kreami diva: In my next life,i will marry an onyibo man who is 90 yrs old and very wealthy with a heart disease!


Biko,nobody should eat me raw oooo

And the shriveled blokos?

Chillisauce:
maybe next life you will be the oyibo wealthy man with the heart disease.

Pls, I demand to be eaten!

Lol

Lolzzzzzz...... i wan die o!

ileobatojo:




And the shriveled blokos?

Ewwwww.

* lots of saliva in my mouth *

ileobatojo:




And the shriveled blokos?

Na small time i go manage am before he dies!

kreami diva:


Na small time i go manage am before he dies!

He He He

ileobatojo:

Love this! Very good for you Judi!

And you highlighted a couple of things again, 1, how well abusers are liked on the outside by others (charming) and 2, one of their biggest fears is being caught (which is part of the reason they are so charming outside)

innitially, no one believed me when I told them especially his family members because they said he was one of the most gentle and easy going ones. My family believed because they know I wouldn't lie 4 any reason. Thanks.

kreami diva:


Na small time i go manage am before he dies!

True, true. Like 30 seconds every 3 months!

kreami diva: In my next life,i will marry an onyibo man who is 90 yrs old and very wealthy with a heart disease!


Biko,nobody should eat me raw oooo

Na those ones dey live long oo

ileobatojo:

Shege endure.

Ile stay there. Did you not read where someone was asking questions on how stay in a marriage no matter what the problem is?

judii: innitially, no one believed me when I told them especially his family members because they said he was one of the most gentle and easy going ones. My family believed because they know I wouldn't lie 4 any reason. Thanks.

But you will still take him back now ?

jennykadry:

Ile stay there. Did you not read where someone was asking questions on how stay in a marriage no matter what the problem is?

Are you minding them? They are the same 'society' we were talking about earlier. Their job is to maintain every vile status quo there is out there.

jennykadry:

Na those ones dey live long oo

Remember he has a heart disease.

Nashville:

Thank you madam, please kindly remain on the thread so that the younger ones can ask you lots of questions. I am sure they will benefit from your experience. Kindly elaborate on how to set your goals and other ways to show displeasure. Please also tell mention the useful NGOs.

Thanks I will come in every morning just post your questions. I will try to answer them.

The goal setting I am talking about is defining what you want in the relationship. When I first met my hussy I was under 18 and I told him that I came from a home where my father was a strict disciplinarian and will always flog you at the slightest opportunity. (When I say flog I mean putting you on the table and giving you 24 strokes of the cane). I told him that I had been beaten a lot as a child and will not want to be beaten by my hussy. Mind you this was before he proposed. I remember saying something like "If I do anything to you please don't beat me i beg you; i will just die, i want a friend not a father" That made it for me at least he understood from the beginning.

As the years wore on I am hot headed and can argue or quarrel with him but you know what i know when to stop (limits) when i know i have made my point i keep quiet. if he continues i stand near the door. I do not ever allow him to be angry to the extent that he will want to catch me let alone touch me. Sorry is a big word I love you is a bigger word. when it gets hot I just say I am sorry and you know i love you too much and most especially at these moments. Believe it or not it works like magic and diffuses every tension.

Sometimes Women get abused because they want to get gifts from their men. Let me share a little experience 4years ago i was part of an EU funded project where women were trained to stand up for their rights and report abuse and violence against them in their community. Paralegals were hired and trained to handle such cases. At a review meeting with the women one of them reported that a neighbor had been beaten up by her husband. On inquiry the abused woman told me that she wanted her husband to beat her up because that is the only way she can have the new hollandis wrapper in vogue. Apparently after beating her she will be "begged" with any gifts of her choice.

Sensitization is the watch word.

I don't know the NGOs in other states but here in Cross River I can link anyone who is interested just send a mail to my email benefrancatony@gmail.com. I also know that all states have the ministry of Women affairs and social welfare they deal with violence against women. Do you also know that most states have passed edicts on violence AGAINST WOMEN. You can get your man arrested for beating you up.

ThAnks franca for sharing..

The NGO info is really useful

Jehovah!! Beatings for hollandis wrapper? Nne20, u dey read?

baby_123:
I honestly am starting to believe discipline gone wild is the major cause of all this. Not all minds can take such a discipline which is meant to subdue the child. When you subdue a child one way, they find an outlet somewhere else. I mean how do you expect a child who is beaten at every displeasure and pepper used to rub the wounds to react to people who they feel are subordinate to them. We live in a cycle of violence. Some children may get over it. Most don't and take it out on others in future. I truly believe this is a big issue among others. Mine came from a dysfunctional home and I even witnessed his mother humiliate the father to her kids. I guess that was supposed to make her kids love her more.The parents were not together, but na wa o. I felt sad for him. No wonder he was looking for one funny kind of love.

