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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego (1487842 Views)
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:40pm On Jan 06, 2016 |
Leave And Application Letters Written By Some Warri People. 1. P.T.I Road, Warri: An employee applied for leave as follows; Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one- week leave. 2. This is from Ajamimogha, Warri; From an employee who was performing the circumcision of his 8 days old son; "As I want to circumcise my son's penis, please leave me for two days." 3. Another one from Ogborikoko, Warri. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding; "As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave." 4. From A Teacher At Urhobo College; "As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave." 5. Another teacher applied for half day leave as follows; "Since I've to go to a burial ground at 10 "o" Clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave." 6. An incident of a leave letter "I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday." 7. A leave letter to the principal; "As I am teaching in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today" . 8. Another leave letter written to the principal; "As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day." 9. Covering note; "I am enclosed herewith, " 10. Another one; "Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below, " 11. Actual letter written for application of leave; "My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave". 12. Letter writing: "I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well." 13. A candidate's job application: "This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female', As I am both(!! ) for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:07am On Jan 07, 2016 |
A guy walked into a bar and quickly said to the Bar Man, "Give me 5 shots of dry gin!" The Bar Man looked at him and said, "Are you having a bad day?" . The guy replied, "Yes, I just found out my brother is gay!". The Bar Man, feeling bad for the guy, said; "Ehya, that is a bad day. I'll tell you what. The first shot is on me." The guy thanked him, took his shots, and left. A week later the same guy came into the same bar and told the bar man; "Give me 5 shots of dry gin!". The bar man looked at him and said, "Are you having another bad day?" The guy replied, "Yes, I just found out my other brother is gay too!" . The bar man said, "That is a bad day. I'll tell you what. The first shot is on me again." The guy thanked him, took his shots, and left. The next week the same guy walked into the same bar and said, "Bar Man give me 10 shots of dry gin!". The bar man looked at him confused and said; "Doesn't anybody in your family like women?". The guy replied; "Yes, my wife!". 1 Like |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:39pm On Jan 07, 2016 |
A stranger sent Ofego a text message; "Good evening sir, how was your day? I'm so sorry for disturbing you. I got your number from someone you know. I kindly need your assistance, I need some money which is very paramount to my life and I don't know if you can assist me with any amount sir. You can talk to me through text message because I'm deaf. Ofego quickly replied the message, "Sorry please, I can't see what you wrote. I'm Blind!". 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 6:18am On Jan 08, 2016 |
A couple, both age 79, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked; "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said; "There's nothing wrong with the way you have sex," and charged them 1,000 Naira. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally, the doctor asked; "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" "We are not trying to find out anything," the husband replied. "She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Hotel charges 3,500 Naira. The Guest House charges 5,000 Naira. We do it here for 1,000 Naira...and I get back 800 Naira from Medicare. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:37pm On Jan 08, 2016 |
A man, who was called to testify at the EFCC asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his Pastor, told him of the conflicting advice and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Pastor. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. "Wear a heavy, long, flannel night-gown that goes right up to your neck." But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. "Wear your most sexy underwear." The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the EFCC?". The Pastor replied, "No matter what you wear my son, you are going to get screwed." 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:57am On Jan 09, 2016 |
