Fellow nairalanders, I need a candid and mature advices on ow to handle an issue in my home! I'm married with 2 kids, the company that I work with just stop operation in april this year and I'm jobless now of which I've used all what supposed to be my savings in building a house not knowing that my job will end like that,since then my ever loving wife has totally changed, no more caring, respect infact, we just settle a quarel yesterday, but my latest observation now is that my wife has started bringing some spiritual items like !(back to sender oil,another iol bottle stuffed with naira notes inside etc) in to the house without my consent which is unusual,I was just searching through her wardrobe this morning and I noticed this,please, I don't want to make noise with her because I'm a respected man in my neighborhood. Please what should I do? Pls, no insults! Thanks!

It's no gainsaying that for some women,respect flies out of the window the moment the man is financially handicapped.

Now OP,I believe you're a responsible man,atleast you put your savings into good use and I'm also guessing your wife is the breadwinner of the house now but that doesn't belittle your status as the man of the house.

Call her and express your displeasure at her recent behaviour,even if it means taking her down memory lane-reminding her of how things were in the past. Endeavour to do this in the politest way ever.

Most importantly be very fervent in your job search or if need be acquire new skills that would put your back in the labour market..all these are to fully restore your position as the head of the home .
All the best.

Bro, a man without money has no respect. Go get a job fast (any kind of job) before ya wife starts shagging yur landlord

You have to discuss with her to know why she is visiting prophets/spiritualist obtain such rubbish from them.

About your job, if there is any way you can, gather some money and see how you can start a business.

You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your wife about the dangers of visiting spiritualists. They don't solve any problem, rather they add to it. She needs to stop now. I don't know your spiritual convictions, so i can't give a refined advice along that line.

As per your job loss, I pray that God will restore you and open a door unto you. You have to forget the past and look forward to getting another. What skills do you have that you can leverage on to make money. Try and see the services you can render to your neighbouring community which can bring in money.

It is well with you.

Bro.. Pls try reading Tues Guardian.
Get a job be back on ur feet.... 98% of ladies always want a deep green pastures.
All will be well @d end.. Do quick before she dey keep out late say na Vigil.

akoraye: Fellow nairalanders, I need a candid and mature advices on ow to handle an issue in my home! I'm married with 2 kids, the company that I work with just stop operation in april this year and I'm jobless now of which I've used all what supposed to be my savings in building a house not knowing that my job will end like that,since then my ever loving wife has totally changed, no more caring, respect infact, we just settle a quarel yesterday, but my latest observation now is that my wife has started bringing some spiritual items like !(back to sender oil,another iol bottle stuffed with naira notes inside etc) in to the house without my consent which is unusual,I was just searching through her wardrobe this morning and I noticed this,please, I don't want to make noise with her because I'm a respected man in my neighborhood. Please what should I do? Pls, no insults! Thanks!

I fully empathise with you for losing your job but these things do happen, sometimes through no fault of ours.

Question now is: What have you been doing since April? Have you been proactive in looking for alternative employment or source of income?

Re the bolded bit: do not let joblessness become a reason for idleness. Why were you ransacking your wife's wardrobe in the first place? What exactly were you looking for? (I hope, not evidence of cheating, etc as that would relay insecurity and paranoia on your part...) I assume while you were busy doing this, she wasn't there with you in the room and is therefore unaware of your actions? You say you are a well respected and peace loving man who doesn't want any troubles in his home. Good. Then don't go looking for trouble, because I'm quite certain your missus wouldn't find what you just did funny.

Bros, we all know the job market is tough, but that shouldn't discourage you, much less dampen your spirits to keep searching. Go out there and keep hustling like the man you are. It'll keep you busy with little or no time to go a-ransacking away at wifey's possessions.

Re: Spiritualists, sit her down and let her know that no good will ever come from that. Let her know you aren't happy with the latest development and she should desist from them. Talk to her gently and try not to lose your cool. Also, if you aren't already doing this - make an effort to help her around the home with the kids, household chores and cooking. Doing these in your spare time (from job searching) will only pull your wife closer to you because it'll send a clear message to her that even though you're down on your luck; you're still considerate enough to support and appreciate her.

It is well.

Thanks and God bless you!

Tinkybabe: It's no gainsaying that for some women,respect flies out of the window the moment the man is financially handicapped.
Now OP,I believe you're a responsible man,atleast you put your savings into good use and I'm also guessing your wife is the breadwinner of the house now but that doesn't belittle your status as the man of the house.
Call her and express your displeasure at her recent behaviour,even if it means taking her down memory lane-reminding her of how things were in the past. Endeavour to do this in the politest way ever.
Most importantly be very fervent in your job search or if need be acquire new skills that would put your back in the labour market..all these are to fully restore your position as the head of the home .
All the best.

Landlord?Thanks and God bless you

bishopoliver: Bro, a man without money has no respect. Go get a job fast (any kind of job) before ya wife starts shagging yur landlord

Thanks and God bless you

degurl: You have to discuss with her to know why she is visiting prophets/spiritualist obtain such rubbish from them.

About your job, if there is any way you can, gather some money and see how you can start a business.

