By "Cosmopolitan"
Source: NAIJ.COM

Apparently, most women tolerate their man straying and making relationship ‘errors’ once or even twice before dumping them, but only 1 in 10 men would stay with a woman who strayed. So just WHY are women so tolerant of cheating? And could it actually be a good thing?

Recently, a report claimed that more than 6 in 10 women would happily forgive their partner for up to three ‘relationship errors’, but a massive 9 out of 10 men would dump their partner if they strayed just once. So what’s up with that? A quick poll around revealed three possible reasons...

1. We're more realistic

My first instinct was to point the finger angrily at men and shout, ‘Er, you still think it’s us with the unrealistic expectations guys?!?!” Maybe the time has finally come for us to tell men where to shove it, because actually, it’s us women who are more realistic about life and relationships after all.

Yes, people cheat. And don’t get me wrong, it’s crap, wrong and horribly heart-wrenching when it happens. But maybe it’s us girls who know that it doesn’t always have to be a black and white ‘dumping’ issue and that hey, maybe, we can get over it and it’s not always the end of the world. In fact, social scientist Catherine Hakim appeared on BBC 4’s Woman’s Hour, saying exactly this. Hakim said that as a society we actually need to be more tolerant of affairs and that sometimes, they can even be a good thing. “If you take the view that most of them blow over and a good marriage is still a good marriage we should be a bit more laid back about them like the French, Italians and Spanish,” she said. Controversial? Absolutely. Realistic? Maybe.

2. Men are territorial

Of course, the other explanation is that men’s egos simply can’t take the battering of being cheated on. As a rule, men tend to be much more territorial about their partners and while most men can’t handle the idea of their partner getting it on with somebody else, women tend to react much more strongly to emotional affairs than just physical affairs. A survey of my male friends revealed that they just can’t handle the idea of another guy getting their mitts on “their goods” (yes, their actual words) and simply can’t get over it. As one male friend put it, “It’s just not very masculine thing to let another guy get it on with your girlfriend and let them get away with it, is it? We’d look like a right walkover.” Could it be that men are prepared to throw away years of investment after one (probably stupid) mistake just for the sake of their pride? And that women are able to see past infidelity and see the bigger picture? Possibly.

3. It’s our low self-esteem

Of course, the other explanation isn’t quite as empowering. Could our readiness to accept affairs actually be down to a darker reason, like our low self-esteem? A recent survey showed that 3 out of 4 women say they lack confidence, compared with 57% of men. We also know that women in the workplace rate themselves as less competent than their male counterparts (a recent study showed than only half of women managers said they had high levels of confidence, compared to 70% of men). So could it be happening in relationships too? As a colleague reminded me earlier this week, once women hit 35, there’s just one single man to every seven women (seriously) so perhaps it’s this panic making us feel that we should hang on to our guy, no matter how tough it gets – because, hey, it’s better than being single!

Personally, I think all of us deserve to be in a happy, secure relationship and I know I’d much rather be single and happy than clinging on to a cheating guy for the rest of my life.


Your thoughts?

Can Nairalanders just stop saying Cheaters please. This should be added to the rules Ms. Moderator. It's bad English. Please no more cheaters!

On the side of women. They forgive more because they have less choices. Where would you go with a an old body and perhaps kids. It's worse when the woman is not working. If she dosent forgive no food no shelter no clothes. I also concur with posters points

modele2: On the side of women. They forgive more because they have less choices. Where would you go with a an old body and perhaps kids. It's worse when the woman is not working. If she dosent forgive no food no shelter no clothes. I also concur with posters points

..as to where the woman in your scenario would go and how she and her children would survive depends on where said woman is located...i.e...inside Nigeria or outside Nigeria.

Nashville: Can Nairalanders just stop saying Cheaters please. This should be added to the rules Ms. Moderator. It's bad English. Please no more cheaters!

Apparently it's American English . I hate the sound of it too but it isn't wrong.

@topic,If men can't forgive infidelity , women shouldn't either . what's good for the goose should equally be good for the gander.

Tinkybabe:
Apparently it's American English . I hate the sound of it too but it isn't wrong.

