I sincerely need practical and matured advise from married women in this section.
I don't know if I should term my hubby a night crawler but it's the only word I deem appropriate for now. Hubby (about 2 years) ago started "hanging out with friends " and it has now increased in frequency and magnitude. He could return home 11.00pm on a working day or 2.00am on a Saturday.
Now, the problem I have is that I tend to worry a lot ( by nature) over almost anything including this late night keeping and it seriously affects my sleep!
I usually sleep around say 9.00pm and often gets up to ease myself by 10.30pm. I then find it difficult to sleep once I notice my hubby is not back at home; I then tend to wait up for him till he comes back and I can then sleep. The feeling for me is first fear ;that something bad should not happen to him and later concern and jealousy as to what exactly he is doing out late at night.
I have come to the sad reality that this isn't a new habit that will pass away but a way of life that has come to stay.
I fear for my health and I wish there is a way that I can consciously accept this lifestyle and not worry or care whatever time he returns home or whatsoever he may be doing. Truth is, I know he is out having fun while I just sit and pray for him to come back safely. I have tried imagining that he is out of town just so my mind can agree that he doesn't need to come home and he's safe! I have tried drinking less water at night to avoid getting up to ease myself and discover he hasn't returned home.
I slept about 9pm yesterday, woke up around 11pm and kept 'vigil' till 2.11am when he returned. My dear hubby is now snoring as I type while I'm yet to find sleep again even after swallowing 2 tablets of piriton .
It may look trivial but I fear insomnia and other medical conditions that may arise from this. How can I stop worrying about the time my hubby returns home, how do I condition my mind to start seeing him maybe like my Brother ( who I usually don't know if he slept home or not till maybe the following morning)?
Please don't advise me to talk to him as this will only yield result for a few days before we return to status quo.
I know some married men frequently hangs out till late, anyone married to such should kindly share how they overcame worries, fear, concern and jealousy.
Dear Mods, no front page please.

Mrs Flawless, your case is not peculiar!

If hubby has a habit of keeping late night & u have accepted that there is nothing u can do about it and all you want is just a sound sleep then maybe u try this!

1. Get him to have his own set of keys, so he doesn't have to knock or call on you before getting in.

2. Put his food in the microwave or on the table if he wants to eat whenever he comes.

3. Work on probably changing ur sleeping pattern. Try to sleep around that time u wake up to ease yourself (10.30pm), so that u don't have reasons to stay awake as before.

Hope this few tips helps u get ur sleep back!!

Why don't you get a bigger house like I did. . .
I live upstairs and my husband lives downstairs.
When his garage door opens, I do not even know.

My section of the house is ALWAYS LOCKED!
Besides, I have another house o!
HIS LEGS DO NOT ENTER THERE!

Separate bedrooms. . .separate kitchens. . .separate living rooms. . . .SPLIT LEVEL HOME! Simple!!!!

We communicate BY PHONE. . .IF NECESSARY!

Welcome to AFRICAN MARRIAGE! First to quench. . .inherits the retirement benefits!

Shiooooooooor!!!

Sleepless nights ko. . . night crawler ni! Which wan consine me? One day he go crawl nor come back! HALLELUJAH! I YAMMU A FREEEEEEEEEEE WOMAN. . .RICHER BY A FEW HUNDRED THOUSANDS!

Siddon dia dey worry yasef. . .nor go fain work! Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

He is an adult, stop worrying.
He is your husband I know but Husband and wife are suppose to agree on issues however he made his own decision without concern on how it affects you so stop killing yourself.

Like Roy said, give him a set of keys, stop asking yourself questions its his decision.

If you are ready to live with it then don't let it affect you negatively.

I don't know why people will marry if they intend to spend their free time away from the family they created, if he was single he can hang out all he wants no concerns no wahala, but you go create a family you are not ready to totally invest in.

People don't marry just to marry, you can't put in the work, don't marry, you prefer living like a bachelor or spinster please stay that way till you get it out of your system.

