Since 2013 your whatsapp status has been 'At the gym'. My friend I think by now you can carry the whole world.

This recession in Nigeria is no longer funny at all, this morning I saw a woman pricing school fees. "Auntie, how much if we remove Geography and History, I want him to become a doctor not a traveller.

A Village boy that wants to buy iPhone 5 in the city


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0SMiKehpyU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERmuoC2N2Mo

njuwo:
I'm tired of this Dettol Adverts, children nowadays believe there are Germs everywhere.... My 5 yr old Nephew goes around with a Dettol can in his pocket. He Sprinkles his friends before he plays with them..... Sprinkles his books before reading..... This morning, my tea and bread tasted awful...I Took a few sips n bites before I realized my Nephew had poured Dettol in my Breakfast to kill germs.... If my nephew doesn't kill me,who will?

Dettol obviously...

Lolz.. Wet

New Music: Ofego - Better Now (Produced By DJ Coublon) Download It Here http://njuwo.com/2017/03/ofego-better-now-produced-by-dj-coublon.html?m=1

Can you imagine what was done to him in Lagos?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0SMiKehpyU

[color=#006600][/color]

njuwo:
John: bby am gonna tell u a story
with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts
Grace: alryt love
John: okay am gonna start wth part 1.
There was a husband n a wife, they
were driving to a camp site wen they
came upon a split road. The husband
says "lets take the left one. The wife
say i thnk we shuld take the right
road." The husband slaps the wife
across the face "whose driving me or
u?" and they took the left path.
Grace: hahahahaha..
John: now am gonna tell u part 2.
Once they got to the camp the
husband goes fishing so his wife can
cook dinner. He comes back and the
wife says "good now i can cook fish
soup for us to eat." The husband says
"but i wanna eat fried fish." The wife
slaps the husband n says "who is
cooking me or u?" and the ended up
drinking fish soup.
Grace: oh crap! Hahaha
John: now am gonna tell u part 4.
Grace: wat abt part 3?
John: (landed grace a hot slap on the
face) who is telling the story me or you?

njuwo:
John: bby am gonna tell u a story
with 4 parts. Remember that, 4 parts
Grace: alryt love
John: okay am gonna start wth part 1.
There was a husband n a wife, they
were driving to a camp site wen they
came upon a split road. The husband
says "lets take the left one. The wife
say i thnk we shuld take the right
road." The husband slaps the wife
across the face "whose driving me or
u?" and they took the left path.
Grace: hahahahaha..
John: now am gonna tell u part 2.
Once they got to the camp the
husband goes fishing so his wife can
cook dinner. He comes back and the
wife says "good now i can cook fish
soup for us to eat." The husband says
"but i wanna eat fried fish." The wife
slaps the husband n says "who is
cooking me or u?" and the ended up
drinking fish soup.
Grace: oh crap! Hahaha
John: now am gonna tell u part 4.
Grace: wat abt part 3?
John: (landed grace a hot slap on the
face) who is telling the story me or you?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbIar8X9LE8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9B05tlXYAhU

Lost, strayed or stolen....

www.msomi.net

From www.msomi.net

This video will surprise you. See how this young man embarrassed himself in front of this big booty Girl. Download It Here To Enjoy Alone http://www.njuwo.com/2017/03/latest_6.html?m=1

This video will shock you. While people were crying, see how a man went to beg for jollof rice in a burial. Follow This Link To Download It And Laugh Like Never Before http://njuwo.com/2017/03/who-die.html?m=1

Egbami ke,I wanted to play pes2017 on the system,so I choose arsenal,and my first opponent was Bayern Munich,wen I finish loading,waiting to start the match.You know what happen?Arsenal players refuse to come out

njuwo:
Akpos went to Abuja to see his uncle. He got to his uncle’s office very early by 8am and the secretary said he should come back by 2pm that Oga is not around. So, Akpos had to hang around till 2pm. By 1pm, hunger was wiring Akpos. He had not eaten since morning and only had N200 in his pocket. There was no fast food around the to eat only hotels. Akpos began to feel dizzy so he decided to find a solution. He looked around and saw a fantastic 5 star hotel. He adjusted himself, cleaned his dusty shoe, wiped his oily face with hanky and entered the hotel with confidence. In d lobby, the receptionist at the front desk said: are u here to see somebody or you want to lodge? Akpos said confidently “lodging!”. The hotel receptionist said the cheapest room here is N47k per night. Akpos: “no problem dis place is lovely, just like the hotel I slept at yesterday in Dubai on my way from United states. Receptionist said “thank you sir“. Akpos said: But can I pay in hard currency as I've not changed my dollars? Receptionist: No problem sir Akpos: but first, where is your restaurant I want to eat before I go up to the room. They showed Akpos to the restaurant and told the chef to treat him well cos he was a new customer that just came back from US! The chef welcomed him and gave him the menu. Akpos first ordered appetiser, 2 bowls of assorted pepper soup with a bottle of red spanish wine. Total cost N18k. Next for the main meal, Akpos ordered pounded yam, efo riro with snail and catfish! - N15k. Akpos total bill was now N33K but Akpos only had N200 They cleared his empty plate away and brought the bill. Akpos began to sweat even inside cold air conditioned room. The waiter came twice to the table, Akpos waved him away that he was still relaxing after the heavy meal. The staff began to suspect Akpos, that he didn’t have money, they called security and gathered round him. Akpos looked at all of them quietly, then he brought out one his phones and used it to dial another one in his pocket which was on silent. Akpos (on the phone): Ehen, is it time? Yes na, the bomb is still with me not yet exploded. …In 2 minutes? Of course, no problem, I will detonate it on time. I‘m proud to be suicide bomber, and there are many people where Iam, so the impact will be even better. Yes o. Government will have no choice but to listen to our cause. Before Akpos even dropped phone, the restaurant had cleared. As he walked out of the restaurant, nobody was in the lobby. Even the street was empty!

