Do I call this culture, norms or what? Here in Africa, Most average parents believes that investing so much on their kids is a guarantee for a successful and well arranged REST at old age. They believe when they invest if not most of their savings on their children, the children will in-turn return that favour as well. As for me, I don't think that is wrong at all. Now on the other hand, some children really don't think that they are obligated to do that while some really feel they are but the present unemployment rate in the country & poverty rate in Africa is alarming, which makes it difficult
for some children to return such favour to their parents. Some stil lives with their parent & feed from them. I have seen some parents complain about their well to do children not helping out while some complain in form of regret. Now my question is, What would you do as a parent in situations like this & as a would be parents, would you invest so much on your kids with such thoughts in Mind?

I personally think of it as a two way thing.If you decide to have kids, please as much as possible do all you can to raise them best you can.Invest not just money (cos alot of times we see this as the only element, vital element but not the only one), time, love, prayer etc to make that child grow up into a well rounded adult.Do your part and hope that at the end of the day, you have raised a well rounded individual who can be a constructive part of society.As this is done, also (I know might not be popular but it needs to be said) if possible plan for your retirement.That you raised a well rounded individual does not immediately translate to an automatic pension.Sometimes sef the child might be willing to do all but circumstances around them at that point e.g lack of funds, small growing family, insensitive spouse etc might not make it easy to fulfil that obligation.If your child financially takes of you, see it as blessing if they dont or cant also just see it as you have done your part.Dont expect your child to fund your high flying lifestyle simply because you raised them I personally think its unfair.

On the part of the children, honour your parents even the scripture urges it.Honour is not just money, time (call and visit them remember they too were busy when you were a child), care (ask after their wellbeing, seek ways to make their life comfortable) pray for them.At retirement alot of people feel vulnerable as if society no longer needs them.Make them feel loved, wanted.If possible even if they are well to do find something like an financial responsibility you must fulfil regularly eg buying foodstuffs, buying vitamins, pay a bill on their behalf, maybe their phone credit just something.It does not have to cost loads just something to make them feel cherished.Just love them and dont think it was their responsibility to raise me, yes it was but loads of parents didnt.Also let go of old grudges, as you probably become a parent too you will realise as mothercare says its a rewarding, confusing, mind boggling process that takes the Grace of God to get right.If you have kids please dont deprive them of their grandchildren as well.

Phew that was quite an epistle.Sorry

You over try sef..

damiso: I personally think of it as a two way thing.If you decide to have kids, please as much as possible do all you can to raise them best you can.Invest not just money (cos alot of times we see this as the only element, vital element but not the only one), time, love, prayer etc to make that child grow up into a well rounded adult.Do your part and hope that at the end of the day, you have raised a well rounded individual who can be a constructive part of society.As this is done, also (I know might not be popular but it needs to be said) if possible plan for your retirement.That you raised a well rounded individual does not immediately translate to an automatic pension.Sometimes sef the child might be willing to do all but circumstances around them at that point e.g lack of funds, small growing family, insensitive spouse etc might not make it easy to fulfil that obligation.If your child financially takes of you, see it as blessing if they dont or cant also just see it as you have done your part.Dont expect your child to fund your high flying lifestyle simply because you raised them I personally think its unfair.

On the part of the children, honour your parents even the scripture urges it.Honour is not just money, time (call and visit them remember they too were busy when you were a child), care (ask after their wellbeing, seek ways to make their life comfortable) pray for them.At retirement alot of people feel vulnerable as if society no longer needs them.Make them feel loved, wanted.If possible even if they are well to do find something like an financial responsibility you must fulfil regularly eg buying foodstuffs, buying vitamins, pay a bill on their behalf, maybe their phone credit just something.It does not have to cost loads just something to make them feel cherished.Just love them and dont think it was their responsibility to raise me, yes it was but loads of parents didnt.Also let go of old grudges, as you probably become a parent too you will realise as mothercare says its a rewarding, confusing, mind boggling process that takes the Grace of God to get right.If you have kids please dont deprive them of their grandchildren as well.

