Hi Nairalanders,i posted this topic because i want to know if what i feel is normal. I grew up in a not-so-friendly 'environment'. My mum and I are not friends as far back as i can remember. No exclusive female discussion,no heart-to-heart talk,i went through puberty and all the stress -peer pressure,menstruation- on my own. There is this gulf between us that grows wider as i grow. I don't even tell her if i'm sick because i feel like i'm disturbing her.
This has affected virtually every area of my life but i won't bring those up cos i don't want to mix things up. Another thread will do.

Now the issue is that anytime i think of marriage,i doubt if i'll can take care of my kids cos i do not have any experience. Is this feeling normal? How do i get over it? I need your opinion.

Maternal instincts does not always come with motherhood,
Your ability to take care of your children can only be determined WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THEM.
You are putting the cart before the horse.
My only concern for you is that YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.
Says a lot about your state of mind.
Your mother's problems are HER PROBLEMS, not yours.

You need to learn to start devoting time to YOUR OWN NEEDS, not those of others!

Now my problem is that anytime i think of marriage, i doubt if i'll can take care of my kids cos i do not have any experience. Is this just a feeling or reality? What can i do? I need help.

Hmmm!
Porsin go juss siddon for chair dey think of 'ow to stress imsef for nothing?

I am convinced you REEEEEEEEEEALLY need help. . .but of a different subject-matter that has to do with SELF-ESTEEM.

You lack self-confidence. . . . .

A most unfortunate predicament for one to be in while thinking of marriage and having children. You better NOT!

Kanwulia: Maternal instincts does not always come with motherhood,
Your ability to take care of your children can only be determined WHEN YOU ACTUALLY HAVE THEM.
You are putting the cart before the horse.
My only concern for you is that YOU ARE WORRYING ABOUT WHAT HAS NOT HAPPENED YET.
Says a lot about your state of mind.
Your mother's problems are HER PROBLEMS, not yours.

You need to learn to start devoting time to YOUR OWN NEEDS, not those of others!






Hmmm!
Porsin go juss siddon for chair dey think of 'ow to stress imsef for nothing?

I am convinced you REEEEEEEEEEALLY need help. . .but of a different subject-matter that has to do with SELF-ESTEEM.

You lack self-confidence. . . . .

A most unfortunate predicament for one to be in while thinking of marriage and having children. You better NOT!

Thanks for dropping your piece. I am not a mother so i don't know how it feels to be one.
Lack of self-esteem is not the issue,i'm just being realistic. Truly, her problem is hers not mine and i have handled it this far but people say you don't give what you don't have.

Zeebah23: Hi Nairalanders,i posted this topic because i want to know if what i feel is normal. I grew up in a not-so-friendly 'environment'. My mum and I are not friends as far back as i can remember. No exclusive female discussion,no heart-to-heart talk,i went through puberty and all the stress -peer pressure,menstruation- on my own. There is this gulf between us that grows wider as i grow. I don't even tell her if i'm sick because i feel like i'm disturbing her.
This has affected virtually every area of my life but i won't bring those up cos i don't want to mix things up. Another thread will do.

Now the issue is that anytime i think of marriage,i doubt if i'll can take care of my kids cos i do not have any experience. Is this just a feeling normal? How do i get over it? I need your opinion.

You'll be just fine. In fact because of your mothers attitude you might even be too much of an over protective parent. That is the only part I would advice you to watch out. Also the way you will relate with your kids might eve bring your mother around. She could actually be the most amazing grand mother you ever saw. I have seen this happen

Choices. That's what life is about. My siblings, my parents, myself, none of us are "close". Heck we only call each other when there's a message to be passed across. It's always been like that and probably will forever be like that. That's how I was raised and it passed on to how I relate with people. I am note the easiest person to get close to. But my friends always say I am one of the best friends they have.

Now with my wife, it's an entirely different kettle of fish. We're inseparable. We are close-chummy-besties-lovey-dovey-lovers. Completely different from how I grew up and I expect the same with my kids when they come.

It's all about the choices and decisions you make. If you continually fear that you'll be a "bad" mother, I guarantee you'll be that. Work on yourself before you perpetuate an attitude you don't like.

LewsTherin: Choices. That's what life is about. My siblings, my parents, myself, none of us are "close". Heck we only call each other when there's a message to be passed across. It's always been like that and probably will forever be like that. That's how I was raised and it passed on to how I relate with people. I am note the easiest person to get close to. But my friends always say I am one of the best friends they have.

Now with my wife, it's an entirely different kettle of fish. We're inseparable. We are close-chummy-besties-lovey-dovey-lovers. Completely different from how I grew up and I expect the same with my kids when they come.

It's all about the choices and decisions you make. If you continually fear that you'll be a "bad" mother, I guarantee you'll be that. Work on yourself before you perpetuate an attitude you don't like.

Thanks.

@OP
you had an ABNORMAL upbringing, and you know it....... you know that the way your mother brought you up was wrong. thats the difference, thats why you wont be able to continue this abnormal cycle.

You need to forgive your mother. You need to start treating her right even if she does not reciprocate it. You don't want your children to learn how to treat a mother badly from you.

Forgive her and see how free you'll become. Your mind at rest, you can easily live your life devoid of the past drawing you backward.

That you worry about your children already shows that you are not like your mother and won't treat your children badly.

Now, Love your life and stop worrying. Feel good and be optimistic.