I need some advice. I am american and married to a nigerian igbo man. We have two children and have been married three years. He is changing lately and I noticed some behaviors I didnt like so I asked him about them and he got really angry. I told him that I notice he stares at other women and that its not right. Its not a normal stare, because he will look at them for a long time and his head will follow their direction if they are walking. That day I told him that he stopped talking until the next night when i asked him why wont he talk.
He just went off saying How can i make him feel uncomforatble like this, hes confused about what I said, and then stated that everyone needs freedom.
That obviously didnt solve anything and left me with a bigger trust issue.
I was already having thoughts because he has stopped kissing me. We are still active on a regular basis to say theres a newborn, but whats with the starring. It has slowwed down since that day. But I notice that if he wants to stare he will look at the girl briefly, then check if I see him, then look again as I pretend Im not paying him attention to test him out.
I need help with this because I was completely secure up until this point and this marriage is too fresh to be having issues.

He will get over it. You need to bring the matter up for more discussions at him. Never let the issue go. You must talk on the subject matter and make sure you dare him. He should have respect for you if you two are walking together.

He has used that same phrase a few time since then, if I start asking questions, he starts complaining that I am making him uncomfortable. What kind of comfort is he looking for. I am the one who is not comfortable.

As i know the nigerian women, most of them makes sure that they get respect from the day they start dating a man so that this kind of your situation don't happen. You should start telling him that you would leave if he doesnt comply and make sure you are financially equiped. 4me i cant stand that kind of situation because it has passed the level of eating enough shit.

I'm not married but I think I should add what I think from a guy's view. Stop complaining about the act, but let him knw you know when he's staring, you can smile a lil' bit if ur feelings permit. It would make him feel guilty but he won't be able to tell you.

Cykik: As i know the nigerian women, most of them makes sure that they get respect from the day they start dating a man so that this kind of your situation don't happen. You should start telling him that you would leave if he doesnt comply and make sure you are financially equiped. 4me i cant stand that kind of situation because it has passed the level of eating enough shit.

@Op, dnt mind this poster pls o, thats how they act without thinking. @Cykik, have you stationed another father for the two children the Op has..? You are advising someone to start think of divorce because her husband is staring @ other women..!? Na wa to you ooo.

Chanchit: I'm not married but I think I should add what I think from a guy's view. Stop complaining about the act, but let him knw you know when he's staring, you can smile a lil' bit if ur feelings permit. It would make him feel guilty but he won't be able to tell you.

This is a good one

I recently went silent on him because at that point I am making plans with my life if I see something is not working. Yes checking the finances was one as this is an era where anything can happen.
Once he noticed that I wouldnt look at him, wouldnt try to talk to him, stayed in bed facing the wall, wouldnt eat off the same plate with him, closed the door to shower or dress, stayed on my phone which is unusual, and i started to dress up like im going out, he got scared and started staring at me all day. He kept trying to cook and begging me to come and ea with him, he kept pretening hes looking for something when i closed the bathroom door, he would keep coming outside to see what i am doing or calling the phone asking WHERE ARE U. Why so much attention after i have been pushed to the edge?

Chanchit: I'm not married but I think I should add what I think from a guy's view. Stop complaining about the act, but let him knw you know when he's staring, you can smile a lil' bit if ur feelings permit. It would make him feel guilty but he won't be able to tell you.

Thats is quite odd and do you know any women who have been able to crack a smile while their husbands admires someones body.
Also once you marry can you smile as ur wife stares at the muscular guy who just removed his shirt on the futbal field.

Sister. Don break your God given home with petty issues like your husband stares at women. Get over it sister. Its not enough reason to quarrel, in my opinion.

Chanchit:

@Op, dnt mind this poster pls o, thats how they act without thinking. @Cykik, have you stationed another father for the two children the Op has..? You are advising someone to start think of divorce because her husband is staring @ other women..!? Na wa to you ooo.

. I said that because. Now aday's u hardly see men that looks at their wife after giving birth and i didnt mean divorce. I meant that if he ain't complying, treat him like you don't care anymore. Maybe it would bring him back to his senses. Or if it doesnt , jst know that he doesnt care.

IgboWifeUSA:

Thats is quite odd and do you know any women who have been able to crack a smile while their husbands admires someones body.
Also once you marry can you smile as ur wife stares at the muscular guy who just removed his shirt on the futbal field.

Actually I knw women that does it cos they would do anything to keep their husband, I knw of women that knw that their husband had xtra marital affair, but because of the way they handled it they are still together with a repented husband. If I asked u to smile if ur feelings permits, its because such smile @ that moment to a right thinking guy means danger, he would knw its time to adjust. The smile would say a lot that 6hours of arguing whaat you saw.