Madam, just make the right arrangements to ensure that your sleep is not interupted, he can take care of himself, since you said talking is not an option.

What time does he get to spend with his kids? Check if they are fine, check if homework is done, check if they are having nightmares.

Marriage is beyond producing kids and dropping money so you can show them off. It is a total investment, don't marry if you won't invest totally.

RR and kanwulia r right, my cous hubby is a nite crawler. She will put food inside foodflask and keep for him.
Not galfriend issue cos he was tracked severally.
He has his room. Has his keys.
The only person that suffers then was the gateman. He even got used to it.
She used to have sleepless nites like u very well. Almost ten yrs into their marriage.
She preconditioned her mind and it helped her.
As per d jealousy, u can hire a private detective to know what's up. It will cool ur nerves a bit once galfriends r ruled out.
But if galfriend is involved,my dear, u have to let ur voice and opinion be heard.
Most importantly, go to God in prayer if u believe in him. She was constanly praying for a change. The truth be told, how she handled that issue,I don't think I can do that. Not for one day did she spark. When we his relatives r busy ranting, she will just smile and unless she did that behind my back, she never nagged.
Today her man is sooo sweet. I don't know what happened.
All the best.

If u r a man reading this pls,help ur wives to bring out the best in her and not crush her.
This woman is too good to look for advice, I tell u some will not. Ur home will be exactly as u want it to be.
Remember, the children r watching and learning

Debrief, u ar right be be angry. Assuming I've not witnessed this, I wouldn't hv know what to say.
One day,(c little me then)I waited for him.
My couse is huge,I tell u. I said I must talk to brother today. He came back as usual, took his bath. Went to the dining.
I walked up to him greeted him and only God knows what I told him.(Infact, I almost wee wee on my pant) what prompted my action was one of the kids that slept of crutching her exercise book cos she waited and waited for daddy to come back and help her( teacher's instruction)
I know in his mind that day, he will be thinking, what gave me d audacity to talk to him like that.

Kanwulia: Why don't you get a bigger house like I did. . .
I live upstairs and my husband lives downstairs.
When his garage door opens, I do not even know.

My section of the house is ALWAYS LOCKED!
Besides, I have another house o!
HIS LEGS DO NOT ENTER THERE!

Separate bedrooms. . .separate kitchens. . .separate living rooms. . . .SPLIT LEVEL HOME! Simple!!!!

We communicate BY PHONE. . .IF NECESSARY!

Welcome to AFRICAN MARRIAGE! First to quench. . .inherits the retirement benefits!

Shiooooooooor!!!

Sleepless nights ko. . . night crawler ni! Which wan consine me? One day he go crawl nor come back! HALLELUJAH! I YAMMU A FREEEEEEEEEEE WOMAN. . .RICHER BY A FEW HUNDRED THOUSANDS!

Siddon dia dey worry yasef. . .nor go fain work! Mtcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!!!!

I doubt you are a woman, talkless of being married or in a marriage.

mrs flawless: I sincerely need practical and matured advise from married women in this section.
I don't know if I should term my hubby a night crawler but it's the only word I deem appropriate for now. Hubby (about 2 years) ago started "hanging out with friends " and it has now increased in frequency and magnitude. He could return home 11.00pm on a working day or 2.00am on a Saturday.
Now, the problem I have is that I tend to worry a lot ( by nature) over almost anything including this late night keeping and it seriously affects my sleep!
I usually sleep around say 9.00pm and often gets up to ease myself by 10.30pm. I then find it difficult to sleep once I notice my hubby is not back at home; I then tend to wait up for him till he comes back and I can then sleep. The feeling for me is first fear ;that something bad should not happen to him and later concern and jealousy as to what exactly he is doing out late at night.
I have come to the sad reality that this isn't a new habit that will pass away but a way of life that has come to stay.
I fear for my health and I wish there is a way that I can consciously accept this lifestyle and not worry or care whatever time he returns home or whatsoever he may be doing. Truth is, I know he is out having fun while I just sit and pray for him to come back safely. I have tried imagining that he is out of town just so my mind can agree that he doesn't need to come home and he's safe! I have tried drinking less water at night to avoid getting up to ease myself and discover he hasn't returned home.
I slept about 9pm yesterday, woke up around 11pm and kept 'vigil' till 2.11am when he returned. My dear hubby is now snoring as I type while I'm yet to find sleep again even after swallowing 2 tablets of piriton .
It may look trivial but I fear insomnia and other medical conditions that may arise from this. How can I stop worrying about the time my hubby returns home, how do I condition my mind to start seeing him maybe like my Brother ( who I usually don't know if he slept home or not till maybe the following morning)?
Please don't advise me to talk to him as this will only yield result for a few days before we return to status quo.
I know some married men frequently hangs out till late, anyone married to such should kindly share how they overcame worries, fear, concern and jealousy.
Dear Mods, no front page please.

