dayokanu:

If husband dying is far fetched How about temporary or permanent disability? How about Job loss which happens everyday? How about a man leaving i.e divorce. How does the family and children cope

This can happen to both parties..My uncle and his wife both lost their jobs in Dec 2011 two weeks apart. She worked in then Sterling Bank and He Intercontinental bank.My mum kinda made more money than my Dad at a point but he was the one who died after battling illness for a while so life happens. My own argument is not that a woman with kids cant have a career. My argument is that one parent or both sef might have to make some adjustments to be there for the kids a bit more especially during the early years foundation stage (0-5).Its harder in Nigeria I agree but really really both mummy and Daddy should not be leaving home at 6 am and getting home at 9pm leaving childcare to paid help.

You don't build your kids esp at that early stage into your already established life.In that case just face the career.For sometime, the ideal should be your life or work should be built around them.My SIL used to wake up at 4 to get to for work for 7 so she could pick her son in school for 3.Her hubby dropped him off.Hard while they did it but she built her work around her son, not her son around her work.

Nashville:
If that is the case then your better home school your children and have just you and your wife teach them. Remember school closes at 3:30pm officially for children from ages four and above (reception class). So if you think the school takes too much of your children's time, then dont take them there. After school club is just an extra hour where children can learn things like tennis, swimming, ballet and soccer. Is that too much? Then mummy or daddy can pick them up at 430pm.

letting kids spend that so much time away from their parents is counter-productive. i may home school my kids or send them to helsinki where kids get the best grooming in the world.

their kids don't start school till 7 & they spend only 4 hours in school. even 15-year olds don't do more than 30 mins homework. emphasis is with the quality time spent with the parents at home & guess what? finnish kids are the best in the world - even better than their peers in korea & singapore.

www.nairaland.com/attachments/1428154_image_jpg0d5b1c4c7f720f698946c7f6ab08f687

My real advice for you is not to send your children to school and have your illiterate wife just watch over them, as I believe you do not need an educated woman too..

so a woman that sacrifices her career to put quality time with the kids temporarily is an illiterate? i like your logic - you are one of those that demonise courageous women who put their family before their career.

well done!!!

damiso:

My own argument is not that a woman with kids cant have a career. My argument is that one parent or both sef might have to make some adjustments to be there for the kids a bit more especially during the early years foundation stage (0-5).Its harder in Nigeria I agree but really really both mummy and Daddy should not be leaving home at 6 am and getting home at 9pm leaving childcare to paid help.

100% agree with you. Just cant accept Cougar's thesis that the mother has to give up her career completely or at best can only work from home. How many married mothers do I see in my office and on my way to work everyday.

Nashville: . God forbid, the man loses his job or becomes incapacitated or even dies young. Can a woman who has never worked or earned an income support the family? Who knows what life will throw at us.

this is the angle most people don't look at. SMH for some people and their ways of reasoning sha.

@topic
I don't have much to add.
It's our individual lives.
If you're a man and u don't like a career woman make sure to tell your fiancee before marrying her to avoid future problems.
Meanwhile make sure you're rich like dangote before you open your mouth to say that to a woman.

But it is here to stay. Woman will keep on going on their lives the way they deem fit.
Anyone who says career women are unhappy,really hasn't interviewed housewives.
They reek of resentment. Especially those who were manipulated into staying home. Many feel like their lives have been robbed from them and it's a day to day monotony of house chores and no brain exercise

GOd forbid. Tufiakwa. I reject such life in Jesus name.
No matter how rich a man is,there's no comfort in asking him for every penny down to sanitary pads and earrings.
And the truth is that most men who are against having working wives aren't so much concerned about the kids as they are about losing their HOLD on the wife.
Pls this is a new age. Darkness of housewivery is passed. Folks should stop dragging us backwards.

coogar:

letting kids spend that so much time away from their parents is counter-productive. i may home school my kids or send them to helsinki where kids get the best grooming in the world.

their kids don't start school till 7 & they spend only 4 hours in school. even 15-year olds don't do more than 30 mins homework. emphasis is with the quality time spent with the parents at home & guess what? finnish kids are the best in the world - even better than their peers in korea & singapore.
!!!

