Not complaining, just thinking aloud.
Sat down this afternoon after a long day of working domestically and career wise, its 9pm now, though really tired but still on duty cos i dare not close my eyes until my baby does, hubby is out hanging out with his friends as usual.. (How lucky he is) no baby worries.
Women,sometimes i dont know if its okay to be grumpy, sad, tired and kinda aggressive at hubby, cos sometimes am unconcious about it, and i just find myself doing it, cos its either d baby is crying for attention or food or i have to change diapers, or shez sick and i have to force her to use her drugs cos she hates drugs and manytimes spills it all over or vomits it, hubby's food must be ready, d house must be clean all the time so d baby wont pick up dirts into her mouth, To mention but a few. Sometimes i wish hubby would just say sleep let me change her diaper for you or let me have her bath for you, or let me mk her food for you or let me stay awake all night 2nite to feed her.LOL(in my dreams i guess).
Note that am happy being a woman cos its awesome, but sometimes am just REALLY stressed and i cry to make myself happy Women, do u sometimes av questions like these running tru ur mind. If i can just go on vac for just one day. I know. A wise woman dares not think that way. But i think its allowed to be tot, its when its executed there is a problem.
I was running a class this afternon and hubby helps me baby seat at this times, i heard my baby cry and i went into the room and found hubby sleeping, smh and lol, while the baby needed attention, i had to back her tru d remaining session of my class eventhough inconvinient, just thinking can a WOman dare sleep while ur baby is awake. And these days to take a maid u need God's direction so u wont get a maid that will put u in trouble, or has a bad spirit, or a maid that will treat your baby bad wen u r not around. if u know wat i mean.
Sometimes i get so bored dat i dont wanna watch tv, or read my bible, but i probably wanna just gist with hubby, but u dare not stop them when its time to hang out with the men and Woman cant go with him, cos its a smoking environ and the baby is still too young to go to such environs.
Even if mother in law comes would she stay with me forever. Sighs.
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change. Amen.

Bombaybombay: Not complaining, just thinking aloud.
Sat down this afternoon after a long day of working domestically and career wise, its 9pm now, though really tired but still on duty cos i dare not close my eyes until my baby does, hubby is out hanging out with his friends as usual.. (How lucky he is) no baby worries.
Women,sometimes i dont know if its okay to be grumpy, sad, tired and kinda aggressive at hubby, cos sometimes am unconcious about it, and i just find myself doing it, cos its either d baby is crying for attention or food or i have to change diapers, or shez sick and i have to force her to use her drugs cos she hates drugs and manytimes spills it all over or vomits it, hubby's food must be ready, d house must be clean all the time so d baby wont pick up dirts into her mouth, To mention but a few. Sometimes i wish hubby would just say sleep let me change her diaper for you or let me have her bath for you, or let me mk her food for you or let me stay awake all night 2nite to feed her.LOL(in my dreams i guess).
Note that am happy being a woman cos its awesome, but sometimes am just REALLY stressed and i cry to make myself happy Women, do u sometimes av questions like these running tru ur mind. If i can just go on vac for just one day. I know. A wise woman dares not think that way. But i think its allowed to be tot, its when its executed there is a problem.
I was running a class this afternon and hubby helps me baby seat at this times, i heard my baby cry and i went into the room and found hubby sleeping, smh and lol, while the baby needed attention, i had to back her tru d remaining session of my class eventhough inconvinient, just thinking can a WOman dare sleep while ur baby is awake. And these days to take a maid u need God's direction so u wont get a maid that will put u in trouble, or has a bad spirit, or a maid that will treat your baby bad wen u r not around. if u know wat i mean.
Sometimes i get so bored dat i dont wanna watch tv, or read my bible, but i probably wanna just gist with hubby, but u dare not stop them when its time to hang out with the men and Woman cant go with him, cos its a smoking environ and the baby is still too young to go to such environs.
Even if mother in law comes would she stay with me forever. Sighs.
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change. Amen.

Lady, the hightlighted bits in bold show that you've got some serious issues that need to be addressed before you find yourself walking down the route called depression.

Are you afraid of talking to your husband about the way you feel? Have you even mentioned any of this to him? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

You also need to change your mindset about the perceived 'role' of a man regarding child care because it's outdated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man feeding, bathing, changing nappies, taking his child out or even staying up for a couple of hours with the baby, to give his wife some much needed breathing space and REST!

You seem to think it's 'unmanly' for a man to do these? Listen, no one's going to give you a medal for running yourself to the ground, or getting ill from lack of rest. It's his baby, bearing his surnmame, not yours AND there's absolutely no shame in a man looking after his own flesh and blood.

Go have that much needed talk with you man and stop placing restrictions on yourself by saying you "dare not do this or that".

