Eze Promoe: Typing in Progress............

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*flees from thread*

Take your time so that you can write good okay.
This is why I didn't want "Any pressure" to put out something. I pitied Ishilove at the beginning of the thread when she was being urged by some posters to deliver her part of the story, it was surprising that she delivered something good at that showing that she can write greater things if she was able to get that creative while under the little pressure to deliver.

Dygeasy: And Please No Additions Should Be Made Except You Contact Me And I Okay It. I'll Always Modify The First Post.

We Are Doing This For Entertainment, Not For Personal Gratification.

We're Trying Desperately To Keep Things In Control And Have A Perfect Story Line. We Can't Do That When Writers Aren't In Control Of One Another.

Thanks All! We Appreciate Your Encouraging Words. #teamnairalandstorywriters

Sorry. I's very much aware of getting the plot balling outta control. I's just excited. Kudos.

Kudos to you Mr. Brown......you got me laughing the way you described Sagamite.....so true.
I could remember my first encounter with him, it was not easy for me...lolzz

Eze Promoe: Typing in progress.......

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Eze Promoe: Typing in progress.......

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[size=20pt]CHAPTER 7[/size]

Missy B Restaurant, though outside the school campus, was the prefered destination for students of Nairaland University. It was a top choice rendezvous for romantic dinner for paramours, where menus are offered in both à la carte and table d'hôte.
D-Explorer always chose the restaurant because of its cool and serene ambience. This was where he splashed money on Smartie gurl in order to woo her to accept his proposal. This was about the second time he had invited her for lunch in the same week, he would go any lenght to make sure that this fair skinned, average height princess would be his.
Smartie gurl's eyes met with that of someone quite familiar, she couldn't recall her name but she remembered her face quite very well. The same lady she had boarded a cab with, who was asking a man about Port Harcourt city and its history.
Oh she! She wasn't a Nigerian, no wonder she sat in an isolated place, while others sat in twos, threes and fours eating and chatting. Too poor for the non-Nigerian. Smartie gurl parted hands with D-Explorer to say at least a "hi" to the lady.

"Hi" she greeted. The lady replied with a jovial "hi", in anticipation of her next word.

"You look familiar, yea, like one lady i met in a cab one certain morning, who was asking about PH city."

"Yea, are you a student of this university?" she asked in her tongue-click Mzansi accent, Smartie nodded with a smile and reached out her right hand for a handshake.

"I'm Smartie! Nice meeting you." she introduced herself with anticipation to hear hers also.

"I'm Humble!" she smiled.

"Alright, Humble. Welcome to Nigeria!" they both chuckled and Smartie gurl left her and joined D-Explorer who had been waiting keenly for her to finish her greeting.
Smartie joined D-Explorer who had already ordered a fried rice with salad and chicken source for the both of them. Smartie was almost distracted by a noisy argument made by notable members of a famous GPAN group in school, about the shocking skyrocket in the price of garri.
Maybe that could be why D-Explorer didn't order for garri like he did in their first date.
One of the argumentators, who was known as Ebamma, had serious beef with VC Seun, who had on many occasion, suspended him from the school because of his spearheading role in the increasing menace of this activists.
Mukina, a lady who was rumoured by students to be Seun's secret mistress because of the top roles Seun had placed her on, hated this group with burning passion, that she moved even outside campus to track down loyalists of this organisation. Because of the love they had for their "white angel", they couldn't stop mentioning the name, but rather they came up with code names for the food, like "G4", "Garrium sulphate", "white thing" and so on.

"I trekked to Mile 3 market to get G4, guess what?" it was y-me, one of them, lamenting, while his colleagues paid rapt attention.
"3K per basin!"

"What!" they exclaimed in unison.

"Yes, they said its because of Rivers crisis."

"And how does that affect the price of garri in the market." Ebamma retorted, not knowing when the word "garri" came out of his mouth.
Immediately, Mukina came into the restaurant with two heavy looking men, who were known as Pyguru and AntiSpamBOT. They pounced on Ebamma and beat the living daylight outta his eyes, and bundled him out of the university gate to stay, where he was permitted to view only as guest. Other garri activists disbanded running into different direction, until they came together in Politics Department, where they regrouped.
The HOD of Politics, Barr. Afam, was lecturing on the topic, "Crisis in Rivers State House of Assembly,"

"Who can tell me what happened in RSHA on the 9th of July 2013?" Afam threw an open question to the class.
CFCfan stood up amongst the crowd to answer the question, his stomach looked bulgy like he had swallowed a calabash for lunch, while he was still talking, there were side talks going on in back seat from people who were notable members of DAN cult.
Derailers Association of Nairaland (DAN), like GPAN, was a secret cult group. They had no focus in life, all they came to class to do, is to distract other class members, and discuss other issues while class was going on.