Don't worry, it will pass!

My husband is just like yours, especially on weekends. I was never really jealous because before I had my baby, I used to 'nightcrawl' with him. Now I wonder at the mentality of wasting prescious hours of sleep, 'hanging out' at a social club and telling boring stories about how the day went!

But I did worry, especially when the kidnappings got more serious around here. I would stay up waiting and praying that he gets home safe. After a while, I just stopped worrying. Don't know how or when exactly it stopped, but it did stop. I woke up about 12 midnight to find him sleeping beside me last night. Didn't even know when he got back!

So this is my advice . . . Stop worrying! Condition your mind not to worry and trust me, one day you will stop.

See wetin person dey endure jst because of mrs title

debrief08: He is an adult, stop worrying.
He is your husband I know but Husband and wife are suppose to agree on issues however he made his own decision without concern on how it affects you so stop killing yourself.

Like Roy said, give him a set of keys, stop asking yourself questions its his decision.

If you are ready to live with it then don't let it affect you negatively.

I don't know why people will marry if they intend to spend their free time away from the family they created, if he was single he can hang out all he wants no concerns no wahala, but you go create a family you are not ready to totally invest in.

People don't marry just to marry, you can't put in the work, don't marry, you prefer living like a bachelor or spinster please stay that way till you get it out of your system.

Madam, just make the right arrangements to ensure that your sleep is not interupted, he can take care of himself, since you said talking is not an option.

What time does he get to spend with his kids? Check if they are fine, check if homework is done, check if they are having nightmares.

Marriage is beyond producing kids and dropping money so you can show them off. It is a total investment, don't marry if you won't invest totally.

Sometimes people can't help being who they are. My husband is a social animal and I would hate for him to stop hanging out with his friends just because he got married.

Most times he gets home before me, helps make dinner and put our girl to sleep when I bring her home, before he leaves. When I had a nanny, I used to go with him most times before I completely lost interest!

The idea is to maintain a balance . . .

That a man stays out late doesn't necessarily make him a bad father.

How gøod is your character and how often do u have sex with ur husband, Trust me gal, no man prefer his friends, drinks and clubs more than his wife. U need to check yourself, there is something wrong with your wedding.

Ujujoan:

Sometimes people can't help being who they are. My husband is a social animal and I would hate for him to stop hanging out with his friends just because he got married.

Most times he gets home before me, helps make dinner and put our girl to sleep when I bring her home, before he leaves. When I had a nanny, I used to go with him most times before I completely lost interest!

The idea is to maintain a balance . . .

That a man stays out late doesn't necessarily make him a bad father.

Uju, don't get me wrong, I have nothing aganist men or women who are outgoing and social, but be honest about it before you marry, find someone who shares you lifestyle and most importantly, talk and work out a win win situation.

See your husband comes home, does his bit and has his fun time, hers won't even agree to talk about it.

I am sure if they have talked and worked out a situation that works for both of them as your did for you she wouldn't be here.

i_laugh:

I doubt you are a woman, talkless of being married or in a marriage.

WHAT AN INSULT AND IMPUDENCE!

