Leave And Application Letters Written By Some Warri People.

1. P.T.I Road, Warri: An
employee applied for
leave as follows; Since I have to go to my
village to sell my land along with my wife,
please sanction me one-
week leave.

2. This is from Ajamimogha, Warri;
From an employee who was performing the
circumcision of his 8 days old son; "As I
want to circumcise my son's
penis, please leave me for
two days."

3. Another one from
Ogborikoko, Warri. Leave-letter from
an employee who was
performing his daughter's
wedding;
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a
week's leave."

4. From
A Teacher At Urhobo College; "As my mother-in-law has
expired and I am only one responsible for it, please
grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another teacher
applied for half day leave
as follows;
"Since I've to go to a burial ground at 10 "o"
Clock and I may not
return, please grant me
half day casual leave."

6. An incident of a leave
letter "I am suffering from
fever, please declare one
day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the
principal; "As I am teaching in this school I am suffering from
headache. I request you
to leave me today"
.

8. Another leave letter
written to the
principal; "As my headache is
paining, please grant me
leave for the day."

9. Covering note; "I am enclosed herewith, "

10. Another one; "Dear Sir: with reference
to the above, please refer
to my below, "

11. Actual letter written
for application of leave;
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her
only husband at home I
may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and
hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job
application:
"This has reference to
your advertisement
calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or
Female', As I am both(!! )
for the past several years
and I can handle both
with good experience, I
am applying for the post.

A guy walked into a bar
and quickly said to the
Bar Man, "Give me 5
shots of dry gin!"
The Bar Man looked at
him and said, "Are you having a
bad day?"
.
The guy replied, "Yes, I
just found out my brother
is gay!".
The Bar Man, feeling bad for the guy, said;
"Ehya, that is a bad day.
I'll tell you what. The first
shot is on me."
The guy thanked him, took
his shots, and left. A week later the same guy
came into the same bar
and told the bar man;
"Give me 5 shots of dry gin!".
The bar man looked at
him and said, "Are you having
another bad day?"
The guy replied, "Yes, I
just found out my other
brother is gay too!"
.
The bar man said, "That is a bad day.
I'll tell you what. The first
shot is on me again."
The guy thanked him, took
his shots, and left. The
next week the same guy walked into the same bar
and said, "Bar Man give
me 10 shots of dry gin!".
The bar man looked at
him confused and said;
"Doesn't anybody in your family like
women?".
The guy replied; "Yes, my wife!".

A stranger sent Ofego a
text message; "Good evening sir, how
was your day? I'm so
sorry for disturbing you. I
got your number from someone you know.
I kindly need your
assistance, I need some
money which is very
paramount to my life and
I don't know if you can assist me with any
amount sir. You can
talk to me through text
message because I'm
deaf.
Ofego quickly replied the message, "Sorry
please, I can't see what
you wrote. I'm Blind!".

A couple, both age 79,
went to a sex therapist's
office. The doctor asked; "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you
watch us have sex?" The doctor looked
puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished,
the doctor said; "There's
nothing wrong with the
way you have sex," and
charged them 1,000 Naira. This happened several
weeks in a row. The
couple would make an
appointment, have sex
with no problems, pay the
doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked; "Just exactly what are you
trying to find out?" "We are not trying to find
out anything," the
husband replied.
"She's married and we
can't go to her house. I'm
married and we can't go to my house. The Hotel charges 3,500 Naira. The
Guest House charges 5,000 Naira. We
do it here for 1,000 Naira...and I
get back 800 Naira from
Medicare.

A man, who was called to testify at
the EFCC asked his
accountant for advice on
what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest
clothing. Let them think you are a pauper," the
accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer
the same question, but
got the opposite advice.
"Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most
elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went
to his Pastor, told him of
the conflicting advice and
requested some resolution of the
dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story,"
replied the Pastor. "A
woman, about to be
married, asked her mother what to wear on
her wedding night.
"Wear a heavy, long,
flannel night-gown that
goes right up to your
neck." But when she asked her
best friend, she got
conflicting advice.
"Wear your most sexy
underwear."
The man protested, "What does all this have to do
with my problem with the
EFCC?".
The Pastor replied, "No
matter what you wear my
son, you are going to get screwed."

What a Woman says:
This place is a mess!
Come on, you and I need to
clean up. Your stuff is
lying on the floor and
you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do
laundry right now!
.
What a Man hears:
Blah, blah, blah!
COME ON, blah, blah, YOU
AND I, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah,
blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!