One minute you sound like you're letting it all out,the next,you are making excuses @ OP ?

Babe,you are not a robot. You are stressed and pissed please,tell your man! Its nothing to be ashamed of. You need some rest too- it doesn't make you a bad wife/mother or less of a woman.

Speak out NOW and get a practical solution before it gets worst.

@op, pls stop trying to be superwoman, if u need help ask for it. All these "dare not do this, dare not do that". U are just sentencing yourself to a lifetime of servitude and depression.

There is absolute nothing wrong with u asking uur hubby for help with some chores.

Efemena_xy:

Lady, the hightlighted bits in bold show that you've got some serious issues that need to be addressed before you find yourself walking down the route called depression.

Are you afraid of talking to your husband about the way you feel? Have you even mentioned any of this to him? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

You also need to change your mindset about the perceived 'role' of a man regarding child care because it's outdated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man feeding, bathing, changing nappies, taking his child out or even staying up for a couple of hours with the baby, to give his wife some much needed breathing space and REST!

You seem to think it's 'unmanly' for a man to do these? Listen, no one's going to give you a medal for running yourself to the ground, or getting ill from lack of rest. It's his baby, bearing his surnmame, not yours AND there's absolutely no shame in a man looking after his own flesh and blood.

Go have that much needed talk with you man and stop placing restrictions on yourself by saying you "dare not do this or that".

My sister i totally understand u, nd i av but it didnt get me anywhere. I have given up my prayer is d grace not to breakdown

samyan12: @op, pls stop trying to be superwoman, if u need help ask for it. All these "dare not do this, dare not do that". U are just sentencing yourself to a lifetime of servitude and depression.

There is absolute nothing wrong with u asking uur hubby for help with some chores.

Lmao. What makes u think i havent, i didnt get what i wish for inreturn. Am still hoping i would find a way to pass my message across.

Mrs please live with your decisions and stop whinning.you made a choice to be married so you have to live up to the responsibilities of been married and carry the 'baggages' that comes with it like the afore mentioned.



I suppose you werent forced to marry or forced to have kids,be a ( WOMB)Man and if you cant cope with the stress anymore get a nanny and or house help,end of discussion,case closed.jeez!

Bombaybombay:
My sister i totally understand u, nd i av but it didnt get me anywhere. I have given up my prayer is d grace not to breakdown

Then you need to try harder. Giving up is not the solution.

Sounds to me that your baby is still very young and you might be suffering from PND (Post Natal Depression). If your hubby isn't listening to you, speak to someone whom he respects. I take it you're on good terms with his mother? If that be the case, then explain to mama how you feel and that you need help in getting your hubby to understand your cause. I'm sure he'll listen to his mother.

It's a good thing that you've spoken out. Don't ever keep feelings like this bottled away.

Oh, and before I forget, I know it's tempting to catch up on all the housework when the baby's asleep, but sister, get some rest when your baby's resting. Housework can wait. You aren't running a hotel. If oga sees that his food isn't on the table as expected, it might make him realize that you're worn out and need some help.

Just make sure that when you communicate with him, you do it in a respectful manner. No raised voices and definitely no shouting. Be calm and get your point across to him.

It is well.

kulyie: Mrs please live with your decisions and stop whinning.you made a choice to be married so you have to live up to the responsibilities of been married and carry the 'baggages' that comes with it like the afore mentioned.



I suppose you werent forced to marry or forced to have kids,be a ( WOMB)Man and if you cant cope with the stress anymore get a nanny and or house help,end of discussion,case closed.jeez!

Does that look like whinning to you, i must say you are a guy so i dont expect u to understand

Bombaybombay: Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change.

A better title would be 'Super Woman'. It's okay to let it all out (maybe not on NL though ).
It's best to communicate your true feelings with your husband; highs, lows, whatever...

.

Bombaybombay:
Does that look like whinning to you, i must say you are a guy so i dont expect u to understand

yeah'right

chaircover: How old is your baby?

If you have tried talking to your husband and to no avail, then you are going to think of other things to do. You are not a failure if you cant keep all the balls juggling. we all have different thresholds.

I will suggest that you speak to someone your husband respects like his mum. You may also need to re-look into getting a nanny house-help even if its a daily one.

If God forbid you kill yourself or breakdown with stress, it is your baby that will suffer.

As a last resort, I would leave the home for the weekend, leaving the baby with him, so he has a feel of how I have been coping on my own without his imput. Sometimes men dont know what is involved until they experience it themselves.

Mothers really need to spend more time "training" our sons to be functional husbands and fathers and not just concentrate s to be good wives and mothers.

