Akpos was making love to his pregnant wife when all of a sudden the baby in her womb held Akpos' manhood and shouted; Please take it easy, my eyes is here o.

Akpos' father died.

As soon as he was buried, Akpos laid on the grave crying and saying; Papa i must die with you, you can't leave me, you must take me along, i want to die.

All of a sudden, with the heavy sand on it, the grave started sinking and drawing Akpos into it.

Akpos cried out; Ahaaaa!! Papa i don't want to die with you, i don't want to die, i'm still young o.

One day, three girls went swimming in a nearby dam.

They undressed and went on with their business.

Twenty minutes later, Akpos came and stood next to where they left their clothes.

The girls said, "what have you come to see? You are unlucky because we won't get out of this water till you leave,"

And they started drifting towards the deepest parts.

Akpos replied,"I've got nothing to do with you, i just came to feed the crocodiles in here!

The girls jumped out of the water.

One word for Akpos.

Akpos comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that "Akpos seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls. Could you please sit down and have a talk with Akpos about this."

So Akpos' mother takes him by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Akpos, I want you to take off my blouse..." So he unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

"Take off my skirt..." Akpos takes off her skirt.

"Take off my bra." He takes off her bra.

"Now, Akpos, please take off my panties."

When Akpos is finally done taking off the clothes.

She says, "Akpos, please don't wear any of my clothes to school again!"

A man who was dying in the hospital was surrounded by his two sons, daughter, his wife and a nurse.

The man said to his eldest son: To you, Akpos, I leave the Airport houses.

To you, my dear daughter, I leave the apartment blocks in Lekki.

Ochuko, being my youngest son with a large future, I leave the City Center offices.

And you, my dear wife, the three residential building towers at Ikeja.

The nurse, impressed, tells his Wife: Madam, your husband is very rich. He has so many properties! You all are so lucky!!

The Wife retorts: Rich Lucky Our whole family works for the cleaning company. Those are his Job schedules for cleaning.

The children refused to come together to take a class picture for their yearbook at a primary school.

The teacher, trying to cajole them said; We should all take this picture so that when you are all grown up rich and famous you can point at each other in the yearbook and say, look! That is Ochuko, he's now a lawyer! And that's Jane, she's now a nurse!

Akpos laughed and said; "And that's the teacher, she's now dead!"

Akpos gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father for some tips on what to do, because he has never been with a woman before.

AKPOS: So what do i do first?

AKPOS' FATHER: Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed.

Two minutes later Akpos was on the phone again "She is naked and
in bed, what do I do now?"

His father can't believe what he is hearing.

AKPOS' FATHER: Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her.

After another two minutes Akpos is on the phone again.

AKPOS: Dad I'm naked and in bed with her, what do I do now?

His dad's patience is now running thin so he says, "Akpos, do i have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees Good night!"

Just when the old man starts snoring, Akpos is on the phone again.

AKPOS: Ok dad, i have put the hardest thing on my body where she pees what do i do next?

AKPOS' FATHER: DROWN YOURSELF YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

Akpos is sleeping in class while the teacher is teaching.

Teacher: Akpos why are you sleeping?

Akpos: Ma, because your voice is so sweet.

Teacher: But why is the whole class not sleeping?

Akpos: Because they are not listening.

Akpos was sitting at a bar, and thinking about his life, when all of a sudden, Ironman, the town's most notorious thug came and smacks Akpos in the face and says
"That's KUNG FU, made in China".

A while later, Ironman the thug smacks Akpos again and says "That's KARATE, made in
Korea".

Ironman then sat at the bar and started drinking.

Akpos gets up and leaves the bar.

A short time later he comes back and smacks Ironman, knocking
him out cold and he said to the barman, "When that fool wakes up, tell him that was a SHOVEL, made in ABA".

A woman and her grandson were shopping in a supermarket.

The grandma realises that
the kid has picked a toy.

She calls out; ''Degree,
put that toy back".

The kid returns the toy.

Astonished, another customer asks; ''Is that his name?''

The Grandma replies;
''Yes, I sent his mother
to the University and this is what she brought.

