Bros let sleeping bingos lie,d eed has been done and long forgotten u might unearth smthing u will spend d rest of ur days regretting.let d poor woman be abeg.d psn dey both wronged ws ignorant of d deed and he is no more so biko cut d mumc sm slack.c sm posters already insinuating u go get DNA.what if eventually ur uncle is ur pop what next?

are u sure ur uncle is not ur fada

modextus: like seriously?? You never did?

Wanted saying the same thing but i felt it would have sounded harsh and i had a feeling that he might have thought of that to and would have come to a conclusion on his own.

Maybe you're not the nollywood type shaa.

Men.. its really twisted...

overdrive: Bros let sleeping bingos lie,d eed has been done and long forgotten u might unearth smthing u will spend d rest of ur days regretting.let d poor woman be abeg.d psn dey both wronged ws ignorant of d deed and he is no more so biko cut d mumc sm slack.c sm posters already insinuating u go get DNA.what if eventually ur uncle is ur pop what next?

lol.i know il neva go for any DNA no matter the provocation. i guess i just want her to know that we know. with the way they both behave towards each other now,it'l be hard to believe they had something goin on years back. would av tot i was just imagining things if my sister had not confirmed witnessing the same thing.
hmmmmm.

bennysucre,just let go pls. dont open d lid on something you wont be able to close anymore.

Stop calling that man your uncle. That affair has been ongoing before you were born. Go and introduce yourself to your uncle Dad

karmaleon: Stop calling that man your uncle. That affair has been ongoing before you were born. Go and introduce yourself to your uncle Dad

Loooooooooool, u bad ooo. Can't stop laughing. How r u so sure? Uv had or heard a similar experience?

kendraloops:
Loooooooooool, u bad ooo. Can't stop laughing. How r u so sure? Uv had or heard a similar experience?

Yes I have. That's why I'm a chameleon.

@bennysucre this is a serious issue. This happened many years ago ago; so pls let sleeping dogs lie and don't start sth that may be more DISASTROUS. Unfortunately, infidelity like this are not uncommon in our society; u were just unlucky to have seen it. I am talking from experience 'cos what u aim to achieve may actually bomerang to sth more deadly

bennysucre:
d matter keeps bugging me anytime i remember cos i wonder if that abominable act of those days is to blame for a whole lot of issues we facing presently like delayed marriages,stagnation n d likes.

If I were to take a guess, I would say your unresolved PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is responsible for the issues you are facing. It is not the act itself that is to blame. It is your perception of the act, the fact that you have not properly processed it and that you have not filed those memories in the compartment of your head they need to be in. It is still causing chaos in your mind and that is the problem. None of this is your fault by the way, you were traumatized as a child.

Ultimately, your best bet is to face your fear. Confront it. No more avoidance. Ideally, this process should be overseen by a professional but lawd help me if I believe you can find one who knows the right thing to do in that Nigeria. Wish you all the best. It is a difficult one.

@ your mom....Wow.

the only thought that came to my mind after reading this story is..........
YOUR UNCLE IS PROBABLY THE REAL FATHER OF YOU AND YOUR SIBLINGS.

Am thinkin dat ur dad wz infertile...dat ur uncle corraboratd wit ur mum 2 bore him kids....it happen in my own family...one of my distanc uncles went 2 c his younger bro who is a doc over infertility issue...so his bro after dicoverin dat d he cnt spawn issue corraboratd wit his wife 2 start makin babies 4 him...

King4Che: Am thinkin dat ur dad wz infertile...dat ur uncle corraboratd wit ur mum 2 bore him kids....it happen in my own family...one of my distanc uncles went 2 c his younger bro who is a doc over infertility issue...so his bro after dicoverin dat d he cnt spawn issue corraboratd wit his wife 2 start makin babies 4 him...

naaa,there's no doubt abt my dad's fertility. mumc is actually his 2nd wife. 1st wife bore him 7kids n my mum bore him 4. my immediate elder brother bears a striking resemblance to him.

ileobatojo:

If I were to take a guess, I would say your unresolved PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) is responsible for the issues you are facing. It is not the act itself that is to blame. It is your perception of the act, the fact that you have not properly processed it and that you have not filed those memories in the compartment of your head they need to be in. It is still causing chaos in your mind and that is the problem. None of this is your fault by the way, you were traumatized as a child.

