*Hauwa*:

Jinx, ba mu gani ki kuma, minene ya faru?

*Hauwa*:

Jinx, ba mu gani ki kuma, minene ya faru?

Aww, Ya hakuri, Hauwa. Ina naija ne. . . Cousin na ya na Aure kuma baa su da reliable internet service a nan

To, In kin yi tambaya, iri iri excuses zasu ba ki. . . Yau, server down, gobe akwai peek hour cyber highway traffic.

Walahi talahi, ni ban sani baa.

Anyway, yaya jiki?

Tgirl4real:

Lol

. . . and where is Chamo

Chamo is busy lounging in between Bluespice's juicy, firm, apple bootay . . . . . . . . . . . . I'll be back when I'm through.

sisi
kin je naija
ina kunun tsamiya na?

see oo. . .

make una see me see ignoring oo

the girl disappeared into thin air

and like the caring person I am
walahi, it is just because of my gentlemanliness. no ulterior motive
I opened threads far and wide, asked lagbaja and his wife
about her. . . .https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-247544.0.html

and yet when she comes back, not even a hello

jagbajantis. . .nonsense and sensibility

sisijinx

you cant come and confuse us with all this oyinbo

o bi omo metta , thats the bottom line

their sexes we dont know, but i would appreciate it

if in your usual offhanded manner you dont brush it aside haba

and you know i have never met you before thus how can i father them

vesc on the other hand, heck who knows if the two,both and double of you

even share labtop,his hands on your then protruding belly feeling the triplets kick

a hand here, a leg here, the head there. . . . .symphony of body movements by the yet unborn then

have a laugh at our expense . . . .well sha we know for a fact your babies aren't dolls

so stop trying to cast aspersions . . . . .speaking of dogs my very first dog fury gave birth to just one puppy

thus being a dog doesn't necessarily mean you have to have a litter . . . . .three is good for you by the way

it would stop or stem that feisty nature of yours ,stop the sarcastic comments you make and generally put you in your place

as the perfect Asian girl you are. . . . . .


yep that secret is also out, i know you are oriental




you dint have to mislead us by implying you are black

Someone is back from Illinois. Cuz of aure. Sauyeya makes the world round indeedy. Or rather people go round the world.

And blaming a toy company for sexless dolls. I couldn't father any of those thingies. Except if one of them is like Chucky. The one that looks like Pinocchio is surely Kay9's; as are the rest but that one is the one that exhibits a fatherly trait visible from birth. I'm wondering about the logic of showing up when the connection is terrible and disappearing when the connection's great. Internet connection I mean.

Anyways, I don't mean to interupt the sweet reunion but I thought there was a bout going on here. Move along people. Dudes are bashing their heads in. Either join in or go buy a drink and join me at table 7. Blaze, if u say anything patronising or fatherly I'll spill my zobo on u. Accidentally of course.

Hehehehe, I am too burnt out to respond to Vesc and Blaze but I promise you two are soooo gonna get it. . . right after my rant on why the sun has to be this hot!!

Sheesh.

Hauwa, a na je Naija. LOL

Akwai kunu, Zan kawo shi, ina ki ke?

doyin13:

see oo. . .

make una see me see ignoring oo

the girl disappeared into thin air

and like the caring person I am
walahi, it is just because of my gentlemanliness. no ulterior motive
I opened threads far and wide, asked lagbaja and his wife
about her. . . .https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-247544.0.html

and yet when she comes back, not even a hello 

jagbajantis. . .nonsense and sensibility

Haba Alhaji, Mai Gidan na #2 . . . enough with the shakara now, I swear I didn't know about the thread.

Soooooo wassup with you?

sisi. . . . . i am not even going to pretend

you wrote anything,cos frankly

your being elusive again


vesc. . . . if you are so much on the

lookout for a fight go start one

and no zobo drinking,what ever happened, to sepe,paraga.opa eyin?

who wants to fight??

sisi its bad enough u ignored my question
u now calling me hauwa?

Oh my word!!!!

Twinie I am SO SORRY!!!!! The sun has fried my brain HONEST!!!

