I wonder how dreams in the OP translated to submission/ lack of, material wealth/ career etc.

No everyone would have dreams... Heck, most Nigerian women do not have one... It's ok but DON'T spew rubbish about those who have.

For every one esp. lady who has dreams to do one or two things... there is someone out there who will believe in your dreams and beautify them. Contrary to popular opinion, there are many good men out there who have visions themselves and look for wives to help them fulfill it and vice versa.

With determination and persistence, you can be/ do whatever you want to.

It's well with you

bukatyne: I wonder how dreams in the OP translated to submission/ lack of, material wealth/ career etc.

No everyone would have dreams... Heck, most Nigerian women do not have one... It's ok but DON'T spew rubbish about those who have.

For every one esp. lady who has dreams to do one or two things... there is someone out there who will believe in your dreams and beautify them. Contrary to popular opinion, there are many good men out there who have visions themselves and look for wives to help them fulfill it and vice versa.

With determination and persistence, you can be/ do whatever you want to.

It's well with you

My kinda woman!

Nashville:

My kinda woman!

Why do you think we are birthday mates?

Lol!

yellowpawpaw: Biola,I quite disagree with u.
Let me use my culture to buttress my point.
An igbo man got married and along the line started acquiring ppty. In the next of kin, he writes, children,mother, brother but no wife. When the man dies,the family will pounce on d woman. U hv heard of many cases, read many even here. So I ask u, where does this leave the woman?

I did my service in a big organisation and worked in records dept. When we were updating files, MAJORITY of the men did not put their wives as NOK but children and bro. If the man kpai, c tussle even to court level. Now what do u want such women do?

Women r getting wiser by d day and taking destinies in their hands.
Had it been men r doing the suppoesed normal thing, women won't go this far.

I hv seen threads here about whom a man will make his next of kin. Go and read it. I think it answered all the ?s u might want to ask.





I will always encourage women to fight for themselves. If ur man c no reason for bypassing ur name, I c no reason why u wouldn't bypass him and do ur own thing as u deem fit. Its only bad if he is jointly doing things and u decided to go solo.

I think that culture is mostly for Abians(Abiriba,Ngwa etc).
when the man cant trust his wife enough that is when they tend to bypass her name on the Next of Kin dotted lines.

Besides, lack of trust can make one paranoid.

imagine if your wife is having an affair with another man and she is your Next of kin.....that can be a recipe for disaster.
@op...i think this discussion should be held before prospective couples even think of engaging themselves, if they both share the same ideas on "dreams" then Fine.
I do not think majority of naija babes out there have much of a dream, their dreams is to just Marry.
Women of 26 to 40yrs barely have a dream here in naija, infact, dreams are for kids, for the asleep.

seeking theses dream of a thing is the easiest way to break a marriage,period.Man goes to hustle,woman also goes to hustle then house help will hustle the kids abi?..fair enough if you want to work,that i believe can be arranged in consistence with the needs of the family.
God forbid,marrying someone with dreams like mount everest,today in lokoja,tomorrow in ibadan,party meeting and you expect me to accept that because u believe there is gender equality,Abia

Sacrifice her Dream? It ought not to be so from the begining of beginings. Agreed, with marriage and responsibilities, there might be delay and adjustments even change of desire/dream at times but no body has the right to force you to a life you dont like. If that dream is going to dropped, changed or adjusted it all still has to make you feel fulfilled and thats the essence of the whole stuff. Balance must be created between your aspirations/carreer and your responsibilities, that makes the successful woman only if neither of these parts suffers. i sugest you get all it takes to have a balanced life as a woman from here: http://newlymarriedgirl..com/

edie_mafio: seeking theses dream of a thing is the easiest way to break a marriage,period.Man goes to hustle,woman also goes to hustle then house help will hustle the kids abi?..fair enough if you want to work,that i believe can be arranged in consistence with the needs of the family.
God forbid,marrying someone with dreams like mount everest,today in lokoja,tomorrow in ibadan,party meeting and you expect me to accept that because u believe there is gender equality, Abia

Like it has been said, not every woman has a dream and there is a woman for every man.