What a Woman says: This place is a mess! Come on, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! . What a Man hears: Blah, blah, blah! COME ON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW! 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:57pm On Jan 09, 2016 |
Ofego had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his Dad, a Pastor, if they could discuss his use of the car. His Dad said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car." Well, Ofego thought about that for a moment and decided that he would settle for the offer and they agreed on it. . After about six weeks, they went into the study, where his Dad said, "Son, I've been real proud." "You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible Study groups. But, I'm a bit disappointed, since you haven't gotten your hair cut." Ofego paused a moment and then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and Jesus had long hair." To this, his Dad replied; "Did you also notice that they all walked everywhere they went?". |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:44pm On Jan 10, 2016 |
Ofego known for his drinking ability by his neighbours and Wife once came home heavily drunk. He managed to locate the door to his house when his Wife opened the door and saw him in his drunken state. She was shocked and at the same time surprised that her husband was heavily drunk. Though she said for her husband to be this drunk, something was wrong. She asked him why he came home so drunk. He replied; "I went for a drinking competition and came second." Angered by his reply, the Wife said, "Hmmmm!!!! So after drinking yourself to stupor all you could claim was the second position." Ofego laughed and said; "Why didn't you ask me where the person that took the first position is?." The Wife out of curiosity asked; "Where is the man that took the first position from you?." Ofego replied; "He is in the gutter." |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:45pm On Jan 11, 2016 |
Nelson Mandela came out from prison and became a president. Obasanjo came out from prison and became a president. Theodore Orji from prison and became a Governor. Omisore Iyiola from prison to Senator. Even Jerry Rawlings from prison to Head of State. My dear, spending five years in prison is far better than spending five years in university. Even Jomo kenyatta from prison to president. Joseph came out from prison and became a prime minister. So I'm off to prison. Be wise pals. It's real. Go to prison and become something in life.Forget school. Don't say Ofego didn't tell you o! 2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:37pm On Jan 13, 2016 |
7 Signs That You Are An Ugly Guy: . 1. When girls refuse to hug you, only hand shake. . 2. When you upload your best pictures on facebook and nobody comment on it after one year. . 3. When girls only demand money from you for recharge card and other goodies and when you try to touch them they shout on you. . 4. When you are having an argument with a girl, and all of a sudden she says you are ugly. . 5. When you look at the mirror every five minutes. . 6. When your mother say; "My son try to put small powder on your face and try to smile small". . 7. When you read this post, and start beefing me for no reason . |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:49pm On Jan 14, 2016 |
During World War Two a British fighter pilot was shot down in Germany and was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt badly, so the German doctor amputated his arm. The pilot requested that they drop his arm over at his base in England. So the Germans did. The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing. The Germans complied. The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over at his base in England. The German Doctor replied, "No! I'm doing this no more!". The pilot asked why not, and the German replied, "You are trying to escape!". |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kelsberg(m): 10:17am On Jan 17, 2016 |
A Fight Between a Rich man and a Poor man Rich man: You are a fool Poor man: You are an idiot sir Rich man: I'm gonna make sure you rot in jail Poor man: It's a lie joor. i'm ready for you Rich man: You gonna hear from my lawyer soon Poor man: No problem. i will report you to my native doctor!!.. Rich man: Hey!!.. brother. i was only joking. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:48pm On Jan 17, 2016 |
