oooh epi

my jaws aghast

i must say, when you rant you sure do rant

phew you have caught the bug,it feels good she?

nice one


yeah

my boyfriend did this

did that

my husband gave me this

nigerian men are bastards

this must all stop

eheh hehehehehehehe

Na wa for u o epi, na so so f**k full ya rant. Abeg, rant d one we (me sha) go enjoy.

@ Ari,

So, u care abi After u asked me to go jump into d lagoon. I wonder what u look like in boxers . . . arrgh . . . sure those legs are tiny and hairy. Hehehe

You nairalanders have time oo. Una no go go find something to do.

@angermous

who you?

you come here spewing

like a mouse,well you are a mouse

with an eyepatch on,guy go look for

cheese to feast on and let men do what they do best

which is discuss intelligently, silly mouse

lol @angermous . . . hehehe

No mind am ari, if he get work, would he have bothered to post. yeye mouse

*sigh*

Why she “prancing” around criticizing everybody?

The problem is not with him or me

On a bad day, she isn't satisfied till she gets into a fight

All I have for her is “hello, good morning, good afternoon and good night

What’s the matter with you?

Misery loves company?

Mama say “Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you


1 love

never trouble,trouble till trouble troubles you huh?

me likeey but then again wont it have being boring?



rewind 25years ago

granma a matron in queens school

dad dropped us off,we got bored

next compound dog on a leash

better yet known as trouble

the antidote for boredom

mission

stir up trouble sitting down jejeli

it started with loud boos

then,small stones and sticks

but trouble couldnt be troubled

sat down calm it did as if we dint even exist

wooo,it was getting really fun,the calmer it was,the more we threw at it

the more we threw at it the closer we went towards,o boy. . .the fun was crazy

i was ready to eat gran ma's  ekuru everyday if i could have this much fun with trouble

yeah, climb the fruit trees and throw down fruits at trouble,lawd waht a lovely sport

   caught sudden movement from my peripheral vision,a big fanged brown fluff racing towards

us from the back,jesu! trouble's mother yeepa, trouble at that time also decided enough was enough

started to race at us,

warri   ariblaze no dey last

dispersed like a swarm of bees we did

scuttling into different directions we did

trouble and his mother,came ooo with a

vengeance they came,trouble's leash was

attached to a rusted,unused tap,the pipe was flying

like a bat behind them both,

result:
bursted shin,a kid got bitten,my beautiful 3year old sis was howling

granma dint have to spank me the iodine did enough damage,yahoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo



[b]conclusion:[/b]you can always trouble trouble,because trouble is always on a leash,thus cant trouble you back
but beware of trouble's mother who is a ferocious bitch for she will come at you like a hound from hell


ps: if you have to try this at home, atleast wear shin guards

I hate traffic on Monday mornings, I hate Sunday evenings because I'm thinking about Monday, I hate Monday Meetings, I think Monday used to be called Moanday or perhaps even Mournday, I hate Monday because I carry over things from last Monday, I hate that after Church on Sunday the first sin I commit is usually on, wait for it, MONDAY!!! I hate that I can never choose to fall sick on a Monday. I don't want my birthday to ever fall on a Monday. I do not plan to marry on Monday, yes i think it's safe to say that I HATE MONDAYS!!!!!

Lessons (not rants, depends on your POV though)


Shyla aks me to guess what

No sooner have I understood the question that she goes a telling.

Pissed, I looked away.

She asks what's wrong

Hurry and tell me

Lesson: Give time for people to guess what.



I often wonder if prawns are big cray fish

Or cray fish are small prawns

They look the same to me

Maybe lobsters are mutated ultra gigantic cray fish

No that can't be right. They have claws

Ultra gigantic crabs. Yeah. That sounds right.

I was thinking this while crossing a road.

Nearly got astrally projected

Lesson: Don't think of stupid things. You could get killed.


I was in a cab.

The cabbie was telling me how the guy on the motorcycle he just overtook had AIDS.

How he's a shadow of his former self.

He proceeded in his monologue begging God to forgive us and send us a cure

I hated my position.

At a store close to my crib, I ask for milk.

In the stead of saying "there's no milk today"

There Store owner opted for "I haven't been to shop. My brother died last week"

I hated my position.

At the cyber-cafe yesterday night.

This dude walks up to me and asks if I can help him to some of my music. In his Ipod that is.

Being the insufferable polite human being. I obliged. With a smile too.

After he got what he wanted. He asks me what I thought of Bill Gates.

Mildly surprised and mostly ticked, I said I thought he was a swell guy.

He declared that he must be into Metaphysics.

(I figured he just read that up somewhere and his dilettante head can't keep up)

I followed Sisikill's advice and said I thought so too. They must practice Alchemy in their spare time.

Thinking he has found a soulmate he let it rip.

I tried to act like I was paying attention with the occasional "uh huh', "damn right", 'abi o".

When he decided it was getting late he said his name was (I swear I've forgotten, it's a Yoruba name though) Kunle*, I said I was Wale.

God I regret. So you're Yoruba and he switched to vernacular. Goodbye became welcome. If I had a gun I'd have shot someone. Myself or him.

Lessons (there are two): 1. Don't think because the water is still, there are no crocodiles in it. 2. You don't have to read absolutely everything B.S. you see written.



Tgirl, you made this happen. I don't rant without cause. Unlike,

@ari

I am cracking up here. Fynny but true

@Jollof

I've got the Monday blues too. Plus i have to drive to Brooklyn in this kind of weather . . .it's snowing


1love

and yes i completely agree

THE MEN RULES¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬
AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

FINALLY , THE GUYS' SIDE OF THE STORY.
( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)
WE ALWAYS HEAR "THE RULES "
FROM THE FEMALE SIDE.


NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.
THESE ARE OUR RULES!
PLEASE NOTE, THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. SUNDAY SPORTS. IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON
OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.

1. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.
AND NO, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 17 MONTHS IS A PROBLEM.
SEE A DOCTOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT.
IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU WON'T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA 'S SECRET GIRLS, DON'T EXPECT US TO ACT LIKE SOAP OPERA GUYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE.
DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THEM MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, THEN WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH.
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS.
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE, BESIDES WE KNOW YOU WILL BRING IT UP AGAIN LATER.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR!

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE, REALLY .

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS BASEBALL, THE SHOTGUN FORMATION,
OR GOLF.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS.
YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT;


BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING.

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN -
TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH.

Tgirl, you made this happen. I don't rant without cause. Unlike,

hmmm, me thinks

i know who he might be referring to

but for the life of me cant recall who it might be

gash, it can be so galling when you have such thoughts eluding

okay, okay okay. . . . . . . . .its coming to me , a little fuzzy but its coming

gah! i lost it again. . .

why does that happen

why do i have to forget

why do i have to rack my brain

why is the brain, memory and mind not the same

why should the answer elude me

yeah got it



vesc. . . . . .you were referring to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

ariblaze:


hmmm, me thinks

i know who he might be referring to

but for the life of me cant recall who it might be

gash, it can be so galling when you have such thoughts eluding

okay, okay okay. . . . . . . . .its coming to me , a little fuzzy but its coming

vesc. . . . . .you were referring to ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Actually, I came here to rant but I got so amused reading y'all comments i forgot what i wanted to rant about. . . almost like being in the jokes section

Lol @ Ari . . . . .

Well . . . good thing u did Vesc.

hmm . . . what is it with d 1 love

Why not come out straight and make it plain.

Don't trouble trouble till trouble troubles u

Who is the trouble if I may ask?

drawing sword

. . . and who is dat for

putting on my Ninja Suit

@kay

you lucky you aint in the army

for being forgetful, you get shot


@tgurl


@epi


return my ninja suit and sword now

ok now i am more amused than mad

imagine the country we live in

had on the radio this morning

that,two fraudsters aka yahoo boys

who swindled a woman from Slovakian

good job by the Nigerian police i thought

the men were charged to court

now the twist

a letter from abuja comes telling them

to stop court proceedings for the men will be transfered to Slovakia

for trials . . . . . . . . .i am feeling like WTF!

is that right? the crime was commited in Nigeria

the recovered goods can be sent back but those men should remain here

this country is sooooo clueless

They are so so clueless . . .

bunch of thiefs!

@Epi, so, u stole d suit from ari abi u kon dey fumble

Well, personally I detest yahoo boys. But I detest some of the greedy people they dupe too. That said, this is utter nonsense and I think it should be considered an insult. The dudes should be tried here, no discussion. I can't believe they made such a request. Doggone Czechs.

And Ariblaze, course tis you I was talking about.

Tgirl and Epi. Have y'all got history? Or y'all are fighting for Ariblaze? Hehe, please don't make my head roll. I've got too many unchecked boxes on my to-do list.

to crack you up

before the rants start


Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned at Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

"When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely.

"Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved."

"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

ari

I have a lot on my mind, hence I can't rant

vescucci:

Tgirl and Epi. Have y'all got history? Or y'all are fighting for Ariblaze? Hehe, please don't make my head roll. I've got too many unchecked boxes on my to-do list.

Vesc

According to the singer Kenny Rogers: - "You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em, Know when to walk away and know when to run"

In my case, I am running

1 love

this is as good as any rant here

this are a collection of rants my by people

seeking insurance claims,you are allowed to laugh a little. . . . . lol






The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

Going to work this morning, I drove out of my driveway straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo.

I realized the engine was on fire from the smoke under the hood. I took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.

I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car.

No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.

No one was to blame for the accident, but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so I hit him again.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight.

I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road, causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.

The telephone pole was approaching, I was attempting to swerve out of its way, when it struck my front end.

lol

i am tired

my brain cant function beyond the mundane

it takes an effort to conjure up sarcastic statements and quick resorts

i feel drugged, well i am drugged,but not by the enemy nah narry. . . .those once

would never catch up with me in this lifetime

the culprit today is lexotan

yep it has succeeded in making me feel useless today

Dude, you're always falling sick. If you're not falling sick, you're falling for a broad! How's you man? I hope you get better soon. And, uh, look before you leap, watch the gallop of the horse in front of you, bla bla bla. I'm sure you'll catch on!

^{*arms folded, tapping foot*}_{Yuh haunted fassy}

This woman love intrigue and anticipation. . .

   . . . .(This builds tension and excitement)

I ignored her last week and I am ignoring her right now.

I think she’s just unhappy and is angry with me

because I can’t solve her problems.

Ok, now you have my undivided attention. . . . . .SIKE!!!

Ehe ehe ehe ehe BraHAhahahahahahahahaha

Dammit – this is fun

vesc ------------you dey try me ooo

epi ---------your rant is abstract

atleast make we understand am small nau

Teasing you brings light to my petty mind. Deny not a bloke his solace. Even if it makes another's fist itch

@vesc


dude i know where you live

Hi epi, I will like to say dis as nyc as I can. . . can u make ur rant a lil' more meaningful? Thanx

@ ari, dis tym around u are ur own enemy, lol. . . and where did u get d insurance thing from Lol