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Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (700891 Views)

AKPOS JOKES, JOKE AFRICA update! / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (1) (2) (3) (4)

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Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:52am On Aug 29, 2013
Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

641 Likes 110 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:56am On Aug 29, 2013
Hahahahaha!! I just can't stop laughing. This
is the awkward Truth About some husbands.
A group of men gathered at a church
conference on how to live in a loving
relationship with their wives. The men were
asked, "How many of you love your wife ?" All
the men raised their hands. Then they were
asked, "When was the last time you told your
wife you love her ?" Some men answered
today, some yesterday, majority didn’t
remember. The men were then told to take
their cell phones and send the following text
to their respective wives: I love you,
sweetheart...
Then the men were told to exchange their
phones so one can read the other wife's reply
to the love message.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Have you impregnated someone again
2. That was then, not now
3. You wan borrow money abi?
4. What did you do again? I won’t forgive you
this time.
5. Meaning?
6. Is that a new song?
7. Am I dreaming?
8. If you don’t tell me who this message is
actually for, you will die today!
9. U dis man!! I asked you to stop drinking.
10. Abeg na who be this?

445 Likes 85 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:58am On Aug 29, 2013
John: bby am gonna tell u a story
with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts
Grace: alryt love
John: okay am gonna start wth part 1.
There was a husband n a wife, they
were driving to a camp site wen they
came upon a split road. The husband
says "lets take the left one. The wife
say i thnk we shuld take the right
road." The husband slaps the wife
across the face "whose driving me or
u?" and they took the left path.
Grace: hahahahaha..
John: now am gonna tell u part 2.
Once they got to the camp the
husband goes fishing so his wife can
cook dinner. He comes back and the
wife says "good now i can cook fish
soup for us to eat." The husband says
"but i wanna eat fried fish." The wife
slaps the husband n says "who is
cooking me or u?" and the ended up
drinking fish soup.
Grace: oh crap! Hahaha
John: now am gonna tell u part 4.
Grace: wat abt part 3?
John: (landed grace a hot slap on the
face) who is telling the story me or you?

325 Likes 52 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:00am On Aug 29, 2013
Ekaitte went to the store to buy a parrot
trained in the USA and asks
the sales person;
"What's so special about this parrot ?"
Sales person says:
"This parrot is a genius and can answer any
question"
Ekaitte asks the parrot;
"How do I look?"
The parrot replies;
"You look like a fuckin slut?"
Ekaitte gets pissed off and tells the sales
person that its a very rude
parrot and she cannot buy it despite it
was trained in the USA.
The sales person tells Ekaitte to wait for 2
mins...
The sales person takes the parrot to the back
of the store and
shoves the parrot into a bucket of water
and when he pulls the
parrot out he says;
"if you disrespect the lady out there again
i'll soak you back in water" and takes the
parrot back to the store.
Th sales person apologized to Ekaitte and
says she can ask the
parrot another question.
Ekaitte: "If I come home with one man
what would you think?" Parrot: "He's your
husband"
Ekaitte: "Two men?"
Parrot: "Your husband and his brother"
Ekaitte: "Three men?"
Parrot: "Your husband, his brother and
your brother" Ekaitte: "Four men?"
At this time the Parrot turns to the Sales
person and says:
"Bring back the bleeping bucket of water
I already told you she's a
slut!!!"

394 Likes 59 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:01am On Aug 29, 2013
A wife
went on holiday
leaving the husband
behind. The husband
got so Hot one day
that he decided to try the maid who
had just come from
Nsukka village and who
seemed clever. ... He
called the maid to his
bedroom where he had taken off his pants,
he
pointed to his manhood
when the maid arrived.
Husband: Do you know
what this is?
Maid: (actin Shy) Yes Husband: Do you know
what it s for?
Maid:Yes
Husband: show me. The
maid immediately
dropped to her knees held the item with both
hands
drew
closer and opened her
mouth. The husband
was shivering with anticipation . The maid
then began,"My name is
Chinasa , I'm 23 years
old and I'm from
Nsukka. I
want to make a shout- out to my parents,mr
and mrs Chigozie, my
uncle, Broda
NnamdI aka' chop my
money and MY auntY,
MRS IFEOMA, I would also
like to tell my boyfriend
Johnny that I miss him.
Can u play me Ashawo
by Flavour Nabania?"
Then finally says to the man," Oga,take your
microphone I'm
through...

