House,
I always come here most tyms to seek advice because I dnt believe Nigeria has counsellors, even if they do, I dnt believe they respect clients-counsellor privacy. I've always believed that it will change their mindset about Ɣøu . That's why I always come here... Nairaland is a faceless forum... That Aside
I have a friend, a very good one at that.. In short I'll say we are best of friends...don't 4get when I say good I mean good, cos he is my good friend
But of recent, I noticed his sense of sexuality changed (if there is anything like that) I've always known him not to be a ladies man.. He doesn't womanize at all but he appreciates beautiful face & body structures.. Of women so I guess his body must at least responds to women
For some months nw, I noticed that whenever he browses with my fone or system, if I check d browser history(though its not like I'm spying or something) I see pornsites, not just d normal straight categories, but d Gay aspect... Yesterday he was 2going wit my fone & slept off. Only for me to collect my fone 4rm him while asleep & I saw that he was in dis 2go Gay rooms....
Inasmuch as I dnt really like gays or anything, but I feel he shld feel free to express his sexuality as he deems fit, after all its his business not mine
How can I make him talk about it, he is my friend, I feel I shld be able to help ♍ƺ
Expexting your reply guys

^^ Or maybe he believes you're homophobic and would judge him?

If really he is gay, the fact that he can't feel free enough to open up and speak to you as his 'good' friend does say a lot about your friendship, doesn't it?

@Efemena. Maybe Ɣøu are right, maybe Ɣøu aren't...
House. Comment na... Abi na only to they view..

Which 'house comment na' are you saying?

A thread was opened on this same NL bullying Homosexuals, you should see mob hate posts , it was scary.

Efe was right, your friend don't trust you.

Don't worry NLers will soon show up and give you a recipe on how to kill him or take him to Synagogue for deliverance. Mtcheww

Does ur friend have a girlfriend or not? Start from there!! If he doesn't have one, just talk to him about getting one to feel his reaction!!

On a second note, is he into internet fraud a.k.a yahoo yahoo?
Cos I know some of them go to g.Ay sites to solicit for online relationships!!
Maybe he is looking for his own "maga"

Royal Roy: Does ur friend have a girlfriend or not? Start from there!! If he doesn't have one, just talk to him about getting one to feel his reaction!!

On a second note, is he into internet fraud a.k.a yahoo yahoo?
Cos I know some of them go to g.Ay sites to solicit for online relationships!!
Maybe he is looking for his own "maga"

*** faints! ***

@Royal..... Why are y'all always ruling out the fact that people are out there who are genuinely homosexuals??

So you just gave out different possibilities except the real fact that he could be in fact gay!

For how long do y'all want these dudes & duddets hide in the closet and end up commit suicide cos of society rejection and mockery ?? Jezzzz!!!

@jide. No one shld bully anyone... Everyone is entitled to dia opinion.
Inasmuch dis is a forum so I dnt believe they practice it here. They may talk about it here but not practicing it.. D law frowns at d act nd not at d gist
Bak to O.p
If he does not trust me, how do I make him trust me... Hw do I make him talk about his sexuality

jidegirl12: @Royal..... Why are y'all always ruling out the fact that people are out there who are genuinely homosexuals??

So you just gave out different possibilities except the real fact that he could be in fact gay!

For how long do y'all want these dudes & duddets hide in the closet and end up commit suicide cos of society rejection and mockery ?? Jezzzz!!!

Kai!! Calm down Jide

I think you misunderstood Roy's post. His very first sentence was to help the @OP ascertain / confirm his suspicions that the friend might be gay, hence he said to check if the friend has a girlfriend or not. (If he has a girlfriend, then he may not be gay)...and IF the friend hasn't got one, talking to him about getting one (which is just another test, to gauge the real situation, based on the friend's reaction...)

The second sentence is a completely different ball game, indicating that the guy may not be gay but pretending to be one, for the sole purpose of swindling those out there, by simply pretending to be one of them...