Cykik: . I said that because. Now aday's u hardly see men that looks at their wife after giving birth and i didnt mean divorce. I meant that if he ain't complying, treat him like you don't care anymore. Maybe it would bring him back to his senses. Or if it doesnt , jst know that he doesnt care.

Now thats better, nobody whats to be irrelivant. If she treats him like she no longer care, the guy would knw he has crossed the line.

But as we all know, it's painfull that after getting married, we get our eyes on young boys or girls old enough to be our sons or daughters. Why can.t they remember the times they said "baby u're the only one for me" and now it's "woman u're the only problem in my life". Gush now i understand why most girls refuse 2 marry bcause in situation like this, u get confused and may even pick out wrong advice thinking it's right and at the end it's jst full of regret. Only God in heaven that knows the right solution to your problem.

@op since you said your hussys attention is now on you,please do not push further,now is the time to strengthen your home in love,,forgive and take him back and make your home conducive for your kids,remember they are hearing and watching you guys,,,,may God help keep your home,,,daluu

Cykik: But as we all know, it's painfull that after getting married, we get our eyes on young boys or girls old enough to be our sons or daughters. Why can.t they remember the times they said "baby u're the only one for me" and now it's "woman u're the only problem in my life". Gush now i understand why most girls refuse 2 marry bcause in situation like this, u get confused and may even pick out wrong advice thinking it's right and at the end it's jst full of regret. Only God in heaven that knows the right solution to your problem.

This cycle of married people being attracted to outsiders seems to be too accepted by this society these days. Lust will never lead to a good thing and sin starts with the eyes. I love my husband and of course i dont want a broken family or home. Im just dissappointed after watching soo many people go throuh this, why did i have to become one of the statictics. i dont jump to conclusions but i have a habit of planning for the future using the "just incase" method.
i chose to come here because if i go to my mother about this, Hell will break loose for all of us.

Chanchit:


Actually I knw women that does it cos they would do anything to keep their husband, I knw of women that knw that their husband had xtra marital affair, but because of the way they handled it they are still together with a repented husband. If I asked u to smile if ur feelings permits, its because such smile @ that moment to a right thinking guy means danger, he would knw its time to adjust. The smile would say a lot that 6hours of arguing whaat you saw.

For those women who confirmed their husbands cheated, i hope they made them get tested for STDs because just as u know those women, i also know good faithful women who were infected by their husbands all because those men went after something thats allready at the house, disease free.

@O.p, don't have nada to say,. Buh anyways i love your username!IgboWifeUSA.,.. lol

mysticgal: @op since you said your hussys attention is now on you,please do not push further,now is the time to strengthen your home in love,,forgive and take him back and make your home conducive for your kids,remember they are hearing and watching you guys,,,,may God help keep your home,,,daluu

@op i agree with this. You have to forgive & move on

@op, please, i beg you in the name of God, though, his staring at another woman attitude might be disrespectful to you, especially after you have told him about, but may likely be a bad habit he developed recently, since you said he's an attention seeker, each time he put up such attitude again, just ignore him and dont give him further attention, by the time he notice that you aint giving him attention again, he will ask why and from there you tell him how his actions has made you uncomfortable and him untrustworthy, hopefully, with time, he would completely forget about the attitude. So, my dear sister, dont let this ruin you of your happiness and that of your kid's happiness too. Communication and continuos one too is what you really need and may God give you the wisdom to handle this issue right. Amen.


Another thing, dont be too confrontational, men dont like it and it bruises their ego, which may make them overreact, each time you want to tell him whatever he's doing wrong, tell him with all humility as much as possible.

IgboWifeUSA:

But I notice that if he wants to stare he will look at the girl briefly, then check if I see him, then look again as I pretend Im not paying him attention to test him out.
I need help with this because I was completely secure up until this point and this marriage is too fresh to be having issues.

buahahahaha.........lmao.
Are you sure your hubby is not related to me............nne the solution is to pluck his eyes out.
.
.
.
.It costs nothing to stare. So why not do xmas for my eyes since I am forbidden to touch.

Hahahahaha...... .my husband dey look o but with style.(through the side mirror) I no dey complain because my middle name is STARE.

I look at men,boys,girls and women. Sometimes he calls my attention sef! Lol

chaircover:

Looking also doesnt mean that he will cheat/cheating

Hear! Hear!!