262 Likes 37 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:03am On Aug 29, 2013
Never argue with a woman, just use your
brains like this my guy.
A man went on a night out with his
friends the wife is furious and tells
the kids that when he comes back
they must not open the door for him.
At about12 o'clock the man comes
back and knocks...
the Wife tells him "go sleep where your
coming from " and the man
answered" I'm not here to sleep my
dia , I'm here to collect condoms in
my room on top of the table or give it
to me,
there'r lots of women at the party!"
The wife opened the door and said
"idiot" you are not going anywhere. Enter the house.

262 Likes 33 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:04am On Aug 29, 2013
Akpos went to an electronic store, he asked
the storekeeper "what is the price of this TV?"
The storekeeper answered "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Akpos again came next
day by cutting his beard and asked "what is
the price of this TV?" The storekeeper replied
"we don't sell our products to Akpos". The
next day Akpos came with a different face
and asked "what is the price of this TV?" The
shopkeeper replied "we don't sell our
products to Akpos." Finally Akpos got irritated
and asked the shopkeeper "how do you
recognise me every time?" The storekeeper
replied "because this is not a TV it is
Microwave Oven!"

190 Likes 32 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:06am On Aug 29, 2013
Naija the only place where
Where a man Happily meet a lady and
when she
goes back to her friends, their only
question was "Is
the guy loaded?
Where a blind beggar will reject a
fake naira note.
Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles
& Waters
sold in Satchets.
Where You Can Be A Driver For Years
Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
Where Presidents and other
government officials
don't know the national anthem.
Where the Police on a road block makes
more
money a day than motorist and their
owners.
Where you are jailed for stealing
Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for
stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
Where we fight for everything. To
gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a
bus!

101 Likes 12 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:07am On Aug 29, 2013
My eyes are wet with tears...... Out of
laughter...haha hhahhaha read on....
If you are tired of those guys who keep on
inboxing U stupid questions,here are some
few tips on hw 2 answer them off:
Question:"hey beautiful wht r u busy with"
Answer: "looking for my engagement ring,
lost it"
Q:"Hey gal can we meet?"
A:"Nope i'm 8 months pregnant, I can't meet
anyone at this stage"
Q:"Can I knw more about u?" A:"Sure I LOVE
MONEY,please send me N5,000 MTN card"
Q:"do u hv a BF"?
A:"yes we hv 2 kids & he is a soldier"

120 Likes 23 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:09am On Aug 29, 2013
One day at the end of class, a
teacher Mr.
Ofoka asked the whole class to go
home and
think of a story and then conclude
the moral of
that story.
The following day Mr. Ofoka came
into the class
and asked for the first volunteer
to tell their story.
little Suzy raises her hand and was
asked to go
ahead. "My dad owns a farm and
every Sunday we load
the chicken eggs on the truck and
drive into town
to sell them at the market. Well,
one Sunday we
hit a big bump and all the eggs
flew out of the
basket and onto the road."
Then Mr. Afoka asked for the
moral lesson of the
story. Suzy replied, "Don't keep all
your eggs in one
basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad
owns a farm too and every
weekend we take the chicken
eggs and put them
in the incubator. Last weekend
only 8 of the 12
eggs hatched."
Mr. Afoka also asked for the moral
lesson of the
story. Lucy replied "Don't count
your eggs before
they're hatched."
The last person was little johnny.
Johnny started like this: "My uncle
Tedra
fought in the Vietnam war; his
plane was shot down over enemy
territory. He
jumped out before it crashed with
only a case of
beer, a machine gun and a
machete. On the way
down he drank the case of beer.
Unfortunately,
he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot
70 with
his machine gun, but ran
out of bullets, so he pulled out his
machete and
killed 20 more. The blade of his
machete broke,
so he killed the last ten with his
bare hands".
Mr. Afoka looked at johnny in
shock and asked if
there is possibly any moral lesson
to his story.
Johnny replied, "Don't Bleep with
uncle Tedra when he's
been drinking!"