Ultimately, your best bet is to face your fear. Confront it. No more avoidance. Ideally, this process should be overseen by a professional but lawd help me if I believe you can find one who knows the right thing to do in that Nigeria. Wish you all the best. It is a difficult one.

@ your mom....Wow.

the confrotational part is what scares me the most. i want to know n at the same time,i dont wanna know. i'd go on with life thinking i av forgotten abt the whole ish n den, gbam, something triggers the memory for me again.
na real wow @ my mum,what was she thinking. that particular occassion where i actually witnessed the action, i remember peeping at them. they were fo,ndling n i saw their nake,dness in full glare. i still carry that pix with me.

bennysucre: This is no super story o

It happened way way back when i was little a child. i remember seeing my mum n uncle naked together in bed.
popc usually left early for work n i noticed my uncle(popcs younger brother) would come around some hours later. often times, i'd be with mumc in her room n on her bed just chilling or making mischief but as soon as this uncle comes, he comes straight into her room,lures me with money to go buy babadudu(d black local candy then). when i return, i'd find out that mumcz room is locked n il be hearing voices suggesting something intimate is going on.
on a particular occassion, he came around but i'd slept off on mumcz bed,he wanted to wake me but she told him to leave me. unknown to them that i was wide awake n only pretending, they got down to their dirty business with me there. i could here the 'oooos' n 'aaaaaaaas'. they finished n he left.
thinking i was the only child that knew about it, i kept it to myself until recently when i was gisting about it with my sister. she was shocked cos she never knew that i was aware also. i wanted to confront mumc but she told me to chill saying er should let sleeping dogs lie.
now my dad is late n the relationship btw mumc n my uncle is very frosty, sometimes i wonder how they managed to mess around then.
d matter keeps bugging me anytime i remember cos i wonder if that abominable act of those days is to blame for a whole lot of issues we facing presently like delayed marriages,stagnation n d likes.


im sorry if this is too long(trust me,i summarised it) but il love candid advice. should i let it go or confront mumc to confess?

Having gone through your post, I believe that your uncle and your mum could be responsible for your dad's death in order to have their way but later things did not go well later hence their present situation in relationship.
This could have also affected you ladies hence your delayed marriage and stagnation.
You should have confronted your mum when this was going on or when your father was alive when you came of age.

Only deliverance will see you ladies through and your mother has to confess because I believed that your father did not die a natural death and your mother is a wicked person and will need to confess her sins and ask for forgiveness, if not, hell fire is her final resting place.It could be too tha he fathered most of you.Too bad.

Once again, so sorry for what you have gone through.

bennysucre:
the confrotational part is what scares me the most. i want to know n at the same time,i dont wanna know. i'd go on with life thinking i av forgotten abt the whole ish n den, gbam, something triggers the memory for me again.
na real wow @ my mum,what was she thinking. that particular occassion where i actually witnessed the action, i remember peeping at them. they were fo,ndling n i saw their nake,dness in full glare. i still carry that pix with me.

About the bolded, I definitely understand that there would be a lot of anxiety. Unfortunately, pretty much the only way to get unstuck from the cycle of stress is to face it. Look at it as the first step toward your personal healing so that you can move on. In other words, you need to know so you can feel better. You are not confronting them to get even or mad, you are doing so that those memories don't have such a strong hold of your life anymore. It is a process, and in the beginning, facing it will come with a lot of anxiety but as you do it, things start to get better. Get your sister to provide you moral support as you progress. I say talk to your mom, no yelling, no blame or getting mad. Remember your primary focus is your own healing, not to be her judge and executioner. Let her know how it's affecting you, what you need from this discussion is to be able to process the memories and find some closure. Good luck.

For more information, you can visit these links. You may find some helpful tips for your trauma and stress there.. Some excerpts..

