Mrs mansson: Madam what is wrong in getting a domestic help.stop stressing urself for nothing,the help must not live with you if that is your fear
Most naija men who live in Nigeria feel they have no business with house chores.your husband might never change oh so just get a help asap

Gbam.My Dad too was kinda useless at house chores.Funny enough we bonded quite alright.Get yourself domestic help might be a cleaning lady who comes and goes at the end of the day or cleans once a week. What's the use of making money if not to buy a lil comfort?

Try to take it easy abeg there is no award for supermum (take it from someone who can be OCD atimes).Na burn out dey end am.

But I have a sneaky suspicion.Some of this unhelpful men would also resist external help for their wives.

bukatyne:

Dear OP,

@bolded: You are yet to highlight the reasons for the awesomeness...

Lol cos its not awesome. Irony of life

Bombaybombay:
Lol cos its not awesome. Irony of life

We have only one life to live...

@ the end, you will not regret the room you did not clean or bathroom you do not wash.

Ensure that in all you do, find your purpose in life and fulfill it.

Do something for people around you and take care of your self first.

Jesus said... Love your neighbor as YOURSELF! not more than yourself!

You need your me time to replenish and nourish yourself!

it's well with you

Madam Bombay, You need to find a way to get it into your husband's thick skull that you can't do this alone. You're not a robot abeg. You made this baby together, you're building your home together, then why does it have to be you to do all the house work then look after baby? What manner of heartlessness is that? There are some habits one ought to drop once (s)he becomes a parent, smoking is one of them. So I can only imagine what manner of person goes smoking with friends instead of spending quality time with his family.

Since you said you told him and he refused to listen, find a way to make him understand you're not a wife/mum/maid/chef all rolled in one even if it means going on strike.

[quote author=dominique]Madam Bombay, You need to find a way to get it into your husband's thick skull that you can't do this alone. You're not a robot abeg. You made this baby together, you're building your home together, then why does it have to be you to do all the house work then look after baby? What manner of heartlessness is that? There are some habits one ought to drop once (s)he becomes a parent, smoking is one of them. So I can only imagine what manner of person goes smoking with friends instead of
spending quality time with his family.

Since you said you told him and he refused to listen, find a way to make him understand you're not a wife/mum/maid/chef all rolled in one even if it means going on strike. [/
quote]
Lol @ strike

^^ I see nothing funny about the advice given to you by dominique.

op, i do feel you because my husband too is not domesticated. tthink it just has to do with up bringing, his father too is like that. i have accepted him the way he is and thank goodness my kids are growing real fast. i also have two nannies who assist with the kids and house work. it's well with us. the good Lord will always supply all the needed grace.

^^^ @ that's the way to do it and make sure Mr. Can't lift a finger pays d nanny bills too

Efemena_xy:

Lady, the hightlighted bits in bold show that you've got some serious issues that need to be addressed before you find yourself walking down the route called depression.

Are you afraid of talking to your husband about the way you feel? Have you even mentioned any of this to him? If you haven't, I suggest you do.

You also need to change your mindset about the perceived 'role' of a man regarding child care because it's outdated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man feeding, bathing, changing nappies, taking his child out or even staying up for a couple of hours with the baby, to give his wife some much needed breathing space and REST!

You seem to think it's 'unmanly' for a man to do these? Listen, no one's going to give you a medal for running yourself to the ground, or getting ill from lack of rest. It's his baby, bearing his surnmame, not yours AND there's absolutely no shame in a man looking after his own flesh and blood.

Go have that much needed talk with you man and stop placing restrictions on yourself by saying you "dare not do this or that".

+100

LoL! Women rejecting their gender


May God help us

ileobatojo:

Rotfl! Bwahahaha!!

Ileo, can you pls, explain why you are laughing

tintingz: LoL! Women rejecting their gender


May God help us

Ennyhollar: It's our deity we have to do it... To be a mother is not easy at all

Our “diety” kwa,is it a god?










Alright duty

bukatyne:

You believe being a woman is not awesome

tintingz: You believe being a woman is not awesome

You believe a woman's awesomeness shines through when she overworks herself and underutilizes her potentials

P.S.: I do not believe that women are 'awesome' because they are women; they are awesome when they do things that are awesome. Respect and compliments are to be earned and not demanded.

kulyie: Mrs please live with your decisions and stop whinning.you made a choice to be married so you have to live up to the responsibilities of been married and carry the 'baggages' that comes with it like the afore mentioned.



I suppose you werent forced to marry or forced to have kids,be a ( WOMB)Man and if you cant cope with the stress anymore get a nanny and or house help,end of discussion,case closed.jeez!

Some people can be harsh sha.

U want to kill ur self @ op. I have two girls staying with me but they went to stay with their people because of the strike. The house work was too much for me plus I have a new baby. Since hubby is not the type that help with house work. I employed a nanny o...

well I have more than one screaming kids I have to employ o

This thread brings the question 'why don't men help with house chores?'