"I use to see this boy virtually in every class i go to." 190, who was one of them said, refering to CFCfan.

"Haven't you heard that he used five of his siblings to attend classes in this school, and they all bear his name?" bin gbagbo retorted.
The garri crews who were in the class found the group, DAN, interesting, and they decided to join them in order to drive away their boredom. Everything they were discussing their was boring to them as long as it was not about garri.

"Derailers, be warned!" Afam who had heard much noise from the back seat cautioned.
"More answers!"

"I also heard that youths stopped women from Etche who were going to Mile 3, at Igwuruta round about and seized their bags of cassava and zoomed off to Port Harcourt International Airport to stone four Northern governors." one of the students known as Acidosis stated.

"And it may also interest you to know that three amongst those youths are sitting right here in your class." Okija juju said as he barged into the class. He was wearing fetish doctor costume, so that many ladies were scared by his sudden appearance.

"And who are they?" Afam asked keenly.
"if your name is mentioned, stand to your feet." he quickly snapped in, refering to the students.
Okija juju cleared his throat, brought out a piece of kolanut from his tattered bag, chewed it and spilled it over the class. All the students revulsed.

"The gods says that they are," grave silence overtook the atmosphere, mostly that of tension and anticipation.

"Ow11,
Ikwerre militant and
Ibime" the noise of whispers grew amongst the crowd. Garri the first, being passionate about his "white angel", rushed and hooked Ibime, whom he thought he could beat amongst the three, should the need for reciprocating arise.

"So you are the cause of the hiking in the price of garri...." he lamented with tears in his eyes.
The "garri" he said attracted the presence of Mukina, and this time around Seun, the vice chancellor, who hated the word or rather phenomenon, with passion. Immediately, Garri the First retraced his words and quickly added, "um sulphate" to his word.
Seun who had appeared in the lecture hall, was surprised to have seen the noise in the class, and most shocking, a native doctor amongst them. What could a native doctor be doing inside the class? How would he know when he has over a million student, of which some are not even humans. Some students were fond of registering their dogs, goats and fowls, while some who had registered, have not been to school for a second. That is what you get in a free registeration university.
Seun himself had another means of generating money for himself, he would evacuate some of his staffs in the offices in the lock-up complex, and nail an inscription on it, which reads, "THIS SPACE IS FOR SALE" . Then investors, who were mainly shop dealers would show interest in acquiring the lock up stores. All Seun needed was the traffic, and he got it.

Seun was very angry with Afam, seeing how he had been quiet while the class was boiling,

"Afam, its like you're getting tired of this job. I can see it." he blasted.

"No sir, when I try banning noise makers from my class, these OPC members will say that i'm being too tribalistic." Afam said pointing to Dayokanu, Eko Ile, Ilugunboy and Texas.cowgurl .

"Hmmm, in that case, i'm going to give you an assisting supervisor who will take care of the noise makers."

"I'll appreciate that sir."

Seun sent for one of his staffs, and he came. He was a tall bearded dark complexioned man, he hardly smiles even if he was tickled at his ribs.

"He is Ikenna351, he will be your assistant and would help you moderate the class." Seun introduced and left. Ikenna351 gave his official opening address, looking at the crowd, he said with his hoarse voice;

"Today sanity shall be restored in the Politics Department, no derailing. If you do, you'll be banned. All garri crew take your grievances out of this class. No more tribal war. You must call Yoruba "Yoruba", and Igbo "Igbo". If I hear any word like "0femmanu", "Y1bo" or anything that is outside what that ethnic group call themselves. Thou shall not also call an Hausaman "ab0ki", even if you're singing Ice Prince lyrics, you better go to the Music department and sing whatever you want to sing. Call Achebe, Awolowo and others by their name....."

"And Jonathan El-retardeen Odechukwu" Eko Ile, who thought it was joke as usual, interrupted.
Immediately, the new supervisor ordered him out of the class, not to come back, until the next day.

"You would have asked him out for like one week, Jonathan is the best president Nigeria ever had." it was Sincere 9gerian who echoed from the back.

"You too, move out of my class!" Ikenna351 said immediately.

"For what offence?" he protested.

"For awarding false merits."

