Good morning,

I've been in this relationship and all has been exceptionally beautiful but for my mother-in-law to be. She has this habit of asking me to borrow her money even though she knows am not working yet and then tell me not to tell her son that its a deal between me and her.

This issue is bothering me and I don't know how to stop it. She is a civil servant just like my parents and the two families kind of know each other but not close.

Sometimes 2013 she called my mum to borrow her a certain amount, when my mum told me I immediately told her not to 'cos its a very bad and shameless attitude. Mum felt doing it will be a good thing, after all said she didn't return the money up till date and never called to talk about it. I really felt bad because my mum kept on telling me everyday that she is shameless. I wanted to tell my fiance but I know he will feel so bad.

Last year she called me again that I need to borrow her a certain amount and her son should not know but I told her I don't have. This morning again she called me that she needs to travel urgently and needs money, she said she can't tell her son because he sent money not quiet long and I should not tell him, I just told her immediately that I don't have cos am not working and she said no problem

I don't know if I should call my fiancee attention to this, it is a very bad habit and to me it should not be heard of self, but I know he will feel so bad and confront her. What should I do? She is so nice except for this money ish

Please advice, sorry for the long post.

Cc: Tearoses, kimoni, Bukatyne, Zaynie greatgod2012, Thorpido. Please advice a sister.

Dis is a very serious one,u can't keep dis to ursef for long,let her son knw what his mother is doing,dont forget u're marrying her son,let him deal with d issue so u'll have rest of mind wen u marry him.

It's a serious issue, u need to inform the Son nd he also confronts d situation with Wisdom. The good part is dat ur mum already lent her some cash which she's yet to return, therefore, she can't ask ur mum for Anoda, nd u also did inform her dat u ain't working. U need to b very careful with the Situation.

Really bad and shameless behaviour your MIL-to-be has.
Let me ask about your fiance's background.Is she a widow?Is your fiance the only child?

You will have to let your fiance know but apply tact.Ask him about MIL2be's finances,how much income she makes and how she takes care of her expenditure.In what way do the children augment her income?

You have to put a stop to this.You're not working yet she demands.What happens when you start to work?She's got a bad habit and is probably biting more than she can chew.I guess she must be into an aso-ebi and owambe lifestyle.

Oro pesi je
Odi hmmmmmm

thorpido:
Really bad and shameless behaviour your MIL-to-be has.
Let me ask about your fiance's background.Is she a widow?Is our fiance the only child?

You will have to let your fiance know but apply tact.Ask him about MIL2be's finances,how much income she makes and how she takes care of her expenditure.In what way do the children augment her income?

You have to put a stop to this.You're not working yet she demands.What happens when you start to work?She's got a bad habit and is probably biting more than she can chew.I guess she must be into an aso-ebi and owambe lifestyle.

Thanks bro.
She is not a widow, she is teacher in a goverment school. she has 5 children just two are working now and fiance is the only son.

I dont know because she is not even the asoebi and owanbe type at all. Telling him is the problem because I know this will break him down as he tries his best for his mum and siblings.

Father-in-law to be is a missionary but all the same its not an excuse for this, I can't even tell my mum about this issue. Thanks.

harbeordune:
It's a serious issue, u need to inform the Son nd he also confronts d situation with Wisdom. The good part is dat ur mum already lent her some cash which she's yet to return, therefore, she can't ask ur mum for Anoda, nd u also did inform her dat u ain't working. U need to b very careful with the Situation.

Thanks sis,
Its so annoying cos I kept telling my mum not to borrow her to avoid unnecessary familiarity. I had to use 'ogboju' to stop my mum from calling them shameless people.

Is she from Osun state or any of those states finding it difficult to pay salaries?

oromitope26:
Good morning,

I've been in this relationship and all has been exceptionally beautiful but for my mother-in-law to be. She has this habit of asking me to borrow her money even though she knows am not working yet and then tell me not to tell her son that its a deal between me and her.

This issue is bothering me and I don't know how to stop it. She is a civil servant just like my parents and the two families kind of know each other but not close.

Sometimes 2013 she called my mum to borrow her a certain amount, when my mum told me I immediately told her not to 'cos its a very bad and shameless attitude. Mum felt doing it will be a good thing, after all said she didn't return the money up till date and never called to talk about it. I really felt bad because my mum kept on telling me everyday that she is shameless. I wanted to tell my fiance but I know he will feel so bad.