Akpos was arrested by the police and taken to court.

Magistrate: You were arrested on the expressway for abruptly stopping your car in the middle of the road and causing 10 other vehicles behind you to run into each other thereby causing damages and injuries, Are you guilty or not?

Akpos: I’m not guilty.

Magistrate: What is your defence?

Akpos: I heard the National Anthem on the car radio and as a good citizen, i stopped immediately and stood at attention.

Why Some Husbands Avoid Questions From Their Wife.

WIFE: What will you do if i
die? Will you get married
again?

Husband: No.

Wife: Why not? Don't you like being married?

Husband: Of course i do.

Wife: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

Husband: Ok, ok, i'll get married again.

Wife: Will you live in our
house with your new Wife?

Husband: Yes, it's a great
house.

Wife: Will you let her drive
my car?

Husband: Yes, it's a nice one.

Wife: Will you give her my
jewelry?

Husband: No. I am sure she'll want her own.

Wife: Will she wear my
shoes?

Husband : No, her size is '41'

Wife: What!

Husband: Shit! Oh my God! I'm finished!

Akpos, Johnny and Ochuko went to rob a supermarket at night.

They decided not to give an answer to any question if they
were unfortunately caught.

A neighbour saw them, called the police and unfortunately for them they were caught.

POLICE: [to Johnny] What's your name?
There was no answer.

POLICE:[to Ochuko] What's your name?
He didn't respond either.

POLICE:[to Akpos] What's your name?
AKPOS: Johnny and Ochuko did not say their names why should I?

Akpos be like....shuooooooooooooooo

Akpos' mum was beating Akpos for stealing.

After thoroughly beating him, she asked,
'Do you know where your stealing will take you?'.

Akpos said yes I know.

Surprised, the mother asked where?

Akpos replied,
"Government House!"

Akpos just bought a new car.

One evening when he was learning how to drive, he saw his bosom friend Ofego standing at the road side and decided to give him a lift.

Ofego was shocked to see Akpos hanging a sign board in which letter `L' was boldly written on the body to signify that he is a
learner.

Ofego said to Akpos: So uptil now you still don't use your brain.

Akpos: How?

Ofego: You are suppose to put this signboard at the front of your car and not hanging it on your neck.

Akpos: Is it the car that is learning how to drive?

Ofego: No! You are the one that is learning how to drive.

Akpos: So why should i hang it on the car?

abeg wia yu dey get em jokes..yu dey try gan o

Akpos fell into a well and was shouting for help.

His wife came with a rope to help.

Akpos asked; How much did you buy the rope?

She replied; N500

AKPOS (Still inside the well about to drown, shouted): What! Return it now, go to papa Jane at Enerhen Junction. He sells it for N80. Hurry up before I die.

babylolaroy: abeg wia yu dey get em jokes..yu dey try gan o

Thank u o my sister. Make God continue to sugar ur milk.

njuwo: Thank u o my sister. Make God continue to sugar ur milk.

lol. ah no dey take milk..e dey make me bloat. make im just dey groundnut my garri

babylolaroy:
lol. ah no dey take milk..e dey make me bloat. make im just dey groundnut my garri

Hahahahaha...Milk 4 Delta here na hustle o while sugar na bless. Wetin i mean be say make God continue to dey bless ur hustle.

The Students of Akpokicinema Grammer
School Warri Went on an Excursion To
Egypt.
On The Tomb of Pharaoh
Was Written "1102BC"
The Teacher Then Asked
"Who knows What This Means?"
All The Students Were Silent Except Akpos
Who Raised His Hand But The Teacher
Pretended Not To Take Note of him.
She Then Asked Again And Still
Yet only Akpos' Hand Was Up.
So She Gave Him A Chance To Answer.
Akpos Said; It is Pharoah's BB Pin.

A Warri Student was asked by his
Teacher: What is '2' raised to the
power of '5'?

After thinking for a while he said,
"Two raised to the power of
what?" How will 2 raise
power with 5? Can't it raise
power with 3 or 4 is it 5 that it will raise power with. Is 5 his mate?