Phew that was quite an epistle.Sorry

Emekuuss: Do I call this culture, norms or what? Here in Africa, Most average parents believes that investing so much on their kids is a guarantee for a successful and well arranged REST at old age. They believe when they invest if not most of their savings on their children, the children will in-turn return that favour as well. As for me, I don't think that is wrong at all. Now on the other hand, some children really don't think that they are obligated to do that while some really feel they are but the present unemployment rate in the country & poverty rate in Africa is alarming, which makes it difficult
for some children to return such favour to their parents. Some stil lives with their parent & feed from them. I have seen some parents complain about their well to do children not helping out while some complain in form of regret. Now my question is, What would you do as a parent in situations like this & as a would be parents, would you invest so much on your kids with such thoughts in Mind?

Interesting question.
What would I do as a parent in that situation? I guess nag and complain until I get some sugar from the kid in question Or I go swear for them

Seriously, it's a tough one. If you invested a lot in your kids, it's very natural and acceptable for them to take care of you when you're not working. Why would they not want to take care of you? Old folks don't really need much, just enough to live comfortably and relax. If you're a well-off kid, berra sort out your parents

damiso: I personally think of it as a two way thing.If you decide to have kids, please as much as possible do all you can to raise them best you can.Invest not just money (cos alot of times we see this as the only element, vital element but not the only one), time, love, prayer etc to make that child grow up into a well rounded adult.Do your part and hope that at the end of the day, you have raised a well rounded individual who can be a constructive part of society.As this is done, also (I know might not be popular but it needs to be said) if possible plan for your retirement.That you raised a well rounded individual does not immediately translate to an automatic pension.Sometimes sef the child might be willing to do all but circumstances around them at that point e.g lack of funds, small growing family, insensitive spouse etc might not make it easy to fulfil that obligation.If your child financially takes of you, see it as blessing if they dont or cant also just see it as you have done your part.Dont expect your child to fund your high flying lifestyle simply because you raised them I personally think its unfair.

On the part of the children, honour your parents even the scripture urges it.Honour is not just money, time (call and visit them remember they too were busy when you were a child), care (ask after their wellbeing, seek ways to make their life comfortable) pray for them.At retirement alot of people feel vulnerable as if society no longer needs them.Make them feel loved, wanted.If possible even if they are well to do find something like an financial responsibility you must fulfil regularly eg buying foodstuffs, buying vitamins, pay a bill on their behalf, maybe their phone credit just something.It does not have to cost loads just something to make them feel cherished.Just love them and dont think it was their responsibility to raise me, yes it was but loads of parents didnt.Also let go of old grudges, as you probably become a parent too you will realise as mothercare says its a rewarding, confusing, mind boggling process that takes the Grace of God to get right.If you have kids please dont deprive them of their grandchildren as well.

Phew that was quite an epistle.Sorry

. Wonderful, nice one there

AjanleKoko:

Interesting question.
What would I do as a parent in that situation? I guess nag and complain until I get some sugar from the kid in question Or I go swear for them

Seriously, it's a tough one. If you invested a lot in your kids, it's very natural and acceptable for them to take care of you when you're not working. Why would they not want to take care of you? Old folks don't really need much, just enough to live comfortably and relax. If you're a well-off kid, berra sort out your parents

Oga swear ke ;DWhat if they are not well off or lets say as well of as you? Also define take care of? Cos take care of means diff things to diff people.

One advise I always tell people.Do not buy so expensive and later sell cheaply.what do I mean?you spend millions of naira in acquiring a uni degree and at the end of the day you are rated just within 80-120 thousand naira in the labour market.By the time you are through with your bills how much is left to give to papa who actually spent such money?people keep complaining about our degraded uni.yeah I agree but my friend a lot of brains graduated from such schools and they are doing so well.But my dear Nigerias would never agree oh.

Mrs mansson: One advise I always tell people.Do not buy so expensive and later sell cheaply.what do I mean?you spend millions of naira in acquiring a uni degree and at the end of the day you are rated just within 80-120 thousand naira in the labour market.By the time you are through with your bills how much is left to give to papa who actually spent such money?people keep complaining about our degraded uni.yeah I agree but my friend a lot of brains graduated from such schools and they are doing so well.But my dear Nigerias would never agree oh.

damn.. u have a good point there,,

but parents still want to give an edge (+ security) especially with an int'l flavour (residency)

Here in naija if u are brilliant, you will suffer in school with se.x-crazed lecturers, cultists prowling around, police brutality etc while an average guy over there can stil come out an excellent grade

What do you think

Mrs mansson: One advise I always tell people.Do not buy so expensive and later sell cheaply.what do I mean?you spend millions of naira in acquiring a uni degree and at the end of the day you are rated just within 80-120 thousand naira in the labour market.By the time you are through with your bills how much is left to give to papa who actually spent such money?people keep complaining about our degraded uni.yeah I agree but my friend a lot of brains graduated from such schools and they are doing so well.But my dear Nigerias would never agree oh.