Do they see it beneath them or unmanly?
Do they think their wives can hold the 'fort'?
Do their wives refuse their help? (some women want to seem like superwomen and reject their husband's help or it's a turn off for them)

P.S.: I am not implying that all men do not help

I want to try to understand why a man claims to love a woman, marry her and then cross his legs while she jumps u and down in her awesomeness to babysit everyone and do everything.

I know there are some exceptions;

The wife is an housewife;
The husband closes very late (not closes early and then go to gyrate before coming home at 11:00pm)
etc.

Let's discuss...

bukatyne:

You believe a woman's awesomeness shines through when she overworks herself and underutilizes her potentials

P.S.: I do not believe that women are 'awesome' because they are women; they are awesome when they do things that are awesome. Respect and compliments are to be earned and not demanded.

I LOVE my mother maybe you don't love yours, women are awesome, sweet, caring...stop rejecting your own gender as if men go don't go through hardship or overwork.

bukatyne: This thread brings the question 'why don't men help with house chores?'

P.S.: I am not implying that all men do not help

The men outside the caveat will be in best position to proffer answers......... Let the answers roll in..

bukatyne: This thread brings the question 'why don't men help with house chores?'

Do they see it beneath them or unmanly?
Do they think their wives can hold the 'fort'?
Do their wives refuse their help? (some women want to seem like superwomen and reject their husband's help or it's a turn off for them)

P.S.: I am not implying that all men do not help

I want to try to understand why a man claims to love a woman, marry her and then cross his legs while she jumps u and down in her awesomeness to babysit everyone and do everything.

I know there are some exceptions;

The wife is an housewife;
The husband closes very late (not closes early and then go to gyrate before coming home at 11:00pm)
etc.

Let's discuss...

And the man doesn't struggle to cater for the family??

tintingz: I LOVE my mother maybe you don't love yours, women are awesome, sweet, caring...stop rejecting your own gender as if men go don't go through hardship or overwork.

Tintingz,

Your mother is awesome because she did something awesome and not because she is a 'woman' or 'mother'

@bolded, the qualities are not feminine; they are human. There are sweet, caring and awesome men just as there are terrible women.

At the very least, there is a big bright pink F in front of my username

bellong:

The men outside the caveat will be in best position to proffer answers......... Let the answers roll in..

How are you and family?

Longest time!

tintingz: And the man doesn't struggle to cater for the family??

Please, simplistic answers are not welcome!

I want a discussion with depth.

What kind of struggle does the man do?

bukatyne: This thread brings the question 'why don't men help with house chores?'

Do they see it beneath them or unmanly?
Do they think their wives can hold the 'fort'?
Do their wives refuse their help? (some women want to seem like superwomen and reject their husband's help or it's a turn off for them)

P.S.: I am not implying that all men do not help

I want to try to understand why a man claims to love a woman, marry her and then cross his legs while she jumps u and down in her awesomeness to babysit everyone and do everything.

I know there are some exceptions;

The wife is an housewife;
The husband closes very late (not closes early and then go to gyrate before coming home at 11:00pm)
etc.

Let's discuss...

Most of these men who don't help with household chores or with looking after their own kids are our menfolk in Naija - whose archaic thinking is based on how they were brought up not to lift a finger. Getting married to women of the same mindset doesn't help their cause either. I remember reading a lady's comment on a thread that the mere sight of her husband entering the kitchen to dish some food for himself on a plate was an insult to her 'womanhood'. The kitchen was her absolute domain and he (hubby) had no business whatsoever setting foot in there in the first place. Now, can you believe that? I mean, this is what I'll call illiteracy of the highest order! How do you even begin to rationalise with such a woman?

Many of such men would gladly do the same in disporia but the harsh realities of life abroad are completely different. Before long, the environment here opens their eyes up to the folly of their ways. With no readily available slave-labouring-househelp cheap housgirl/boy to do even menial chores, these same men are forced to roll up their sleeves and get stuck in.

You need to see them over here expertly wielding single / double buggies and pushchairs, strapping their newborn tots to their chest, with the baby changing bag in one arm. They'll even beat most women hands down changing nappies as they skillfully change, wipe and powder their babies' bottoms.

You also see many of our Naija brothers doing school runs, cooking hot meals for their kids, helping them with their homework, bathing and putting them to bed and cleaning up their homes. It's either they do that or pay ridiculous amounts for a house keeper and childminder / nanny. If you wanna do shakara, then be prepared to deep real deep into your pockets for it - and this digging means they have to pay their employees' tax and NI. It's got to be above board else they'll get done for trying to cut ends via slave labour. Was even on the news a few days ago.