Gerrit?

owhizkid: @jide. No one shld bully anyone... Everyone is entitled to dia opinion.
Inasmuch dis is a forum so I dnt believe they practice it here. They may talk about it here but not practicing it.. D law frowns at d act nd not at d gist
Bak to O.p
If he does not trust me, how do I make him trust me... Hw do I make him talk about his sexuality

Question is: Why do you want him to trust you? For you to ridicule him?

The bolded bit of your quote up there is enough to tell us your stance on homosexuality!

You really are something else, d'you know that? You think it's easy for him (your friend) in that environment? Must you make fun of him on top of what he has to deal with?

Efe I perfectly understand what you're saying, so don't 'gerrit' me.

I'm not attacking Roy atall,

It just bugs me how people avoid that Term 'Gay' every-time. Maybe just maybe they're not as bad as people think, they should be educated and have open mind. Simples

@Royal. My frnd doesn't have a girl friend yet... I guess he is hiding under d disguise of christianity & how it frowns at unholy relationship... I doubt he iS a yahoo yahoo, though I can't say 4 a fact, since he doesn't av a laptop or fone dat browses

First step, talk to him about what your finding and see his reactions. do not sound condescending and tell him no matter his decision you'll always be his friend.two: if he is gay, make sure u don't change your attitude towards him, this is very important

@Efe. He is ♍♈ frnd, I believe we shld talk abt anytin & everytin.
Inasmuch as I'm not gay, if he is, its his sexuality not mine.. Every1 is diffrent, I may not like dem but dat doesn't mean I hate dem... They are demselves, I'm myself

@steph. B4 I start let ♍ƺ say thanks..
Nw if I tell him abt my findings, wat if he denies it, it may strain our relationship
Btw. If we both see any gay on d way (or any male possessing d xteristics of females) we both criticize dat person 2geda
But I don't knw why he still watches gay porns

jidegirl12: Efe I perfectly understand what you're saying, so don't 'gerrit' me.

That was a joke! Didn't you see the smilies up there?

jidegirl12: I'm not attacking Roy atall,

It just bugs me how people avoid that Term 'Gay' every-time. Maybe just maybe they're not as bad as people think, they should be educated and have open mind. Simples

How does Roy's non usage of the word 'Gay' elicit his avoidance of the word?

owhizkid: @steph. B4 I start let ♍ƺ say thanks..
Nw if I tell him abt my findings, wat if he denies it, it may strain our relationship
Btw. If we both see any gay on d way (or any male possessing d xteristics of females) we both criticize dat person 2geda
But I don't knw why he still watches gay porns

First of all, stop criticizing any male/female you suspect is gay, that is part of reason why he wouldn't want to come out to you. look for something around the gay topic area and tell him this is how u feel, that gays should be left alone. Ask him for his opinion and then tell him your findings.

owhizkid: @Efe. He is ♍♈ frnd, I believe we shld talk abt anytin & everytin.
Inasmuch as I'm not gay, if he is, its his sexuality not mine.. Every1 is diffrent, I may not like dem but dat doesn't mean I hate dem... They are demselves, I'm myself

Do you know how condescending you sound up there?

You may not like them? Why? Based on what? If his sex.uality is really his to bother about and not no concern of yours as you claim, then why should you be bothered to the point of 'not liking them'? Aren't they humans with blood in their veins like you?

How would you feel if a white or Asian person tells you that they don't like you because you're black??

owhizkid: @steph. B4 I start let ♍ƺ say thanks..
Nw if I tell him abt my findings, wat if he denies it, it may strain our relationship
Btw. If we both see any gay on d way (or any male possessing d xteristics of females) we both criticize dat person 2geda
But I don't knw why he still watches gay porns

There you go again.

What findings? Why do you feel the need to investigate his sexuality? How is it your business?

How do you know that, all the while you'd been making fun of and criticizing other gay people, your friend wasn't simply testing you to see your reactions?

I'm not gay but if I was, your reactions so far would ring alarm bells and wave the red flag to me. I wouldn't tell you neither would I want to keep you as a friend.