Please home school your children up to University level and when you are done, you can award them a Bachelor's degree from the Coogar University. Do you guys have post graduate studies too?

So why stay in the UK where they keep your kids in school till 330pm? You and your family should be in Helsinki already. I thought you needed to give your kids the very best grooming which is obviously unavailable in the UK and only available in such great countries like Finland and Poland (yes kids start schooling at age 7 in Poland too)!

Nashville:

Yes he had a gratuity and savings but how can that pay for three children in private university at the same time and for how long? This is a real life story - no kidding.

so if the woman had a job, it would suddenly take away the grief she experienced after the demise of the husband or her meagre salary would have seen the kids out of a private university?

nigerians - your logic makes me laugh.

Nashville:
Please home school your children up to University level and when you are done, you can award them a Bachelor's degree from the Coogar University. Do you guys have post graduate studies too?

you are doing a cop-out....
no one ever said the wife should stop employment for the rest of her life - why do you people like arguing in the extremes? so 4-5 years taken out to groom the kids would suddenly make a woman destitute?

So why stay in the UK where they keep your kids in school till 330pm? You and your family should be in Helsinki already.

i am working on it - the finland example was just to tell you letting your children spend half of the day in school is actually harmful do keep at it in the name of survival.

I thought you needed to give your kids the very best grooming which is obviously unavailable in the UK and only available in such great countries like Finland and Poland (yes kids start schooling at age 7 in Poland too)!

finland is an eu country.....it's a stone throw & yes everyone is actually trying to adopt their methods. their kids have been topping the PISA league for more than a decade now - as a result of letting them stay more at home than in school.

coogar:

so if the woman had a job, it would suddenly take away the grief she experienced after the demise of the husband or her meagre salary would have seen the kids out of a private university?

nigerians - your logic makes me laugh.

It would not take away the grief but may put food on the table for her kids to eat. And why do you think her salary has to be meagre. You obviously have very little regard for women in general. No wonder you do not think they have anything to contribute!

Mr Nash you have no idea

The guy is so sexist it's appalling

Nashville:

It would not take away the grief but may put food on the table for her kids to eat. And why do you think her salary has to be meagre. You obviously have very little regard for women in general. No wonder you do not think they have anything to contribute!

Nashville:
It would not take away the grief but may put food on the table for her kids to eat. And why do you think her salary has to be meagre. You obviously have very little regard for women in general. No wonder you do not think they have anything to contribute!

so how many women actually earn the 6-figure salary that would have sent her kids to oxbridge on the off chance of her hubby's demise? you are not advancing any point one jot here - just muddying the waters. the death of a spouse is a devastating blow to any family whether they are both in employment or only one is in employment. most women even become too emotionally destroyed to start again.

as for little regard for women, it's another cop-out ploy of yours. i have high regards for selfless women that have decided to put their family first before their career. i have huge respect for women who value affectionate bonds more than materialistic economic bonds.

it would do us all a great favour if pro-feminist men like yourself would stop criminalising the traditional housewife and chastise men for choosing them. if you want to forsake quality of life, quality of relationship, quality of sex, spirituality, modesty and family life for quantity of sex, quantity of life, assertiveness, competition and materialist achievement in your quest for equality be my guest, but please don't criticise us men for not wanting such a woman as a wife!

you are free to live your life as you please and let others do the same. men who want a housewife aren’t threatened by emancipated women, they are simply men who value family life and relationships and it is natural for them to want a female companion that complements them with which to build solid and stable families they don’t have to feel ashamed of!!!

coogar:

so how many women actually earn the 6-figure salary that would have sent her kids to oxbridge on the off chance of her hubby's demise? you are not advancing any point one jot here - just muddying the waters. the death of a spouse is a devastating blow to any family whether they are both in employment or only one is in employment. most women even become too emotionally destroyed to start again.

as for little regard for women, it's another cop-out ploy of yours. i have high regards for selfless women that have decided to put their family first before their career. i have huge respect for women who value affectionate bonds more than materialistic economic bonds.

it would do us all a great favour if pro-feminists men like yourself would stop criminalising the traditional housewife and chastise men for choosing them. if you want to forsake quality of life, quality of relationship, quality of sex, spirituality, modesty and family life for quantity of sex, quantity of life, assertiveness, competition and materialist achievement in your quest for equality be my guest, but please don't criticise us men for not wanting such a woman as a wife!

you are free to live your life as you please and let others do the same. men who want a housewife aren’t threatened by emancipated women, they are simply men who value family life and relationships and it is natural for them to want a female companion that complement them with which to build solid and stable families they don’t have to feel ashamed of!!!