Eko Ile who had been banned went to his hostel, and dressed up in another shirt, put on different hair style and went back to the class.

"Stop there!" the new supervisor ordered, "aren't you the Eko Ile i banned just now?"

"No sir o! I'm Eko Atlantic not Eko Ile" he denied.

"You think i'm a fool? Now go back to where you came from and don't come here until after one week."

"For what?"

"Serve your ban."

This new supervisor was really a thorn on the flesh, and a nightmare to students. Under fifteen minutes since he was introduced as new supervisor, the whole class was empty with only him and Afam looking at each other. Afam was now helpless, there was nothing he could do again.

"Bros, I give up!" he fainted.

**************************
The sun was begining to fade gently off the sky, guys and ladies were sitting in couples at the Romance department love garden, where they also named Derailers Paradise because there was no particular issue that was discuss there. Some were talking about love, hate, heartbreak and other romance issues, while some were busy sharing videos, pictures and MP3 files, some also who maybe didn't have a date to hang out with, took the opportunity as well to drive away their boredom, by discussing American politics, Nigerian politics and so much more.
Hot and sexy ladies weren't left out of the fun, as they flirt with guys around arousing them, and leaving them on the hook.
The HOD of Romance Department, Sexkillz wasn't left out of the fun, as he and his lover girl, Ogugua88 were having a blatant lip licking session. The lovebirds didn't fail to garner stares from all angle of the garden, as even lovers were watching and learning new lip licking skills from the two. The sight of their kissing and föndling looked like that of a Mexican soap opera, more like a Chinese blonde kissing a Latin princess.
Side talks were raining left, right and center, mostly from those who didn't engaged in any chit chats, but rather meddle into other peoples affair.
Ogugua pulled back from Sexkillz grope, not looking too bright in countenance.

"Baby, what is it?" he asked, seeing her sulk.

"Let's leave here and go to somewhere private, i don't like what some people here are saying."

"Forget about that jor. See let me tell you, I, Jamie Ocee a.k.a Sexkillz, have been ignoring fools since 1887 and............."

"Wait, wait, wait," she cut him short, "did you just said 1887 or did you mean to say 1987."

"See, right from the time, even before fools were called fools, i've been ignoring them. Mi o raye shït mehn"

"Like seriously?"

"Yea, i'm 3310. O jabo ko fo."
Ogugua couldn't help her loud laughter.

"Oh, you naughty boy!" she chuckled.

"Antelope, be original for once, stop using 9ice lyrics to woo a lady." Xynerise snapped in.

"I just had to say something because it wouldn't be a good story to tell Skydeep that her husband is one of the fools SK have been ignoring since the inception of the word." Sexkillz said bitterly.
While the air was still heated up, two gorgeous lady stepped into the cafe. Their presence caught stares from everyone in that garden. One of the them, ItsModella was dressed in green coloured Dolce and Gabbana gown, green shoes, green eyeshade, green lipgloss. She was looking indeed like one of sort of a clown to those who were finding fault with her, mostly her rival ladies, but she looked very gorgeous to the rest. People wondered while she was so obsessed with green colours. She wrote on her lecture note with green pen, love hanging green bags, and so on.
Coming beside ItsModella, was Caracta, she was really a lady of character, it could either be good or bad or in between. She paraded herself as nun in campus, but wouldn't mind giving a kiss and move away. Any guys who gets himself aroused by this advance was just punishing himself on will.

While the two gorgeous lady came into the Love Garden, Caracta was like wanted to hide behind ItsModella. Who knows what or who she was hiding from.

"Girl, what's wrong?" ItsModella asked.

"Girl, you need to go, I can't go any further." she said holding her stomach.

"Are you okay?"

"Just having running stomach, but its no big deal, I can take care of myself. Excuse me!" she left.
It was when ItsModella turned her gaze to her left hand side that she saw what the lady with running stomach had seen.
Obinoscopy, Teeo and Rhymez were sitting on one bench discussing their moments in the Diary department.
So this is the reason for the sudden running stomach. She would go and confront the trio for giving her friend running stomach.

"You guys should be really ashamed of yourselves. Like seriously!" she interrupted.

"Ah-ah, Modella what's up na?"

"Because of you guys, someone is having serious running stomach. Gush, i hate you all. I better go outta here before I develop same" she joked but they were still confused at what she really meant.

"Please please please, ItsModella, let's respect each other and be realistic here. Don't insult us indirectly." teeo said solemnly. Only if they knew they were rivals to themselves. The poor girl was not to be blamed though, who would she drop for the other. She did it to herself.