Whatever your choice, it will be pure wickedness to marry a woman with dreams and try to stifle them after marriage.

Water seeks its level; seek yours.

Goodluck

Efemena_xy:

Pls don't try taking the cheap and tacky route of sidelining the important issues I've raised here by bringing feminism into this!

My reference the children here is simply that women shouldn't use their kids as an excuse for underachieving or selling themselves short of their aspired dreams and goals in life! The fact that the kids take on their father's surname simply buttresses the point I'm making that it's a man's world! And yet despite that, the woman dare not do anything for herself. Many so-called housewives are infact intelligent graduates but have been forced to give up their careers and stay at home looking after their kids, all on the man's say-so.

Why should the woman be the one to give up her career? Yet, even if she does manage to stick to her guns and continues working, she's forced to 'contribute' to the family purse to the extent she hasn't got anything left for herself, while the man on the other hand, acquires numerous properties like our brother in the aformentioned thread boasting about earning 8 times his wife! Na competition??

Fact: Majority of married Nigerian women live subdued lives guised as submissiveness in marriage, while the man uses her as an appendage or extra limb to reach for the stars.

Fact: Majority of married Nigerian men see it as a slight on their ego for a wife to own property in her name, much less building one from scratch.

I dare you to prove me wrong!

Men I love you already!!!!I an it giving up MY DREAMS for nobody,not even for my huby and he knows it!even with all the work load as to raising the kids and all that I still pursue my DREAMS.

vanitty:

It certainly does not, that is what you want, you really don't need to justify your actions to anyone

@ post, Us Women needs to calm the hell down. Always wailing more than the aggrieved. If you must be a career woman, please do. If you must be a housewife, please do. If you can find the right balance. Good for you. One is NOT better than the other. There are pros and cons involved in both so don't come and lord your personal choice over anyone here

I presume that majority of this people in here shouting equality are not married, go and ask the ladies that are TRULY enjoying their marriage if they are not submissive. Enough gragra jare. The secret that most silly ladies don't catch on is that submissive women always always have the final say in decision making at home. Trust me on this!!

Women are emotional, men have their ego. You understand this as a woman/ man then happiness awaits you in your home.

True

I have always believed marriage to be a platform where 2 people join resources and achieve more together but I am shocked at what some men here are saying. I have big dreams that I won't quit for anybody but it has never disrupted affairs in my home. I made the sacrifice of leaving medicine to go for ICT because medicine is more demanding even before I met my husband. I do not have a house help, I have a dream + an understanding man. I have sacrificed even some of my friendships because of him as his reasons are always rational and I am always happy I did in the long run. My hubby wakes up in the morning and helps me with breakfast without me waking him up. It hasn't changed him from being the head of the family or made me rude or anything, in fact I love him more and will make more sacrifices for him. E.g I know he has always wanted to relocate to Canada but didn't ask me to do it cause of some issues I had. Now that those issues are gone, I am ready to quit all and move with him to anywhere as long as he's gonna be happy. He treats me well so why won't I? Before marriage, I had a very bad view of men. Particularly about that subordination of a thing. One guy I dated casually told me that his wife must not buy a new cloth without telling him first, I jokingly asked if the woman wasn't free to spend her money, he replied that her salary belongs to him, he's her master and owns her so she has to explain everything and if she decides to be stubborn, he will also use his money for himself and his friends then he'll see who it will pain more. One even told me to always call him "sir" especially before his friends cus Sarah called Abraham "Lord" what the hell? (pls excuse my swear words) . I don't need a man to tell me what to call him, his attitude will determine.
Summary: 1. Education and family background changes a whole lot of things in a man. Sometimes watching his parents nd siblings will give u an idea of what your husby to be really is. Wife beater or destiny helper.
2. How u treat ur wife determines her attitude to you (unless u married the devil himself). I was stubborn while single but looking at myself now, I'm different. A guy I dated slapped me thrice cus d food wasn't ready on time and I didn't get his shoe ready 4 work, I ended up drugging him when he came home from work and beating him to my satisfaction after which I left him. Lol, he cried while I was beating him. That was d old me.
3. U can only change a man in diapers so don't get this funny belief that it will be well after marriage.
4. Don't act or say anything evn when you're angry, after thinking it over, you'll see there's a better and more reasonable way to do things.
5. Marry your friend and always seek elderly advice.