I guess your six figure salary is in pounds. Well you do not need a six figure salary to put food on the table. In fact the highest tax bracket in the Uk starts at £40,000 which a lot of women earn. It may not be six figures but it sure can put food on the table for a family of three.

We were having an intellectual debate and you dont need to take it personal. Not sure how quality of sex can be improved if a man works tirelessly just for his wife to sit at home. I do not have a problem with women who have chosen to be stay at home mums. It is ok as long as their husbands are fine with it. I have only said it is possible for a woman to have children and a career. It only takes planning.

I love having a confident and fulfilled lady as my wife who can also add value to the lives of her children beyond cooking and cleaning after them. I want a woman who is a help-meet to me and not a house-help. I know you will misquote me that I have said all housewives are house-helps, but we all know better. If it is her choice and she is content and happy being a house wife then so be it. But I will not manipulate or coerce my wife to give up her career because we have children or better still because I always want to control and Lord myself over her.

I love this debate.

To those advocating that women should stay at home let's do a little flashback.

In d olden days, we don't hv career women rather we hv market women. In igboland for example, the women wake up very early to prepare to various town markets. Mind u they trek(no proper means of transportation then). Around 4 pm u c them parking their wares to head home (they r mostly in groups) by d time they reach home, its already dark. The next day, d cycle continues.
For most of us who don't understand what I am saying let me illustrate.

In igboland we hv 4 market days. Afor, nkwo,eke,oye.
Each town has different market days ascribed to their town market eg Eke Awka in Anambra state, Nkwor Nnewi etc. Market women have stalls or shades in those different town markets which they go to to buy and sell.

Invariably, they r mostly not at home and yet run their home affairs successfully.
I think such is still being practised by many.
They were equivelant to today's career women.
So my question is, if those our great grand mothers did that and succeded, pray tell me why today,s women can't be career women and still succeed in the home front.
Mind u also that in those days, men don't help out in d home like they do now. No washing machine, vacuum cleaner,dish washer, personal vehicle, and still go and do farm work. And they give birth like chicken too.
Where and what is the problem pls?

@coogar you can answer my questions

dayokanu:

A man dies at 42. With 4 kids between age 9 and 3. How far would this meagre pension go? How much is this pension self? The ppl who die on pension queues most of them earn as little as 10k pension per month Is that what a family of 4-5 would live on?

How many ppl have life insurance in Nigeria.

Most 2 working couple barely break even from their salary so where would the average family save enough for their kids especially a man who is the sole bread winner

dayokanu: If we want to put it in figures approximate numbers

Assuming the cost of living for a family and kids is 150,000 per month and 30k for babysitter Total 180k

Where both spouses work assuming Husband makes 120,000, Wife makes 80,000 total 200k saving 20k

Now where only the man works tell me how would this Maths work and wont lead to a downgrade or the husband practically works round the clock

Its either they both live on a Husband salary of 100k which would be a significant downgrade ot the husband has to find a way to make at least 50k extra

dayokanu: Now how would a woman enjoy a husband that works round the clock just so she can sit at home

Maybe when the man breaks down at age 42 she would now start the job she didn't want to do initially or how would they feed

coogar:
it would do us all a great favour if pro-feminist men like yourself would stop criminalising the traditional housewife and chastise men for choosing them. if you want to forsake quality of life, quality of relationship, quality of sex, spirituality, modesty and family life for quantity of sex, quantity of life, assertiveness, competition and materialist achievement in your quest for equality be my guest, but please don't criticise us men for not wanting such a woman as a wife!