Ofego had just
gotten his driver's permit
and inquired of his Dad,
a Pastor, if they
could discuss his use of the car.
His Dad said, "I'll make a
deal with you. You bring
your grades up from a C
to a B average, study
your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll
talk about the car."
Well, Ofego thought
about that for a moment
and decided that he would
settle for the offer and they agreed on it.
.
After
about six weeks, they
went into the study,
where his Dad said,
"Son, I've been real
proud." "You brought your grades
up and I've observed that
you have been studying
your Bible and
participating a lot more in
the Bible Study groups. But, I'm a bit
disappointed, since you
haven't gotten your hair
cut."
Ofego paused a
moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been
thinking about that and
I've noticed in my studies
of the Bible that Samson
had long hair, John the
Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and
Jesus had
long hair."
To this, his Dad replied; "Did you also notice that they all walked
everywhere they went?".

Ofego known for his
drinking ability by his
neighbours and Wife once
came home heavily
drunk. He managed to
locate the door to his house when his Wife
opened the door and saw
him in his drunken state. She
was shocked and at the
same time surprised that
her husband was heavily drunk. Though she said for
her husband to be this
drunk, something was
wrong. She asked him why he came
home so drunk. He replied; "I went for
a drinking competition and
came second." Angered by
his reply, the Wife
said, "Hmmmm!!!! So after drinking yourself to stupor
all you could claim was the
second position." Ofego laughed and
said; "Why didn't you ask me
where the person that took the first position
is?." The Wife out of curiosity
asked; "Where is the
man that took the first
position from you?." Ofego replied; "He is in the gutter."

Nelson Mandela
came out from prison and
became a president.
Obasanjo came out from
prison and became a
president. Theodore Orji from prison and became a
Governor. Omisore Iyiola
from prison to Senator.
Even Jerry Rawlings from
prison to Head of State.
My dear, spending five years in prison is far
better than spending five
years in university. Even
Jomo kenyatta from
prison to president.
Joseph came out from prison and became a prime
minister. So I'm off to prison. Be wise pals. It's
real. Go to prison and
become something in
life.Forget school. Don't
say Ofego didn't tell you o!

7 Signs That You Are An Ugly Guy:
.
1. When girls refuse to
hug
you, only hand shake.
.
2. When you upload your
best pictures on facebook and
nobody comment on it
after one year.
.
3. When girls only demand
money from you for
recharge card and other
goodies and when you try
to touch them they shout on you.
.
4. When you are having
an
argument with a girl, and
all of a sudden she says
you are ugly.
.
5. When you look at the
mirror every five minutes.
.
6. When your mother say; "My son try to put small powder on your face and
try to smile small".
.
7. When you read this
post, and start beefing
me for no reason
.

During World War Two a British
fighter pilot was shot
down in Germany and
was captured by the
Nazis. He was hurt badly, so the German doctor amputated his
arm. The pilot requested that
they drop his arm over
at his base in England. So the
Germans did. The next
week they amputated his other arm and he asked
the same thing. The
Germans complied. The
next week they
amputated one of his legs,
and he again asked for them to drop it over at his
base in England. The
German Doctor replied,
"No! I'm doing this no more!".
The pilot asked why not,
and the German replied, "You are trying to escape!".

A Fight Between a Rich man and a Poor man
Rich man: You are a fool
Poor man: You are an idiot sir
Rich man: I'm gonna make sure you rot in jail
Poor man: It's a lie joor. i'm ready for you
Rich man: You gonna hear from my lawyer soon
Poor man: No problem. i will report you to my
native doctor!!..
Rich man: Hey!!.. brother. i was only joking.

Ofego had been a stock
broker for twenty-five years and was
finally sick of the stress.
He quitted his job and bought ten acres of
land in Obudu far from humanity as
possible.
After six months or so of
almost total isolation, he was
finishing dinner when
someone knocked on his door. He
opened it and there was a big,
bearded and burly
Obudu Man standing
there.
"Name's John Thomas, your neighbour from two miles
over the hills, having a
party Saturday at 7,
thought you'd
like to come."
"Great," said Ofego, "After six months of this I'm
ready to meet some local
folks. Thank you."
As John Thomas was leaving he
stopped, "Got to warn you
,
there's going to be some drinking."
"Not a problem, After twenty-five years in Lagos, I can
drink with the best of
them."
Again, as he started to leave John Thomas stopped. "More
and likely there's going to be some
fighting too."
"Hmmmm," Ofego thought,
"Tough crowd." "Well, I
get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again."
Once again John Thomas turned
from the door. "I've seen
some wild sex at these
parties too."
"Now that's not a problem" said Ofego,
"Remember I've been
alone for six months! I'll
definitely be there, by the
way, what should I wear?"
.
John Thomas stopped in the door again and said,
"Whatever you want, it's just
going to be the two of us."