Last year she called me again that I need to borrow her a certain amount and her son should not know but I told her I don't have. This morning again she called me that she needs to travel urgently and needs money, she said she can't tell her son because he sent money not quiet long and I should not tell him, I just told her immediately that I don't have cos am not working and she said no problem

I don't know if I should call my fiancee attention to this, it is a very bad habit and to me it should not be heard of self, but I know he will feel so bad and confront her. What should I do? She is so nice except for this money ish

Please advice, sorry for the long post.

Cc: Bukatyne,Please advice a sister.

Modified

Dear OP,

Happy Sunday.

You said your families are a little bit close.... can you ask your parents What they really know about your MIL to be?

Do you have an idea of the amount of money she earns and your guy gives her?

If she is So comfortable asking you for secret money when you are not working, What happens when you start earning?

I also find it strange that she has the impetus to collect from a future inlaw (your mother) without returning it or an apology.

Until you know What is really going on, don't marry into that family.

And I don't agree with the idea of not telling your guy. If you both are really going to bond, it starts from the ability to discuss issues in a honest manner.

teeboo:
Dis is a very serious one,u can't keep dis to ursef for long,let her son knw what his mother is doing,dont forget u're marrying her son,let him deal with d issue so u'll have rest of mind wen u marry him.

When he confronts her won't it look like I back stabbed her? Cos she is always saying I should tell him o. I just need wisdom. Thanks.

Acidosis:
Is she from Osun state or any of those states finding it difficult to pay salaries?

Not osun o but one of those states sha.

oromitope26:


Not osun o but one of those states sha.

Okay

If truly she needs money, find a way to extract money from her son. Call her on phone and tell her the source of the money (her son) and the fact that you made a promise to make a refund to him (her son) in 2 weeks.

If she refuses to pay back to you as agreed, she has indirectly robbed her own son. Talk to your boo and make him understand you're still expecting some money from his mom. You have to do this kindly and intelligently.

Acidosis:


Okay

If truly she needs money, find a way to extract money from her son. Call her on phone and tell her the source of the money (her son) and the fact that you made a promise to make a refund to him (her son) in 2 weeks.

If she refuses to pay back to you as agreed, she has indirectly robbed her own son. Talk to your boo and make him understand you're still expecting some money from his mom. You have to do this kindly and intelligently.

Don't think there is any way of extracting money o, he sent money to her last week and also to his siblings. Not sure I can Starr asking him for money without telling him the whole ish.

oromitope26:


Thanks bro.
She is not a widow, she is teacher in a goverment school. she has 5 children just two are working now and fiance is the only son.

I dont know because she is not even the asoebi and owanbe type at all. Telling him is the problem because I know this will break him down as he tries his best for his mum and siblings.

Father-in-law to be is a missionary but all the same its not an excuse for this, I can't even tell my mum about this issue. Thanks.

Okay,call your fiance and ask him about his mum's financial status.Tell him you spoke with his mum and she was complaining about lack of funds.From his response,you will be able to deduce some things that will help you know how to proceed with the issue.

Hi....

You are going to be very tactful when you tell the son. No name calling, dont let the disgust show on your face.
Simply tell him that mommy is always calling you to borrow money from you and you dont know how to tell her you dont have.
When she accuses you of telling her son, explain to her that he caught you on the phone when you were talking to her.

OR
you may decide not to involve the son and keep telling her you dont have until she gets the message and leaves you alone. Dont ever give her cash. Buy foodstuff, clothes or whatever and give her if you wanna give her sth cos before you know it, she will tag you as being stingy. Buy what she cant hide from the world and if and when you do get a job, know that you must not do overshow o....

Best of luck.

zaynie:
Hi....

You are going to be very tactful when you tell the son. No name calling, dont let the disgust show on your face.
Simply tell him that mommy is always calling you to borrow money from you and you dont know how to tell her you dont have.
When she accuses you of telling her son, explain to her that he caught you on the phone when you were talking to her.

OR
you may decide not to involve the son and keep telling her you dont have until she gets the message and leaves you alone. Dont ever give her cash. Buy foodstuff, clothes or whatever and give her if you wanna give her sth cos before you know it, she will tag you as being stingy. Buy what she cant hide from the world and if and when you do get a job, know that you must not do overshow o....

Best of luck.

Thanks sis.
Funny enough before asking me she will ask if am the only one where I am. Would have told him since but I don't just know how he will take it.

Overdo ke? Nothing like that cos am not trying to buy her over.

thorpido:
Okay,call your fiance and ask him about his mum's financial status.Tell him you spoke with his mum and she was complaining about lack of funds.From his response,you will be able to deduce some things that will help you know how to proceed with the issue.

OK. I'll let him know but don't want to ask him over the phone, maybe when we see. Thanks.

oromitope26:



Thanks sis.
Funny enough before asking me she will ask if am the only one where I am. Would have told him since but I don't just know how he will take it.