Please dont get me wrong, i didnt post on NL cos am in search of solutions, u know whenever i raise this issue with hubby he says its my job to do them so i should stop complaining, bin dat my marriage is fresh and i was brought up with maids am trying to live with it, am trying to get used to it, i only posted ere cos i bliv there is a mother and wife somewhere who lives like this and would probably encourage me to live with it. Cos me for one am beginning to wonder why women are assigned to sooooo many roles in the home and we also work jobs like the men.

@Op,

Contrary to what you wrote here, no woman is expected to become a slave to her husband. Marriage is meant for the two parties to be help-meets and not a parasitic relationship. It is a symbiotic relationship.

That being said, the only thing I believe your husband can't help you with is breast-feeding. He needs to understand that what actually create bond between a child and parents (either mother or father) is the overall care given from birth till adulthood. There is no law that says men can't change diaper or can't/shouldn't babysit their children. I wish he understands the importance of being part of the child's life and not only putting money down but expressing his love to the child by being part of her life.

Considering your last thread, I want to assume that he is probably leaving you to do all these on your own because of the unresolved issues you have. As noted by other people, please find someone he respects to intervene in this situation before the story becomes a touching one. Stress is a slow and painful killer.

Bombaybombay:
Please dont get me wrong, i didnt post on NL cos am in search of solutions, u know whenever i raise this issue with hubby he says its my job to do them so i should stop complaining, bin dat my marriage is fresh and i was brought up with maids am trying to live with it, am trying to get used to it, i only posted ere cos i bliv there is a mother and wife somewhere who lives like this and would probably encourage me to live with it. Cos me for one am beginning to wonder why women are assigned to sooooo many roles in the home and we also work jobs like the men.

I would rather you seek for solution than looking for encouragement to suicide. Doing all these alone is a gradual process of committing suicide. May God give you the grace and strength you seek.

Superwoman !

I reject every spirit of sufferiNg and depression in my life.
Amen amen.

I keep you spirit of Spa, enjoyment, making hubby to sometimes make breakfast, dinner for his family. Spirit that will share the family-raising equally without confusion. Keep on good spirit, never leave me behind. No vacation for you , o spirit. Amen amen amen.


OP, go get help. Marriage is meant to make you happy and not depressed.
Tell your hubby to up his body and help out. Carry your baby go that beer parlours wey him dey siddon.
Na wah!


NIGERIAN MEN, CHANGE O

Poster pls continue thinking aloud and I encourage u to continue living like that 2.
Its part of being the good wife and a virteous woman.
All the best!

It's our deity we have to do it... To be a mother is not easy at all

People don't understand. The OP is using this medium to talk to her hubby. He is a very active nairalander.

Husband, i know you're reading, all your wife is saying is that she can't do it all alone. She is no super woman. Please do help out. We know you try to provide for the home, but being a husband and father goes beyond that . You need to get involved in the nitty gritty of the home. It is not "unmanly" for you to help your wife with the baby or to make a meal for the family. The last thing you want is an unhappy, overstressed, cranky and depressed wife.

Lastly, know this; happy wife, happy home; unhappy wife, unhappy home.

Bombaybombay:
Please dont get me wrong, i didnt post on NL cos am in search of solutions, u know whenever i raise this issue with hubby he says its my job to do them so i should stop complaining, bin dat my marriage is fresh and i was brought up with maids am trying to live with it, am trying to get used to it, i only posted ere cos i bliv there is a mother and wife somewhere who lives like this and would probably encourage me to live with it. Cos me for one am beginning to wonder why women are assigned to sooooo many roles in the home and we also work jobs like the men.

So it's your job to kill yourself abi

I'll advice you to face your baby and yourself 100% and leave your husband to handle himself. Since he has refused to assist your with the baby, then you need to stop assisting him as well.

For example, must you make his meals every morning? Can't he make bf/dinner for himself?

A lot of us are going through the same thing as you, but the difference is that I don't let my hubby get away with being lazy. I make him help . . .

If I have to go out, he babysits the baby sometimes for a whole day. When I was BF-ing? I'd express milk and leave for him to warm and feed her while I go about my business . . .

Believe me, my husband is no different from yours . . . the only difference here is us (the women).

Of course if I presented myself as a super woman who can do all things (just as you are doing now), he'll be tempted to fold his hands and enjoy himself while I go about stressing myself to death.

You need to explain to him how his not helping is affecting you . . . . you are not a superwoman.

If he still refuses to help, then do yourself a favor and get a nanny . . . we only live this life once, no need wasting it being unhappy!

[quote author=Ennyhollar]It's our deity we have to do it... To be a mother is not easy at all[/quote
Oh dear op i knew some one like me will be here somewhere. Smiles. Data d truth its just motherhood, eveb if hubby helps out its just motherhood to play those roles, you know even when i want ro forcefully leave my baby with him, i just still feel restless, checking on them all d time to make sure he hasnt given her something she allergic to. Eventhough am stressed i always still find myself doing it.