In Ofego's village lived an
old woman. In spite of her
old age, she was still a
virgin. She was very
proud of it. She knew her
last days were getting closer, so she told the
local undertaker that she
wanted the following
inscription on her
tombstone; "Born as a
virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old
woman died peacefully, and
the undertaker told his
boy Ofego what the lady had
said. Ofego went to carve it in, but as the lazy
man he is, he
thought the inscription to
be unnecessarily long.
He simply wrote;
"Returned unopened."

njuwo:
In Ofego's village lived an
old woman. In spite of her
old age, she was still a
virgin. She was very
proud of it. She knew her
last days were getting closer, so she told the
local undertaker that she
wanted the following
inscription on her
tombstone; "Born as a
virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin."
Not long after, the old
woman died peacefully, and
the undertaker told his
boy Ofego what the lady had
said. Ofego went to carve it in, but as the lazy
man he is, he
thought the inscription to
be unnecessarily long.
He simply wrote;
"Returned unopened."

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If USA was Nigeria, today's headlines will read: •Don't celebrate yet, Romney tells Obama (TELL magazine) •Concede defeat, Obama urges Romney (Punch newspaper) • 20 opposition cadres riot (The Sun newspaper) • Romney Demands Vote Recount (Vanguard newspaper) • Elections rigged (Guardian newspaper) • No evidence of manipulation (NTA news) • The Church declares elections free and fair (News Line) • There will be violence if we lose; Romney declares (LTV 8 news) • Election results for Arizona awaited (Channels news) • Trucks with suspected ballot papers crosses into USA from Mexico (Tribune newspaper) • Romney is an opportunist - Go back to your farm (AIT news) • I will not accept results, Romney tells Obama (STV news) • McCain heads to Election Petition Tribunal (MITV) • White Majority rejects results (PM News) • EXPOSED: How Romney Lost US Election Due To Alleged Sex Scandal With Mistress (Nigeriafilms.com) • Kenyan Big Boy Senator Obama Throws Lavish Party to celebrate Election Victory (City People) • Free for all fight at Obama rally in Grant Park (Channels TV) • Northern elders, Arewa and Sultan rejects results (ThisDay) • Republicans and Democrats supporters clash in Ketu and Ajangbadi, 14 dead, Romney threatens more heads will roll. (Sahara Reports) • The people behind Obama's victory: True story uncovered (Newswatch) • Ope baje fun Romney, ijoba te siwaju lowo arakunrin dudu Obama, gidi gidi ba oyinbo....(Alaroye Newspaper) Funny.

only in African dat people don't rest even after death,they still work as Ancestors or gods,busy eating kola nuts,demanding schnapps and fowls

An old millionaire businessman Ofego got married
to a beautiful young lady
and on their first night of
marriage he made love to
her but she did not have an orgasm! This happened for many nights in a row
until eventually Ofego went to see a sex Doctor.
"Doctor I
can't make my wife
reach orgasm". He informed the Doctor.
"Well, why don't you hire
a young man to stand
over the bed and wave a
towel while you make
love to her." The Doctor suggested.
"Okay Doctor, let me try it".

So back to his wife he
went with a young man
and made love to her while the young man stood above the bed and
waved a towel, but still no
orgasm!

Back to the Doctor he
went and he was advised by the Doctor to make the young man stand naked and wave the
towel!

Back to his wife he
went and again no
orgasm, by this time he
was really
annoyed!

So for the last time he went to the
Doctor and this time he was
told to reverse the roles
and let the young man
make love to his wife
while he himself waves the towel.

So off he headed home and allowed the young man
make love to his wife.
After a long hard session
the wife had a screaming
orgasm, in fact she had mutiple orgasms!
Ofego tapped the young
man on the shoulder with
a huge grin and said,
"See, that is how you wave
the towel!".

Ofego's wife went to a psychiatrist because she was
having severe problems
with her sex life. The
psychiatrist asked
her many questions but did not seem to be
getting a clear picture of
her problems.
Finally he asked, "Do you
ever watch your
husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I actually did
once."
"And how did your
husband look?"
"Angry, very angry." At this point the
psychiatrist felt that he
was really getting
somewhere and he said,
"Well that's very
interesting, we must look into this
further. Now tell me, you
say that you have only
seen your husband's face
once during
sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur
that you saw his face that
time?"
"He was looking through
the window at us!"

sirjoeii:
Waste of mb.