Does these quality of life, quality of relationship, quality of sex, spirituality, modesty and family life for quantity of sex, quantity of life, assertiveness, competition exclude the man since he is basically round the clock to cover for two adults or does the family take a cut in their lifestyle?

So how does the FAMILY work when the man is out most of the time and these end up breeding the same problems the society has which is "absent fathers"

Most people work because they need to, If everyone had a rich trust fund to fall back on most ppl wont work I wont work if I has $500m ineritance

Nashville:
I guess your six figure salary is in pounds. Well you do not need a six figure salary to put food on the table. In fact the highest tax bracket in the Uk starts at £40,000 which a lot of women earn. It may not be six figures but it sure can put food on the table for a family of three.

i am talking about nigeria, not the UK.
an orphan in the UK can complete multiple degrees without the aid of anyone. education is free till tertiary institution & student loans apply after then so i couldn't have been talking about the uk where kids get paid by the state every week till age 16 or thereabout.

We were having an intellectual debate and you dont need to take it personal. Not sure how quality of sex can be improved if a man works tirelessly just for his wife to sit at home. I do not have a problem with women who have chosen to be stay at home mums. It is ok as long as their husbands are fine with it. I have only said it is possible for a woman to have children and a career. It only takes planning.

how ironic to use the word personal when you were the one that threw the first jab that i must have little regards for women? your logic is mind-boggling.

the man does not work tirelessly - he is doing what he would have been doing if his wife was working. how does the routine change? before children, hubby & wife worked 9-5. after the child is born, hubby works 9-5 and wifey is at home - how is this making him work tirelessly? you gotta be clowning here, mate!!

I love having a confident and fulfilled lady as my wife who can also add value to the lives of her children beyond cooking and cleaning after them. I want a woman who is a help-meet to me and not a house-help. I know you will misquote me that I have said all housewives are house-helps, but we all know better. If it is her choice and she is content and happy being a house wife then so be it. But I will not manipulate or coerce my wife to give up her career because we have children or better still because I always want to control and Lord myself over her.

i fail to see how any absent mum would add any value to her kids apart from materialistic bonds which have been known to fail at least in my own neck of the woods. 100,000 runaway kids in the UK every year is an indicator that chasing 2 massive objectives will not get the best of both worlds.

raising kids is a career on it's own & my wife filling in the gap for 4-5 years is a temporary measure - it will not suddenly make her destitute. no one is coercing anyone into housewifery or whatever. i owe my kids quality upbringing & i do not consider hiring house-helps to do these jobs as quality grooming.

yellowpawpaw: I love this debate.

To those advocating that women should stay at home let's do a little flashback.

In d olden days, we don't hv career women rather we hv market women. In igboland for example, the women wake up very early to prepare to various town markets. Mind u they trek(no proper means of transportation then). Around 4 pm u c them parking their wares to head home (they r mostly in groups) by d time they reach home, its already dark. The next day, d cycle continues.
For most of us who don't understand what I am saying let me illustrate.

In igboland we hv 4 market days. Afor, nkwo,eke,oye.
Each town has different market days ascribed to their town market eg Eke Awka in Anambra state, Nkwor Nnewi etc. Market women have stalls or shades in those different town markets which they go to to buy and sell.

Invariably, they r mostly not at home and yet run their home affairs successfully.
I think such is still being practised by many.
They were equivelant to today's career women.
So my question is, if those our great grand mothers did that and succeded, pray tell me why today,s women can't be career women and still succeed in the home front.
Mind u also that in those days, men don't help out in d home like they do now. No washing machine, vacuum cleaner,dish washer, personal vehicle, and still go and do farm work. And they give birth like chicken too.
Where and what is the problem pls?

YPP there was no formal education like today so that market or farm is their school and of course childcare would not come up.Kids would be with their mama anyway . The older ones would help with the younger ones.And the older kids would also help with the chores.

damiso:

This can happen to both parties..My uncle and his wife both lost their jobs in Dec 2011 two weeks apart. She worked in then Sterling Bank and He Intercontinental bank.My mum kinda made more money than my Dad at a point but he was the one who died after battling illness for a while so life happens. My own argument is not that a woman with kids cant have a career. My argument is that one parent or both sef might have to make some adjustments to be there for the kids a bit more especially during the early years foundation stage (0-5).Its harder in Nigeria I agree but really really both mummy and Daddy should not be leaving home at 6 am and getting home at 9pm leaving childcare to paid help.

