How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners - Car Talk - Nairaland
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| How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by ambrosini593(m): 9:07am On Aug 02, 2013 |
You have crossed that awkward, deeply uncomfortable, sometimes shameful social state of being without a car, I mean in some countries where the public transport system works, not having a car is no big deal. But in Nigeria, where public transport is living hell. You had suffered the humiliation and attendant frustrations. You swore to yourself, after the girl you came to party with, left in an air conditioned car. Thank God at last God now blessed you with a car, you have taken the car to the man of God and they spent over an hour with bonnet open, annionting your car and protecting it against the spirit of accidents that those jealous neigbours and village enemies. Your car is not beautiful unless you have covered it in stickers. Because of police on the road, get either an NBA sticker or an ARMY sticker. You don't have to be a lawyer or soldier. Get a customized plate number with your name or nickname, such as TONY01, DE DON01, DADDYK01. The `01` is useful even if you have only one car, it just shows how much you have faith that more will come. You can use nice Bible verse, like ISAIAH 43:4. Now that you are a car owner, you need to realize that your status has changed. You need to treat pedestrians with the disdain they deserve. You must never think like a pedestrian and do silly things like observing Zebra crossings. Those whites lines are there to beautify the road. Speed across them and curse anyone who tries to get in your way. Remind your neigbours of how your hustle has been blessed by warming your car everyday as early as 6am. At night, it is important that you see the road clearly. Nigerian roads are dark and dangerous, so you must use your full light at all times. Learn how to double park, how to drive against traffic on the highway, how to beat the traffic light, how to stop in the middle of the road to say hello to a long lost friend, how to litter the street with wrappers of plantain chips, banana pills etc bought on hold up. Once again I rejoice with you and may God keep blessing your hustle 104 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by lonelydora: 9:52am On Aug 02, 2013 |
LMAO...especially, The warming part at 6am. BTW, I am 1st to comment again. Thanks to my beautiful wife for giving me her Blackberry and to all the moderators that made it possible! 6 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by AnodaIT(m): 9:55am On Aug 02, 2013 |
When buying recharge card from the girl in your street, never come out of the car. Stay in there and hoot the horn, you will see her leaving the footed customer to sell you the N100 you needed. Dont bother feeling sorry for the other customers, remember that was how you use to stand. God time is the best 122 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by kingschild123(m): 10:03am On Aug 02, 2013 |
God time is really the best I was once like that without a car  wink!!! |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by kingschild123(m): 10:05am On Aug 02, 2013 |
Please owning a car does not mean disobeying traffic rules and regulations 4 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 6:20am On Aug 03, 2013 |
kingschild123: Please owning a car does not mean disobeying traffic rules and regulations It's a bit of tongue-in-cheek humour, don't you get it? 33 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 7:40am On Aug 03, 2013 |
ambrosini593: You have crossed that awkward, deeply uncomfortable, sometimes shameful social state of being without a car, I mean in some countries where the public transport system works, not having a car is no big deal. But in Nigeria, where public transport is living hell. You had suffered the humiliation and attendant frustrations. You swore to yourself, after the girl you came to party with, left in an air conditioned car. Thank God at last God now blessed you with a car, you have taken the car to the man of God and they spent over an hour with bonnet open, annionting your car and protecting it against the spirit of accidents that those jealous neigbours and village enemies. Your car is not beautiful unless you have covered it in stickers. Because of police on the road, get either an NBA sticker or an ARMY sticker. You don't have to be a lawyer or soldier. Get a customized plate number with your name or nickname, such as TONY01, DE DON01, DADDYK01. The `01` is useful even if you have only one car, it just shows how much you have faith that more will come. You can use nice Bible verse, like ISAIAH 43:4. Now that you are a car owner, you need to realize that your status has changed. You need to treat pedestrians with the disdain they deserve. You must never think like a pedestrian and do silly things like observing Zebra crossings. Those whites lines are there to beautify the road. Speed across them and curse anyone who tries to get in your way. Remind your neigbours of how your hustle has been blessed by warming your car everyday as early as 6am. At night, it is important that you see the road clearly. Nigerian roads are dark and dangerous, so you must use your full light at all times. Learn how to double park, how to drive against traffic on the highway, how to beat the traffic light, how to stop in the middle of the road to say hello to a long lost friend, how to litter the street with wrappers of plantain chips, banana pills etc bought on hold up. Once again I rejoice with you and may God keep blessing your hustle Always have the courtesy to quote from your source man; copyright and all. respect Elnathan John's intellectual property http://www.dailytimes.com.ng/opinion/how-behave-car-owner-nigeria 91 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by ziccoit: 7:49am On Aug 03, 2013 |