Why didn't you like the mixtape bro... Give me your opinions sir

haryomikun:

Why didn't you like the mixtape bro... Give me your opinions sir

It was just normal crossfading of songs, no special effects n beats to make it scintillating.

sirjoeii:

It was just normal crossfading of songs, no special effects n beats to make it scintillating.

I don't add beats in my mixtapes really. I believe local DJs do that and I am not one of them. I had a situation at the time that didn't allow me get effects. Which I corrected in my next mixtape. I always get new effects for all my new mixtapes. I never wanted to just transition between tracks casually like that. Was kind of pressurized when making the mixtape. Had a very limited time frame. I can even snap the book where I wrote all d special things I wanted to do step by step. I have learnt my lessons and won't make those mistakes again sir

Thanks a lot for the criticism. Believe it or not, you have inadvertently made me a better DJ

haryomikun:

I don't add beats in my mixtapes really. I believe local DJs do that and I am not one of them. I had a situation at the time that didn't allow me get effects. Which I corrected in my next mixtape. I always get new effects for all my new mixtapes. I never wanted to just transition between tracks casually like that. Was kind of pressurized when making the mixtape. Had a very limited time frame. I can even snap the book where I wrote all d special things I wanted to do step by step. I have learnt my lessons and won't make those mistakes again sir

Thanks a lot for the criticism. Believe it or not, you have inadvertently made me a better DJ

Uw bro. So let's have the Better mixtapes that u've made. waiting to dance pieces to the beats

Ofego's Love Offer Letter To Angel.

Dearest Angel,
I am very happy to
inform you that I have
fallen in Love with
you since on the 8th of
January (Friday). With reference to the
meeting held between us
on the 7th of January at
1500hrs, I would
like to present myself as a
prospective lover. Our love affair
would be on probation for
a period of three months
and depending
on compatibility, would
be made permanent. Of course, upon
completion of probation,
there will be continuous
on the job
training and performance
appraisal schemes leading up to
promotion from lover to
spouse. The expenses
incurred for coffee
and entertainment would
initially be shared equally between us.
Later, based on your
performance, I might
take up a larger share
of the expenses. However
I am broadminded enough to be taken
care of, on your expense
account.
I request you to kindly
respond within 30 days of
receiving this letter, failing which,
this offer would be
cancelled
without further notice
and I shall be considering
someone else. I would be happy, if you
could forward this letter
to your sister,
if you do not wish to take
up this offer.
Wish you all the best! Thanking you in
anticipation,
Yours sincerely, Ofego.

sirjoeii:

Uw bro. So let's have the Better mixtapes that u've made. waiting to dance pieces to the beats

Okay boss. This is the latest one I made. Listen and please give me your views on it

DJ Haywire is back again! And its a pure dancehall mixtape
this time. Tracks from the very latest albums and also latest
singles were featured in this. But there's just a little difference
in this... All tracks featured are Afro Pop/Dancehall tracks
made to keep you dancing from beginning to end.... Check
the tracklist below...
1.LAX - Open and close
2.Patoranking - Make Am
3.Tiwa Savage - African Waist
4.Sean Tizzle - Eruku S'aye Po
5.Falz Ft. Yemi Alade & Shaydee - Soupe
6.Benson - No Fall My Hand
7.Ice Prince - Boss (Prod. By Tekno)
8.Timaya ft. Don Jazzy - I Concur (prod. KillerTunes)
9.Pepenazi - Pepenazi ft. Olamide - Illegal
10.Skales - Mu Jo
11.Reekado Banks - Sugar Baby
12.Kcee x Harrysong x Skiibii - Ebaeno
13.Don Jazzy x Tiwa Savage x Dr Sid x D'princex Reekado
Banks x Di'ja x Korede Bello - Jantamata
14.Lil Kesh FT Viktoh - Efejoku
15.Harry Song ft. Kcee , Olamide , Iyanya & Orezi - Reggae
Blues
16.Uhuru Zenze Remix
17.Wizkid - For You ft. Akon
18.J. Martins - Dance For Me (Remix) Ft. Koffi Olomide
19.Bracket ft. Tekno - Panya
20.Davido Ft. Olamide - The Money
21.Famous - Famous - Wire Master
22.Yemi Alade Ft. Dj Arafat - Do As I Do
23.Seriki ft Olamide - Somebody
24.CDQ X Olamide - Woss Wobi (Freestyle)
25.Skales - Lo Le | .ng
26.Kcee ft Uhuru - Talk & Do
27.Niniola - Ibadi
28.Ketchup - Baby Paulina
29.DJ Xclusive Ft. CDQ & Lil Kesh - Dami Si
30.Lakeside ft Dre San Skaliey - Kondo
31.Young Ocha Ft. Small Doctor - Aunty Ana
32.CDQ ft. Wizkid - Nawo E Soke (Prod. By Masterkraft)
33.Victoria Kimani - Show
34.Skales - Koyewon
35.Oskido's Candy - Tsa Mandebele Kids
36.Timaya Some More
37.Jaywon - Angelina
38.Dre San Ft. Dammy Krane - Highness Remix
39.Navio ft. Burna Boy -
40.Small Doctor ft Olamide - You Know?
41.Dj spinall ft yemi alade - Pepper dem
A mixtape that'll keep you changing your dance steps from
Shoki to even the forgotten Makossa... Its both for the old
and the young... Download at

