honestly this issue is a very complicated one because of the love and time wasted already,a marriage of one year now but living separate without seroiuse commitment from the husband after the wedding.

All well and good!
One question.
WAS THERE LORBU AND TIRUSTI before the marriage?

If the foundation for these were TRULY absent prior to ANY marriage, why FAST AND PRAY FOR THEM AFTER MARRIAGE, like FOOOOOOOLS do?

Reality, [size=28pt]a marriage is what you make out of it. [/size]

If you spent less than a year with ur hubby & there is already problem, then there is an attitude problem between two of you!

No marriage is bliss from the start, u have to Work hard & make success out of it.

Foundational problem I guess!
When the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?
If a year marriage can collapse like this, then something is wrong with your dating period.
Answering these questions sincerely will help in a long way.........
Did you really love each other before you got married?
Were you match made?
What were the conditions you considered before agreeing to marry him?
Did you have to him because he got you pregnant?
Are you sure you didn't marry him because of his physical and financial materials he's got?
Were you really fond of each other each time you were together before marriage?
What exactly are the driving force for both of you coming together?
Did you have proper dating period?
Did you both underwent counseling before tying the knot?
Did you both discuss about your expectations after marriage?


Answer these questions sincerely, and let's take it from there.
May god help you and all of us.

Mrs, what is your definition of Love?

Love can never never be wasted. The two lines you wrote above is not enough to know what you want so people can advise you in fighting for your home.

Maybe you should give a little bit more details of what you intend passing across.

The time for courtship is not a time for seeing the movies, going to the beach, going to clubs and parties, or jumping from one eatery to the other, its not a time for evaluating sex-ual compartibility lik trend, people and d media has made us belive. its a time to know ur partner to manage differences and weaknesses, its a time to prepare for marriage and getting God's direction and approval over the marriage.
Bt unfortunately, how many people do dis, young people are sold to fantasy, enjoyment and pleasure, we are obviously seeing the fruits all around us, divorce, disharmony, lack of peace is all u see in families.

Meanwhile, Its neva too late to get back on track, seek God and u shall find him

Sounds like the guy was railroaded into marriage.

Or Mrs Thing kept her eyes shut throughout the dating period. Afterall "what I don't see can't hurt me"

No offence, the signs are ALWAYS there. We either ignore them or think they can be worked out afterwards. LIE

Thank you all for the sincere comment,this is how it all started
i met this guy before i gained admission into the university 2003 and we are sincerly inlove so he decide to travel abroad when am in 100level,he was committed and loving,his family welcome me but the distance has always been the problem,when ever he comes back to Nigeria i realise his not the guy i use to know because he has changed seriously but yet we continue the relationship working on the difference. in 2008 am in final year in the university when he come back home again all his attitude upgraded,he met this new friends that club and paid sex workers then i put an end to the relationship and move on with my life,but he never stop calling to appologies and i never stop loving him too but i cant cope with his life style anymore.

after my service year the relationship i had when i broke up with him didnt work out fine so i got a job and am happy with my life,sudenlly he started calling again and proves that he has changed and more matured now but i dnt beleive him,in 2011 november he came back home begging and making promisesand when i realise his still in love with me and the life stlye has changed i decided to give him a 2nd chance.

In december 2012 he propossed to me though am happy but i told him to hold on and let us get to know each other for atleast another 6month and he should invite me over so we can be together and build a relationship which he agreed but he said for me to aquired the visa and be able to work we need a wedding certificate so we agreed to have an intoduction and get the certificate at the registry,i know am at fault here because my instinct was against that but he has spoken to all members of my family and his family too so we picked a date in march, as the day come by i lost my peace so i cancealled the wedding and ask him to let me come on visiting before the wedding yet he convinced me that when we have the wedding certificate i will be able to work and we will prepare for the wedding propper and come back home together for the wedding, we fix another date in may 2012.he came and the intro was beautiful,the registry as well,he was all over me honestly that day still remain the happiest day of my life.