. Who is to blame,
The society or the individuals
?

damiso:
Oga swear ke ;DWhat if they are not well off or lets say as well of as you? Also define take care of? Cos take care of means diff things to diff people.

Haba. But you know this thing na.
If I am more well-off than you, why would I be asking for you to take care of me?

AjanleKoko:

Haba. But you know this thing na.
If I am more well-off than you, why would I be asking for you to take care of me?

True sha but not in all cases o.I know a mother and child who fell out cos mum wanted child to pay for Umrah (lesser hajj) and child said mum i cant afford this for now, we just spent alot of money for 70th birthday.This mum is not poor by any defintion of the word (landlady in Lagos).And she had already performed hajj twice so its not like she has not done the holy pilgrimage.See swearing (like you said) .No be even say child is rich sef just regular guy working in a bank and wife working in MTN.

damiso:

True sha but not in all cases o.I know a mother and child who fell out cos mum wanted child to pay for Umrah (lesser hajj) and child said mum i cant afford this for now, we just spent alot of money for 70th birthday.This mum is not poor by any defintion of the word (landlady in Lagos).And she had already performed hajj twice so its not like she has not done the holy pilgrimage.See swearing (like you said) .No be even say child is rich sef just regular guy working in a bank and wife working in MTN.

Haba. That one wants to jolof at her children's expense.
There would definitely be lots of cases like that, but generally speaking, every child should be able to ensure that their retired parent has some sort of stipend to take care of daily expenses. Also ensure that little things like health-care is taken care of. That should not be regarded as too much to do.

AjanleKoko:

Haba. That one wants to jolof at her children's expense.
There would definitely be lots of cases like that, but generally speaking, every child should be able to ensure that their retired parent has some sort of stipend to take care of daily expenses. Also ensure that little things like health-care is taken care of. That should not be regarded as too much to do.

I agree especially at the health care bit.In a country like Nigeria nonetheless as indeed health is wealth.

biolabee:

damn.. u have a good point there,,

but parents still want to give an edge (+ security) especially with an int'l flavour (residency)

Here in naija if u are brilliant, you will suffer in school with se.x-crazed lecturers, cultists prowling around, police brutality etc while an average guy over there can stil come out an excellent grade

What do you think

Not all schools in naija are packed with what you listed.hope you know coming out with an excellent grade does not guarantee success.that you are a graduate from so so and so uni does not make me want to buy your product(hope you get what I mean by product

Emekuuss: . Who is to blame,
The society or the individuals
?

Life is a market that entails buying and selling.the society has no problem with your decision to buy and sell.but surely society demand and supply exist,if one buys so expensive(uni degree)and can't sell very expensive then such individual is to blame not the society.

Mrs mansson:
Not all schools in naija are packed with what you listed.hope you know coming out with an excellent grade does not guarantee success.that you are a graduate from so so and so uni does not make me want to buy your product(hope you get what I mean by product

True.......

Mrs mansson:
Life is a market that entails buying and selling.the society has no problem with your decision to buy and sell.but surely society demand and supply exist,if one buys so expensive(uni degree)and can't sell very expensive then such individual is to blame not the society.

. Very correct.

Mrs mansson: One advise I always tell people.Do not buy so expensive and later sell cheaply.what do I mean?you spend millions of naira in acquiring a uni degree and at the end of the day you are rated just within 80-120 thousand naira in the labour market.By the time you are through with your bills how much is left to give to papa who actually spent such money?people keep complaining about our degraded uni.yeah I agree but my friend a lot of brains graduated from such schools and they are doing so well.But my dear Nigerias would never agree oh.

While I am pouring my sweat and blood into raising my kids,I have told my wife that we must carve out our own lives separate from the kids.I am not raising them because I expect that tomorrow they will return the favours I am doing them now.

I only invest what is needed on my children. . . NOTHING MORE!
I have a life. . .and I shall be investing FOR MY OLD AGE TO !

I do not expect ANYTHING FROM THEM. . .but to be USEFUL TO THEMSELVES AND THE SOCIETY!
Shikena!