Yeah I am in Naija as we speak.

And Yeah there is Kunu. . .  I swear if I knew you stayed I'd send you some in the gallons 

Forgive me?

By the way, how can you stand that seedy drink?


@ Blaze

Can someone plz remind Sisi that this is the 'rants thread' and not a language thread?

Pls sisi, carry Hauwa back to food, culture or family section. Haba, yayade. Lol

sisi im in dubai oh


btw i dunno y i just like the drink tho i prefer kunun zaki
yes i prefer sweet to sour

at sisi you might just choke on your whistling


chamotex. . . . . . .its royal rumble

a flash of colored strings over here

a flash of colored strings over there

that irks the shit outta me,is it fashionable?

why wear it, different colors of revulsion it is

its local, downright raz and its a gross turn off

why do women wear beads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _{around the waist}


today a man's head i wanted to bash in

smash it into jello whilst pounding his hips into pulp

why for the sake of god would a man , choose to wear beads around his waist

for what nau?

my poor memory has being subjected to wrong data now

i need to purge the image out of my head

why would a full fledged man wear freaking waist beads?

hi blaze
hi V
hi Sisi
hi Tg
hi blue
hi everybody else

the other day i ranted on how i wish i could nuke PH city, and someone said i was blowing it. That person'd better get ready cos i've got more.

Port Harcourt is a hell-hole - it's even worse than Dan Simmons' depiction of Calcutta - in my opinion anyway. How do you explain the phenomenon of taking 2 and half HOURS to complete a 4 km distance IN A MOVING VEHICLE?? You wake up by 5.30 am and start preparing, so that you can get to yo office by 8.30 am - and if you wake any later than that, you spend twice as much time on the road! I mean, what sorta dog's life is that? Why oh why did Gov. Amaechi have to go and ban bikes in the first place? Ok, crime rate has reduced some, that much i admit, but Jeremiah on a highhorse, at what cost?? The roads are ALL bad - y'all heard me, right? THEY ARE ALL BLISTERING BAD!!!!!

You wanna stop bikes, the first thing is create more access roads - and renovate the old ones. You do this BEFORE, not AFTER banning bikes. Gash, even an idiot would know that! Now what do you have? Half-done road renovations, bleeping contractors piling up heaps of sand and blocking the still good roads. And the traffic wardens aren't exactly innocent of aggravating the situation neither. Heck, i had a row with one this morning.

I was in this taxi, see. Luckily the driver was a sharp breed, not like that other one i talked about t'other day - the one with a case of "dullness-itis". Ok, so the sharp driver is doing his thing, dodging this, dodging that, the traffic is still terrible but we're getting somewhere at least, so moi's just cool and froody. And then we get to this looonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng queue - but i'm still okey-dokey, i mean hey, everybody's in the same situation, right. But then I notice that the traffic warden ahead was playing funny - she'd wave along the other queue coming at right angles to us towards the junction and ignore ours. When she finally took notice of our queue, she allow like 2 or 3 cars, and she stops the line and waves the other one along. Just like that.

I sat in the taxi steaming. I watched our driver and other people in our taxi and in other vehicles behind and ahead; most just kept mum. Our sharp driver grumbled a couple of times and went silent; my fellow passengers muttered on and off like scratched CDs; some other people pointed and gestured. But no one - NO ONE did anything.

The traffic dragged on. Our line continued to be ignored.

Pretty soon i got to boiling point. We were close enough to the junction by then, so I just pushed the taxi door open, got out and let loose on the asshole of a traffic warden. Hey, you, warden! What the blazing Bleep do you think you are doing?? You just stand there, allow one line to move as long as heaven allows and you TOTALLY ignore the other one!! Are you nuts?? Is that how to control traffic?? At first she was too dazed to reply, but she found her tongue soon enough and replied in like manner: Eh-eeh?? You think say e easy?? Oya come pass now, over-sabi!! I realized thru my haze of fury that Queens' English was a bad idea here, so i switched tactics: Why u dey ignore dis line, eh? Abi we no follow for traffic?? All dis cars wey line up for our side, na park we park am?? Wetin dey worry you sef?? C'mon wave our line make we side jare! Shoo!! I felt like fighting - i felt like punching and combo-kicking - but all i could do was stand and yell with fury at an obviously brain-fried bitch of a warden.