the problem stated when my friend posted our intro pics on my facebook,he ask me to delete it and should not post any picture until i secure my visa and when am due to apply for the visa he didnt send the document needed and claimed his account isnt enough again bt my account was ok before i know it its 9month already,so i called his parent and explain thing, he begged and ask me to apply for visiting which i did but the visa was denied,the consular reason is that the marriage its not subsisting which his true,he doesnt send me any money for upkeeping so no finacial surport from him,then i realise am in deep sheet. He appologised and promise me that he will save money again so i can apply for dependant,to make sure not refusal again i went to abuja for change of name on my passport and at work counting another 3month to apply again yet he couldnt fixed the money. he came back home may this year instead of his presence to bring me joy it was sadness,he refuse to attend to any domestic need of the house except from food and that is if he want to eat,he went out drinking everyday at times he doesnt comeback home even on our anniversary he went clubbing all night and doesnt show any intrest in me anymore till he returns.but when he arrived uk,he called and appologies and promise to fix the account once more but to me now nothing really matters because he doesnt show any sign of commitment anymore not as before we got married.

thats my story please advice,should i hold on or move on,if he still love me,its there love without commitment morally and financially?,yes u can blame me but please i did not marry him because of money or travelling,i married him because i love him,what i feel for him its so special that even in all his ways i still pray for a change of heart but time its the factor,thank you all.

You don enter one chance. What I can deduce from your story is that this man has no plans to bring you over there either for visitation or permanently now and forever. You'll keep trying and your efforts would keep being botched for as long as you do. He sounds like the smart one of you two and is holding all the aces.
I also wouldn't be surprised if there's a wife somewhere in his base(what other excuse could he have for asking you to bring down your wedding pictures off fb? ) You would remain the naija wife for a long time as long as you let yourself be just that. He's gotten away with so much and he will more.

You are slumbering and I hope you wake up and see that if you continue to take this man crap and accept his silly excuses and convenient apologies,your life would pass by before you just like that! Its been only one year and there are these many ugliness already. Don't let it drag on longer.

slimyem: You don enter one chance. What I can deduce from your story is that this man has no plans to bring you over there either for visitation or permanently now and forever. You'll keep trying and your efforts would keep being botched for as long as you do. He sounds like the smart one of you two and is holding all the aces.
I also wouldn't be surprised if there's a wife somewhere in his base(what other excuse could he have for asking you to bring down your wedding pictures off fb? ) You would remain the naija wife for a long time as long as you let yourself be just that. He's gotten away with so much and he will more.

You are slumbering and I hope you wake up and see that if you continue to take this man crap and accept his silly excuses and convenient apologies,your life would pass by before you just like that! Its been only one year and there are these many ugliness already. Don't let it drag on longer.

Supported! Op shine ya eyes.

I don't support divorce. But you are obviously not married either. Sounds like you are the "legal fuckbuddy" (forgive me).
How on earth will you still be adking if he "still loves you"? Common, did he ever?

Well, I still don't support divorce but...
Try find out if he's married sonewhere else. Find out who was married first - you or the other woman. If it wasn't you, then you are the other woman and I think you can ask for an annulment from the courts.

what has hapund has hapund. But you made a very big mistake in your past. It is very obvious he is a player and he is just fooling you, toiling with your heart and d fact is dat d man neva loved you, has no respect for you nor value you, forget all he did to get you back or how he acted, you should have followed your instincts, cant count the number of times you guyz broke up in ur write up, i thinks its better you move on cos dis guy is just wasting your precious time or pray to God for a change of heart!

This thread makes me so sad. Can see that you truly deeply love this guy. You both started from the bottom so getting married made you so happy. But as other posters have said it might be wiser (though very painful) to move on. The good thing is he hasn't gotten you pregnant yet.

Will ideally need you to tell us more about the guy as chair cover asked but all things being equal at this point you have to seriously consider moving on. All the best now!

The honest truth is that since you have done the introduction, if bride price has been paid then you are married to him in the eyes of God.
The issue is that you went against your own instincts when you should have made a clean break, you refused to let go, now you have entered his trap. Listen its sad but you were wrongly advised, because the moment a man is not working in your environment after two years, you have become his past. Future may change but for now, you must become iya aladura to get to the bottom of this matter.