Positive coping actions
Certain actions can help to reduce your distressing symptoms and make things better. Plus, these actions can result in changes that last into the future. Here are some positive coping methods:

Learn about trauma and PTSD
It is useful for trauma survivors to learn more about common reactions to trauma and about PTSD. Find out what is normal. Find out what the signs are that you may need assistance from others. When you learn that the symptoms of PTSD are common, you realize that you are not alone, weak, or crazy. It helps to know your problems are shared by hundreds of thousands of others. When you seek treatment and begin to understand your response to trauma, you will be better able to cope with the symptoms of PTSD.

Talk to others for support
When survivors talk about their problems with others, something helpful often results. It is important not to isolate yourself. Instead make efforts to be with others. Of course, you must choose your support people with care. You must also ask them clearly for what you need. With support from others, you may feel less alone and more understood. You may also get concrete help with a problem you have.

Coping with the symptoms of PTSD
Here are some direct ways to cope with these specific PTSD symptoms:

Unwanted distressing memories, images, or thoughts
Remind yourself that they are just that, memories.
Remind yourself that it's natural to have some memories of the trauma(s).
Talk about them to someone you trust.
Remember that, although reminders of trauma can feel overwhelming, they often lessen with time.

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/coping-traumatic-stress.asp

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/ptsd-negative-coping.asp

I don't want to start imagining how bad it's been for you. It's really a twisted situation.

This is my resolve on it, if you're bold enough to stomach what would/ might result from the confrontation-A can of worms..then by all means go ahead to confront your mum and relieve yourself of the burden.

If on the other hand you are not ready to hear some shocking news that might come up.Then let it slide and try as much as possible to purge yourself of the thoughts and memories.

It is well.

.

Tinkybabe: I don't want to start imagining how bad it's been for you. It's really a twisted situation.

This is my resolve on it, if you're bold enough to stomach what would/ might result from the confrontation-A can of worms..then by all means go ahead to confront your mum and relieve yourself of the burden.

If on the other hand you are not ready to hear some shocking news that might come up.Then let it slide and try as much as possible to purge yourself of the thoughts and memories.

It is well.

.

honestly,i dont know anymore. bin trying to purge myself of the thoughts lilke u said n av failed woefully. this thing happened wen i was like 7 or 8,to thnk i still remember evrytin now after sooooo many years is annoying.i know il never forget it ever,i cant help it. i pray i find the liver to talk to her about it soon.

@Bro am sorry for your pain,life sometimes deal us different hands.

My advice will be to call your mum and sister for a meeting where you can open up on whatever happened. That woman has hurt you really bad and you need some form of closure. Don't expect her to confess just tell her you know what happened and you've forgiven her irrespective of what happened.

Forget about who gave birth to who,it won't resolve anything it will only tear your family apart. If paternity questions disturb you just see yourself as an orphan born in a motherless home yet life doesn't stop for them,they usually succeed if they want to.

bennysucre:
honestly,i dont know anymore. bin trying to purge myself of the thoughts lilke u said n av failed woefully. this thing happened wen i was like 7 or 8,to thnk i still remember evrytin now after sooooo many years is annoying.i know il never forget it ever,i cant help it. i pray i find the liver to talk to her about it soon.

Bro at 7 or 8 you were fully grown naa and she didn't expect you to know? even I still tell my folks about events that happened at age 3,events they thot i never knew anything about.

You have what I call a photographic memory cos I have same too. Pple like us remember events to the minutest details.

@meine
Tnx 4 ur contributions. I'd reallly love to talk to her but we were raised under the atmosphere of 'children r to be seen n not heard' so its gonna be hard to psych myself to actually do the talking even though I'm grown now.

bennysucre: @meine
Tnx 4 ur contributions. I'd reallly love to talk to her but we were raised under the atmosphere of 'children r to be seen n not heard' so its gonna be hard to psych myself to actually do the talking even though I'm grown now.