While they were still rapt in the euphoria of love in the air, when suddenly a shabby looking well known trader barged into their funfair in such a rude manner,

"Ebe k'o no (where is she?)" that was what the weird man was saying, speaking in Igbo language, which was rather easier for him. He would need the like of yuzedo, who would flow together with him.
"Afam bu Okechukwu Ezechukwu"

"Speak English my friend, this is not Ariaria market." Xynerise but him short rudely.

"Solly, my name-u isi Okey but-u you call-u me Eze Plomoe the sole importer of Keke and Motor parts in all-u the whole of Ileabuchi axis." he introduced himself with full ego.

"Okay, Plomoe. How may we help you?" Xynerise asked, but the young man was lost already, staring from one butty to the other.
"Hey, Mr. Plomoe, i'm talking to you!"

"Please someone take this bush man out of here." a dark, average height lady sitting amongst them, voiced out with revulsion. She was chewing gum and also sharing video and MP3 files with the ubiquitous CFCfan. He had diverged from discussing American politics with Ogugua to video sharing, since the lady was seriously engaged.

"Hey, Sholly! That was harsh." the greenish lady corrected, maybe to impress the young trader. There was no need for that albeit, the young man was too distracted to hear what anyone was saying. For the young man, it was as if he had been in a wonder land. He hadn't heard about this school before, just one lucky day he was just passing by his sharp money hunting eyes jamclashed with the bold logo of the university which portrayed the sign of Nigeria's official currency, coupled with the name on this edifice, which also had the bold inscription on it, written, NAIRALAND UNIVERSITY . Even the starkest illiterate could pronounce the word he sees everyday on his legal tender, especially if he's from the East.
The name was quite misleading, one would think that the word "NAIRALAND" means a land were Naira flow, that was the case of this young trader.

Coming back to his senses, he'd corrected the mispronunciation of his name.

"Emmm, it isi Plomoe not Pulomoe, that isi "aaluu" ("r" not "eeluu" ("l" "

"No difference, but we'll choose to call you "Eze", the word you can pronounce well, lest you cut your tongue." Sexkillz put in.

While the discussion persisted, Eze screamed aloud thus startling everyone around, he must have seen something that shocked him enough to bring out such scream from him.
It was D-Explorer, known also as DX, coming back with Smartie, both held each other closely in a romantic way, making it easier for even a layman to decipher what went on between them. Eze must be familiar with one of them, and that was the lady amongst them.

"So this is where you are, eh Ada?" Eze lashed at Smartie. What embarrassment! Now many who never knew now know that Smartie is called "Ada" at good. Eze didn't even cared about who was embarrassment.
"Gboo Ada, i we ñuo iyi n'ig'emem f**k up.
I sim money, enyem gi,
I sim food, m n'egotelu gi
O buru cloth, gi na boutique Ejiofor bu ezigbo enyi.
Ada, gini foro, gini foro" DX couldn't stand the embarrassment any longer, some questions need to be answered here.
"Hey, Smartie, what's this chap saying? Do you know him?" he asked.
"He? He's my sibling." she was indeed smart to replace the word "brother" with the word, "sibling", she knew very much that he wouldn't understand what was beyond the regular English on the street.

"Tell him o!" the young trader kept pushing. Too bad, he didn't know what she meant by "sibling."
Their continuous heated argument pulled crowd to the scene especially the Romance students including the troublesome Idowuogbo.

"I think he's worked up by my negligence to home call." Smartie told him.

"Mogbe! Home call? Na obituary?" Idowuogbo who was known to be a razz and funny lady, interrupted.
"Because your Nnayi and Heenglish get kwanta, that is why you is spoking what Alhaja Elizabeth of Heengland don't sabi abi? Bado is watching o!" there was loud laughter coming from spectators.
" Explorer of women, asewo! Whoooooooo! You putted your conscience for food flask and now chaseth after Aba man wifey." their was louder laughter. DX wouldn't take this to heart, everyone on campus knew how funny she was and would go any extent to crack people up. She wasn't still tired of talking.
"Mazi, check out me bakassi, na me be the official runz girl of the campus." she was talking to Eze now "Bring ego make we do da tinz, but if you no get money now, bring am later under condition say DX kpekus must escort us go the bestest shrine for your village. Owo must flow. Deal na fifty-fifty. You game?"
Idowuogbo just did the magic, making the enraged Eze smile sheepishly.