106 Likes 16 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:11am On Aug 29, 2013
Real Stress?
You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl.
Suddenly she loses consciousness and you
take her to a hospital. This is STRESS! In the
hospital you are being told that she is
pregnant and doctors start congratulating
you with the future newborn.You explain that
just an hour ago you have seen her for the
first time in your life, but she starts telling that
you are the father. This is a BIG STRESS
already. You require for a DNR analysis and
they make it. Then the doctors tell you silently,
that actually, you can't be a father since you
are genetically sterile (genetically cannot
produce children). This is a STRESS, combined
with a relief. On your way back home you
remember, that you have three kids. That's
what the REAL STRESS is. P.S. What do you do
to your wife when you get home?

90 Likes 16 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:13am On Aug 29, 2013
I wanted to use my ATM
card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated
me called my bank help line.
Me: (angrily) So what's
wrong with my ATM card.
Call girl : Sir, I have checked your
account, everything
is alright here and You should be
able to use your
card, are you sure your card is
not damaged or broken?
Me: Are you insane? What are
you insinuating? No
one takes good care of their ATM
card like I do.
Call girl: Okay Sir, are you also
sure the surface isn't
wet or stained with dirt?
Me: You dey mad? ATM card
wey I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card.

134 Likes 24 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:16am On Aug 29, 2013
one day four friends Anointed. Emmanuel.
Michael..and Sam went to the burial ceremony
of their friend in a certain village in ghana.
it is the custom and tradition of the village
that when a deceased is about to be buried,
his friends will put something in his/ her
casket.
Anointed had nothing to give at the moment
so he assisted the women in cooking and
serving foods and drinks to guests. that was
all he did.
Emmanuel put into the casket some expensive
wine worth of $3500. He said ''bros keep
shining your eyes till we meet again...good
bye''
Michael counted a reasonable amount of
money ($5,000) and put in the casket and
Said "my dear i could have given u more than
this, but due to economic crises in our
country , this is only what i can afford
now..use it to upkeep yourself till we meet
together once again''
The last person Sam wrote a cheque of $
15,000 put in the casket and collected
michael's $5000 and said. "nna you know that
the journey is too far, so i gave u the cheque
of fifteen thousand dollars, if you get to the
land of death, pls withdraw the whole
amount. my own ten thousand dollars plus
michael's five thousand dollars is fifteen
thousand dollars,,i have collected my change,
so all of the money is yours...try and be holy till
we meet again,,good bye''

75 Likes 9 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:17am On Aug 29, 2013
A secondary school geography teacher went
to drink at a beer parlour after school on
friday. His wife was at home waiting for
himto come back as usual. Past 4pm he's not
yet back, so the wife thought he is staying for
evening class. 8pm he is not yet back so the
wife became worried and alerted some
friends. They all went to the school to find
everywhere empty. They called theprincipal
and he said the man left for home
immediately after school. This made the wife
to become more worried. It's now 11pm so
they went and reported to the police who
joined in the search. At about 2:30pm, they
found the man sitting at a corner, awake and
not sleeping. They reached to him and asked
why hehas refused to come home. He called
them a bunch of illiterates..." you lack
knowledge in geography,.. since the earth
rotates with everything in it, I decided to sit
here and wait for my house"

66 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:19am On Aug 29, 2013
I just Noticed that Life is too short to
commit suicide cuz In the year 2002 nokia
3310 was
N75k with N40k econet sim card,
but today its N700 and the sim is free..
In 2003 samsung c100 was N48k and I
must recharge with atleast N1500 airtime
every... two weeks or else my sim will be
blocked. today its N800 and I dont even
need to recharge to retain my sim
{customers are needed}...
In 2004 sendo x with camera and 16mb
memory card {one of the cheapest mp3
enabled phoneback den}was N39k today
its free...
In 2006 sagem my v55 was N30k today
its going for N300...
2008 nko blackberry bold 2
was N135k today blackberry is no more
producing new bold 2... so London used na
N15k.. U can get 9ja used for N6k...
So my friend, if u neva dey use blackberry
porch, htc smart phones, android, ipad,
iphone, playbook or nokia 808, pls, dnt
worry.
Just wait and see, coz before 2015 our
children will be using them as
toys....*smiles
#......Be Patient.
Dis makes me wonder why sum girls go
crazy simply coz of material tins.
U want a bold 5,
U want brazilian hair,
U want LV bag, but remember, Beatles was
d richest car in 1980'z.....THIN K!!!
See d kinda of depreciation it experienced
within short period.
BEAUTY FADES! WEALTH can also be
ERASED.
Jux work hard, Hav a good character and Be
loyal to ur feelings!!!,and lastly rem dos wit d
bests
cars 2day once wlkd on foot,calm down n
Give God ur
time,for only Him can mk............. ........
Time shall favour u.
Can i hear ur Amen??

