I saw this on facebook and decided to share...its educating
MESSAGE TO MY FIANCE

I WILL LET YOU DETERMINE WHAT IS NEXT FOR US, BUT NOT WITHOUT YOU CHANGING FOR YOUR OWN GOOD

My Dear, I know you may be surprised at the length of this write up, pls forgive my taking your time. I feel it is best to speak and die since we would still have to die someday. I also feel like putting this out to you, so that in the nearest future when we are married, you can always remember this day as a reference point, and even if we eventually didn't get married, you can still always remember to caution yourself and treed with patience and understanding in whatever situation.
Baby,
I know you are cute, beautiful and charming. Yes i know. I also know you are modest, upright, independent minded and reasonable. No doubt. It is also not hidden that you are considerate, caring and understanding. And most especially, I know you are religious, kind and compassionate.
However, despite all the compendium of these rare qualities you possess which should brand you as a special gem among gems, one thing that is most likely to cause upset in your ability to fully utilize your God given qualities which may reduce or even deny you the full benefit of enjoying the fruit of your specialty ''if not controlled especially in marriage'', is your ability to easily get provoked at every instance which is a symbol of an uncontrolled anger that often spring from your sensitive nature for no major reason or at best, for flimsy reasons that simply require calmness, patience and understanding.
Everyone get provoked often and there is nothing wrong about it, but your ability to control your mind in time of provocation makes the difference. The fact that you are provoked doesn’t mean you must react, it doesn’t mean that you must be angry and neither does it mean you must act negatively. You must learn to absolve your anger and transform it into a source of patience.
Furthermore, It is true that i love you so greatly, but my love for you as i have observed transcend just getting married alone, it also include a possibility that even if we didn't get married eventually, the love will never fade. But as you have taught me, marriage is not just about love, there are many things that are to be considered and resolved.
My darling, what i want for you is everlasting peace, joy and happiness, but am afraid, your being provoked easily into saying things and acting negatively is a major obstacle to my wish for you and probably, your wish for yourself.
This is not about me now; i am not trying to speak you into changing your mind about me, no. It is about you, and be it with me or someone else, you really need to change.
Sometimes, when i see you get provoked in your issues with others, i wonder why the provocation and anger, as nothing based on the issues calls for such, but you often make your provocative nature feel proud of getting over you whereby making it more difficult for you to control yourself as i have observed. It is worth to note that, it is true that any man that finally have you as a wife would enjoy your company greatly beyond measure, but will you be understanding, patient and calm enough to enjoy the fruit of your being a worthy partner? Your anger is an obstacle.
I am saying this not because of myself, but for you. You need to change for your own benefit.
No matter who you get married to, be it me or someone else, it doesn't matter, what matters is for you to take control of your life and not allow one stupid anger steal your hard earned joy and future happiness. Imagine a situation where you have given your best to make a happy home in your marriage, but just for your effort to manifest and you suddenly allow your flimsy uncontrolled provocative nature to cause disagreement which later turn your good effort into something else. This is not good please, you really need to change.
MY BLAME
While i was thinking about the whole issue, i also realized i have in some ways contributed to your continuous habit of unnecessarily getting angry over nothing, this is because, even when nothing calls for your being angry, i end up appealing to you for calm, something that has made you feel comfortable getting unnecessarily angry.
So, Does it mean that your husband have to appeal to you every time even when you have no reason to be angry?
Does it mean that even when you offend your husband and you are at fault, your husband has to take the blame every time because you will get angry when he complains?
Does it mean that if your husband fails to appeal to you, the game is over?
Does it mean that you cannot control your mind unless your husband does so by means of appeal?
Ok. What happens if he doesn't?
Will you call it quit and abandon your children or just break the union because you are angry?
Does it mean you cannot absorb your anger and put it into shame?
Does it mean that even if you are not guilty, you cannot push your points forward without being angry?
Now listen baby, i think it’s high time you reflect on your future. I don't care what you think about me, but i will not keep quiet for you to destroy yourself in the name of getting angry over nothing.
You must retrace your steps and learn to apologise sincerely without expecting any in return when you are accused of being the offender. That is what marriage means.
I want you to know that, When you first accuse me or anyone of being the offender, that is when you deserve an instant apology to calm your anger, not when you are the accused. The person who accuses you may also be angry and all you needed to calm him or her down is apologising for causing the anger not necessarily the offence. It is after the situation has been salvaged that you may later call the person and explains your position. The person would later realise you are not guilty of the offence and would probably apologize uncountable times to you as well.
LESSON
1. The only time you can expect apology is if you are offended, not when you are accused of being the offender.
2. You shouldn't ask someone to apologize to you, let them figure out what to do after you have exonerated yourself from the accusations.
3. Apology help saves many things in life; you must learn how to offer it sincerely, especially when you are the accused, not necessarily because you are guilty, but because you have caused someone to be unrest.
4. Try to develop the act of apologizing even if you are angry.
5. Control your provocation, don’t let it be anger.
BENEFITS
1. When you sincerely apologize to save the situation when you are accused, it helps you to receive a thousand sincere apologies back in return.
2. It also helps you to save a possible damage to your relationship on the brings of collapse 3. Sincere apology makes it impossible for your partner to be angry at you no matter your error.
4. Apology makes it possible for you to be happy and pampered more greatly, as the best time is after the heat has been calm
5. If you refuse to apologize for whatever reason when your partner accuses you of something and is angry, you deny yourself the opportunity to be heard, exonerated and apologized to as well.