All that yeye Naija 'posing' doesn't work over here.

bukatyne:

Tintingz,

Your mother is awesome because she did something awesome and not because she is a 'woman' or 'mother'

@bolded, the qualities are not feminine; they are human. There are sweet, caring and awesome men just as there are terrible women.

At the very least, there is a big bright pink F in front of my username

The sweetness, caring of a mother is special that in yoruba we say 'Iyani wura" meaning "Mothers are Gold" for a woman to carry a baby for nine month is not an easy thing for her to breastfeed the baby is another level or do men have breast to feed a baby?

Men are also awesome, sweet, caring in their own part.

This thread is about women.

Efemena_xy:
Most of these men who don't help with household chores or with looking after their own kids are our menfolk in Naija - whose archaic thinking is based on how they were brought up not to lift a finger. Getting married to women of the same mindset doesn't help their cause either. I remember reading a lady's comment on a thread that the mere sight of her husband entering the kitchen to dish some food for himself on a plate was an insult to her 'womanhood'. The kitchen was her absolute domain and he (hubby) had no business whatsoever setting foot in there in the first place. Now, can you believe that? I mean, this is what I'll call illiteracy of the highest order! How do you even begin to rationalise with such a woman?

Many of such men would gladly do the same in disporia but the harsh realities of life abroad are completely different. Before long, the environment here opens their eyes up to the folly of their ways. With no readily available slave-labouring-househelp cheap housgirl/boy to do even menial chores, these same men are forced to roll up their sleeves and get stuck in.

You need to see them over here expertly wielding single / double buggies and pushchairs, strapping their newborn tots to their chest, with the baby changing bag in one arm. They'll even beat most women hands down changing nappies as the expertly change, wipe and powder their babies' bottoms.

You also see many of our Naija brothers doing school runs, cooking hot meals for their kids, helping them with their homework, bathing and putting them to bed and cleaning up their homes. It's either they do that or pay ridiculous amounts for a house keeper and childminder / nanny. If you wanna do shakara, then be prepared to deep real deep into your pockets for it - and this digging means they have to pay their employees' tax and NI. It's got to be above board else they'll get done for trying to cut ends via slave labour. Was even on the news a few days ago.

All that yeye Naija 'posing' doesn't work here.

Hmmm,

It is well o!

Imagine tinting telling me the man struggles to cater for his family

I wonder if the jobs women do are different from that of the men such that 'the women do not struggle to cater for their families'

You are very right that most times, it is a woman allowing him to do that yeye yanga!

All these wives complaining, did they miss the signs during courtship or are they just playing to the gallery?

I mean during courtship, you did everything like superwoman and now after marriage, you are crying foul?

tintingz: The sweetness, caring of a mother is special that in yoruba we say 'Iyani wura" meaning "Mothers are Gold" for a woman to carry a baby for nine month is not an easy thing for her to breastfeed the baby is another level or do men have breast to feed a baby?

Men are also awesome, sweet, caring in their own part.

This thread is about women.

So women are on a different level?

Who are those posters complaining that not many songs are sang for fathers?

Using my wife's handle to post. So whats up with me that goes to the market,come back and cook 3 different soups? All in d name of trying nt to put mada under 2 much stress when there is jo nanny yet. See people, i also do part of what is assigned to madam, if i dont do others, must it be a reason for complaints to be brought up? "Mr factright

Chillisauce: Superwoman !

I reject every spirit of sufferiNg and depression in my life.
Amen amen.

I keep you spirit of Spa, enjoyment, making hubby to sometimes make breakfast, dinner for his family. Spirit that will share the family-raising equally without confusion. Keep on good spirit, never leave me behind. No vacation for you , o spirit. Amen amen amen.


OP, go get help. Marriage is meant to make you happy and not depressed.
Tell your hubby to up his body and help out. Carry your baby go that beer parlours wey him dey siddon.
Na wah!


NIGERIAN MEN, CHANGE O

Chillisauce, I love yaaaa!!!!
As in! Na real superwoman!

All ye single ladies, you better discuss your children bearing and raising matters very well before you say I DO!

Me, I wan enjoy life and not be imprisoned all in the name of being married. Where's the love and joy in doing things together?

Ladies, shine your eyes very well.

bukatyne:

Hmmm,

It is well o!

Imagine tinting telling me the man struggles to cater for his family

I wonder if the jobs women do are different from that of the men such that 'the women do not struggle to cater for their families'

You are very right that most times, it is a woman allowing him to do that yeye yanga!

All these wives complaining, did they miss the signs during courtship or are they just playing to the gallery?

I mean during courtship, you did everything like superwoman and now after marriage, you are crying foul?

Lol... Are women ready to take up the bills of the house? I will be happy to marry such woman

It is funny when women say "men are stingy" they expect the men to cater for them

bukatyne:

So women are on a different level?

Who are those posters complaining that not many songs are sang for fathers?

not on a different level but on a different role.