Race into pothole full of water thereby splashing dirty water onto pedestrians without looking back. Lie to your neighbour you are going the opposite way thinking he will dirty your just cleaned foot mats by giving him a lift to where you are going. You need to remember how you used to condemn baba ibeji-your neighbour for treating you the same manner then. 26 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Ikenna351(m): 8:24am On Aug 03, 2013 |
trae_z: Thanks for this. Ikenna 3 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Ikenna351(m): 8:31am On Aug 03, 2013 |
Op, Plagiarism is a serious offence which the forum doesnt allow. Dont copy another man's work and pretend its yours. Its a serious legal matter. It will get you a long ban next time. Moderator. 29 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by CHIMCO(m): 7:14pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
The op edicted the originai post to some extent. Give him some credit , lol. 8 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by redcliff: 7:50pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Lol. I've seen this on this forum before I got a car and I found it funny because they are actually the truth.... |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by hardbody: 10:37pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
trae_z: Busted..... 3 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Peterkleva(m): 10:40pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Hilarious |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by chessguru1(m): 10:40pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
But sincerely, I used to think that the kind of drivers in lagos where the worst until I came 2 PH. That's when I confirmed that AC and fan are 2 different entities! The driving attitude here is J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ plane sick. My mum came 2 ph for the 1st time said ph driving reminded her of driving in lagos in 1990's.  Don't even think of sticking ur hand out the window to beg other cars so you can enter a lane, cos ur hand will stay there and sprout roots, wither, dry up and die before anyone pays attention to you! Don't even let me start with the one way some foooools do along that dilapidated narrow rumuodara to rumuokoro road! Or the bus drivers that don't feel that pedestrians deserve to be trekking since they will convert the side walk to their express road! Then there is the double parking or the taxi drivers that feel they can "match" break in full motion @ any point of the road to collect passengers. The fact that every single spot in ph (except aba road) is a bustop doesn't help matters. Or the mofos that can cut their engine in a narrow street, leave their car and go out to buy meat (saw that nonsense this morning on my way to church) while all other cars behind him need to maneuver around his car J̶̲̥̅̊u̶̲̥̅̊S̤̥̈̊τ̲̣̣̥ to get by. The list is endless Port-HI-court I hail!!!! The most over hyped town in Nigeria  22 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by seedord247(m): 10:40pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
So car is an achievement in nigeria?  1 Like |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by vivaciousvivi(f): 10:42pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Busted or not, cut d OP some slack. This was quite hilarious. Loved d part about Zebra crossings and stopping on d street to greet pals.  5 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by OCTAVO: 10:43pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Ok |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 10:44pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Start clubbing anyhow because you are mobile 7 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Opey4luv(m): 10:50pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Great post @ Op. |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 10:58pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
nice one op.. copied or not 1 Like |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Venchy: 10:59pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
kingschild123: God time is really the best I was once like that without a car So what's your behaviour like now since you've got a car....I can bet you are worst compare to those who own a car before you. ..lol |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by crackhaus: 11:01pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
Drive your car down the road to a filling station to buy fuel for your generator when u can take a walk instead. Always use the A.C even in mildly cool early morning weather. Every other car needs to wait for yours to cut into traffic. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Stylaay(m): 11:01pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
chiover: Start clubbing anyhow because you are mobilei tell u leaving d pub by 2am cos u know u can't get home anyway |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 11:01pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
I pray i remember all this when i finally get.mine 6 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Venchy: 11:03pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
It's all poverty issues and lack of exposure. An ordinary peice of Metal is always an ultimate thing to ignorant. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by pobosky20(m): 11:05pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
No be small thing o....lol |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by 80million1: 11:06pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
speechless |
| Re: How Nigerians Behave As Car Owners by Nobody: 11:08pm On Aug 04, 2013 |
In Nigeria a driver has priority over a pedestrian. If you don't give way you get " fool, you no dey see car? Abi you wan die? " 17 Likes |
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