PUTIN:

Recent events surrounding Syria have prompted me to speak directly to the American people and your leaders. After the president’s speech Tuesday night, let me say what you all know to be true:

Barack, I own you. Or as we say in Russia, the wolf felt pity for the lamb, so he left the skin and bones.
Mr. President, we have much in common. People fear what we might do. We each have a media eating out of our hands. We both hate George W. Bush.

I also share with you the outrage at President Bashar al-Assad’s use of chemical weapons on women and children. And I have made Russia’s displeasure clear to him. Bashar, I said, if you have to murder women and children, conventional arms like the ones I used at Grozny or the rescue at Beslan are just as deadly. Lord knows I have supplied Syria with more than enough weaponry.
Now I have given you an out on Syria. And you know what? I’ve become the man of peace. Me, the KGB guy. I don’t know how many legions the pope has these days, but I’m pretty sure they’re on my side, too.
I tried to tell you at the G-8 in June we Russians are not the crude caricatures you Americans think. We value negotiations, and we appreciate the UN. Indeed, we share with this great international body for peace and human rights the view that American military action is always an act of aggression. That, and blame the Jews.

Our two nations can be grateful for the dialogue we saw Thursday in Geneva when John Kerry received his marching orders from my foreign minister. Now begins the protracted negotiations that will keep Assad in power while relieving you of having to do anything so long as there is ongoing diplomacy. Can anyone say, Reset?
Once you commanded cheering masses and were awarded the Nobel Prize simply for being elected. Now re-runs of “Cheers” get better ratings than a prime-time presidential address, and the world sees you as the warmonger. Still, I will not abandon you. Join me in Oslo next year when I accept my own Nobel Peace Prize, and I will give you your full due for the flexibility you have shown in promoting my plan for Syria. Together we will make history.

bokohalal: Why not go and apply for Russian visa and go live in St. Petersburg?