356 Likes 20 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:21am On Aug 29, 2013
New elemnt Added 2 the Periodic
Table
Name : wife
Symbol : wi
Atomic Weight : Don't Even Dare
2 Ask!
Physical Proprties :
Boils at Anytime,
Can Freeze at Anytime,
Melts if Handled with Love & Care,
Very Bitter if Mishandled.!
Chemical Proprties:
Very Reactive,
Highly Unstable,
Posses Strong Affinity 4 Gold,
Platinm, Clothes & Othr Precious
Items,
Money Reducing Agent,
Volatile when left Alone.
Occurance:
Mostly found in front of mirror

125 Likes 21 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:23am On Aug 29, 2013
4 men – a Mark, Bismark, George and Akpors
were being interviewed for a top job.
The President decided to carry a test, with
each candidate being asked the same
question and the best answer would get
them the job.
The next morning, first up was Mark.
“Here’s your question,” said the President
“What’s the fastest thing in the world?”
Without hesitation, he replied “A thought,
because it takes no time at all.” “Very good
answer,” said the President.
Next up was the George, “What’s the
fastest thing in the world?” asked the
president. “A blink,” replied George “cos
you don’t think about a blink. It’s a reflex.”
“Good answer,” replied the president.
Next was Bismark, “What’s the fastest
thing in the world?” asked the president.
Bismark thought for a moment, “Electricity,
because you can flip a switch and 20 miles
away a light will go on immediately.”
“That’s a great answer,” replied the president.
Finally, it was Akpors' turn. “What's the
fastest thing in the world?” asked the
president. Scratching his head Akpors
replied: “Running Stomach, because last
night after eating, I was lying on my bed
when I got these stomach pains and before I
could think, blink or turn on the light, IT
DROPPED.
Be the judge who would u employ??

48 Likes 13 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:25am On Aug 29, 2013
1)Akpos Girlfriend Found out that she was
pregnant. She called Akpos on the phone.
Girlfriend: Honey i miss my period.
Akpos: which of the subject?. MATHS OR
ENGLISH?.
2)Gf: Honey so you had another girlfriend. I
never knew you were a player.
Akpos: yes,i play for Barcelona.
3)Gf: baby i'm not feeling fine.
Akpos: oh! Sorry,have you taken your drugs?.
Gf: No, Just send me 500naira Mtn recharge
card, plz.
Akpos: Do you want to recharge your
sickness?.

54 Likes 12 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:27am On Aug 29, 2013
One day Akpos and John were watching T.V
when the news came on, showing a man
standing on a bridge about to commit
suicide, suddenlyAkpos said "I'll bet N500 that
the guy won't jump off", John said I bet N500
that he will jump. Unfortunately for Akpos the
man jumped off the bridge, Akpos accepted
his fate and stretched forth the money but
John didn't take it, saying "I can't take the
money coz I cheated, I already saw the news
this morning" but Akpos insisted and said "no
you can take it, I cheated too, I also watched
the news this morning, I just didn't know the
guy will be stupid enough to jump again!"

82 Likes 16 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:31am On Aug 29, 2013
IGBO TRADER WRITING WAEC EXAM: Ebuka told
his Oga at the shop to please wait at the gate
and pick him up after his WAEC Commerce
exam at the Commercial Secondary School
where he registered. He was given Commerce
Exam question paper and the only question
he could answer was question number 3 and
it says: "Differentiate between a Warehouse
and a Shop" (20marks) After much thinking
he smiled and wrote his answer as fast as he
could: Warehouse is at Ojota while Shop is at
Alaba market. Then he submitted his paper
and went to meet his Oga at the gate: OGA:
Ebuka, how far? How e be? EBUKA: E dey so
simple Oga. Question number three say make
we differentiate between a warehouse & a
shop. OGA: Ehen-ehen...Wet in U come write?
EBUKA: hmmm. I write say "warehouse dey
for Ojota & shop dey for Alaba. OGA: So na the
only thing wey U write be dat? EBUKA: Yes
Oga. OGA: Chinekemee!!! U dey craze
Common go back & put the phone numbers &
our complete address. Stupid boy! Na so dem
take dey get customers

138 Likes 24 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:33am On Aug 29, 2013
A man was trying to show his 15 year old son
the danger in taking alcohol so he brought
earthworm and alcohol.
He poured the alcohol on the earth worm.
After a little while the worm dissolved and he
asked the child, "what lesson can you
learn from this?"
The boy replied, "when we take alcohol, we
won't have worms."