Overdo ke? Nothing like that cos am not trying to buy her over.

Tell your fiance immediately. . For how long will you continue keeping it to yourself? Do you think she will stop anytime soon?
Your fiance will eventually find out and he'll be angry you kept such secret from him.. for some very emotional people, it could lead to distrust. .

Just tell your fiance to handle the matter tactfully so that it doesn't bring some kinda rift btw you and your MIL ...

Your fiance also needs to find out what his mum spends her money on...

All the best ...

There's no how he won't get to know eventually one way or another so you better tell him so that he won't find out elsewhere and another ejo wewe of my mother in law is a witch because I didn't borrow her money crops up. Now is the time for him to deal with the issue now and forever more

to the issue make sure you don't start what you won't be able to stop. If you borrow her money each time she comes to you she will think she has seen atm machine and when things are tough for you in your marriage financially and you are funtable to meet up with her financial expectations she'll think you are the one that made her son not to give her money again or you were pretending for her just to marry her son

As per her returning the money just forget about it. I don't know about other climes though but in Nigeria civil servants are notorious for borrowing. All their life is borrowing. They will borrow to pay debt and borrow again to return debt and they don't feel shame about it because it is part of their lifestyle

they are the ones that will borrow the money they can't afford to meet up with the joneses.

na them dey earn 100,000 naira and na them go put their pikin for 500, ooo naira school

na them dey collect 70,000 as salary na them go borrow to live in a house of 2 million per annum.

Before their salary comes sef dey Don use am pay debt finish

I know these people well like my palm. In fact I've borrowed one money when she came lamenting that amosun hasn't paid them their salary for 6 months now and I borrowed her something that will sustain her. Till today she hasn't returned it and I don't expect her to because that's just how they are. In fact from the moment of giving her I just knew I'm dashing her because she can't pay

meanwhile are you sure somebody is not somewhere deceiving your mil to collect money from her. Let her son investigate well o because nigerians are not nice when it comes to money

oromitope26:


Thanks bro.
She is not a widow, she is teacher in a goverment school. she has 5 children just two are working now and fiance is the only son.

I dont know because she is not even the asoebi and owanbe type at all. Telling him is the problem because I know this will break him down as he tries his best for his mum and siblings.

Father-in-law to be is a missionary but all the same its not an excuse for this, I can't even tell my mum about this issue. Thanks.

Op Op Op! me think you should NOT tell your fiance. Since she specifically told/begged you not to tell him. She have reason for saying that. If you do, it will be a breach of trust, she might feel hurt and change her attitude towards you.


This is what you should do. KEEP telling her you don't have becuase you don't have a job just yet. That way she might stop. If she continues, one day her son might just find out by himself.

On another note, e be like say your mother inlaw wan make you dey use style collect money from her son dey give her.

She probably can't ask her son for more because he is already trying. So she wan dey use you get extra from him.

Thanks everybody.
Sambarry. My parents are civil servants too but they don't and will never do this. Thanks for your input.

Whocarex. You just spoke out my fears, so that at the end of it all it won't be like back stabbed her. She is not trying to use me to get money o, she wants me to borrow her and I'll never do such. She loves and treat me like her daughter but this habit is a big problem to me.

Marvellousgod. Thanks dear, how do I sit him down and start telling him is my problem. Won't he pour the anger on his mum?

Higher cadre civil servants are different from lower cadre civil servants my dear. We all know the difference

oromitope26:
Thanks everybody.
Sambarry. My parents are civil servants too but they don't and will never do this. Thanks for your input.

Whocarex. You just spoke out my fears, so that at the end of it all it won't be like back stabbed her. She is not trying to use me to get money o, she wants me to borrow her and I'll never do such. She loves and treat me like her daughter but this habit is a big problem to me.

Marvellousgod. Thanks dear, how do I sit him down and start telling him is my problem. Won't he pour the anger on his mum?

oromitope26:
Thanks everybody.
Sambarry. My parents are civil servants too but they don't and will never do this. Thanks for your input.

Whocarex. You just spoke out my fears, so that at the end of it all it won't be like[b] back stabbed her[b/]. She is not trying to use me to get money o, she wants me to borrow her and I'll never do such. She loves and treat me like her daughter but this habit is a big problem to me.

Marvellousgod. Thanks dear, how do I sit him down and start telling him is my problem. Won't he pour the anger on his mum?

Yeah. That's what you should avoid. So that she will not feel betrayed

I will advice you don't tell her son except you want to be hate by your mother in law and it might break your relationship.

If the son finds out one way or the other it means nothing but if your mother in law to be find out you told his son and there is hatred then am very sorry for your relationship (remember is the only son).

