Recently our brothers and sisters who are away from Nigeria, sweet Nigeria are confused by the latest jargon and idioms as used commonly across our country. A Sample is as follows:
AFMAGISTAN
Africa’s 56th country, remote-controlled by Nigerian-born Generals Aki and Pawpaw.

BOSS
A boss is a boss. If he’s worthy of flattery, and he’s not a ‘Chairman’, then he’s a BOSS. (For women, see MUMMIFY)

CABALLIONAIRE
There are billionaires, and then there are Caballionaires, who not only have more money than most, but also owe far more.

D’IRREGULATION
The World Bank and the IMF love to push a tough policy of “deregulation” on developing countries, as the surest path to economic development. When things don’t work out, as they often don’t, “d’irregulation” is the tragic result.

ERM’PLOYMENT
A promise – of hundreds of thousands of jobs – that is taken seriously neither by the promiser nor the promisees.

FUELICITATIONS
A gift of petrol given during a period of nationwide scarcity. Generally far more appreciated than everything else except a (most improbable) gift of a US or UK visa.

GIDIOPOLIS
An urban sprawl of 16 million persons, all united by a singular pursuit of ‘hustle’, and the lack of underground rail. Sometimes also known as Lagos.

HEAT-AND-RUN
A person who is allergic to kitchens. Often has to depend on microwavable food: they pop it into the machine, press START, and flee the kitchen until a relentless beeping summons.

‘i’
Like everywhere else, the Magic ‘i’ is the difference between Ordinariness and Ultramodernism (see ULTRAMODERN).
So there are Phones and then there are iPhones; there are Pads and then there are iPads; and there are Problems and then there are iProblems, which range from having to decide whether to drive the Porsche or the Jaguar today, to whether Monaco isn’t a more befitting vacation destination than the Swiss Alps.

JOLLOF-QUOTIENT
A measure of your ability to live life to the fullest, per unit time. On other people’s money.

KIRI-KATA
A hypnotic Afrobeat-ish chant made famous by comedian and actor ‘Saka’ in the advert he featured in, announcing his switch from one mobile phone company to another. Kiri-Kata will probably end up referring to the dance that held us spellbound in that video. Step aside, Azonto and Kukere.

LIE EXPECTANCY
It is, very simply, the half-life of a publicly available lie. A lie with a high L.E. does not need to be repeated as often as one with a low L.E.

MUMMIFY
To succumb to the immense societal pressure to call a living female boss ‘Mummy’, regardless of whether she’s really your mummy or not. Widely encouraged in government offices and religious institutions.

NOCCUPATION
Any job that can be vaguely summarised as ‘this and that’. The next time someone tells you he’s into ‘oil and gas’, or ‘contracts’, it’s a Noccupation. You’re more likely to attain the Nigerian Dream with a Noccupation than an Occupation.

OGA-AT-THE-TOP
Anyone whose permission must be sought before you can make a categorical public statement, because you don’t want to say Something and Oga At The Top will say Something Else.

QUESTION OF LIFE
The fundamental question that you must master if you intend to be an authentic Nigerian journalist: “May we know you?” Recommended for prefacing all interviews with persons known and unknown.

(A)RRANT NONSENSE
The preferred cuss word of the Nigerian Oga-At-The-Top. Everything is “Arrant nonsense” to a displeased Oga-At-The-Top.

SUB
A ‘sub’ is the online equivalent of a critical To-Whom-It-May-Concern letter. It is an unflattering statement sent out into cyberspace on the principle that ‘A fool and his/her SUB are soon united.’ Exact origins unclear, but scholars believe it came from Napoleon Bonaparte’s famous letter to Lord Nelson, which reportedly kicked off the Battle of Trafalgar: “Sub(marine) me one, shame on you; sub me twice, France is going to war!”

TODAY’S MAN
Euphemism for a politician or senior government official who’s still on the side of the fence where the grass is greenest. Contrast with YESTERDAY’S MAN.

ULTRAMODERN
Every newly constructed structure in Nigeria is ultramodern by default: ultramodern wire fence, ultramodern public toilet, ultramodern car wash, ultramodern hospital syringes.
If it’s not ultramodern, then it doesn’t exist.

VEXTRON
Vextrons are social media bodyguards who offer their services unsolicited to celebrities. They are to be found wandering the dark and dangerous alleyways of Twitter and Facebook especially, sniffing out enemies to be demolished with a few quick strokes of a QWERTY keyboard.

WAZOLEAKS
A Nigerian start-up that hopes to rival Wikileaks. It will not only open up governments, but also delve deep into longstanding mysteries like why MoinMoin always finishes before the rice at Nigerian parties.

X
We may be wrong, but no Nigerian languages we came across in the course of our research for this piece possesses the letter X in its alphabet.
We therefore leave X to stand for the unknowable, unattainable, non-X-istent solution to the Nigerian Conundrum.

Can anyone better this list or add to it to create a useful reminder to the diasporans that our cultural life is dynamic and progressive.

The above was culled from http://arikwings.com/?p=2900

What do you know?

This is a clear case of English stabation!