Gold45: A guy I dated slapped me thrice cus d food wasn't ready on time and I didn't get his shoe ready 4 work, I ended up drugging him when he came home from work and beating him to my satisfaction after which I left him. Lol, he cried while I was beating him. That was d old me.

WTH!!

You know that you could have easily killed him if it all went pear-shaped??

Hahaha,, gold takes no prisoners

Gold45: I have always believed marriage to be a platform where 2 people join resources and achieve more together but I am shocked at what some men here are saying. I have big dreams that I won't quit for anybody but it has never disrupted affairs in my home. I made the sacrifice of leaving medicine to go for ICT because medicine is more demanding even before I met my husband. I do not have a house help, I have a dream + an understanding man. I have sacrificed even some of my friendships because of him as his reasons are always rational and I am always happy I did in the long run. My hubby wakes up in the morning and helps me with breakfast without me waking him up. It hasn't changed him from being the head of the family or made me rude or anything, in fact I love him more and will make more sacrifices for him. E.g I know he has always wanted to relocate to Canada but didn't ask me to do it cause of some issues I had. Now that those issues are gone, I am ready to quit all and move with him to anywhere as long as he's gonna be happy. He treats me well so why won't I? Before marriage, I had a very bad view of men. Particularly about that subordination of a thing. One guy I dated casually told me that his wife must not buy a new cloth without telling him first, I jokingly asked if the woman wasn't free to spend her money, he replied that her salary belongs to him, he's her master and owns her so she has to explain everything and if she decides to be stubborn, he will also use his money for himself and his friends then he'll see who it will pain more. One even told me to always call him "sir" especially before his friends cus Sarah called Abraham "Lord" what the hell? (pls excuse my swear words) . I don't need a man to tell me what to call him, his attitude will determine.
Summary: 1. Education and family background changes a whole lot of things in a man. Sometimes watching his parents nd siblings will give u an idea of what your husby to be really is. Wife beater or destiny helper.
2. How u treat ur wife determines her attitude to you (unless u married the devil himself). I was stubborn while single but looking at myself now, I'm different. A guy I dated slapped me thrice cus d food wasn't ready on time and I didn't get his shoe ready 4 work, I ended up drugging him when he came home from work and beating him to my satisfaction after which I left him. Lol, he cried while I was beating him. That was d old me.
3. U can only change a man in diapers so don't get this funny belief that it will be well after marriage.
4. Don't act or say anything evn when you're angry, after thinking it over, you'll see there's a better and more reasonable way to do things.
5. Marry your friend and always seek elderly advice.

hahaha i love how u beat him!

WTH!!

You know that you could have easily killed him if it all went pear-shaped??[/quote]

I'm happy that didn't happen

ireneidiva:
hahaha i love how u beat him!

[quote author=Efemena_xy]

if I didn't, I might still be in regret

My mom was a staff of Total plc but as a lady in her 20's,I av learnt a lot from her as a person,a mother&a wife..this is a woman that was earning cool money from her oil company job&she had time spending most of d money on us(children)just to make sure we were okay..When the war came,that family members had to settle,she gave up&resigned but she ventured into something else dat was at least paying..even at dat age,we(children)talked to her just for her to stay&dont let d family be torn apart...&am happy she did..Today she has gone abroad twice,all expenses paid by my daddy,celebrated her 50th birthday in an elaborate way that no one could ever imagine&dis is a man(daddy)that never allowed our mom to celebrate ANY birthday.....Marriage has a lot of sacrifices interwined in it.ts love,hurt,care,cries,sacrifices...d only issue IS IT REALLY WORTH IT FOR all the efforts you have put into it....only d woman can answer that?