You don't build your kids esp at that early stage into your already established life.In that case just face the career.For sometime, the ideal should be your life or work should be built around them.My SIL used to wake up at 4 to get to for work for 7 so she could pick her son in school for 3.Her hubby dropped him off.Hard while they did it but she built her work around her son, not her son around her work.

Its all about chances, the chance that both cuples would lose their jobs at the same time is lower than for one person losing his job. If you have 2 incomes, the possibility of bot stopping at once when they are unrelated is lower.

A man who works round the clock might live up to 150yrs but the fact is that a sole bread winner who works round the clock has a better chance of being worn out and fall sick than one who has a spouse who also supports financially.

The Ideal should be both parents at home with the children all the time, But its due to economy that is making anyone to work to start with So the more help one can get the better.

If the man can get help with finances from the wife and the wife can get help with domestic work from the husband wont it be better that way and make both of them live longer and happier?

coogar:
i fail to see how any absent mum would add any value to her kids apart from materialistic bonds which have been known to fail at least in my own neck of the woods. 100,000 runaway kids in the UK every year is an indicator that chasing 2 massive objectives will not get the best of both worlds.

raising kids is a career on it's own & my wife filling in the gap for 4-5 years is a temporary measure - it will not suddenly make her destitute. no one is coercing anyone into housewifery or whatever. i owe my kids quality upbringing & i do not consider hiring house-helps to do these jobs as quality grooming.

Having a career does not make a woman an absent mum. She does not sleep at work does she? I am married to a woman who has a career and is back at home latest 530pm everyday. She even works one day a week from home sef. How does that make her an absent mum?

dayokanu:
Does these quality of life, quality of relationship, quality of sex, spirituality, modesty and family life for quantity of sex, quantity of life, assertiveness, competition exclude the man since he is basically round the clock to cover for two adults or does the family take a cut in their lifestyle?

i hate going round in circles but i have to address your obtuse line of argument. i am doing 9-5, my wife is doing 9-5. she gets pregnant & she's on paid maternity leave while i continue my 9-5, how in the name of zeus does this even suggest i am working round the clock?

do you people argue with any iota of logic?

So how does the FAMILY work when the man is out most of the time and these end up breeding the same problems the society has which is "absent fathers"

how's 9-5 any similar to being an absent father? logic logic logic & it fails you each time you ask these yeye questions?

Most people work because they need to, If everyone had a rich trust fund to fall back on most ppl wont work I wont work if I has $500m ineritance

most people work because they dunno better or they have been made slaves by the system. work to live vs live to work, you decide which one you are entangled in.

coogar: the man does not work tirelessly - he is doing what he would have been doing if his wife was working. how does the routine change? before children, hubby & wife works 9-5. after the child is born, hubby works 9-5 and wifey is at home - how is this making him work tirelessly? you gotta be clowning here, mate!!.

The crux of the matter is lost here. Someone has to make the financial gap else the living standard of the family would drop significantly

If husband continues doing what he was doing while the wife stops working entirely then that makes the now BIGGER family depend on one income instead of two

So something has to give.

i fail to see how any absent mum would add any value to her kids apart from materialistic bonds which have been known to fail at least in my own neck of the woods. 100,000 runaway kids in the UK every year is an indicator that chasing 2 massive objectives will not get the best of both worlds.

raising kids is a career on it's own & my wife filling in the gap for 4-5 years is a temporary measure - it will not suddenly make her destitute. no one is coercing anyone into housewifery or whatever. i owe my kids quality upbringing & i do not consider hiring house-helps to do these jobs as quality grooming

The 100,000 runway kids have nothing to do with the absent fathers? who probably are working their asses off while the wife is at home?

maybe if the wife works they would live in a better neighborhood where the kids stand a lesser chance of being exposed to vices at an earlier age

coogar:

how's 9-5 any similar to being an absent father? logic logic logic & it fails you each time you ask these yeye questions?

most people work because they dunno better or they have been made slaves by the system. work to live vs live to work, you decide which one you are entangled in.