Meanwhile, the other line continued their progress.

Other initially dumb people suddenly added their voices and things really got hot. Then an important looking cop waddled out of the police jeep parked near-by, waved everybody down, and signalled our line to move. I got back into the car, still fuming; the driver and other passengers started telling me that it was good I spoke out, that that warden was stupid, that the people on the other queue were all heartless, that the contractors handling the roads should be jailed and horse-whipped, that Gov. Amaechi should really ask himself some philosophical questions, and on and on. But i was too angry to say anything anymore; why didn't any of them react until I spoke up??

I got to work 23 minutes later and made myself a cup of coffee. Shit-assed city can make a body go nuts.

hehehehehehehehhehehehehehehehe

kay9 that would be me laughing at your predicament

yeap i know PH and it ways,spent 2years working there

one year as a corper. . . . .i had days like that

but , with mine came the alternative of taking an okada

a liberty which has being denied you now. . . .you need to know

the hardridaz (portharcourt bikers),guys with their own bikes are bitching real mad right now

because of the recent events in the so called garden city, these men are forced to always go on outside trips

to enjoy the thrill of man and machine

i hate portharcourt

i hate portharcourt

i hate portharcourt

but i hate lagos more

i hate lagos more

i hate lagos more

you wake up 5:30am

very funny i wish i could wake up 5:30am everyday

i wish i had to resume work 8:30am

i wish 4km was all i had to commute to and from work everyday

i wish i could scream at a traffic warden , who would bother to reply me

i wish we could be in that kind of holdup without horns blaring at me

i wish i could be in cab, with 5 other people as opposed to a bus with 18 other people

i wish going home would not take me 3hours everyday, i wish i had time to get to work and make coffee

i wish i don't get temperamental due spending more than 18hours of my day, working and commuting to and from work

i wish, i can get to my area before 10 pm and not after , so as to pay twice the normal fare to an okada man, who is cashing in on the time to take me home

as opposed to getting there after 10pm, when the ban on okada movement takes effect, and i have to be crammed in

a bus with a dozen ill tempered people like me.

or i wish my V6 BMW actually has the chance to get stretched every once in a while, instead of being relegated, to weekends i don't work ,




so kay9 are sure portharcourt is worse than lagos?

ariblaze:


i wish, i can get to my area before 10 pm and not after , so as to pay twice the normal fare to an okada man, who is cashing in on the time to take me home

as opposed to getting there after 10pm, when the ban on okada movement takes effect, and i have to be crammed in

a bus with a dozen ill tempered people like me.

or i wish my V6 BMW actually has the chance to get stretched every once in a while, instead of being relegated, to weekends i don't work ,

so kay9 are sure portharcourt is worse than lagos?

Well . . .ok, i thought i had a rant but ummm, yo brand of Lagos compares close enof. heehee

Bruuuaaaaaahhhhhh!!!
Hehehehehe. . .

Wanted to say Lagos is worse, but hell no, all our roads aint bad.

Kay9, u need to make that into a novel. It will sell like hot akara. Lol

@tgurl

what exactly are saying?

i would advice you to check your facts

i know you live and work on the mainland

so dont assume to know stuffs you dont

and which your yeye roads are good?

My Ten ComRantMents 

1love

epi:

My Ten ComRantMents 

Welcome back honey-pie, missed ya like da junkie missed da coke!! Honest!

Ari, our road aint all bad doesnt mean they are all good. @ least, hav been to VI lately and I was impressd. Lol

Kay9, so u telling me u are addicted to epi, huh?

Woosh! Finishd reading the whole 35 pages wow! was very interesting, cant wait to post ma rant too. Had it in ma head all through da night hehehehe.Im sure pissed about da female folks though hehehehe.