The Teacher Fainted and lost his 5 months pregnancy.

AKPOS AND HIS GIRLFRIEND
CONVERSATION ON WHATSAPP.

Akpos: Hi Dear, How you doing?

Girl: Am Fine.

Akpos: Where You At?

Girl: Dad's Driver Is bringing me to school with his Range Rover Sports Car.

Akpos: Oh! Lovely. Just wanted to tell you not to pay the BUS Conductor. I'm at your back and I've Paid For the Both Of Us.

An American lawyer and a Nigerian Guy are
sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer believes that Nigerians are so
dumb that he could put
something over on them easily, So the
lawyer asks if the Nigerian would like to
play a fun game.
The Nigerian is tired and just wants to take
a nap,
so he politely declines and tries to catch a
few winks.
The American lawyer persists, and says that
the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
question, and
if you don't know the answer, you pay me
only $5;
you ask me one, and if I don't know the
answer, I will pay you $500," he says.
This catches the Nigerian's attention and to
keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the
game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's
the distance from The Earth to the Moon?"
The Nigerian doesn't say a word.
He reaches in his pocket pulls out a $5 bill,
and hands it to the
lawyer.
Now, it's the Nigerian's turn.
He asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs, and
comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all
references he could find on the Net. He
sends
e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all
to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives
up.
He wakes up the Nigerian and hands him $
500.
The Nigerian pockets the $500 and goes
right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not
knowing the answer.
He wakes the Nigerian up and asks, "Well,
so what goes up a hill with three legs and
comes down with four?"
The Nigerian reaches in his pocket, hands
the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.

A man and a woman walked into a guest house and requested to spend the night.

The owner of the guest house, Mr Benjamin, who is a born again Christian refused to allow men and women to stay together in his hotel to avoid fornication.

The woman explained; He is my son, not my lover.

And so they checked in.

After 30minutes, Mr Benjamin sent his room service Akpos to go and check if they were truly mother and son.

Akpos came back and said; Sir, she's truly the mother.

The boss asked; how did you confirm that?

Akpos smiled and said; Sir i am very sure, I saw her breastfeeding him.

Akpos asked; Mum if i pass my exams what will you buy for me.

His Mum said; My son, anything you wish.

At the end of the term, Akpos came home rejoicing.

He asked his mum to fulfil her promise, but his mum said she has no money yet.

Akpos shouted; I knew it, i shouldn't have pass.

Deacon tells wife on a thursday morning that he's leaving for a three day prophetic conference.

WIFE: Darling, let's share a word of prayer before you leave.

DEACON: Of course, that's why I love you.

WIFE: Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you for my husband, grant him travelling mercies as he's going.

DEACON: Amen.

WIFE: Father, by your power, cause his manhood to stop functioning if he dare commits
adultery.

DEACON: [Silent]

WIFE: In fact Lord, let him not return home alive after any adulterous act.

DEACON: [Silent]

WIFE: Lord kill him if...

DEACON: Oh shut up! Wicked woman, I won't even go again!

njuwo: Hahahahaha...Milk 4 Delta here na hustle o while sugar na bless. Wetin i mean be say make God continue to dey bless ur hustle.

Aameen o...ah no know. me ah be yoruba

Akpos' Wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door.

"Stay where you are," she said. "He's so foolish, he won't even notice you are in bed with me."

Sure enough, her husband Akpos walked in and went into the bed, but a few minutes later, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's
going on?"

"Nonsense," said the wife. "You are so foolish you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there."

Akpos climbed out of bed and counted.
"One, two, three, four. You are right."

A man and his wife were arguing over sex.

Man: Sex is work!

Wife: Sex is pleasure!

Man: I don't blame you, you don't know what men are passing through.

Wife: All I know is that sex is pleasure whether you like it or not.

With this, the argument lasted for a long time until they decided to invite Akpos, their house
help to hear his own version.

Man: "Ehen... Akpos!"

Akpos: "Yes oga!"

Man: "Is sex work or pleasure?"

Akpos: "Ehmmm... Oga, sex is pleasure because if sex is work, you will be calling me to come and service your Wife.