But you just suggested that a woman working 9-5pm is an absentee mum. How come it is not applicable to the dads?

coogar:

i hate going round in circles but i have to address your obtuse line of argument. i am doing 9-5, my wife is doing 9-5. she gets pregnant & she's on paid maternity leave while i continue my 9-5, how in the name of zeus does this even suggest i am working round the clock?

You are the one getting it wrong.

A couple starts a family now, They would be in child making for at least 7yrs and they would have kid(s) under 6 for at least 15yrs if they have 3

So for a mother to be at home with any child under 6 would mean the mother is at home for over 10yrs. Who would pay a non working mother for maternity leave for 10yrs in a row?

While the mother is staying home till the first child is 4yrs, she is already pregnant for the second, etc

do you people argue with any iota of logic?

how's 9-5 any similar to being an absent father? logic logic logic & it fails you each time you ask these yeye questions?

How does a man retaining his normal hour make up for the loss in income kindly explain

most people work because they dunno better or they have been made slaves by the system. work to live vs live to work, you decide which one you are entangled in.

You think so? tell people they wont be getting paid for work and lets see how many ppl would continue working

People work because thats the only means of livelihood

Damiso, it seems u didn't get my post.
That was a cultural practice of many and is still being practiced.

Maybe ur pple(yorubas) don't practice such but its very common in igboland.
These women only go to the market with the suckling ones. They r not housewives and yet r wonderful mothers.

Or r we to rule them out?

By d way, how r u and urs?

If a woman stays at home and hide the children under her skirt for 24hrs but due to living on one income live in a low income neighborhood, Before age 8 they would already know the smell of weed and probably tested it.

dayokanu:

Its all about chances, the chance that both cuples would lose their jobs at the same time is lower than for one person losing his job. If you have 2 incomes, the possibility of bot stopping at once when they are unrelated is lower.

A man who works round the clock might live up to 150yrs but the fact is that a sole bread winner who works round the clock has a better chance of being worn out and fall sick than one who has a spouse who also supports financially.

The Ideal should be both parents at home with the children all the time, But its due to economy that is making anyone to work to start with So the more help one can get the better.

If the man can get help with finances from the wife and the wife can get help with domestic work from the husband wont it be better that way and make both of them live longer and happier?

I agree with the bolded that BOTH parents have a part to play in the upbringing of the child.I also do not agree that the sole income has to be from one party.But looking at some cases in Naija especially where it is still believed that the man pays ALL or the BULK of the bills, the woman's income sometimes is used for vanities e.g. aso ebi, gold, brazilian weave etc.Why then does this woman whose husband pays the bills anyway get off on looking down on another woman who is sacrificing not having those just because she chose to put her family first? I am an advocate of do what works for you as long you are not being coerced forced or abused into anything.

What irks me is one group looking down on the other. Women sometimes are their own greatest enemies.If you need to work to support your huband pls do, stop calling a stay at home mum who you have not walked in her shoes lazy.And if you have a husband that can afford to have you stay home to look after the kids dont pour scorn on the one whose wage is really needed to make ends meet.

Abeg I wan go sleep.

Nashville:
But you just suggested that a woman working 9-5pm is an absentee mum. How come it is not applicable to the dads?

because women are nurturers and men can't do much as far as child rearing is concerned. do you have breaśtmilk? can you even clean after your baby when he defecates?

since when did gender roles become interchangeable? so the moment your wife puts to bed, she can go back to work the next week so that you can take her role?

dayokanu:
The crux of the matter is lost here. Someone has to make the financial gap else the living standard of the family would drop significantly

there's no financial gap to be made....there's a period of about 36 weeks between conception & childbirth - so unless your own spërm cells fertilise eggs & bring forth a child the same day, you are talking trash as usual. a sane & responsible human being must have planned for the arrival of this baby before hand - babies don't just drop from heaven - responsible couples plan for it.