Modesayo: My mom was a staff of Total plc but as a lady in her 20's,I av learnt a lot from her as a person,a mother&a wife..this is a woman that was earning cool money from her oil company job&she had time spending most of d money on us(children)just to make sure we were okay..When the war came,that family members had to settle,she gave up&resigned but she ventured into something else dat was at least paying..even at dat age,we(children)talked to her just for her to stay&dont let d family be torn apart...&am happy she did..Today she has gone abroad twice,all expenses paid by my daddy,celebrated her 50th birthday in an elaborate way that no one could ever imagine&dis is a man(daddy)that never allowed our mom to celebrate ANY birthday.....Marriage has a lot of sacrifices interwined in it.ts love,hurt,care,cries,sacrifices...d only issue IS IT REALLY WORTH IT FOR all the efforts you have put into it....only d woman can answer that?

Can you please explain the bolded?

Where was your dad working?

Modesayo: My mom was a staff of Total plc but as a lady in her 20's,I av learnt a lot from her as a person,a mother&a wife..this is a woman that was earning cool money from her oil company job&she had time spending most of d money on us(children)just to make sure we were okay..When the war came,that family members had to settle,she gave up&resigned but she ventured into something else dat was at least paying..even at dat age,we(children)talked to her just for her to stay&dont let d family be torn apart...&am happy she did..Today she has gone abroad twice,all expenses paid by my daddy,celebrated her 50th birthday in an elaborate way that no one could ever imagine&dis is a man(daddy)that never allowed our mom to celebrate ANY birthday.....Marriage has a lot of sacrifices interwined in it.ts love,hurt,care,cries,sacrifices...d only issue IS IT REALLY WORTH IT FOR all the efforts you have put into it....only d woman can answer that?

this story is not inspiring o. Abroad twice? Funny. What is in 'abroad' pls? If she were still working she would go countless times jor. I don't even want to go to that birthday part sef

@ irenediva, true.............................
but all the same she made a very big sacrifice and I hope her hubby understands that no amount of vacations can replace the joy that a fulfilled dream gives. Some men may have this funny notion that he has paid her for making her quit hear dream with those vacations. Unless travelling out has been her dream.

Gold45: @ irenediva, true.............................
but all the same she made a very big sacrifice and I hope her hubby understands that no amount of vacations can replace the joy that a fulfilled dream gives. Some men may have this funny notion that he has paid her for making her quit hear dream with those vacations. Unless travelling out has been her dream.

Can I give you a hug?

How can travelling out twice make up for one's dreams if that was not one's dreams?

Modesayo: My mom was a staff of Total plc but as a lady in her 20's,I av learnt a lot from her as a person,a mother&a wife..this is a woman that was earning cool money from her oil company job&she had time spending most of d money on us(children)just to make sure we were okay..When the war came,that family members had to settle,she gave up&resigned but she ventured into something else dat was at least paying..even at dat age,we(children)talked to her just for her to stay&dont let d family be torn apart...&am happy she did..Today she has gone abroad twice,all expenses paid by my daddy,celebrated her 50th birthday in an elaborate way that no one could ever imagine&dis is a man(daddy)that never allowed our mom to celebrate ANY birthday.....Marriage has a lot of sacrifices interwined in it.ts love,hurt,care,cries,sacrifices...d only issue IS IT REALLY WORTH IT FOR all the efforts you have put into it....only d woman can answer that?

~ And who carried the burden of being hurt?

~ Cried over lost dreams?

~ Shouldered the bulk of sacrifices 'performed' with love and care?

Do you not think marriage involves sharing? Why should one person progress at the demise of the other, or progress while the other is left with stunted dreams and aspirations, and reduced to the level of accepting their fate with resignation after crying their eyes out? Don't you think there's a tad bit of selfishness in expecting one person to selflessly give up on everything?

And the compensation for all that was two tickets to go abroad? Abroad where? Shey you know anywhere outside of the Nigerian borders is abroad? So Togo, Niger, Cameroon and Equatorial Guinea are all 'abroad'.

Don't you feel embarrassed to parade your dad as dis is a man(daddy)that never allowed our mom to celebrate ANY birthday? Shouldn't he have acknowledged her birthdays even more, seeing as she had given up so much??

i dont understand the focus on the birthdays part but some people dont believe in celebrating it..

