It all started beautifully like a long awaited dream finally on the path of reality with cheers and warm nods from everyone around, she felt loved, she felt on top of the world and deep in her mind she was in heaven. A look at her and you would see it, the warmth in her eyes and the lively bounce in her walk, the ambiance of love revolving around her. The truth is, she is happy and she knows it, a look into his eyes and her heart trembles with love, making her grin like a fool in love. She was living a dairy tale. Her world was really on the move, her light shone so bright, she could feel the glares of envy on her back, everything was happening just as she expected and she was grateful. Only, in the twinkle of an eye, her bright word suddenly became dark, her graceful steps become pain filled, her heart broken, her hopes shattered and she felt rejected.

Her knight in shiny armor has become an avenging knight of horror, all for what? Where did she go wrong? What offence had she committed to deserve all she got from him? The man she had fell in love with has become a stranger. Her bruise knows no bounds, and now she hid her body parts in huge piles of clothes, hiding the tattooed bruises on her body and the shame. She had no one to share with. The romantic nights have now become memories of the past and her heart ached in pain, making her feel constant aches in all parts of her being. She is lost and guess what, it didn’t stop.

From just one night it became a constant vigil depending on the mood of her “Oga at the top” her world has suddenly become a horror movie like one of Robert Rodriguez’s work. She is still stoned by the change and what hurts more is the fact that she can’t share it with anyone.

This is just one of the many brutal experiences that the female folk in our society goes through every day of their lives. It is sad and disheartening but let’s face it. It is happening, now let’s ask ourselves what is it happening?

Facts have shown that between half and two third of the Nigerian women and child go through one form of domestic violence or the other, with reasons ranging from transferred aggression to misplaced injustice you would agree with me that the statistics is staggering which means that six out of every ten female in Nigeria has been abused in one form or the other. We should ask ourselves, how did things get this way?

The constant silence on the matter by the victims not only helped the perpetrators go scot free with their evil acts, it has also helped in the creation of a self built ego of this evil doers, with them believing they can always get away with their acts.

Secondly, the selfish stigmatization of the victims of domestic abuse by their families and the society at large, take for example Mr. Olatunde Akintayo happens to be the director of light of Hope Orphanage a non-government organization interested in the grooming and mentoring of young children that have either being abandoned by their biological parents or seen as a societal scum, now it came as a rude shock to the nation when two of his wards accused him of rape. Both girls accused the director of sexually abusing them, a hurt they had to take in until they had the right opportunity to share their pain. A pain they must have kept to themselves simply because no one would take them serious, because they were afraid to be tagged as a way ward children that would never make it good in life, well, thank God for the punch newspaper that brought their matters to the fact and we hope the right justice is meted out.

Another story is that of Eniola, a thirteen years old girl staying with her married aunt at Ibadan, every time her aunt leaves for a night vigil, her aunt’s husband comes into her room to have carnal knowledge of her. This went on two years with no interruption, imagine being raped almost every Friday and you are just a teenager and every time she tries to tell her aunt, Eniola gets the beating of her life, starved for days without food and her dear Uncle rapist comes back for more. And you know what? She never got the justice she deserves. Eniola is married now and happy but one thing you can’t take away from her is the fact that she was abused by her aunt’s husband and no one came to her rescue.

Nigeria has one of the highest rates of domestic violence in Africa a small scale survey conducted in Lagos, Nigeria, reveals that nearly 65 percent of educated women said they had been beaten by a partner, boyfriend or husband, while 56 percent of lower income market women have experienced similar violence.

The social context of violence against women in Nigeria is based on the traditional patriarchal structure that defines gender. In Africa, Nigeria, once a woman is married she completely belongs to her husband and therefore has to surrender to him completely.

The average Nigerian Man on the street believes he has the liberty to “violate and batter”, if he feels she has not adequately fulfilled her obligations.

Domestic violence in Nigeria is neither against the law, nor do the victims receive full legal support as many prefer to stay married to a man who abuses them than to become stigmatized for leaving such a relationship



WHAT CAN WE DO?
We need to revisit our cultural activities and make some corrections. Men, women and all should be more receptive and less judgmental. We should all understand that every physical or emotional hurt caused by us goes a long way in the lives of our supposed victims.

Men should see women as companions, not an object to pounce on and transfer aggression.

Laws should be created and enforced to help deal with unrepentant abusers instead of celebrating them as super bullies that know how to deal with women.

I want to use the medium to implore with each and everyone of us that whenever anyone decides to share with us their experiences, we should know that it took courage, a whole lot of courage to open up, so let’s help them not scorn them.

Oju – Oge: Unveiling a woman Of strength character