If husband continues doing what he was doing while the wife stops working entirely then that makes the now BIGGER family depend on one income instead of two
So something has to give.

in the UK, nothing has to give......
sometimes, lower income gives you a better takehome pay than a higher one because of the tax cut-off

The 100,000 runway kids have nothing to do with the absent fathers? who probably are working their asses off while the wife is at home?

fathers return from work after 5pm to bond with the kids. he's with them throughout the weekend. he takes them to football, cinema, parks, etc - he's not an absent dad. come up with a better point.

maybe if the wife works they would live in a better neighborhood where the kids stand a lesser chance of being exposed to vices at an earlier age

if the wife works, kids are even more exposed to external influences. who's there to put them in check when hubby & wife have surrendered their roles for some pedophiliac au pair feeding your kids with snorts & what not?

you got a lot to learn!!!

damiso:
I agree with the bolded that BOTH parents have a part to play in the upbringing of the child.I also do not agree that the sole income has to be from one party.But looking at some cases in Naija especially where it is still believed that the man pays ALL or the BULK of the bills, the woman's income sometimes is used for vanities e.g. aso ebi, gold, brazilian weave etc.Why then does this woman whose husband pays the bills anyway get off on looking down on another woman who is sacrificing not having those just because she chose to put her family first? I am an advocate of do what works for you as long you are not being coerced forced or abused into anything.

What irks me is one group looking down on the other. Women sometimes are their own greatest enemies.If you need to work to support your huband pls do, stop calling a stay at home mum who you have not walked in her shoes lazy.And if you have a husband that can afford to have you stay home to look after the kids dont pour scorn on the one whose wage is really needed to make ends meet.

Abeg I wan go sleep.

Those are irresponsible women and we also have irresponsible men as well who spend all their income on alcohol, pool betting and concubines?

So if you have a home where one is irresponsible with the money then its still a problem. And thats beyond the scope of this discussion

The basis of this argument has to be between 2 responsible parents.

This argument is even coming up because its assumed both parents have limited resources

if the husband is as rich as Dangotes and wife is as rich as Alakija we wont even be having this discussion

Both can as well stay at home all day and take care of their children without having to worry about finances

yellowpawpaw: Damiso, it seems u didn't get my post.
That was a cultural practice of many and is still being practiced.

Maybe ur pple(yorubas) don't practice such but its very common in igboland.
These women only go to the market with the suckling ones. They r not housewives and yet r wonderful mothers.

Or r we to rule them out?

By d way, how r u and urs?

We are fine o.And yours? I don't want to speculate but we really lived communally back in the old days.Communal living means grandma, older people were all in the same compound and helped out with living etc.Even as recent as when I was growing up, my grandmother dropped everything to help my mum raise her kids.My mum travelled ALOT in the course of her career, my dad too but you know what we had maternal grandmother, my greatgrandmother grand aunties, aunties who held the home front on her behalf.My grandmother lived a simple life as long as she had food to eat she was ok.Is it me that my mum is buying 75k aso ebi that will drop her business to come help me raise my kids? Or wants to go on holiday every year.Truth is with a growing family I cant afford for my mum to shut up het business to help me raise my kids. Besides she has her own life so why should I even ask her to do that?

coogar: there's no financial gap to be made....there's a period of about 36 weeks between conception & childbirth - so unless your own spërm cells fertilise eggs & bring forth a child the same day, you are talking trash as usual. a sane & responsible human being must have planned for the arrival of this baby before hand - babies don't just drop from heaven - responsible couples plan for it.

Lets start this analysis. How many yrs do you propose a woman stay with a new born child?
How many yrs do you think is the normal child spacing in couples
Now do this calculation for a family having 3 kids and tell me how many yrs the mother would have to stay at home.

in the UK, nothing has to give......
sometimes, lower income gives you a better takehome pay than a higher one because of the tax cut-off?

What does this have to do with the discussion, if you are working a job that gives a lower take home than a similar person with a lower, then you would drop it.

fathers return from work after 5pm to bond with the kids. he's with them throughout the weekend. take them to football, cinema, parks, etc - he's not an absent dad. come up with a better point.