@topic,If men can't forgive infidelity , women shouldn't either . what's good for the goose should equally be good for the gander.

America is not English speaking, they speak American!

Well let me leave english for now because i wasnt born in britain.so back to the matter










apparently history has proven to us that men are in the habit of giving what they cannot take and as for women having less choice,that is now a fallacy because women have a hundered and one choices especially if she is in womans world e.g america,europe and all

Nashville: Can Nairalanders just stop saying Cheaters please. This should be added to the rules Ms. Moderator. It's bad English. Please no more cheaters!

cheater is very correct. british = cheat, american english = cheater. both are permissible in written/spoken english depending on which one you are in the habit of using.

kulyie: Well let me leave english for now because i wasnt born in britain.so back to the matter

apparently history has proven to us that men are in the habit of giving what they cannot take and as for women having less choice,that is now a fallacy because women have a hundered and one choices especially if she is in womans world e.g america,europe and all

I agree re: support for women in america,europe and all....especially for those who are battered, by their husbands, or infected, by their husbands, with the HIV virus.

Still, there are those women who have been socialized to believe that being a "Mrs." is crucial to their identity...their place in society...and will tolerate almost anything from their husbands, to avoid the stigma of separation and/or divorce.

kulyie: apparently history has proven to us that men are in the habit of giving what they cannot take and as for women having less choice,that is now a fallacy because women have a hundered and one choices especially if she is in womans world e.g america,europe and all

But despite that the West being a womans world Western women too are still more likely to forgive infidelity than Western men

Because THEY ARE FAKE MISSSSSSERABLE CHRISTIAN DESPERAD-HOEZZZZ!!!!!

Nashville: Can Nairalanders just stop saying Cheaters please. This should be added to the rules Ms. Moderator. It's bad English. Please no more cheaters!

Ding dong! That's what happens when you are too quick to judge, especially someone with a limited knowlege of the English language. Cheater is correct.

Most white women don't give second chances... Nah , let them see the best marriage Councellor for years after they've discovered their spouse's infidelity , they will eventually end it noni.

Wonder why divorce rate is higher there?

dayokanu:

But despite that the West being a womans world Western women too are still more likely to forgive infidelity than Western men

for where.its eiter they shoot the man and shoot themselves or baptize him with acid and take off and now come back with the excuse of insanity or depression,God help the man if the judge is a woman

jidegirl12: Most white women don't give second chances... Nah , let them see the best marriage Councellor for years after they've discovered their spouse's infidelity , they will eventually end it noni.

Wonder why divorce rate is higher there?

That's true and I tink that's the reasn divorce rate is higher there.
The op's postulation is mainly observed in Africa. Bt thank God some women are rising up to the challenge here in Africa,my wife for example.

kulyie: for where.its eiter they shoot the man and shoot themselves or baptize him with acid and take off and now come back with the excuse of insanity or depression,God help the man if the judge is a woman

Hillary forgave Bill Clinton,
the wife of Anthony Weiner forgave him despite being caught multiple times cheating and tweeting pictures of his peenis,
The Wife of Herman Cain still stuck with him despite several cheating allegations,
Senator Sanford's wife stayed,
The mayor of San Diego is currently in the news for harrasing several female his wife still stuck

dayokanu:

Hillary forgave Bill Clinton,
the wife of Anthony Weiner forgave him despite being caught multiple times cheating and tweeting pictures of his peenis,
The Wife of Herman Cain still stuck with him despite several cheating allegations,
Senator Sanford's wife stayed,
The mayor of San Diego is currently in the news for harrasing several female his wife still stuck

As ususal you've refused to be reasonable . . . Why are u naming important men with wives who are in the spotlight themselves; They have almost as much to lose as their husbands?

In any case, for every one famous man you named there, there are two others who got dumped after being caught cheating!

Abeg oyinbo women are not like Nigerians . . . very few would stay after being disgraced by their cheating men.