I agree totally with this. It really starts in the home.

francafrank:

Thanks I will come in every morning just post your questions. I will try to answer them.

The goal setting I am talking about is defining what you want in the relationship. When I first met my hussy I was under 18 and I told him that I came from a home where my father was a strict disciplinarian and will always flog you at the slightest opportunity. (When I say flog I mean putting you on the table and giving you 24 strokes of the cane). I told him that I had been beaten a lot as a child and will not want to be beaten by my hussy. Mind you this was before he proposed. I remember saying something like "If I do anything to you please don't beat me i beg you; i will just die, i want a friend not a father" That made it for me at least he understood from the beginning.

As the years wore on I am hot headed and can argue or quarrel with him but you know what i know when to stop (limits) when i know i have made my point i keep quiet. if he continues i stand near the door. I do not ever allow him to be angry to the extent that he will want to catch me let alone touch me. Sorry is a big word I love you is a bigger word. when it gets hot I just say I am sorry and you know i love you too much and most especially at these moments. Believe it or not it works like magic and diffuses every tension.

Sometimes Women get abused because they want to get gifts from their men. Let me share a little experience 4years ago i was part of an EU funded project where women were trained to stand up for their rights and report abuse and violence against them in their community. Paralegals were hired and trained to handle such cases. At a review meeting with the women one of them reported that a neighbor had been beaten up by her husband. On inquiry the abused woman told me that she wanted her husband to beat her up because that is the only way she can have the new hollandis wrapper in vogue. Apparently after beating her she will be "begged" with any gifts of her choice.

Sensitization is the watch word.

I don't know the NGOs in other states but here in Cross River I can link anyone who is interested just send a mail to my email benefrancatony@gmail.com. I also know that all states have the ministry of Women affairs and social welfare they deal with violence against women. Do you also know that most states have passed edicts on violence AGAINST WOMEN. You can get your man arrested for beating you up.

God bless you for this post

Donxavier:

Ok those ones are obviously unhealthy, but it's a thin line between this domestic abuse and 'fighting' you talking about with the myriad of forms in the middle.

There is a not so thin line.

judii: you are sooooo no point, dear.

God be with you

kreami diva:


Remember he has a heart disease.

I dey tell you say those people you expect to go soon, them go still dey there healthy people go dey go before them

baby_123:
I honestly am starting to believe discipline gone wild is the major cause of all this. Not all minds can take such a discipline which is meant to subdue the child. When you subdue a child one way, they find an outlet somewhere else. I mean how do you expect a child who is beaten at every displeasure and pepper used to rub the wounds to react to people who they feel are subordinate to them. We live in a cycle of violence. Some children may get over it. Most don't and take it out on others in future. I truly believe this is a big issue among others. Mine came from a dysfunctional home and I even witnessed his mother humiliate the father to her kids. I guess that was supposed to make her kids love her more.The parents were not together, but na wa o. I felt sad for him. No wonder he was looking for one funny kind of love.

Why I will always insist that all advice to 'stay for the kids' is really a demonic one

ileobatojo:

Apparently! Become a mute robot....... and wear black bra with red pant.... Or is it the other way around?

Mtschieew!

Glad you got the order else

francafrank:

As the years wore on I am hot headed and can argue or quarrel with him but you know what i know when to stop (limits) when i know i have made my point i keep quiet. if he continues i stand near the door. I do not ever allow him to be angry to the extent that he will want to catch me let alone touch me. Sorry is a big word I love you is a bigger word. when it gets hot I just say I am sorry and you know i love you too much and most especially at these moments. Believe it or not it works like magic and diffuses every tension.

Madam, God will bless you for sharing. Our society is a violent one. The only way we believe we can show authority is violence. Its everywhere in the society. Father will beat mother mercilessly, mother will beat children, I was reading Damiso's experience and it was mind blowing. Mother/ children will beat househelps, police will beat the same people they are supposed to defend, soldier will beat police, national assembly members will beat each other. It is endless. The problem we have is that violence is acceptable in our society.

The only reason most women dont beat their husbands is because they cannot beat him physically. So they start beating him with their mouth and the man will in turn beat her physically. Even on this thread, lots of people cannot pass a message without insulting someone else. It is all part of verbal abuse. This is not a male only problem, it is a societal problem. Its just that in most marriages the women are weaker so they are at the receiving end, but some of these same women will nearly kill househelps so they are equally guilty of violence.

To your point of accepting beating to receive gifts. It is very true. Lots of women would willingly accept beatings to be called Mrs or to wear a wedding band. Most women in abusive marriages had clear signs before marriage if they are to be truthful, but they just went ahead into it. Someone shared earlier how her boyfriend was abusive and now her husband is also abusive. I was only wandering why she keeps attractive abusive men. Some of our women even find it acceptable and would take the beatings so that they can sit in a car and be called big girl. Truth!