Amen, Thanks and God bless you

bellong: You need to have a heart to heart discussion with your wife about the dangers of visiting spiritualists. They don't solve any problem, rather they add to it. She needs to stop now. I don't know your spiritual convictions, so i can't give a refined advice along that line.

As per your job loss, I pray that God will restore you and open a door unto you. You have to forget the past and look forward to getting another. What skills do you have that you can leverage on to make money. Try and see the services you can render to your neighbouring community which can bring in money.

It is well with you.

Thanks and God bless you

cycline404: Bro.. Pls try reading Tues Guardian.
Get a job be back on ur feet.... 98% of ladies always want a deep green pastures.
All will be well @d end.. Do quick before she dey keep out late say na Vigil.

Thanks and God bless you

chaircover: op call your wife and have a heart to heart talk with her. assuming that you have been a good husband, your good deeds as a husband will speak for you. That is why its always good to try your best during fruitful days because a rainy day may come any time and the people you meet on the way up are the same people you will meet on your way down.

Talk to her and let her know that she is killing the relationship with this attitude and Let her know that no condition is permanent and things will still turn around. Let her know what efforts that you are making to get a job and keep her in the picture. tell her to get rid of all these diabolic things and you have to move closer to God as that too will encourage her to put her hope on God alone.

As a man, no job should be too dirty or too small for you, so please make sure that you are out there everyday huslting. I pray that God will make a way for you. it is well.

You obviously didnt know who you married. Now that you have hit hard times, you now do.

Bro, I understand your point on why I searched her wardrobe, the reason is that she has been going out with the wardrobe keys for the past 3wks which is unusual and suspicious, that's why. On job search, I have been trying my best, even , I'm expecting a soft loan somewhere to re set up my music studio fully.thanks bro!

Efemena_xy:

I fully empathise with you for losing your job but these things do happen, sometimes through no fault of ours.

Question now is: What have you been doing since April? Have you been proactive in looking for alternative employment or source of income?

Re the bolded bit: do not let joblessness become a reason for idleness. Why were you ransacking your wife's wardrobe in the first place? What exactly were you looking for? (I hope, not evidence of cheating, etc as that would relay insecurity and paranoia on your part...) I assume while you were busy doing this, she wasn't there with you in the room and is therefore unaware of your actions? You say you are a well respected and peace loving man who doesn't want any troubles in his home. Good. Then don't go looking for trouble, because I'm quite certain your missus wouldn't find what you just did funny.

Bros, we all know the job market is tough, but that shouldn't discourage you, much less dampen your spirits to keep searching. Go out there and keep hustling like the man you are. It'll keep you busy with little or no time to go a-ransacking away at wifey's possessions.

Re: Spiritualists, sit her down and let her know that no good will ever come from that. Let her know you aren't happy with the latest development and she should desist from them. Talk to her gently and try not to lose your cool. Also, if you aren't already doing this - make an effort to help her around the home with the kids, household chores and cooking. Doing these in your spare time (from job searching) will only pull your wife closer to you because it'll send a clear message to her that even though you're down on your luck; you're still considerate enough to support and appreciate her.

It is well.

Get yourself a girlfriend till you get another job, that will do the magic

neyostica: Get yourself a girlfriend till you get another job, that will do the magic

Which kain advice be dis
Person no get work,, u wan make hin get second wife
I tire for you ooo

Some people are really dafter than daft,to advise nah must imagine advice wey grown adult dey give

baby_123: You obviously didnt know who you married. Now that you have hit hard times, you now do.

Most women will behave like this when things get tough.
Na make God no allow alarm dey blow man be d prayer!

thorpido: Most women will behave like this when things get tough.
Na make God no allow alarm dey blow man be d prayer!

I will disagree with u dear.
Most men r d genesis of their problems.while dating,a man tend to behave like a super dude forgeting that he is sowing a seed unconsciously.he enters into marriage and continues,when alarm blow he will start blaming woman for his fuckups if the woman start bein silly
Whatever u sow u reap.our men r guilty of that.very very guilty.
Lay ur cards on d table,any babe that don't like it should give chance for another,simple.

So many underlining issues here I must say.

What kind of impression have you given your wife when you had money, such that since you became jobless, her attitude and behavior changed in the house?

Sorry to say, but you married a shallow woman. Does she understand the true meaning of the vows she took? Loving and supporting her husband in sickness, health, poverty, richness, etc?

Why were you going through her things? I find it utterly wrong when couples do things like this. You are simply pushing the marriage to the destination of failure.

Have you sat her down to discuss these things with her? Not out of anger or shouting at her? But rather getting her to be on the same page with you?

I think she wants the best for you, but her approach to handling the current issue challenging you is shallow.

Cheers.

yellowpawpaw:
I will disagree with u dear.
Most men r d genesis of their problems.while dating,a man tend to behave like a super dude forgeting that he is sowing a seed unconsciously.he enters into marriage and continues,when alarm blow he will start blaming woman for his fuckups if the woman start bein silly
Whatever u sow u reap.our men r guilty of that.very very guilty.
Lay ur cards on d table,any babe that don't like it should give chance for another,simple.

I will agree with you a lot of men are guilty of this but it's like a vicious cycle.
If you lay all your cards on the table,u go jones well as a man.