Low self esteem on the guys part. This is why even when in a relationship and a woman is caught, its better for her to end it. Because the guy will never get over it. However, a lot of women marry guys whom they know cheated in a relationship. Like they even knew his other girlfriends.So what should change in marriage? I think the double standard will stop when guys understand that their women will not tolerate it at all, under any circumstance. And the lie that men are naturally promiscuous should be dead and buried. Women can actually be more promiscuous than men. So, everyone should just respect themselves and leave the "cheaters"( ) to marry themselves... They understand each other better. So that in marriage you will not be crying about a husband cheating.

Ujujoan:

As ususal you've refused to be reasonable . . . Why are u naming important men with wives who are in the spotlight themselves; They have almost as much to lose as their husbands?

In any case, for every one famous man you named there, there are two others who got dumped after being caught cheating!

Abeg oyinbo women are not like Nigerians . . . very few would stay after being disgraced by their cheating men.

If not popular figures who else do you want us to use as examples?

So if I tell you of a Sandra my neighbour who caught her husband cheating and forgave how do you ascertain the truth in that?

Okay I knw several women who are not celebrities yet they forgive infidelity

The truth is women even white women forgive infidelity more than their men despite the favourable laws in place for them.

In the same America Some women under religion practice Polygamy

dayokanu:
But despite that the West being a womans world Western women too are still more likely to forgive infidelity than Western men

according to the last survey i read.....

the research found that more than 6 in 10 women would forgive two relationship ‘errors’ – which include infidelity, excessive flirtatious behaviour or romantic neglect. they would, however, dump their man after three.

british women are clearly prepared to forgive their partner's indiscretions as long as they are not repeated ad infinitum.

men in the UK get 3 chances and if they step over the line beyond that then they can kiss goodbye to their relationship.

men are not nearly as forgiving as women in the UK. only little over 1 in 10 british males admit they would attempt to carry on if their partner had been unfaithful.

Ujujoan:

As ususal you've refused to be reasonable . . . Why are u naming important men with wives who are in the spotlight themselves; They have almost as much to lose as their husbands?

In any case, for every one famous man you named there, there are two others who got dumped after being caught cheating!

Abeg oyinbo women are not like Nigerians . . . very few would stay after being disgraced by their cheating men.

you just took the words right out of my mind.youve answered that perfectly.gbam!

Below is an article from the Huffington Post and it definitely wasnt talking about Nigerians.

We see it again and again, a man strays, lies, and cheats on his wife or girlfriend and she decides to give him another chance at fidelity. Yet, in relationships where the woman cheats, the relationship often ends in divorce. Why the difference? I'm presenting what I have seen and heard from couples and individuals along with relationship experts

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/laura-trice/5-reasons-women-stay-with_b_521936.html

Fact is that globally women are more likely to forgive infidelity more than men include our fabled Oyinbo women who some believe are rare breeds.

The bold part of it from a place where its a womans world yet women forgive more than men

dayokanu:

Hillary forgave Bill Clinton,
the wife of Anthony Weiner forgave him despite being caught multiple times cheating and tweeting pictures of his peenis,
The Wife of Herman Cain still stuck with him despite several cheating allegations,
Senator Sanford's wife stayed,
The mayor of San Diego is currently in the news for harrasing several female his wife still stuck

dayokanu:

Hillary forgave Bill Clinton,
the wife of Anthony Weiner forgave him despite being caught multiple times cheating and tweeting pictures of his peenis,
The Wife of Herman Cain still stuck with him despite several cheating allegations,
Senator Sanford's wife stayed,
The mayor of San Diego is currently in the news for harrasing several female his wife still stuck

dayokanu:

But despite that the West being a womans world Western women too are still more likely to forgive infidelity than Western men

You are very correct!

However, do you ever wonder how these said women handle the knowledge that their hubbys are sexing other women?

Of the married women I know, that KNOW their hubbys are stepping out - they don't look happy...and it shows on their faces. Some of them look aged beyond their years. Add that to the public humiliation.

Very shameful in IMO.

dayokanu: Below is an article from the Huffington Post and it definitely wasnt talking about Nigerians.



Fact is that globally women are more likely to forgive infidelity more than men include our fabled Oyinbo women who some believe are rare breeds.

The bold part of it from a place where its a womans world yet women forgive more than men

Good point!

But...why is it that women are more prone to forgive infidelity than men?