61 Likes 13 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:34am On Aug 29, 2013
Akpors and Father at Graduation Ceremony
Akpors’ father accompanied
him to his school end-of-year
awards party.
As they sat watching amidst
loud ovations, the
beneficiaries were called to the podium for
their awards.
The following conversation
ensued:
Announcer: Best student in
sciences, the winner is Inem.
Father: (Applauds and eyes Akpors scornfully)
See correct
children!
Announcer: Best student in
commercial studies; the
winner is Ajoke.
Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) See correct
children.
Announcer: Best student in
Arts and the winner is Helen.
Father: (fuming with anger)
See correct children!!.
And so, all the awards were presented
without any going
to Akpors.
At the end of the event, they
left and went to the car park
but as his dad got ready to
start the car, the engine refused to respond.
He opened the bonnet and
touched a few things but his
efforts did not yield any
response so they resorted to
pushing it. Just as they got to the exitof the
school, the
rickety car sparked up.
Exhausted and profusely
sweating, Akpors rested on
the gate just as his mates were
driving off with their parents in
Hummer, Jeep, Sequia,
Infinity, Escalade, Bentley,
Lincoln Navigator, Range
Rover and other exotic cars.
All of a sudden, Akpors burst into laughter.
His puzzled father
asked,’what’s so funny?’
Amidst teary eyes, Akpors
responded, ‘SEE CORRECT
FATHERS!’.

79 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:36am On Aug 29, 2013
DIFFERENCE BTW A FOREIGN ADVICE AND A
NIGERIA ADVICE !
Hello, my name is Sandra Stone, I'm from Uk, i
love my husband so much and i do anything
to please
him on bed.. i even suck his dick too but he
has refused to suck mine.. pls advice me how
to tell him to go down on me cos i really want
my pussy juice sucked.
Comments
* James silva : I think u need to talk to him,
marriage is communication.
* Sarah water : Oh my dear,sorry abt that.. ve
bin in ur shoes before .. i told him right away
when we were aving sex and he is an expert
in it
* Micheal paper : I get downwt my wife, its
cool i love doing it.. u shud talk to ur husband.
NIGERIAN PAGE !
My name is Aminat, i stay in Abuja, married
wta kid, my husband have refused to suck my
p***y,
what shud i do.. No insults abeg
COMMENTS
* Dayo muyiwa : Fool, sex na food?
* Nkiru joy : Yu are a disgrace to
womanhood..sham e on u
* Idris kunle : Any news abt Assu strike?
* Toheeb sule : If u want i can suck for u call
my no 0708312455
* Funmi Leye: I no blame u at all better go
findsomtn do wt ur life, suck koor, soakaway
nii
* Richard oke : Abeg who get bb charger
* Amaka Achebe : U r a prostitute, u need
deliverance!

241 Likes 22 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:38am On Aug 29, 2013
Teacher: who can make a sentence with the
word STRESS?
Mary: You are causing me
more STRESS
John: I hate STRESS
Akpos: Yesterday i saw our
teacher and our headmiSTRESS
making love in her office.
The Teacher fainted!

44 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:40am On Aug 29, 2013
A farmer buys a young rooster. As soon as
it comes home, it rushes & bleeps all the
153 hens... The farmer is impressed
thinking about the eggs the hens would
hatch. At lunch, the young energetic
rooster again screws all the 153 hens. The
farmer got tensed up now. Next day, he
finds the rooster bleeping the ducks & the
geese and parrot too which scared the
hell out of him. Later that day, the farmer
finds the rooster lying pale, half-dead &
vultures circling overhead. Farmer says "You
deserved it, you Hot little bastard! U
deserve this "The rooster opens one
eye,points up & says "Ssshhh. Let them
land, I've never bleeped a vulture in my
whole bleeping career".....