Have you considered the possibility that your friend is porn addict and not really gay. Port addiction like most addictions takes you further than it is normal. Once one is addicted to porn the brain gets bored of everyday sex acts and moves to other categories like fetishism, transsexual and gay. Core porn addicts here will understand what am saying.

So I would suggest you have a talk about him using your phone for porn browsing first. Then talk about other issues unless of course you are an addict yourself.

owhizkid: House,
I always come here most tyms to seek advice because I dnt believe Nigeria has counsellors, even if they do, I dnt believe they respect clients-counsellor privacy. I've always believed that it will change their mindset about Ɣøu . That's why I always come here... Nairaland is a faceless forum... That Aside
I have a friend, a very good one at that.. In short I'll say we are best of friends...don't 4get when I say good I mean good, cos he is my good friend
But of recent, I noticed his sense of sexuality changed (if there is anything like that) I've always known him not to be a ladies man.. He doesn't womanize at all but he appreciates beautiful face & body structures.. Of women so I guess his body must at least responds to women
For some months nw, I noticed that whenever he browses with my fone or system, if I check d browser history(though its not like I'm spying or something) I see pornsites, not just d normal straight categories, but d Gay aspect... Yesterday he was 2going wit my fone & slept off. Only for me to collect my fone 4rm him while asleep & I saw that he was in dis 2go Gay rooms....
Inasmuch as I dnt really like gays or anything, but I feel he shld feel free to express his sexuality as he deems fit, after all its his business not mine
How can I make him talk about it, he is my friend, I feel I shld be able to help ♍ƺ
Expexting your reply guys

I don't know if I should comment.pls I need permission to.I perfectly understand everything you said.

^^^ shoot away @Lorraine...the floor is yours

jidegirl12: ^^^ shoot away @Lorraine...the floor is yours

thanks.
@owhizkid.I have some questions for you that u can answer so as to give you the best approach in talking to your friend.
1.)How long have you two been friends?
2.)When u say a ladies man,do you mean he enjoys the company of ladies and easily flows with them or you mean he's effeminate?
3.)The part where u say u don't really like gays or anything about them rings a wrong bell!the part where you say how can he get help.do you intend to change him.
4.)How often do u both talk on issues?
5.)Do you have a gf!does he know!do u two talk about relationships the str8 way and what are his responses?
6.)I asked on purpose when you two have been friends,if you met of recent,I want to be sure he doesn't feel some vibes from you,it surprises me,how he feels comfortable searching gay p.orn sites without deleting them.
He obviously feels comfortable around you to search gay-related stuffs.
Answer this please.

@Lorraine. I'm sorry dat I didn't reply on tym. And thanks 4 ur response.to answer ur questions
1. We've bEen frnds 4 abt 4 yrs nw, it seems like 4eva, cos I rilly like him
2. Yes to ur both question
3. Like I said, I dnt lyk gays, not because of anytin in particular, but because I'm straight or maybe because d society painted dem bad or maybe its becos of ♍♈ religious upbringing
4. We talk about everytin & anytin all d tym, we av almost d same view on every topic. We talk abt issues mainly mostly relating to oda ppl
Inshort while people may call it gossip, we call it gisting
5. Like I said in ♍♈ previous post, we both came 4rm very strict religious homes so our responses on girls & sex is usually very casual.
And NO, I dnt av a G.F, maybe because I want to wait till I'm done wit skool or maybe because I've been heartbroken b4
P.S
I dnt want to change him, if he is gay, I just want him to feel comfortable around ♍ƺ, after all its his sexuality not mine
But recall that I said dat I'm not sure weda he is gay oooo