You wanno see my TOTO?

You need proof? You think say I be wan of una LIE-LIE fake-marriage-LICENSED WHO-RES WITH A LOOTOCRATIC ASIWAJU PARENT OFFLINE. . . . . . SLEEPING ON NL TO CATCH ONE FUGLY, PSYCHODELIC, KURUKERE, BROKE-AZZE, DEMI-ILLITY CYBER-SPOUSE FOR OLD AGE?

YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW. . .I HAVE NO QUALMS IN SHOWING OFF MY BEAUTIFUL YELLOW-TOTO ON OR OFF NL AS 'PROVE'(inserts EKITI YINGRISH HIA) KE? NA UNA MODERATOR GO CRY THIS MORRRRING KE, IF YOU TRY YA ILL-FATED LUCK!!!


NA MY GUY BE DIS O!

Wey ya own. . .? Die-vorced by God and Satan combined WITH A UNANIMOUS VOTE. . .via assassination bullet or WETIN?
Abi I resemble UNA BIANCHARLOT OJUKWU. . . .THE NNEWI-HARLOTTI, OKIJA-ABORTION-BELLIT-WI'N'DOW?

Nor try yasef o! THIS NA NEW ERA. . . EFRY BARRY DEY MEIN IM BUSINESS LIKE IT SHOULD BE. Don't try to GET INTO MINE. . .AS KPE. . . NONE OF YA GADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEM BIBNEZZ! I DON'T GIVVA QUARRRAH OF A PHOCK ABOUT YOURS EITHER!

I don warn you. TODAY IS MY DAY OFF. . .AND I GAT LOTS OF TIME ON MY HANDS. . . IT WAS FRIDAY THE 13TH! I AM STILL FULL-MOONING!



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQhiZpLJtcg



Watch it SUCKER!!!

NOW CHOP SHYTE!

*edited to remove pictures. . .i have made my point*!

bishopjoe02: How gøod is your character and how often do u have sex with ur husband, Trust me gal, no man prefer his friends, drinks and clubs more than his wife. U need to check yourself, there is something wrong with your wedding.

Some men do especially when they see her as a nag or a drag. Y would a married man keep late nigths on purpose? That's why the best advise a married man or woman can get is simple; Gradually withdraw urself from ur unmarried friends after marriage because they tend to lead u in a wrong path,u keep late nites(U keep late nights forgeting u are married unlike them) .My sister u need to give him more reasons to stay home more not by words but actions or would u rather remain silent n be called up oneday to come pay ransom for a kidnapped husband?

The best advice you can get has been given to you above: he should get an extra key to the gate and to the front door of the house. Prepare his food and keep in the microwave or flask. Keep your mind away from worries regarding what might happen to him because he is not a kid.

God forbid, if you pass away, he will still be living his life as nothing will apparently happen to him @ his night clubs where he hangs out. If you have this at the back og your mind, trust me, you will have a sound sleep in the night.

Cheers

Why not hang out with him for few days and especially on weekends, maybe this will help you to condition your mind that there's no problem.

@ OP: I'm single. But I'm sorry about your caseand hope you overcome the challenge.

bishopjoe02: How gøod is your character and how often do u have sex with ur husband, Trust me gal, no man prefer his friends, drinks and clubs more than his wife. U need to check yourself, there is something wrong with your wedding.

Choi! Choi!! Choi!!!!!!


Madam, please pass over this comment, thanks!

Wow..not easy for you, just like others have posted, you can also get an ear plug when he starts snoring.

How big are your kids, you can get a bottle of whiskey to help you with the sleep too.


For me, hubby does his own night keep but this time he is not a night crawler but play zombie game with his friends online. Most times we put the kids to bed, while he plays his zombie game (very addictive but doesn't cast money except when you buy the game), I play the Online poker game.(cost money and guess who recharge the account);

You may want to look for an activity that will keep you out busy,like night vigil, online course etc but I really fear for your health if your husband is not hanging out with only friends but doing the extreme.

bishopjoe02: How gøod is your character and how often do u have sex with ur husband, Trust me gal, no man prefer his friends, drinks and clubs more than his wife. U need to check yourself, there is something wrong with your wedding.