It 2 ways; if you have borrow her just once which she will not refund and she wouldn't ask again OR keep telling her you don't have

Don't ever let your mother in law feel you betray her because it will bring hatred btw you both

My 10 cent

Hmmmmm....... Am coming back to read

oromitope26:
Thanks everybody.
Sambarry. My parents are civil servants too but they don't and will never do this. Thanks for your input.

On a very different note, I seriously hope you plan on finding meaningful work to do with a stable source of income before saying I do to this man.

I would be far more concerned with my lack of an income than I would be about marriage and a prospective mother in law if I were in your shoes. I say this because I've seen first hand what a financial toll & burden this can be on all parties concerned.

My cousin Joan (not real name) got married in very similar circumstances, she was unemployed her parents are civil servants and her husband's parents aren't so well off either.

As a couple they constantly turn to Joan's parents for help with small matters & issues that shouldn't be. Joan's parents are better off financially because of other investments besides their civil service jobs.

My point is - no child should be a burden to their parents as these parents grow older, especially if those parents raised you in the best way they could afford to and gave you an education.

That education they paid for was meant for you to be self sufficient, for you to be of help to yourself and others around you.

I cannot fathom why some grown azz folks still stress their parents after they've catered for you from infancy to adulthood. When will these parents get to rest and begin to enjoy retirement & the fruit of their labour.

My cousin's story makes my blood hot because a few of us pleaded with her to find work first but na to marry sweet her pass, now the children are rolling in making her job hunt even more tedious and their financial problems are piling up because one source of income is not just doing it for them.

I hope you get something out of this long epistle.

sihom:


On a very different note, I seriously hope you plan on finding meaningful work to do with a stable source of income before saying I do to this man.

I hope you get something out of this long epistle.

Thanks for your input. By the way am not idle neither am I depending on my parents even in my jobless situation.

Are you saying this is not an issue and I should just pretend its not happening. Am actually much more concerned about my need for a good and stable job than this and I know neither me nor fiancé will have cause to turn to our parents for help as the Lord liveth.

Thanks ma'am.

oromitope26:

Marvellousgod. Thanks dear, how do I sit him down and start telling him is my problem. Won't he pour the anger on his mum?

Why would he pour his anger on you? Are you the cause of his mum's begging attitude?
He will even pour a bigger anger on you when he eventually finds out himself. ..

Let him find a way to bring the matter to his mum.. he can tell her he came across a msg on your phone or he came in when you were discussing with her. He just has to make it seem like he found out himself. He too will pretend to be angry with you for hiding it from him...
Nne, you have to handle this issue now unless you're ready to be giving the mum money secretly, for God knows how long....

Then, on a serious note, find out who/what she spends her money on....

oromitope26:

Thanks for your input. By the way am not idle neither am I depending on my parents even in my jobless situation.
Are you saying this is not an issue and I should just pretend its not happening. Am actually much more concerned about my need for a good and stable job than this and I know neither me nor fiancé will have cause to turn to our parents for help as the Lord liveth.
Thanks ma'am.

I am saying you have bigger issues to worry about than your mother in law to be right now - that bigger issue being a stable source of income for yourself.

I don't quite get you for instance you said you are not idle and you are not depending on your parents in your jobless situation - so am confused. If you are not idle but actively engaged in something I hope it is worthwhile enough to help you buy sanitary towels and other little female things.

And please leave the Lord out of this matter, He gave us enough common sense when he created us but too often we christians don't use that common sense. Landing ourselves in silly situations and then saying things like my Father in heaven will not let me suffer.

There is faith, foolishness & presumption, as christians we usually operate in the last two i.e foolishness & presumption while thinking or believing we are exercising faith.

I do not mean to be harsh and I am truly sorry if I come across that way but PLEASE I beg you in the name of our Creator do not make the same mistake Joan did.

Your prospective mother in law's behaviour is one I cringe at and do not applaud but you have far more important things to worry about .

This one is not Rocket Science Biko

Where is she carrying all the money to? is she a member of a fraternity or coven where dey put gun on her head to bring money impromptu

Why isn't she asking her son for the required amounts, doesn't she have other children to ask

It's just really fishy.. don't start what you can finish because I understand that you will want to appear to her as a good wife to be... in order to foster the marriage relationship.

Well, do right to inform your fiance asap. He may even have a better explanation that will bail you out.

In the meantime stop borrowing mama money. Be polite but firm about it. You are under no obligation to assist her... it should be done out of freewill and care.

All deez murda In law sef

Honestly, I am thinking she may be using the money you are giving her for something diabolical.