188 Likes 15 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:43am On Aug 29, 2013
A man goes to see his doctor and asks
him to
prescribe the strongest dose of Viagra he
allowed. The doctor asks why he needs
such a
strong dose? The man explains that he has a
couple of young nymphomaniacs coming
over and
he needs the Viagra to keep up with
them.
The doctor quickly agrees and off he goes.
A few days later the man the man
returns to the
doctor and this time asks the doctor to
prescribe
him the most powerful pain reliever that he
can.
The doctor asks, "Why do you need such a
strong
pain reliever, is your pe*is really sore?"
"No," the man replies. "I need it for my
wrists, the two girls never showed up."

33 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:45am On Aug 29, 2013
*Viagra Prank*
There was a family gathering, with all
generations around the table.
Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into
Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa
excused himself because he had to go to the
bathroom.
When he returned, however, his trousers
were wet all over.
'What happened, Grandpa?', he is asked by
his concerned children.
'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know. I had
to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and
started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't
mine, so I put it back!'

29 Likes

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:46am On Aug 29, 2013
Akpos enters a barber shop. The barber
whispers to his customer:
BARBER: This is the dumbest boy in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you.
The barber puts a N50 note in one hand and
two N10 notes in the other,then calls the boy
and asks:
BARBER: Which do you want, boy?
Akpos takes the two N10 notes and leaves.
BARBER: What did I tell you? Akpos never
learns!
Minutes later, when the customer left, he sees
Akpos coming out of the ice cream store.
CUSTOMER: Akpos, May I ask you a question?
Why did you take the N10 notes instead of
the N50 note?
Akpos replied, "Because the day I take the fifty
naira note, the game is over!"
It's beta I collect N20 everyday.

139 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:49am On Aug 29, 2013
A pastor added me on facebook
and I innocently accepted.
Two minutes later his msg came
in:.
Pastor: how are you?
Me: am fine my daddy.
Pastor: may the building of
heavenly favour collapse on your
head
Me: (no reply)
Pastor: may the thunder of
Blessing strike you and your
family.
Me: (no reply)
Pastor: are you there?
Me: yes my daddy
Pastor: you should be saying
amen to claim the Blesings.
Me: ok, May over speeding trailer
of blessings jam/crush you and
your family like a moving train,
faster than the speed of light in
Jesus name.
pastor: make God forgive ur mouth

53 Likes 10 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:52am On Aug 29, 2013
An old man decided his old wife was getting
hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to
make an appointment to have her hearing
checked.
The Doctor said he could see her in two
weeks, and
meanwhile there's a simple, informal test the
husband
could do to give the doctor some idea of the
dimensions
of the problem.
"Here's what you do. Start about 40 feet away
from
her, and speak in a normal conversational
tone and
see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then
20 feet,
and so on until you get a response."
So that evening she's in the kitchen cooking
dinner,
and he's in the living room, and he says to
himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see
what happens."
"Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
So he moves to the other end of the room,
about
30 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" No
response.
So he moves into the dining room, about 20
feet away.
"Honey, what's for supper?" No response.
On to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away.
"Honey,
what's for supper?". No response.
So he walks right up behind her. "Honey,
what's for
supper?"
"For the FIFTH time, CHICKEN!!!!"

96 Likes 7 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:55am On Aug 29, 2013
_wat profit a man dat has a
BB but no suscription.
_wat profit a man dat has an
android dat d screen is
broken.
_wat profit a man that has a
china fone that there is no
music.
_what profit a nokia man that
has a nokia S40 or S60
without free data bundle.
_what profit a man that has a
samsung galaxy, that has a
broken screen.
_what profit a man that has a
facebook account but no
friends.
_what profit a man that has a
2go account, but no go
credit.
_what profit a man that has a
car, but no petrol to fuel it.
_what profit a man that bought a BB of 100k,
but has
2 sim card space.

20 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:56am On Aug 29, 2013
As a Man lost his cheque booklet, He decided
to go to the bank after 2 days to report. Here
is
the conversation between him
and the bank manager.
Bank manager : But I
warned you to be careful with
your cheque book because anyone can forge
your signature.
Man: I am not a fool, I have already signed all
the
cheques, so they won't have space to forge
my signature!

65 Likes 10 Shares

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