You are an adult and should know what is right for your future. Confront her and let her know because you cannot mortgage your life to your own detriment. She has had her own life and right now, certain action must be boldly taken in order to correct things for your life, unless you are happy the way you are and wants to remain there.
Remember that your father has gone and you were left without a father. Come one day, same mum will go and you will be LEFT to see your life go through the way you want.
Get things corrected and allow whatever that wants to happen to happen. You are not insulting her. Call her mum, I have been having a problem I have lived for the rest of my life till date of which has taken you pain to understand.
Tell me the truth, in between both of you, that God Almighty is around as the witness. Did you sleep with our uncle when Daddy was alive? Or were you sleeping with him? Who is the true father of her children? Or who is our true Dad in between daddy and uncle? That you know that you have been a lot trying to understand where your problems has been coming from.

bennysucre: @meine
Tnx 4 ur contributions. I'd reallly love to talk to her but we were raised under the atmosphere of 'children r to be seen n not heard' so its gonna be hard to psych myself to actually do the talking even though I'm grown now.

Pls if u were raised in such atmosphere, don't confront your mom, just let it fly.
What u really need is inner peace, but u can't get it from hurting others. Try forgiving your mom first

theLORDreigns:

Pls if u were raised in such atmosphere, don't confront your mom, just let it fly.
What u really need is inner peace, but u can't get it from hurting others. Try forgiving your mom first

Tnx oo. I guess av forgiven her but I simply can't 'delete' it from my mind no matter how much I try. I guess I'll grow old with it, create a separate compartment in ma mind for it.
Guess I learnt from it, how not to behave in the presence of my kids later on.

@bennysucre
If n when u eventually confront ur mother, be sure to keep us (or me) posted. I'll really love to know ow things turned out.

shocking!

if I were in your shoes I would be restless until I knw the truth.

why dont you and your siblings try to find out who really your father is now your uncle is alive to at least keep things in proper perspective?.. cause you might regret not knowing once its too late.

since your sister is also aware, let the confrontation and DNA be between both of you, mum and uncle for now. you may choose to share details or involve your other siblings as findings unfold if you so wish to.

somehow there maybe repercussions albeit spiritual to such situations especially when you knw and did nothing bout it. pls avoid any curse on yourself by bringing this abomination to foreclosure. confront your mum and let her confess and seek forgiveness.

it is well

°°°mixedchic°°°:

shocking!

if I were in your shoes I would be restless until I knw the truth.

why dont you and your siblings try to find out who really your father is now your uncle is alive to at least keep things in proper perspective?.. cause you might regret not knowing once its too late.

since your sister is also aware, let the confrontation and DNA be between both of you, mum and uncle for now. you may choose to share details or involve your other siblings as findings unfold if you so wish to.

somehow there maybe repercussions albeit spiritual to such situations especially when you knw and did nothing bout it. pls avoid any curse on yourself by bringing this abomination to foreclosure. confront your mum and let her confess and seek forgiveness.

it is well

Nice one! Tnx a lot. Prior to opening this thread, I had never thought about the prob of my uncle being my pop n still don't wanna cos fit kill person if na true. To think all that my dad went through to get us educated n all was just charity? Nooooo, I really can't even begin t comprehend it. Seriously, it can make me do something stuuupid.
Asked my sis about confronting mumc some days back but she tod me to bone jare. Prolly shez also scared of what might result from it. Ma head's just muddled up now. Like I said, I don't mind confronting her on my own, buh I just never gather enough liver. My mum's very tough n am actually scared of her(sad but true). Maybe I'll get high on some alcohol before I go to meet her.

bennysucre:
. Maybe I'll get high on some alcohol before I go to meet her.

You will probably make a mess of the whole issue if you go under the influence of alcohol. You need to be in complete control of your five senses and actions.

Take your time, find the appropriate time to do it. It is well.

I agree with bellong that its not the best to confront her under the influence of alc.

as per your mum being tough............. d ish??
muster up some liver dude. she aint gonna kill you. worse she will do is make some noise but you might be surprised that if you approach her with maturity confidence and at the right time, she will prolly open up to you easily and beg for discretion. i mean she wont like extended family to be privy of her deeds?

I believe you hav come of age to wisely handle such confrontation. pray for God's direction. He will surely see you through.
pls dont die in silence.

@bellong n mixed chic, many tnx 4 ur advice. God will help me.

@bellong n mixed chic, many tnx 4 ur advice. God will help me. I might or might not confront her eventually. If it goes to d grave with me, no p. Guess av learnt a lesson or two from this.

my heart really goes out to u. God will help u face this n emerge stronger.