Ofego had been a stock broker for twenty-five years and was finally sick of the stress. He quitted his job and bought ten acres of land in Obudu far from humanity as possible. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he was finishing dinner when someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a big, bearded and burly Obudu Man standing there. "Name's John Thomas, your neighbour from two miles over the hills, having a party Saturday at 7, thought you'd like to come." "Great," said Ofego, "After six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you." As John Thomas was leaving he stopped, "Got to warn you , there's going to be some drinking." "Not a problem, After twenty-five years in Lagos, I can drink with the best of them." Again, as he started to leave John Thomas stopped. "More and likely there's going to be some fighting too." "Hmmmm," Ofego thought, "Tough crowd." "Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again John Thomas turned from the door. "I've seen some wild sex at these parties too." "Now that's not a problem" said Ofego, "Remember I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there, by the way, what should I wear?" . John Thomas stopped in the door again and said, "Whatever you want, it's just going to be the two of us." |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:15pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
In Ofego's village lived an old woman. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone; "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old woman died peacefully, and the undertaker told his boy Ofego what the lady had said. Ofego went to carve it in, but as the lazy man he is, he thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. He simply wrote; "Returned unopened." |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by hrpvl: 9:41pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
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Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kelvee(m): 11:03pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
If USA was Nigeria, today's headlines will read:
•Don't celebrate yet, Romney tells Obama (TELL magazine)
•Concede defeat, Obama urges Romney (Punch newspaper)
• 20 opposition cadres riot (The Sun newspaper)
• Romney Demands Vote Recount (Vanguard newspaper)
• Elections rigged (Guardian newspaper)
• No evidence of manipulation (NTA news)
• The Church declares elections free and fair (News Line)
• There will be violence if we lose; Romney declares (LTV 8
news)
• Election results for Arizona awaited (Channels news)
• Trucks with suspected ballot papers crosses into USA from
Mexico (Tribune newspaper)
• Romney is an opportunist - Go back to your farm (AIT
news)
• I will not accept results, Romney tells Obama (STV news)
• McCain heads to Election Petition Tribunal (MITV)
• White Majority rejects results (PM News)
• EXPOSED: How Romney Lost US Election Due To Alleged
Sex Scandal With Mistress
(Nigeriafilms.com)
• Kenyan Big Boy Senator Obama Throws Lavish Party to
celebrate Election Victory (City People)
• Free for all fight at Obama rally in Grant Park (Channels TV)
• Northern elders, Arewa and Sultan rejects results
(ThisDay)
• Republicans and Democrats supporters clash in Ketu and
Ajangbadi, 14 dead, Romney threatens more heads will roll.
(Sahara Reports)
• The people behind Obama's victory: True story uncovered
(Newswatch)
• Ope baje fun Romney, ijoba te siwaju lowo arakunrin dudu
Obama, gidi gidi ba oyinbo....(Alaroye Newspaper)
Funny. 3 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kelvee(m): 11:16pm On Jan 19, 2016 |
only in African dat people don't rest even after
death,they still work as Ancestors or
gods,busy
eating kola nuts,demanding schnapps and
fowls
2 Likes |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:48pm On Jan 20, 2016 |
An old millionaire businessman Ofego got married to a beautiful young lady and on their first night of marriage he made love to her but she did not have an orgasm! This happened for many nights in a row until eventually Ofego went to see a sex Doctor. "Doctor I can't make my wife reach orgasm". He informed the Doctor. "Well, why don't you hire a young man to stand over the bed and wave a towel while you make love to her." The Doctor suggested. "Okay Doctor, let me try it". So back to his wife he went with a young man and made love to her while the young man stood above the bed and waved a towel, but still no orgasm! Back to the Doctor he went and he was advised by the Doctor to make the young man stand naked and wave the towel! Back to his wife he went and again no orgasm, by this time he was really annoyed! So for the last time he went to the Doctor and this time he was told to reverse the roles and let the young man make love to his wife while he himself waves the towel. So off he headed home and allowed the young man make love to his wife. After a long hard session the wife had a screaming orgasm, in fact she had mutiple orgasms! Ofego tapped the young man on the shoulder with a huge grin and said, "See, that is how you wave the towel!". |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:10am On Jan 21, 2016 |