If the father is working the same hours as he was when they were just a family of 2 working adults, then there would be a drop in family income

if the wife works, kids are even more exposed to external influences. who's there to put them in check when hubby & wife have surrendered their roles for some pedophiliac au pair feeding your kids with snorts & what not.

you got a lot to learn!!!

If you raise your kids in Peckham or a project because you are operating on a single income there is little you can do to stop the negative influences

dayokanu:
You are the one getting it wrong.

A couple starts a family now, They would be in child making for at least 7yrs and they would have kid(s) under 6 for at least 15yrs if they have 3

this couple just decided to start a family with no back up plan before hand, right? ....is that how people start families? no disposable income? no savings? no planning? they just hump each other, produce kids and then start planning after the kids have been born?

your logic in wattage cannot light a torch.

So for a mother to be at home with any child under 6 would mean the mother is at home for over 10yrs. Who would pay a non working mother for maternity leave for 10yrs in a row?

yes, this mother cannot do any job in the 10 years she's at home, huh? no small-scale business she could be doing from home while grooming her kids? she cannot even acquire online degrees or associate certificates while at home - she will just sleep & sit her bütt in one position.

While the mother is staying home till the first child is 4yrs, she is already pregnant for the second, etc

if the imperialists planned family this way, their poverty would subdue ours in africa. you need lessons in family planning.

How does a man retaining his normal hour make up for the loss in income kindly explain

and i have told you i am better off with £80k per annum than me & my wife earning £160k per annum. after the £150k threshold is crossed, the 50% tax becomes activated.

You think so? tell people they wont be getting paid for work and lets see how many ppl would continue working

People work because thats the only means of livelihood

people work because they dunno better. they have been enslaved to think working full throttle suddenly removes their problem. you are a slave to capitalism & you don't even know it.

dayokanu:
Lets start this analysis. How many yrs do you propose a woman stay with a new born child?
How many yrs do you think is the normal child spacing in couples

2-3 years is adequate for a newborn.

Now do this calculation for a family having 3 kids and tell me how many yrs the mother would have to stay at home.

who told you i want 3 children? what are they using kids to do in the world? pawn them on eBay or craigslist?

What does this have to do with the discussion, if you are working a job that gives a lower take home than a similar person with a lower, then you would drop it.

yes, i would drop it.
it won't worth our while to keep going to work when we must pay for child care round the clock to substitute for my wife's roles in the home - it makes no economic sense. how many people can even afford au pair in the UK? their monthly pay is even much more than the monthly income of the mother hiring them so you are talking balderdash!

If the father is working the same hours as he was when they were just a family of 2 working adults, then there would be a drop in family income

there wouldn't be any drop & if there's a small difference, it's already eaten up by the intangibles of parental bonding instead of living your precious kids at the mercy of pëdophiles.

can you put a value on your kids getting sëxually abused? answer me, you dork!'

If you raise your kids in Peckham or a project because you are operating on a single income there is little you can do to stop the negative influences

rubbish assertion.
hubby & wife were living as a middle class citizens before their kids......so few years of the wife staying at home & actually doing small scale business will suddenly reduce lekki residents to bariga tenants....

wow!

#offtobed.....

3yrs for a newborn

Before the expiration of the 3yrs, the mother gets pregnant again and add another 3yrs. Thats 6yrs total of single income in the household.

How much does an average newly wed have saved

Mother and father complete education by 25yrs Get married in 3-5yrs How much would they have saved with all the loans(UK,US) and living expenses (Nigeria)

if everyone had millions saved somewhere no one needs to work

How much does a newly married couple in Nigeria, UK or US between age 31-27yrs have saved or stashed up somewhere that can afford them those yrs off work?

Lets be realistic

coogar: there wouldn't be any drop & if there's a small difference, it's already eaten up by the intangibles of parental bonding instead of living your precious kids at the mercy of pëdophiles.

can you put a value on your kids getting sëxually abused? answer me, you dork!'.

Maybe if you put value on raising kids in the hood or sending them to Agege Community School vs A decent school

The average Nigerian educated newly wed dont live in lekki, They cant afford Lekki. They live in Gbagada, Surulere Ogudu etc A drop in income can move them from gbagada to Iyana Ipaja, Abule Egba or Sango