I think understanding and trust r the missing keys here.
Naturaly, men look. Every man is guilty of that. Provided those two keys r there, hv no fear and worry not.
My hubby looks and even comment!
At times he will tap me and say 'see what this babe is carrying'
We play with dat a lot.
Why will I start worrying myself over such things?
Sometimes I will tap him and say something like' r u lost'? And we will all laugh.
I hv pictures of my fav actors in my house and I openly compliment them b4 hubby.
Abeg, there r more serious issues to worry about. This is def not one of them.
Unless there r underlying issues

kreami diva: Hahahahaha...... .my husband dey look o but with style.(through the side mirror) I no dey complain because my middle name is STARE.
I look at men,boys,girls and women. Sometimes he calls my attention sef! Lol

Ur own looks with style.
Unless hubby didn't c outragious a*ss and b*oobs, he wouldn't even know when he whistles. At times he wihistles and shakes head.

As for me, if I see an not properly packaged specimen, lookery all d way!
What r the eyes meant for if not to look and admire things?

Me and hubby dey look o, infact na me look pass sef . Most times together, he drives while I show him some that he may miss.

I see nothing wrong with looking, look and move on. Not the type u use side mirror join o. Look, analyse and move on! It all takes seconds.

Don't go looking like zombie.

Men love what they see but I think yours is more like lust. If you know he is lusting after women, you're also a woman, in fact, the number one woman, all you have to do is to get him to control himself and get him to center ALL his lust on you and enjoy you and his marriage.
If you succeed, he will realize the reason why he chose you among other women to be his wife.

What does the other women have that you don't have? Look for it and come back and update the house.

Cykik: As i know the nigerian women, most of them makes sure that they get respect from the day they start dating a man so that this kind of your situation don't happen. You should start telling him that you would leave if he doesnt comply and make sure you are financially equiped. 4me i cant stand that kind of situation because it has passed the level of eating enough shit.

Bad adviser.
I wonder if you would give your own sister that kind of bad advise.

@Op.
If your husband stares at women in your presence, then That is disrespectful , and I sympathize with you.

However, if you are getting all worked up and loosing your mind because a man, I repeat, a man, is looking at other women, then I am afraid that you are living in a fantasy lala land in another universe.
Please come back to Earth.

Also, you telling yourself that this is new. I can bet you that it is not.
Marriage is not a bed of roses, and certainly not a form of eternal solitary confinement where your man is sentenced to admire only your beauty for the rest of his life.

Men will always admire beauty whether married or not.
I just think your man owes you a great deal of respect, and therefore should not be ooggling the bottoms of other women in your presence.

There is no known way in the universe to stop a man from admiring feminine beauty. Live with that and focus on being a good and supportive wife, friend and lover to your husband.
Endeavor to be better that than all the glittering bottoms that are flashing outside.
I am sure that he knows their true value to be far less than what he has at home.

In fact, next time you catch him doing it, make a joke of it and enjoy a good laugh with him.
It is not unusual to see couples to point out big bottoms and hanging boobs of others and share jokes about them.

Let your man know that you trust and respect him without reservation.
That would be a lot more beneficial to r you and your household than the foolish advice from these pretentious home wreckers .

yellowpawpaw: I think understanding and trust r the missing keys here.
Naturaly, men look. Every man is guilty of that. Provided those two keys r there, hv no fear and worry not.
My hubby looks and even comment!
At times he will tap me and say 'see what this babe is carrying'
We play with dat a lot.
Why will I start worrying myself over such things?
Sometimes I will tap him and say something like' r u lost'? And we will all laugh.
I hv pictures of my fav actors in my house and I openly compliment them b4 hubby.
Abeg, there r more serious issues to worry about. This is def not one of them.
Unless there r underlying issues

Exactly.

IgboWifeUSA:

This cycle of married people being attracted to outsiders seems to be too accepted by this society these days. Lust will never lead to a good thing and sin starts with the eyes. I love my husband and of course i dont want a broken family or home. Im just dissappointed after watching soo many people go throuh this, why did i have to become one of the statictics. i dont jump to conclusions but i have a habit of planning for the future using the "just incase" method.
i chose to come here because if i go to my mother about this, Hell will break loose for all of us.

Hell will let loose because he stared? What if he slept with the said woman and even impregnated her? What will your mum do? Pluck out his eyes? Commit suicide? Oh Puhlease! Stop giving yourself high blood pressure cos your man stared at a Woman! You are making mountain out of a molehill. He is a MAN and heterosexual (I assume). If he doesn't stare at a woman, who will he stare at?

And yeah, if i see an extremely-handsome-six pack dude, I stare too! You stare, I stare, God no go vex.