owhizkid: @Lorraine. I'm sorry dat I didn't reply on tym. And thanks 4 ur response.to answer ur questions
1. We've bEen frnds 4 abt 4 yrs nw, it seems like 4eva, cos I rilly like him
2. Yes to ur both question
3. Like I said, I dnt lyk gays, not because of anytin in particular, but because I'm straight or maybe because d society painted dem bad or maybe its becos of ♍♈ religious upbringing
4. We talk about everytin & anytin all d tym, we av almost d same view on every topic. We talk abt issues mainly mostly relating to oda ppl
Inshort while people may call it gossip, we call it gisting
5. Like I said in ♍♈ previous post, we both came 4rm very strict religious homes so our responses on girls & sex is usually very casual.
And NO, I dnt av a G.F, maybe because I want to wait till I'm done wit skool or maybe because I've been heartbroken b4
P.S
I dnt want to change him, if he is gay, I just want him to feel comfortable around ♍ƺ, after all its his sexuality not mine
But recall that I said dat I'm not sure weda he is gay oooo

let me hit the nail on the head.
1.)I can see that you two definitely are so close and almost inseparable and that's an advantage.
2.)If by your yes you mean,he's effeminate.then that's one point to hold unto.
3.)Clearly u have an indifferent and not so liberal opinion on homosexuality but that's not a bad thing as u have a right to uphold whatever views u believe and no one has the right to force their opinion on you.
4.)You two are open-minded on issues and talk about things which you share similar opinions on.
5.)U also don't have qualms about his sexuality and have no intention to change him,and u believe after all the evidence of whether he's leaning towards homosexuality that he's not one.
All this being sorted,I'd conclude:
***i want to believe your friend is gay and he feels okay with his sexuality.
He also might tend to think you are okay with it considering your level of closeness.
Another thing I believe is he's a bit insecure about himself and needs a hand to lead him.considering the fact that you said he's hooked on porn and visits gay rums on social handles.it could translate to him exploring his sexuality to confirm if he's excited by what he watches and see or probably he also wants to believe he his one because there's a certain likeness in him to effeminity.
Its a delicate situation that needs be handled with care.
If you would be approaching him about his supposed sexuality.you mustn't be too confrontational.
You should call him aside and talk to him,just start out by hugging him to show u are with him and he can be comfortable talking to you.
Next thing is for you to softly ask him what he secretly engages in on your phone and why he does.he might be scared to reply,tell him its okay,he can speak to you.if he tells you nothing,press him by clearly stating u know he's been hooked on p.orn and gay stuffs on your phone.as u do this,pls keep a smile,don't let him feel down.if he admits he's attracted to the same-sex,carefully pick up from there,ask him how he knows and what makes him believe he's one.if he reply's,ask him what he intends to do about it,the family situation,carefulness with choice of words and tones is required.
Lastly,I'd strongly require you get him off your phone but I don't know how easy that would be because I don't want you to seen to harsh to him.I need you to get this the right way.
His contact with p.orn may be what makes him thinks he's gay.believe me,anyone can get excited seeing p.orn.
P.orn isn't going to define his status,if he's confused on what he currently is.
Secondly,I've heard of what that 2go of a stuff does to people.its like some place where guys get cheap sex.the more he visits there,the more he's gonna think its the normal thing.he'll start making friends who would want to hook up with him and he wouldn't be able to resist the urge.he would be exploited and duped of his physical dignity.
Lastly,you need to be very careful please if you approach him.
If it turns out the way I stated above,please feel free to reply here.

^^ Now this is what I call a sensitive, mature and non-judgemental post.

Hopefully @OP understands how delicate this is, and would remember your words here.

Talk about what?
STALE NEWS!
MANY NIGERIAN MALES ARE TRISEXUALS. . .who phock GOATS AND SHEEP AN-USES too!
Na dem go 'church' pass o!
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM! SORRY!

Mgbeke Poosie: Talk about what?
STALE NEWS!
MANY NIGERIAN MALES ARE TRISEXUALS. . .who phock GOATS AND SHEEP AN-USES too!
Na dem go 'church' pass o!
YOU CAN'T CHANGE THEM! SORRY!

abeg wait.what is this one saying.I really don't know who let u lose.gosh #some people can drive u nuts.

OP, I'm sure u don't mind if he starts with you since u're a guy.