Here's my predicament. Got married 3yrs back and for reasons beyond our immediate control wifey has not worked since (won't go into details on a forum).

She does small business on the side but for now i'm the one with the steady income. The issue i'm struggling with
now is that wifey is a gifter. She doesn't spend much on herself but she says her greatest joy is spending on others.

Now, I on the other hand i'm not into gifting every new friend I make but this is wifey's specialty. I don't mind if she spends on herself at all but spending our spare cash on every friend is taking its toll on my mental state. Its not like there's that much spare cash to go around.

PS: We've talked about this but wife says she would rather starve than not give gifts. We also have a little baby and the cash is barely enough to have some left over savings

Any tips on addressing this issue.

She aint reasonable

Maybe both sit down and make a monthly budget, as well as short and long term financial goals- kid's education, etc. That way you can put aside appropriate amounts of money for all the things that are important to you both, including gifting.
Note that the gifting may also serve as a way of giving her a sense of control and adequacy in an area (ie finances) where she may feel weak due to not working. So it may be as much about making her feel better about herself as it is about making others feel good. It may also be about maintaining a certain image. Whatever the roots, you want to be sensitive in how you handle it so that it doesn't seem like you're trying to railroad her just because you're the only one earning right now.
If you can both get on the same page financially, however, that would really help with improved financial management.

bro i feel for you, this could only mean one thing.....










END TIME TINZ

mruknaijaboy3: bro i feel for you, this could only mean one thing.....










END TIME TINZ

u self dey team. . . . . . . . .na end tym thinz me self wan comment.

You also need to understand why she behaves like that. Is she just overly generous or is she trying to show off that you guys are rich and can afford to be father/mother christmas?

You have talked about this with her but you need to make it clearer. Let her know your true financial state and make her understand you cannot afford to continue living like that. Show her your future plans, how you hope to buy that mansion in Banana Island and the private jet. Tell her how you want your children to have the best education and everything else. Make her understand you cannot fulfill your life's dreams if she continues to give gifts like mother christmas. Let her understand her priority it to you and your kids and not some random friends. Let her know that half of these people wouldn't help her if the tables were turned and some of them might even be richer than you guys but will happily take from her because they know she would not refuse them.

Now if she still does not listen then you have to place her on a very strict budget. If you give her monthly allowance, you cut it to half since she neither needs nor wants the money. You can also mention that when she starts work, she can give all her money away but you cannot afford to be father christmas!

Your wife may be like my mum. she can give out her eyes for the blind though she is very poor but she is rich at heart. I grew up learning the act of giving from my mum and it is so fulfilling.

Your wife may have the gift of giving which there is nothing you can do to stop her if she is doing it for the right purpose. It is left for you to help her in finding a balance between giving on purpose and giving for giving sake.

Have a separate account for the running of the home and children's welfare. Reduce the money you give her to only necessity, when she doesn't have in excess with her, she will apply wisdom to her cheerful spirit.

Between, never ever let her lose the gracious gift of giving. It will be beneficial to you and your children in future.

Bellong has said it all. Have seperate purse for the runing of the home but my fear is that wont she be having access to it?

let me ask, what type of gifts does she give? financial or food stuff?

Thanks for all the responses so far.

You have made some pretty solid points. I'm sifting through and taking notes. Sorry i won't be able to respond to any questions asked about revealing more details about my specific situation.

Thanks my people

If she decides to GIFT out her own allowance, it is her decision. Her way of asserting her autonomy. Interesting you stated that it affects your MENTAL STATE.

You did not mention anything about children, so let me make an assumption and explain to you what MIGHT BE GOING ON.

3 years without THAT ALMIGHTY FRUIT OF THE BLOKOS AND WOMB WILL TURN ANY NIGERIAN HOUSEWIFE INTO A NUT-HOUSE!

Only because you have taken it upon yourself to worry about your situation NEEDLESSLY.

You do not need to go into details. Your wife has MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. She needs a CHILD to GIFT ON! Or so she thinks or FEELS!

Let her work on that!

99,9999% of NIGERIAN WOMEN become EXTREMELY psychotic with that "FRUIT OF THE WOMB" desire. She may be displaying that in the form of DASHING-OUT things!
Unfortunately for them, even after the kids come along, THEY REMAIN PSYCHOS!

Just sit back and be supportive. She is your wife. Abi you nor love am in MENTAL SICKNESS AND HEALTH AGAIN. . . . TILL DEATH DO YOU PART?

Abi you don get anoda woman for outside already ni?

YES! YOU ARE OVER-REACTING!!!! if you can't be supportive, IGNORE her.

Simple!!!! . . . DO NOT NAG HER!

*sleep don come . . . . Hallelujah*

I soooo looooove giving! I feel sad when i have the wherewithal to help someone and i don't help the person. But then i won't use monies mapped out for important things in the family to help someone in need. I'd rather promise to help at a more convenient time than make my gifting "affect my hubby's mental state".

In essence,u can provide a certain amount of money for her every month to do her gifting runs so that she doesn't tamper with family funds. Giving is fun and opens doors!

mruknaijaboy3: bro i feel for you, this could only mean one thing.....



END TIME TINZ

May God almighty intervene between ASUU & FG, so these kids can get busy!!
Amen!!

Poster,do u know what my husband told me one day when he discovered giving is my greatest weakness?
That I should not give out those special clothes,shoes and what hv u he bought for me cos he has something in mind when buying them.

I don't know about ur wife but giving is my most cherished act on earth. It give me joy whenever I give out.
And if I c pple putting the things I gave them to good use,I'm in heaven! How can I miss that for anything?

Let ur wife be.
If u r very uncomfortable, open something for her. Give her monthly allocation and she can give out tru that.
Before I forget, no matter how small, pls cultivate the act of giving.
U will never regret it.

your wife, my dad and younger sister are from the same family i guess. they only remember their needs after they would have given out their last kobo....
one dis advantage is that people tend to take advantage of them often...

Do you guys have a budget you work with every month? If you do not then you should. That budget should be THE LAW. Savings should obviously be part of that budget. Gifting should NOT be part of that budget. If she keeps overspending the budget then you simply have no choice but to open a separate account that she has no access to and put the family emergency funds in there. I am sorry but her behavior is irresponsible.

You're not overreacting.
However,giving is a beautiful thing.I'm a giver.

What i think you need to do with your wife is to sit down and work out a budget.When you have money for the family needs mapped out,she can then give of loose funds.