Oga joe, with all due respect, if you have no useful advice to give, just STFU (excuse my greek). Read matured advice from matured minds before typing crap.

Every time a man misbehaves,it must be the woman's fault abi.

Chai!

@ OP, cool down, nothing do you or your guy. He'll grow out of it soon enough. Royal boy has given the most practical advice here.

safeLove:

Oga joe, with all due respect, if you have no useful advice to give, just STFU (excuse my greek). Read matured advice from matured minds before typing crap.

Every time a man misbehaves,it must be the woman's fault abi.

Chai!

@ OP, cool down, nothing do you or your guy. He'll grow out of it soon enough. Royal boy has given the most practical advice here.

do u think im wrong, how can a man prefer his male/female friends, drinks and d oda tinx that goes on in the club to the honeypot, love and care his wife can provide. And he does it on a regular basis, C'mon there is a problem somewhere,
all u guys have provided is a temporary solution, im just trying solve dis tin permanently, trust me, every man love running home from work or wereva to his dear family.

Thanks everyone for your comments.
@kanwulai actually made me laugh with her direct, albeit unrealistic advice.
I don't think he is having an affair or something. Not that I can vouch 100% for anyone but he doesn't mind me coming out with him daily it's just that I am really not that kind of a person. He comes home immediately if I call him to but I'm really tired of doing that, I'm not his mum nah!
I have gone out with him and see him have good fun dancing and singing at Yoruba club and honestly, I hate to be a spoil sport. Even with 2 house helps at home, I'll rather just stay home and play with the kids than watch my hubby shake his flat bom-bom to some upcoming and unknown afro juju musician in a mosquito dominated leisure park.
In his defence, he is a jolly nice dad n husband half of the time.
I'm particularly lifted by Uju's advise, I'm praying that I speedily get to the level where I really just stop worrying and sleep off at will.
Chilisauce, debrief and royal Roy have made good contributions ; i'll hang out more with colleagues who shares my interest and also pick up some activities that i'll enjoy doing.
Thank you Family Section of Nairaland

chaircover: But seriously how can anyone have a sound sleep when they know that their loved one is out there somewhere? Even if you advise the poster to sleep, she wont be able sleep.

I thought I'm the only one with that ^^ notion. Sleep for where? I no fit sleep oh.

Mrs. Flawless, thanks for the clarification.
Since he spends quality time with you and the kids, just let him be and find ways to relax, not everyone is an outdoor person.

Also, I understand its not easy to sleep but stop worrying, pray for him and go to sleep, even if something happens, you are not there, so just calm down.

I hope you guys are fine at the end of the day.

mrs flawless: I sincerely need practical and matured advise from married women in this section.
I don't know if I should term my hubby a night crawler but it's the only word I deem appropriate for now. Hubby (about 2 years) ago started "hanging out with friends " and it has now increased in frequency and magnitude. He could return home 11.00pm on a working day or 2.00am on a Saturday.
Now, the problem I have is that I tend to worry a lot ( by nature) over almost anything including this late night keeping and it seriously affects my sleep!
I usually sleep around say 9.00pm and often gets up to ease myself by 10.30pm. I then find it difficult to sleep once I notice my hubby is not back at home; I then tend to wait up for him till he comes back and I can then sleep. The feeling for me is first fear ;that something bad should not happen to him and later concern and jealousy as to what exactly he is doing out late at night.
I have come to the sad reality that this isn't a new habit that will pass away but a way of life that has come to stay.
I fear for my health and I wish there is a way that I can consciously accept this lifestyle and not worry or care whatever time he returns home or whatsoever he may be doing. Truth is, I know he is out having fun while I just sit and pray for him to come back safely. I have tried imagining that he is out of town just so my mind can agree that he doesn't need to come home and he's safe! I have tried drinking less water at night to avoid getting up to ease myself and discover he hasn't returned home.
I slept about 9pm yesterday, woke up around 11pm and kept 'vigil' till 2.11am when he returned. My dear hubby is now snoring as I type while I'm yet to find sleep again even after swallowing 2 tablets of piriton .
It may look trivial but I fear insomnia and other medical conditions that may arise from this. How can I stop worrying about the time my hubby returns home, how do I condition my mind to start seeing him maybe like my Brother ( who I usually don't know if he slept home or not till maybe the following morning)?
Please don't advise me to talk to him as this will only yield result for a few days before we return to status quo.
I know some married men frequently hangs out till late, anyone married to such should kindly share how they overcame worries, fear, concern and jealousy.
Dear Mods, no front page please.

