathroom at the face me and face you and even Share chores too with crazier co- tenants?

The key point here is Respect and the man having his wife's back hence clean cut boundaries . My take sha.... all fingers are not equal, not everybody will afford a duplex after marriage, lets be real here with Naija situation.

biolabee:

it is HIGHLY recommended but not compulsory
To each his own

dayokanu:

You saw some threads a few days back where people agreed that women cant stay together and that a family should always give way for the wife

if thats the way Nigerians think nowadays wouldnt you be saving the guy potential problems by just telling him to rent a place outside

Remember this thread https://www.nairaland.com/1311180/wife-vs-sister-advice-please

And everyone there was of the opinion that the two people cant stay together. na the modern day Naija be that , Not the one we grew up in

jidegirl12:

Then perfect! You're good to go then , kitchen is very important appurtenance kinda for women lol. Like our home office. lol

I wish you luck convincing her tho lol and as long as you're ready to have her back , nothing else matters, Rome wasn't built in a day , no biggie as long as there's cordial respect, it is well with you and congratulations on your union.

*clears throat* I know this is your choice but ain't you supposed to do your church wedding before you know the do do?

IdealHubby:

Thanks dear!
I appreciate.
As per doing the ''dew'' before the white wedding, would it be considered as fornication?
White wedding is just a jamboree to me. The Traditional is the main thing.

biolabee:

when i said 2 rooms, i mean two dedicated rooms that will be under you and her control not a room that will be converted to a guest room when big uncle steps in
More importantly there are two persons too many for a woman to have some measure of peace

if finance is a key issue, hold on and save some before u take that step

soon family pressure will come in to start parenting...

IdealHubby:

First, let me make it clear that my priorities for now, is not going into marriage to start making babies. Thats just another burden FOR NOW. It would come in due time.

The 'Big Uncle' aspect don't really count in my family. We know the 'role' they play during the burial of my dad and believe me, they have NO SAY, as whatsoever we do with our house.

chaircover:

If you are thinking of taking the easy way out because you want to be "legally" intimate with your woman, then go and rent a room. grow together and if you are both on the same page and have the same goals, then it wont be long before you both are in a position to move up the housing ladder.

baby_123: OP,

You can afford to feed your woman, but cannot afford a roof over your head. You are funny sha. You know when you have another mouth to feed, all your expenses now double. I don't believe this post sha, because when people say something, you have a response. Everyone has said the same thing. As for the woman, because of marriage and S*ex she will dive straight in. Later she will come on NL, claiming her family members are witches trying to kill her and no one likes her. Or shouting ultimatums and fightimg others.. Eni ri nkan he!

IdealHubby:

Whats your point Miss?
Is the price you pay for a room the same with the price you pay for a flat in your community?

My Original Idea was to do the traditional wedding, pending when I get a place of my own, before the white wedding, but the second thought of 'waiting' crept into my mind. Then, I was confused!

You can choose to believe it or not. Its your call.
Thanks all the same.

chaircover:

face me face you is worst case scenario. . . lets also not forget that Its human beings like me and you live in places like this through no fault of their own. Also The people you will meet in face me i face you are not your family members and it is a temp situation with people you may never even meet again in your life once you move out and move on. On the other hand family squabbles may last a life time and its not worth getting into them if they can be avoided from the onset. Basically what I am saying is that you can start small and work your way up the housing ladder.

dayokanu: OP,

Rent an apartment and let your wife get a job/an income before you marry her.

Dont marry her into your family house cos women being what they are would find a way to fight over everything.

And also is your income sufficient to care for 3 people conveniently?

Are you currently assisting your family financially, Would that continue after marriage without hampering your new family finances?

Best advice I would give you is to wait and rent a house far away from your family before you get married

If na Konji dey hol you tell me your area Some people on NL fit hook you up with some o sho free

Konji can be resolved within a few minutes, Marriage is lifelong.

Dont get into a lifelong issue because you want to resolve some minute long problem

baby_123:

Must you live in your community? Most people's parents/couples didnt start living in mansions. So if you want to get married that bad and both of you cant wait, find accommodation according to your pocket size. Am sure your parents did not get married, and move into your community. Since you both are starting out, it will be better if you both have something doing. What if it takes her a while to get a job and babies come into the equation? Are you able to fend for at least 3-4 people. In such an unstable economy, it is better for both spouses to do something. Just in case of job loss, even if she starts a business. And yea, people living in face me i face you are not animals. There are things called "starter houses/accommodations"

Amelian:
Like I said, it's not easy living with women... I will say extremely difficult.
Be wise, be patient and start small..
Best of luck.

chaircover:
Basically what I am saying is that you can start small and work your way up the housing ladder.

chaircover:

face me face you is worst case scenario. . . lets also not forget that Its human beings like me and you live in places like this through no fault of their own. Also The people you will meet in face me i face you are not your family members and it is a temp situation with people you may never even meet again in your life once you move out and move on. On the other hand family squabbles may last a life time and its not worth getting into them if they can be avoided from the onset. Basically what I am saying is that you can start small and work your way up the housing ladder.

armyofone: OP, You have been told. Open your eyes and do the right thing. Don't marry and bring wifey to live with your family. Go rent face me I face ya and grow from there. Why una too like unnecessary hassle sef for Nigeria?

Aafulenu: @idealhubby its like ur mind is made up, so y dont u go ahead and do whatever u wish?


just make sure u dont come back to NL to complain

Aafulenu: @idealhubby its like ur mind is made up, so y dont u go ahead and do whatever u wish?


just make sure u dont come back to NL to complain

dayokanu:

You dont know how bad Konji is?

Konji dey hold the OP badly he cant wait for the traditional wedding so he can unleash his full tank on the bride

armyofone: what is Konji?

chaircover: familiarity breeds contempt

Your family house is your family house and your marital home is your marital home. Two different things.
Yes people have done it, but if you ask many young couples in this situation, its not something that they will recommend. You have the kitchen sorted out and have found away to separate food and sleeping arrangements, but what about cleaning? how do you divide bills such as electricity and fuel? who pays the meiguard and driver?

will your wife be in her room always or will she use the main sitting room? If your elder brother is cooking in the main kitchen and she walks past, will she stop by and help him finish cooking the meal before going into your kitchen to cook her own meal? does the store that you are converting have its own sink? if not and she ends up using the main kitchen sink, will she wash plates that she meets in the sink or only the ones that she uses? . . . . . . .so many questions and each question is an opportunity to bring about bad feeling and strife if not handled well.

My question is that if you cant afford a place of your own now, how do you afford to be a husband in the real sense of it with all the added expenses that come with marriage. You say that you don't intend to start a family, but many of us married peeps know that when you are married contraception is no longer a life or death issue.

My advise to you is if you want to maintain your respect and protect your wife from unnecessary stress (yes it all looks good on paper but in reality when you have 2 or more adult women living together there is bound to be strife)then I suggest that you go and rent whatever you can even if it is face me I face you and you and your wife grow together.

Your wife and her family will also respect you more for it that you stood as a man and not run to mummy. Personally I wouldn't feel conformable giving my daughter to a man who still lives in his parents home, because I will be wondering if and when he will grow up and be a man to stand on his own 2 feet?

Winneygirl: Maybe I'm wrong,but wat I undrstd is that U want to do the traditional wedding soon, then after her NYSC, do d white wedding.
But she's not serving yet. Wat's d probability that she'll serve in Ur place of residence?
Dat's like 1 yr btw traditional and white wedding, a year of possibly not living together.
These are loose ends, coupled wt d house thing.
Or did I read this thread upside down?

andromida:

Heed to this but i know you will not,you have your mind made up.