Ofego's wife went to a psychiatrist because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I actually did once." "And how did your husband look?" "Angry, very angry." At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?" "He was looking through the window at us!" |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by haryomikun(m): 2:38pm On Jan 21, 2016 |
sirjoeii:Why didn't you like the mixtape bro... Give me your opinions sir |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by sirjoeii(m): 4:59pm On Jan 21, 2016 |
haryomikun:It was just normal crossfading of songs, no special effects n beats to make it scintillating. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by haryomikun(m): 5:39pm On Jan 21, 2016 |
sirjoeii:I don't add beats in my mixtapes really. I believe local DJs do that and I am not one of them. I had a situation at the time that didn't allow me get effects. Which I corrected in my next mixtape. I always get new effects for all my new mixtapes. I never wanted to just transition between tracks casually like that. Was kind of pressurized when making the mixtape. Had a very limited time frame. I can even snap the book where I wrote all d special things I wanted to do step by step. I have learnt my lessons and won't make those mistakes again sir Thanks a lot for the criticism. Believe it or not, you have inadvertently made me a better DJ |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by sirjoeii(m): 5:52pm On Jan 21, 2016 |
haryomikun:Uw bro. So let's have the Better mixtapes that u've made. waiting to dance pieces to the beats |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:14pm On Jan 21, 2016 |
Ofego's Love Offer Letter To Angel. Dearest Angel, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since on the 8th of January (Friday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 7th of January at 1500hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account. I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer. Wish you all the best! Thanking you in anticipation, Yours sincerely, Ofego. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by haryomikun(m): 2:20am On Jan 22, 2016 |
sirjoeii:Okay boss. This is the latest one I made. Listen and please give me your views on it DJ Haywire is back again! And its a pure dancehall mixtape this time. Tracks from the very latest albums and also latest singles were featured in this. But there's just a little difference in this... All tracks featured are Afro Pop/Dancehall tracks made to keep you dancing from beginning to end.... Check the tracklist below... 1.LAX - Open and close 2.Patoranking - Make Am 3.Tiwa Savage - African Waist 4.Sean Tizzle - Eruku S'aye Po 5.Falz Ft. Yemi Alade & Shaydee - Soupe 6.Benson - No Fall My Hand 7.Ice Prince - Boss (Prod. By Tekno) 8.Timaya ft. Don Jazzy - I Concur (prod. KillerTunes) 9.Pepenazi - Pepenazi ft. Olamide - Illegal 10.Skales - Mu Jo 11.Reekado Banks - Sugar Baby 12.Kcee x Harrysong x Skiibii - Ebaeno 13.Don Jazzy x Tiwa Savage x Dr Sid x D'princex Reekado Banks x Di'ja x Korede Bello - Jantamata 14.Lil Kesh FT Viktoh - Efejoku 15.Harry Song ft. Kcee , Olamide , Iyanya & Orezi - Reggae Blues 16.Uhuru Zenze Remix 17.Wizkid - For You ft. Akon 18.J. Martins - Dance For Me (Remix) Ft. Koffi Olomide 19.Bracket ft. Tekno - Panya 20.Davido Ft. Olamide - The Money 21.Famous - Famous - Wire Master 22.Yemi Alade Ft. Dj Arafat - Do As I Do 23.Seriki ft Olamide - Somebody 24.CDQ X Olamide - Woss Wobi (Freestyle) 25.Skales - Lo Le | .ng 26.Kcee ft Uhuru - Talk & Do 27.Niniola - Ibadi 28.Ketchup - Baby Paulina 29.DJ Xclusive Ft. CDQ & Lil Kesh - Dami Si 30.Lakeside ft Dre San Skaliey - Kondo 31.Young Ocha Ft. Small Doctor - Aunty Ana 32.CDQ ft. Wizkid - Nawo E Soke (Prod. By Masterkraft) 33.Victoria Kimani - Show 34.Skales - Koyewon 35.Oskido's Candy - Tsa Mandebele Kids 36.Timaya Some More 37.Jaywon - Angelina 38.Dre San Ft. Dammy Krane - Highness Remix 39.Navio ft. Burna Boy - 40.Small Doctor ft Olamide - You Know? 41.Dj spinall ft yemi alade - Pepper dem A mixtape that'll keep you changing your dance steps from Shoki to even the forgotten Makossa... Its both for the old and the young... Download at http:// www.themchub.com/2016/01/dj-haywire-releases-his- afro.html |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:03am On Jan 22, 2016 |
A professor of mathematics sent a letter to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, You must realise that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at Okay Hotel with my 18 years old student. I'll be home before midnight. Your Husband". When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband, You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at Odus Hotel with the 18 years old house boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:19am On Jan 22, 2016 |
haryomikun:Dj Haywire, where do you stay? |
Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by haryomikun(m): 1:43pm On Jan 22, 2016 |
njuwo:ogun state |
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