Hmmm...odd one this is, not entirely sure how to respond.

Thing is, if you've been married for as long as moi (nearly two decades), many things that once seemed like heaven and earth to you, eventually become nothing more than a mere storm in a tea cup. Now what do I mean? Nothing, just that you'll get used to it jare and realise you aren't joined at the hip.

I don't know about the partying till late bit sha, but if the man's out there earning money for his family and putting his kids through private education, pays his share of the bills, still that loving father and husband, and always picks up his phone IMMEDIATELY I call him, then what's the wahala? As long as you don't hear people groaning in throes of se.xu.al fulfilment in the background, then sister stop worrying your head! Life's too short and worrying won't add a minute to your life span.

We all have that perfect 'little-girl-picture' of how our ideal home will look when we get married, but the reality is always different. Rather than focus on the times he's not with you, focus on when he is with you and make it worth it.

Sorry to be a bit forward, but I've just got to ask you this: How is your s.ex life with hubby? You've been married for 2 years now - is it still the same as when you both got married? Is he slacking in the bedroom? If he isn't, then you really, really, should stop worrying. Seriously. Use his absence to get some quality 'me-time' for yourself. Sort your kids out and put them to bed early, then call up your mum, sister, cousin and have a good old gossip on the phone. Do your nails, watch African Magic to unwind, or get into that hobby of yours you've always wanted to do but never found the time to do it because of kids and marriage. You'll even be surprised at how little time you have left to worry about him because you mind is gainfully pre-occupied.

It is well

jidegirl12:

I thought I'm the only one with that ^^ notion. Sleep for where? I no fit sleep oh.

Lol!

Then you never start!

Okay, now I need a mind transplant so I can think more like @uju and @ Efe and worry less like like @ CC, Jide and Debrief

@ Efe, I have been married for 8 and a half years, and we dated for 6 years! We have had our own issues just like every normal couple. I would conservatively rate things in the bedroom at 80%. We do sometimes have a lull but things are far better now than they were when we got married.
We would probably have "played" if he knew I was awake early today when he came in and I wasn't spared by 9.00am when I woke up(if you get my drift) so I don't think d crawling has to do with anything bedmatics.
I just need to find some cheaper ways of unwinding as well, I work really hard and I'm not the kind of woman who keeps her income to herself and think the man should be a sole provider for any family. Most things in my house are split 50/50.
I don't do Africa magic but I guess I have to start watching series and other stuffs that will also keep me busy.
Thanks again, I hesitated before creating this topic but I actually feel better now.

Weekdays 11pm. Week nights 2am. Except he sleeps for 3-5 hrs a day after such enjoyment I wonder what time he has to be a family man. Na wa o. Something's we have to learn to do with moderation after a certain age or milestone

baby_123: Weekdays 11pm. Week nights 2am. Except he sleeps for 3-5 hrs a day after such enjoyment I wonder what time he has to be a family man. Na wa o. Something's we have to learn to do with moderation after a certain age or milestone

On point!

@ OP, you can try some sleep relaxation techniques

http://umm.edu/programs/sleep/patients/relaxation

Tips for general sleep hygiene

http://www.helpguide.org/life/sleep_tips.htm