The woman may have made a sacrifice for her family as many did..

Now to show his appreciation to his wife, he is making it up..

I dont see why you have to snicker at the gesture from the man

na wa

ireneidiva:
hahaha i love how u beat him!

If you like try your luck, and you may leave the house toothless .

Don't go practicing some things you read in nairaland.

Your own drug may never work.....

pickabeau1: i dont understand the focus on the birthdays part but some people dont believe in celebrating it..

The woman may have made a sacrifice for her family as many did..

Now to show his appreciation to his wife, he is making it up..

I dont see why you have to snicker at the gesture from the man

na wa

Pickabeau1,

The truth is that most of us do not treat others how we want to be treated.

The lady said 'her father did not allow her mother celebrate birthdays'

This is different from 'we do not celebrate birthdays' or whatever

So I dreamt of being a banker and it was thwarted, going abroad twice and a big 50th birthday is enough to make up for it?

For once, put yourself in the shoes of these women.

Men and women have the same mind, what hurts you men hurts women too

I feel you and where you have always missed it is where you assume this choice is foisted on the woman with no input from her

I have friends whose wives left their career to focus on the family and it is a joint decision

In the case here, even the daughter is not privy to all the discussions between her parents
Her intent was to appreciate her mum's sacrifice.. dazall

Making fun of her going abroad imo is over the top..

You wey dey talk sef ... by the time pikin come, you may decide to leave work for a while
Dioes it make u a failure

Na wa

bukatyne:

Pickabeau1,

The truth is that most of us do not treat others how we want to be treated.

The lady said 'her father did not allow her mother celebrate birthdays'

This is different from 'we do not celebrate birthdays' or whatever

So I dreamt of being a banker and it was thwarted, going abroad twice and a big 50th birthday is enough to make up for it?

For once, put yourself in the shoes of these women.

Men and women have the same mind, what hurts you men hurts women too

pickabeau1: I feel you and where you have always missed it is where you assume this choice is foisted on the woman with no input from her

I have friends whose wives left their career to focus on the family and it is a joint decision

In the case here, even the daughter is not privy to all the discussions between her parents
Her intent was to appreciate her mum's sacrifice.. dazall

Making fun of her going abroad imo is over the top..

You wey dey talk sef ... by the time pikin come, you may decide to leave work for a while
Dioes it make u a failure

Na wa

Reading her posts will tell you that it was not a 'joint decision'

@ for the bolded, please re-read my posts

I said that going abroad twice and an elaborate 50yr birthday does not make up for a woman whose dream is to be a Managing Dircetor of a bank

Please don't read meanings to my post that are not there

bukatyne:

Pickabeau1,

The truth is that most of us do not treat others how we want to be treated.

The lady said 'her father did not allow her mother celebrate birthdays'

This is different from 'we do not celebrate birthdays' or whatever

So I dreamt of being a banker and it was thwarted, going abroad twice and a big 50th birthday is enough to make up for it?

For once, put yourself in the shoes of these women.

Men and women have the same mind, what hurts you men hurts women too

hmmm... ok..


You dont know its not a joint decision neither will we know if it was joint

I can only speak for myself

Every man or woman for hisself

pickabeau1: hmmm... ok..


You dont know its not a joint decision neither will we know if it was joint

I can only speak for myself

Every man or woman for hisself

Was it a joint decision?

Anyway sha, as you like it

..

...

bukatyne:

Anyhow, as you like it

Everyone makes their choices and live with it

It is well

Thanks.. phew...

pickabeau1:

Thanks.. phew...

Please can you modify the posts referring to my spouse or better unquote me

Thanks

What are you modifying? What reputation is at stake here .
Leave the posts jor!

A least your wife will read it and see where you are lying. I smell trouble

Burka, don't modify sh1t

Chillisauce:

What are you modifying? What reputation is at stake here .
Leave the posts jor!

A least your wife will read it and see where you are lying. I smell trouble

Burka, don't modify sh1t

Chilli,

Coolu collu temper!

Maybe he forced her?