"Alright, it's about to go down." DX finally found his voice, "see what's gonna happen now." Everyone was attentive. "She's your girl, right?" Eze nodded. "Now we're going to do what's called "THE WOOING CHALLENGE", you shall drop your woo line and i drop mine, and the lady will choose among the two of us, the one who broke the jinx to her heart."

"What a wicked world!" Shollypopz gave a wild smile.

"I think it wouldn't be fair, doing one and leaving the other" ItsModella put in.

"Please elucidate."

"I think it's high time we told these three," she said pointing to Obinoscopy, teeo and Rhymez, "to be part of this, to challenge themselves, so my friend would stop having running stomach." the trio laughed, though they didn't understood what he exactly meant, but it all part of the fun anyways.

"What is your point then?" Rhymez asked.

"Duh, my point is, the three of you will woo Caracta on the same day of the challenge, get me?"

"So, I've been whining and chitchatting with my rivals?" Obinoscopy turned to the other two gracefully.

"You game?" Idowuogbo said to him with emphatically.

"Game." the three chorused.

"Now that's SLOT 2" said DX.

"I also think that I, Lalaosky, deserves ItsModella's love and not that short and stone headed Binger" a tall and fair handsome young man who had been among the spectators said with confidence.

"See, Agbaya. Where was thou when Binger was shipping container of spare tyres from Apapa to Onitsha? You dey there they comb six packs abi?" Idowuogbo said again, she was really a stand-up comedian in the making.

"That would go for SLOT 3, I think this Friday will be a suitable day for this challenge. Bring it on, guys. Let's do this" DX said with excitement.

Eze was very shocked to see his brother, Spikes C, who was supposed to be in shop with him, flirting with girls on campus. How come?

"Spike le!" he called ignoring the crowd with him. What primitiveness.

"Nwanna, what are you doing here?" he asked while approaching.

"So, ayam now your jaki, okwa ya?"

"No, just that its happening here, but its not for people like you."

"Chineke kpo gi oku!" he cursed, "ayam not going away from here again."

"Your shop kwanu?"

"I go move am come this place where them write "SPACE FOR SALE," iche na mmadu bu ewu? My eyes don open. From now on, na NAIRALAND till lizard go begin grow dada."

END OF CHAPTER 7

Lmao..This is fun! Ishilove, MBJ, Mazi, Xynerise, Eze..You guys killed it! Moooore puuleeeaase!!!

lwkmd.... lol, Eze Promoe has killed me with laff. Chei! This is truly hilarious, was rolling on my cushion while holding my stomach.... His two chapters have forced me to comment by force. This guy is crazily talented...
You have a wonderful style of writing, excellent descriptive prowess and a nice sense of humor.
10/10, is what i rate you. #cheers#

lwkmd..... Ah fit mad e!!!! Eze dun give me laughter induced stomach pain....

Laff no go kill me... Eze is crazzyy

Very nice piece

mtcheew.........keep my ID outta this rubbish

Eze, you killed me.

Shollypopz: mtcheew.........keep my ID outta this rubbish

I hope everyone will respect this

MBJ what i do u na? Shey na be u describe like that eh...amadioha go use ur yansh do kpomo

Ride on jare, una too mush.
Kai where's Redmosquito when u need him

Eze!!!! Your first post about the politics department and GPAN was damn hilarious! Lwkmdb!!

You accurately captured the chaos that characterises the NL politics section. Imagine, Seun and Mukina's personal bouncers are Pyguru and Antispambot. Lmao!!
I was in the bus reading your update and people were staring at me as I laughed like a mad person. Guy, you funny die

Choi

Eze Promoe: Sorry for the much use of Igbo language, i'm willing to translate any if you ask me to.

Ru buoy! U on fire!!! Oya translate d bolded sharp sharp! Tank q!!

"Gboo Ada, i we ñuo iyi n'ig'emem f**k up.
I sim money, enyem gi,
I sim food, m n'egotelu gi
O buru cloth, gi na boutique Ejiofor bu ezigbo enyi.
Ada, gini foro, gini foro"


Ok let me try... If una laugh hen!

I sim money,enyem gi - Is it money? I'm loaded
I sim food, m n'egotelu gi- Is it food? I can feed ur entire generation
O buru cloth, gi na boutique Ejiofor bu ezigbo enyi- If na clothes u need, I go carry u go Ejiofor botique blah blah...
Ada, gini foro, gini foro- Ada wat do u want, wat do u want?


I try?