Nashville:

Madam, God will bless you for sharing. Our society is a violent one. The only way we believe we can show authority is violence. Its everywhere in the society. Father will beat mother mercilessly, mother will beat children, I was reading Damiso's experience and it was mind blowing. Mother/ children will beat househelps, police will beat the same people they are supposed to defend, soldier will beat police, national assembly members will beat each other. It is endless. The problem we have is that violence is acceptable in our society.

The only reason most women dont beat their husbands is because they cannot beat thim physically. So they start beating him with their mouth and the man will in turn beat her physically. Even on this thread, lots of people cannot pass a message without insulting someone else. It is all part of verbal abuse. This is not a male only problem, it is a societal problem. Its just that in most marriages the women are weaker so they are at the receiving end, but some of these same women will nearly kill househelps so they are equally guilty of violence.

To your point of accepting beating to receive gifts. It is very true. Lots of women would willingly accept beatings to be called Mrs or to wear a wedding band. Most women in abusive marriages had clear signs before marriage if they are to be truthful, but they just went ahead into it. Someone shared earlier how her boyfriend was abusive and now her husband is also abusive. I was only wandering why she keeps attractive abusive men. Some of our women even find it acceptable and would take the beatings so that they can sit in a car and be called big girl. Truth!

Well said.
Ile needs to read this. It's exactly what I was trying to say on a previous argument.

Nashville:

The only reason most women dont beat their husbands is because they cannot beat him physically. So they start beating him with their mouth and the man will in turn beat her physically. Even on this thread, lots of people cannot pass a message without insulting someone else. It is all part of verbal abuse. This is not a male only problem, it is a societal problem. Its just that in most marriages the women are weaker so they are at the receiving end, but some of these same women will nearly kill househelps so they are equally guilty of violence.

No oh these women are Mother theresa now

Donxavier:

No oh these women are Mother theresa now

The bigger problem is our mindset. We have seen threads where women say it is ok to hit a man but he must not hit her back and we have heard several cases of women physically abusing their husbands. I dont think is is a men only problem. We are all part of the same society, men and women!

@ francafrank, do you think age difference between the couples also has a role to play

kreami diva: @ francafrank, do you think age difference between the couples also has a role to play

Personally, I don't subscribe to 10 year age difference in marriage.
Many abusive marriages I know have this generational gap between.
Depends on the people involved though. But then, what do I know?

kreami diva:
Lol @blind love! Nna one hot slap my ex boyfriend gave me one Christmas shifted my jaw! . It was his friend,a doctor that adjusted my jaw for me! I'm laughing as I'm writing it now because i didn't lose some teeth abi?

It is well o

Ouch! That must have hurt real bad-the slap and the jaw re-adjustment(the most painful of the two).

kreami diva:

Fight back ke Not immediately though. I eventually dealt with him so much so that he attempted suicide. At first,he was losing his mind and then he decided to end it all. Na God save am sha! Eediot

Kreami diva, care to share how you dealt with him? Thanks!

Bolded....On point.. nash..


some indulge in violence as they say makeup love is sweeter.///


weird world


The cycle of violence can get gruesome really
On the FP, a tenant burnt his landlord's house with them inside just to show his anger at being evicted..

Nashville:

Madam, God will bless you for sharing. Our society is a violent one. The only way we believe we can show authority is violence. Its everywhere in the society. Father will beat mother mercilessly, mother will beat children, I was reading Damiso's experience and it was mind blowing. Mother/ children will beat househelps, police will beat the same people they are supposed to defend, soldier will beat police, national assembly members will beat each other. It is endless. The problem we have is that violence is acceptable in our society.

The only reason most women dont beat their husbands is because they cannot beat him physically. So they start beating him with their mouth and the man will in turn beat her physically. Even on this thread, lots of people cannot pass a message without insulting someone else. It is all part of verbal abuse. This is not a male only problem, it is a societal problem. Its just that in most marriages the women are weaker so they are at the receiving end, but some of these same women will nearly kill househelps so they are equally guilty of violence.

To your point of accepting beating to receive gifts. It is very true. Lots of women would willingly accept beatings to be called Mrs or to wear a wedding band. Most women in abusive marriages had clear signs before marriage if they are to be truthful, but they just went ahead into it. Someone shared earlier how her boyfriend was abusive and now her husband is also abusive. I was only wandering why she keeps attractive abusive men. Some of our women even find it acceptable and would take the beatings so that they can sit in a car and be called big girl. Truth!

The experience an inlaw shared with me:
The husband grew up in a home where the mum was the abuser.
He ended up abusing his wife as a way of compensating for the dad. The age difference is 12 years.
His happiest moment was coming home late in the night to meet his wife crying.
The wife wasn't working so she was dependent on him for everything.
Things changed when the wife got a good job.
He now respects himself and complains she doesn't have time for him.
They are now learning to live together.