http://
www.themchub.com/2016/01/dj-haywire-releases-his-
afro.html

A professor of
mathematics sent a letter to
his wife.
It read:
"Dear wife, You must
realise that you are 54
years old and I have certain needs which you
are no longer able to
satisfy. I am otherwise
happy with you as a wife,
and I sincerely hope you
will not be hurt or offended to learn
that by the time you
receive this letter, I will
be at Okay Hotel with
my 18 years old student. I'll be home before midnight.
Your Husband".

When he arrived at the
hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that
read as follows: "Dear Husband, You too
are 54 years old, and by
the time you receive this,
I will be at Odus Hotel with
the 18 years old house boy. Being the brilliant
mathematician that you
are, you can easily
appreciate the fact that
18 goes into 54 a lot more
times than 54 goes into 18.

haryomikun:

Okay boss. This is the latest one I made. Listen and please give me your views on it

DJ Haywire is back again! And its a pure dancehall mixtape
this time. Tracks from the very latest albums and also latest
singles were featured in this. But there's just a little difference
in this... All tracks featured are Afro Pop/Dancehall tracks
made to keep you dancing from beginning to end.... Check
the tracklist below...
1.LAX - Open and close
2.Patoranking - Make Am
3.Tiwa Savage - African Waist
4.Sean Tizzle - Eruku S'aye Po
5.Falz Ft. Yemi Alade & Shaydee - Soupe
6.Benson - No Fall My Hand
7.Ice Prince - Boss (Prod. By Tekno)
8.Timaya ft. Don Jazzy - I Concur (prod. KillerTunes)
9.Pepenazi - Pepenazi ft. Olamide - Illegal
10.Skales - Mu Jo
11.Reekado Banks - Sugar Baby
12.Kcee x Harrysong x Skiibii - Ebaeno
13.Don Jazzy x Tiwa Savage x Dr Sid x D'princex Reekado
Banks x Di'ja x Korede Bello - Jantamata
14.Lil Kesh FT Viktoh - Efejoku
15.Harry Song ft. Kcee , Olamide , Iyanya & Orezi - Reggae
Blues
16.Uhuru Zenze Remix
17.Wizkid - For You ft. Akon
18.J. Martins - Dance For Me (Remix) Ft. Koffi Olomide
19.Bracket ft. Tekno - Panya
20.Davido Ft. Olamide - The Money
21.Famous - Famous - Wire Master
22.Yemi Alade Ft. Dj Arafat - Do As I Do
23.Seriki ft Olamide - Somebody
24.CDQ X Olamide - Woss Wobi (Freestyle)
25.Skales - Lo Le | .ng
26.Kcee ft Uhuru - Talk & Do
27.Niniola - Ibadi
28.Ketchup - Baby Paulina
29.DJ Xclusive Ft. CDQ & Lil Kesh - Dami Si
30.Lakeside ft Dre San Skaliey - Kondo
31.Young Ocha Ft. Small Doctor - Aunty Ana
32.CDQ ft. Wizkid - Nawo E Soke (Prod. By Masterkraft)
33.Victoria Kimani - Show
34.Skales - Koyewon
35.Oskido's Candy - Tsa Mandebele Kids
36.Timaya Some More
37.Jaywon - Angelina
38.Dre San Ft. Dammy Krane - Highness Remix
39.Navio ft. Burna Boy -
40.Small Doctor ft Olamide - You Know?
41.Dj spinall ft yemi alade - Pepper dem
A mixtape that'll keep you changing your dance steps from
Shoki to even the forgotten Makossa... Its both for the old
and the young... Download at

http://
www.themchub.com/2016/01/dj-haywire-releases-his-
afro.html

Dj Haywire, where do you stay?

njuwo:
Dj Haywire, where do you stay?

ogun state