Phema: People don't understand. The OP is using this medium to talk to her hubby. He is a very active nairalander.

Husband, i know you're reading, all your wife is saying is that she can't do it all alone. She is no super woman. Please do help out. We know you try to provide for the home, but being a husband and father goes beyond that . You need to get involved in the nitty gritty of the home. It is not "unmanly" for you to help your wife with the baby or to make a meal for the family. The last thing you want is an unhappy, overstressed, cranky and depressed wife.

Lastly, know this; happy wife, happy home; unhappy wife, unhappy home.

Lol @ he is a very active nairalander

bellong: @Op,

Contrary to what you wrote here, no woman is expected to become a slave to her husband. Marriage is meant for the two parties to be help-meets and not a parasitic relationship. It is a symbiotic relationship.

That being said, the only thing I believe your husband can't help you with is breast-feeding. He needs to understand that what actually create bond between a child and parents (either mother or father) is the overall care given from birth till adulthood. There is no law that says men can't change diaper or can't/shouldn't babysit their children. I wish he understands the importance of being part of the child's life and not only putting money down but expressing his love to the child by being part of her life.

Considering your last thread, I want to assume that he is probably leaving you to do all these on your own because of the unresolved issues you have. As noted by other people, please find someone he respects to intervene in this situation before the story becomes a touching one. Stress is a slow and painful killer.

Actually considering my last thread, its bin resolved and forgotten, hubby has really changed when it comes to our communication. Thanks to u all 4 ur contributions. It really helped us.

Madam what is wrong in getting a domestic help.stop stressing urself for nothing,the help must not live with you if that is your fear
Most naija men who live in Nigeria feel they have no business with house chores.your husband might never change oh so just get a help asap

Why do I have a feeling that Mr & Mrs Bombaybombay = Mr & Mrs Jeffizy . . . .

Ujujoan: Why do I have a feeling that Mr & Mrs Bombaybombay = Mr & Mrs Jeffizy . . . .

Na wa for you o .

You are right .
so many relationship in their post history.

Mr and mrsbombaybombay, I remove my cap for una oh.

Ujujoan: Why do I have a feeling that Mr & Mrs Bombaybombay = Mr & Mrs Jeffizy . . . .

Lost. Who is jeffizy

Bombaybombay:
Lost. Who is jeffizy

Your husband

Bombaybombay:
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world.

Rotfl! Bwahahaha!!

Bombaybombay: Not complaining, just thinking aloud.
Sat down this afternoon after a long day of working domestically and career wise, its 9pm now, though really tired but still on duty cos i dare not close my eyes until my baby does, hubby is out hanging out with his friends as usual.. (How lucky he is) no baby worries.
Women,sometimes i dont know if its okay to be grumpy, sad, tired and kinda aggressive at hubby, cos sometimes am unconcious about it, and i just find myself doing it, cos its either d baby is crying for attention or food or i have to change diapers, or shez sick and i have to force her to use her drugs cos she hates drugs and manytimes spills it all over or vomits it, hubby's food must be ready, d house must be clean all the time so d baby wont pick up dirts into her mouth, To mention but a few. Sometimes i wish hubby would just say sleep let me change her diaper for you or let me have her bath for you, or let me mk her food for you or let me stay awake all night 2nite to feed her.LOL(in my dreams i guess).
Note that am happy being a woman cos its awesome, but sometimes am just REALLY stressed and i cry to make myself happy Women, do u sometimes av questions like these running tru ur mind. If i can just go on vac for just one day. I know. A wise woman dares not think that way. But i think its allowed to be tot, its when its executed there is a problem.
I was running a class this afternon and hubby helps me baby seat at this times, i heard my baby cry and i went into the room and found hubby sleeping, smh and lol, while the baby needed attention, i had to back her tru d remaining session of my class eventhough inconvinient, just thinking can a WOman dare sleep while ur baby is awake. And these days to take a maid u need God's direction so u wont get a maid that will put u in trouble, or has a bad spirit, or a maid that will treat your baby bad wen u r not around. if u know wat i mean.
Sometimes i get so bored dat i dont wanna watch tv, or read my bible, but i probably wanna just gist with hubby, but u dare not stop them when its time to hang out with the men and Woman cant go with him, cos its a smoking environ and the baby is still too young to go to such environs.
Even if mother in law comes would she stay with me forever. Sighs.
Being a woman is Awesssome!!!
Guess this is a Woman world. God bless us Women, and give us strength to fordge ahead nd love nd live with what we cannot change. Amen.

Dear OP,

@bolded: You are yet to highlight the reasons for the awesomeness...