crazy akpos!

njuwo:
A man goes to see his doctor and asks
him to
prescribe the strongest dose of Viagra he
allowed. The doctor asks why he needs
such a
strong dose? The man explains that he has a
couple of young nymphomaniacs coming
over and
he needs the Viagra to keep up with
them.
The doctor quickly agrees and off he goes.
A few days later the man the man
returns to the
doctor and this time asks the doctor to
prescribe
him the most powerful pain reliever that he
can.
The doctor asks, "Why do you need such a
strong
pain reliever, is your pe*is really sore?"
"No," the man replies. "I need it for my
wrists, the two girls never showed up."

hahaha happy birthday LLNP

See wrongest timing to have sex comedy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnYVDO135E8

A pastor's baby was playing with her dad's phone and accidentally posted...."sdjmhryuiowq kdfshjsufjj tokoloshika bskkl spfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" on the pastor's Facebook wall. Within an hour, over 1,500 followers had commented...."Amen" I receive it" and about 9000 people had shared the post. What exactly is wrong with this generation?

Blacklister:
hahaha happy birthday LLNP

Thanks brotherly

if u never chop rice finish b4 u chop meat '''''''''''
are u a Nigerian

if u own a Lion, Goat and Yam and u wish to cross a river with them on a small boat and now u must not cross more than one of them at a time, since they are enemies to one another; Lion best meal is goat and Goat best meal is yam and Yam doesn't want to stay close to Goat. So how do u cross them respectively without them hurting themselves?

Goodbishop:
if u own a Lion, Goat and Yam and u wish to cross a river with them on a small boat and now u must not cross more than one of them at a time, since they are enemies to one another; Lion best meal is goat and Goat best meal is yam and Yam doesn't want to stay close to Goat. So how do u cross them respectively without them hurting themselves?

kill d goat , use am do isiewu nd chop am wit d yam

no security pass make u put Lion for ur gate

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2i2Qb797x8

njuwo:
Three business associates, an Igbo man, a
Yoruba man and a Chinese man, went to eat
lunch together at a restaurant in Surulere.
While in the middle of their meal, a fly came in
through the window. It flew across the table
to where the Igbo man was but he just
waved his hands to chase it away.
The fly then went to where the Yoruba man
was, he also chased it away.
Finally, the fly then went to where the Chinese
man was and was flying close to his ears. The
Chinese man looked at the fly for sometime
and then grabbed it, put it in his mouth and
swallowed it.
The other men saw this but just kept on
eating.
About Five minutes later, another fly came in
and flew to the Yoruba man who just chased
it away again.
It then flew on to the Igbo man but this time
he did not chase the fly, he looked at it for
sometime and then grabbed it. He then
turned to the Chinese man and asked "how
much you go buy am?"

. Text 6270525 to 791 on AIRTEL NETWORK to AKPOS JOKES, entertain ur callers..... plz share nd put a smile on someone's face.

This video is surprising. See how a Native Doctor started playing bet9ja. Download it here and watch to see the surprise http://njuwo.com/2017/03/sure-game.html?m=1

In this video see what a PhD holder went to do in his friend's house. It will shock you. Download the video here http://njuwo.com/2017/03/phd-mess.html?m=1

Hello, Good Morning.
New Blog post:
Light Switch
https://carlflame./2017/03/21/light-switch/

"Friendship is a LovePeddler of a term, strangely broad and encompassing in its accommodation. Being the perfect term for the relationship between two or more souls bound in true loyalty and familiarity as it is a term for describing a situation of two kites sharing the same space at first-meet, soaring together in mid-sky, borne up by rising sheets of warm air only to fall away the moment the sheets disintegrate. For some, it comes easily in its purest form. They are lucky to find at least, person from their time. Someone who understands them, the way they are and think, in their peculiarities and differences. For some others, well, they deal with what brand the universe offers them."

Stay Happy, remain awesome!

©Carlflame