Welcome on board Sino. We can't wait to read ur rant *and tear u apart* hehehe

sino:

Woosh! Finishd reading the whole 35 pages wow! was very interesting, cant wait to post ma rant too. Had it in ma head all through da night hehehehe.Im sure pissed about da female folks though hehehehe.

Rant, dude, rant. Quit yapping - b4 u fall foul of the 13th commandment

NO

Two freaking letters, yet people find it so hard to say.

Do you have so so and so?

Just a Yes or No answer is required here.

Simple, right?

But nooooo it is. . . e dey, my sister siddon make I quick bring am.

Siddon-ing will take about fifteen minutes only for him to come back with something else he tries to convince you, you need. . .why it is actually better than what you originally requested.

You are miffed coz you just waited 20 minutes for something you didn’t ask for or even want.

So up you get, moving to the next shop. . .

Do you have so so and so you ask.

The one wey dey inside yellow paper?

Yes, yes that one. . . You can’t stop the excitement from seeping into your voice.

Ah I get am, siddon make I bring am.

He has it you think so it can’t be that long. . . No need to siddon.

So you stand and stand and stand and stand until he comes back with a yellow paper that looks nothing like the original and he tries to convince you it is because water touch am na him make the paper yellow like that. You half buy the story until you open the paper and find out what is inside looks nothing like what you wanted.

He tries to sell you on it, this na the one wey they do use now and this one I go give you warranty.

But. . . But it is not what I want. You stammer. . .maybe from being to tired having waited 10 mins in the hot sun or from shock that he is trying to convince you the ridiculous thing you are holding is what will solve your problems.

Wetin you wan use am for, he asks. . .still determined to sell you on it.

You tell him and he tells you. . .  yeah this one no go fit am but if you pay me 2000 I go help you fuse am make he enter.

Fuse am make e enter? Hmmm Okay. . . Or I could just buy the original and not have to fuse anything.

You leave in a huff and go through the same thing over again despite the fact that after the last one you think you are wiser and much more market savvy.

About 90 mins into your quest,  you finally meet someone who is prolly in a good mood or maybe just had lunch and he tells you. . . Sister no waste your time. You no go find that thin hia,  the original no dey market now, in fact we too we dey find am but the thing scarce.

Really??!!

Why the freak didn’t someone just say so from start!!! Why did I have to go through 1 hr of siddon-ing in the hot sun, waiting for what I don’t want??

For the love of God, why can’t market people just say NO!!!!


PS
Fuse is really FIXED pronounced fuse

Me harmatan semester results were pasted, my core course, i had already given meself an A at the end of that paper. What's it wiv female lecturers Me thinks its harder to satisfy and please 'em. well, should'nt be supprised, heard tha female kind are insatiable. This one has just made me go bananas! A C! How come? Almost wrote the whole Stryer (a biochemistry txtbook), i should go to her office wiv me blade, yeah a razor, give her one of 'em aboki tribal marks! Or better still with a baseball bat and bash her face, yep wonder where her smirk smile would be after that hehehehe.

Sisi Jinx:

NO

Two freaking letters, yet people find it so hard to say:

Do you have so so and so?

E dey, my sister siddon make I quick bring am. . . .

sino:

i should go to her office wiv me razor, give her one of 'em aboki tribal marks!

Nooooooooooo, sino abeg siddon make i bring matchete for you. I go fuse am well-well make e cut "fiam"!

Wow. In naija rant must burst forth. I've been busy falling in love so I've kinda lost my gritty edge. Y'all will do yourselves favours by not guessing. Anyhoo, I've been thinking about perception, conception, and what is. Their differences. What would one call a 'real' experience as opposed to what one thinks one experienced. Take for example, you're sitting in a room minding your own business and you look up to the tv to see a scene.

In the scene, there's a katana sword thrusted halfway into the earth. Hanging atop the sword is a necklace with a locket. The clouds look parched and dusty. There's a small wind shaking loose some earth around the sword and it is now inclined as a result. After three hours the sword falls over and the locket with it.

Ah, I got carried away. Anyway, that sorta thing makes you wanna cry. But why? A bleeding sword with no wielder?